What If...? (One-Shot)

3 years ago

PangaNaLe

@PangaNaLe

There is no such thing as destiny. Our fate is not written in our hands. It’s all about what our choices are, our actions are. Each choice, each action shapes our life; it shapes our future. Not just that, it also defines who we are.

We all know the story of Sameer and Naina. They both met in a school in Ahmedabad. Misunderstandings led to Sameer doing a cruel thing to Naina. He made a bet that he would make Naina say “I love you” to him. He made her believe that he loves her. When she got to know that it was all fake, a lie, just a bet, her heart broke into a million pieces. She genuinely loved Sameer, but he didn’t respect her love. Naina lost her faith in love; she could never trust anyone anymore.

She began to hate Sameer. She didn’t want to see his face. Sameer felt extremely guilty, but he couldn’t do anything. The deed was done. The pain he had caused Naina…he couldn’t take it back. No matter how many times he apologized, even if he begged for her forgiveness, it won’t take away her pain. He would never be able to win back her love. He would never be able to make her trust him again.

That’s what he thought, and these thoughts broke something in him. Consumed in feelings of shame and guilt, he left Ahmedabad, thinking it was his punishment. But in this process, he ended up punishing Naina as well.

In this story, Sameer didn’t try to win back Naina’s love after breaking her heart, and this choice of his affected both their lives.

We can choose our actions, but not our feelings. We don’t have any control over our feelings; we don’t have any control over love. Sameer and Naina fell in love, and those few moments they spent together as a couple, they were all real. It took him time to realize it, but he did realize it. He just couldn’t do anything about it.

~ 

The date was 30th December, 1998. It was evening. Sameer walked out of the Ahmedabad airport and looked around. He saw that Ahmedabad has changed a lot in 10 years. He could see new tall buildings which have taken place of lush green trees. The infrastructure had improved a lot. He could see a lot of people around. 10 years have passed since he left the city. He only returned once when his Nanu passed away in 1990. There were too many painful memories related to this city. The moment his foot landed here, they all came back in a flash. Sameer was ready for all the painful memories to come back, but it still didn’t make him feel any less miserable. He closed his eyes and Naina’s face flashed in his mind. He immediately tried to snap back to reality. He realized that he’s still standing outside the airport. He looked around and saw people in their own world. Everyone seemed happy which made Sameer feel more sad and lonely.

He went to the taxi stand and took a taxi for his home. He slid into the taxi and rested his head against the window. He looked outside the window on his way to home. He could see new buildings, shops, restaurants which were set up in all these 10 years. Ahmedabad really had changed a lot. The old city he knew was now just a shadow of the new one. He won’t have come back but he had no other choice. After his Nanu’s death, Mamaji had stayed with his family in his house for years. As per Nanu’s will, upon his death, the house’s deeds had been transferred to Sameer’s name. Mamaji and his family had moved to another city two years ago, and nobody was staying in that house anymore. So, despite his reluctance to go to the city where he had lost so much, he had to come back to sell the house.

Sameer stood at the door, distractedly returning the housekeeper’s greeting. He stepped past the threshold, looking around the old house with a stranger’s eyes. There was hardly any furniture left in the house. Everything was sold. He went to his room, and it was again empty. He looked around the walls remembered the old times. The house still made him nostalgic about the time he had spent with Munna and Pandit. Recalling all those memories brought a smile to his face. He wondered where his friends were now. Living in different cities had made it difficult for them to be in touch.

The housekeeper got him a chair to sit on. Sameer sat on the chair and got lost in his thoughts. Tomorrow was New Year’s Eve. He wondered if he should go and meet his old friends. But what would he say to them? He left of his own volition. Munna and Pandit had tried to stop him but he hadn’t listened. It had been as if only Naina had mattered to him and not them. It wasn’t true, he did care about his friends, and if he had betrayed them like he did with Naina. Then also he would’ve left out of shame. Too much time had passed. Maybe they don’t even remember him. Would Naina remember him? Sameer immediately got up as soon as Naina came to his mind.

“Naina….Will she still remember me?” he pondered. “Would she have forgotten her first love, her first heartbreak?”

Sameer wondered if Naina still lived in the same house as 10 years ago. “Should I go there?” he thought. Perhaps, if he went there, he might get a glimpse of her.

Sameer broke Naina’s heart 10 years ago. He was yearning to know if she was doing fine. His heart was telling him to go, but his mind was stopping him. Sameer just wanted to see Naina once more. It was impossible that he visit Ahmedabad and didn’t try to go and meet Naina.  Sameer abruptly came to a decision, and headed straight towards Naina’s house. In sometime, he was standing outside her door. He looked towards the balcony, where Naina used to stand and steal glances at him. Nobody was there this time.

He stood there, just staring at the balcony. His heart hurt from a strange longing. The clock ticked by. It was almost an hour since he had arrived. It had gotten dark.
“This is useless,” he thought, feeling dejected. “Perhaps Naina doesn’t live here anymore.” He turned around to walk back home. “Or maybe, she got married…” The moment this thought struck his mind, his feet got cold. He stopped, turning to look at Naina’s balcony; hoping she would come, but nobody was there.

With a heavy heart, Sameer began walking back. He didn’t know where he was going. And he didn’t care. The wind started blowing, a sharp nip in its cold embrace. Feeling the sudden chill, Sameer stopped, finally becoming aware of his surroundings. It was then that he heard something…like someone was singing a song.

Ab Tere Bin Jee Lenge Hum                             {Now I’ll live without you}
Zehar Zindagi Ka Pi Lenge Hum                      {I’ll drink the poison of life}

Teri Aashiqui Bhi Ye Kya Rang Layi                 {What color did your love bring along}
Wafaa Maine Ki Tune Ki Bewafaai                   {I was faithful and you were unfaithful}
Meri Bhool Thi Main Ye Kya Chahathi Thi        {It was my mistake that I desired}
Kisi Bewafaa Se Wafaa Chahathi Thi              {Faithfulness from an unfaithful person}

Following the voice, Sameer turned the corner and stopped mid step. Awe, shock and a hundred other electrifying emotions coursed through his body. It was her. She was here! It was Naina…..singing a beautiful song.

Sameer wondered if he was hallucinating. The wind had become stronger, making goosebumps run down his arms. But it still felt peaceful to him. He was finally seeing Naina, his Naina, after all these years. It was her, singing that song…maybe for him? Hope, long dormant, stirred in his heart.

She was standing on the other side of the street, with a bunch of kids, wearing a colorful sweater, blue jeans and sports shoes. She looked different, not just because she was all grown up now, but also because Sameer had never thought that he would get to see Naina in such an avatar. She looked slender and somehow, more lady like.

Naina was still singing that song, with a guitar held lovingly in her hands, as the children collected money from the passersby. Her big brown eyes met his, stopping all time for Sameer. She held his gaze, still singing that song, the lyrics strumming against his heartstrings. She looked unsurprised to see him there, but there was something in her doe-like eyes. It felt like she was questioning him through that song.

Sameer stood frozen in one place, not knowing what to do. His face was expressionless, but a storm raged within him. Naina stopped singing, raised an eyebrow as he continued to stare at her. The snow had started falling, some of the flakes falling on Naina’s long dark hair. It adorned her head like diamonds, twinkling in the rapidly darkening evening. He waited for her to say something, but she just stood there, a familiar stubborn jut to her chin. Unable to bear the silence, just as Sameer opened his mouth to say something, his world went dark. Blackness filled his vision, and he felt himself fall just as a loud crash resounded in his ears.

Sameer opened his eyes slowly, blinking away the hazy fog in his vision. He was in a hospital room. His head throbbed dully. When he touched it, he realized it was bandaged. His left arm felt fractured, and his ribcage hurt as well. Thankfully, his legs looked fine. The door opened, and Sameer felt as if he was still dreaming. Naina had entered, a bouquet of flowers in her hands and a shy smile on her beautiful face. Sameer pinched his forearm, shocked at the pain. So, this wasn’t a dream?

“Hi,” she said, smiling down at him, as she placed the bouquet on the side table. “How are you?”

Sameer was at a loss for words.

“Say something,” Naina urged, with a bit of irritation in her voice. She placed her hand on Sameer’s. The sudden shocking feeling of her touch made him remove his hand from hers, making her look visibly displeased.

“Sameer….” She sighed. “What has happened to you? Why are you here, after so many years?”

“How did I get injured?” Sameer finally croaked out, still feeling dazed. 

“You don’t remember? A car hit you, while you were crossing the street. I ran towards you and brought you to this hospital. Well, I mean, not just me. Others also helped me. Even if it hadn’t been you and someone else had had this accident, I still would have helped them,” she clarified, a high perky note in her voice.

Sameer just stared at her. It was so weird to see Naina like this, looking happy and…indifferent. It was like nothing had happened between them. Naina seemed to have forgotten everything. Perhaps, the betrayal never mattered much to her. Maybe, he had just been a stupid teenage crush for her.

“I don’t remember any accident,” Sameer said grumpily. “I was walking down the street, and then I saw you, and then the snow started falling. After that, I don’t remember-”

“Wait wait wait…. snowfall?! Sameer…this is Ahmedabad. Were you drunk earlier? No snowfall is possible here!” Naina giggled, shaking  her head at him.

Sameer looked away, realizing that he must have been hallucinating half of the things, ever since he saw Naina again. Maybe she didn’t even see him before the accident and he had made up the electrifying eye lock between them.

“Sameer…you don’t look good to me. Are you okay?” Naina was saying, with concern on her expressive face.

“Yeah….I am… okay,” Sameer answered hesitatingly. He didn’t want her to worry.

“I don’t think so,” Naina contradicted him bluntly. “Sameer...you were unconscious for a whole day. I went to your house and told your housekeeper about the accident. He said that he has nobody to inform about your condition. What happened to your friends and family?”

Averting his eyes, Sameer struggled to sit on his bed. Naina leaned to help him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. Sameer hesitated, feeling uncomfortable, but ultimately allowed her to help. “Naina…after my Nanu passed away, I had nobody left. I made friends, but no one was as close to me as Munna, Pandit, and even….”Sameer stopped, a lump in his throat.

“And even…me?” Naina finished, a familiar yearning in her voice. Hearing this Sameer didn’t know what to reply. Naina seemed too cheerful, but he could see through her pain. Naina became a bit awkward and uncomfortable after what she said. Suddenly, they both realized the silence in that room.  

A few moments passed, and then Sameer ventured, “You are not angry with me anymore?”

“Ten years have passed, Sameer.”, Naina replied with a smile, lapsing into her endearing giggles.

Realizing that Naina had indeed moved on, Sameer looked the other way. After a pause, he heard her soft voice say, “But even those 10 years weren’t enough to forget you.”

He looked at her sharply, finally noticing the love she held in her eyes. For him. They both stared at each other, watching the play of emotions in each other’s eyes. A tear fell from Naina’s eye, as she blinked. It rested on her cheek for a moment, then rapidly ran down her chin. Sameer moved his hand towards her face, but then stopped, realizing he doesn’t have the right to touch her.

“After you left the school and this city, I was still angry with you,” Naina sniffled. “I stopped believing in love. But as years passed, I slowly realized that you must have felt extremely guilty for what you did, and that’s why you left.” She wiped her tears, looking like the girl he had left behind, all those years ago. “But…I lost my faith in love. It wasn’t just a school time crush for me. I really loved you Sameer. First love is always special, and sometimes first love is the only time you experience pure love in your life.”

Even as his heart ached at her candid confession, Sameer began to feel uncomfortable with this confrontation. He kept wondering if this was again his hallucination. Would this dream break if he told her how he felt? There was just no way that Naina would say all these things to him. The Naina he had known was not at all bold like this. Or maybe, all these years had changed her. “Naina….I don’t know…what to… say.”

“It’s okay, Sameer,” she spoke tiredly, as if exhausted from expressing her long bottled feelings. “I have forgiven you. But there’s a difference between forgiving and forgetting. It was impossible for me to forget what you did to me. I could never trust anybody, not even my husband.”

Sameer’s heart sank after hearing the word “husband”. “Your husband?” he repeated disbelievingly.

“I never let him touch me,” Naina’s words were almost a whisper.  “One day in rage, he slapped me, and that ended our marriage. Whenever he came close to me, it reminded me of you.”

Sameer’s eyes got wet, the prickling pain of tears unravelling something hidden within him. He wiped them away, before Naina could see his tears. “I’m really sorry Naina,” he spoke, all the aching love in his heart coating his voice. “You suffered because of me, even after I left from your life. What I did with you was not just stupid or immature, it was vile and disgusting. And after breaking your heart, I just ran away like a coward, instead of owning up to my sins.” 

“If we don’t heal our wounds in time, they become more painful later on,” said Naina gently, wiping at the moisture in the corner of his eye.  “You shouldn’t have left me, Sameer. So what if I was angry with you? You should have tried to convince me. But you didn’t do it. You didn’t even try. Maybe you never loved me, not the way I Iove you. Maybe you just pitied me.” Naina rambled on, as she seemed about to burst into tears. She got up from her chair and turned around to leave, but Sameer grabbed her hand, a firm hold that she could not break. 

Naina turned back, and looked down at Sameer. He held her gaze with surrender, love and regret in his own eyes. They stared at each other for precious moments, and then Naina threw herself into Sameer’s arms, bursting into heaving sobs. She cried her heart out like a child in need of comfort. “Sameer why did you leave? Why did you punish me like this?” cried Naina, her hot tears slowly soaking his shirt.

“I’m sorry Naina…please forgive me,” Sameer spoke tenderly, patting her back soothingly. “All these years, I have suffered just like you…There wasn’t a moment when I didn’t remember you. The pain I caused you…I left because I thought I didn’t deserve you. You could have found anyone better than me.”

Naina leaned back, staring at him incredulously. “How can you think that? Remember the time you saved me from the wrath of my father, when he caught you in my room? You took all the blame on yourself., lying that I didn’t know anything and you were trying to prank me. My dad slapped and humiliated you for it.  Which guy would have done that for me, except you?  If our love was just a bet for you, you won’t have ever done that.

“Your heart is big, Naina. That’s why you forgave me easily. Any other girl would never have forgiven me.” replied Sameer, with pain in his voice. “You know…I want to make up for all the times we couldn’t be with each other.” He held her hand, interlacing his fingers with hers.

“Where do you live these days?” asked Naina curiously.

“Mumbai,” he answered. “After Nanu passed away, Mamaji took over the Ahmedabad factory, and it was clear to me that he didn’t want to work with me. I too didn’t want to live in this city, so I took my share and moved to Mumbai. There, I started to work as a writer for a newspaper and made a decent living. What about you?”

“After I left my husband, five years ago, my father, Tayaji  and Tayiji disowned me. Chachaji and Chachiji didn’t care and wanted me to stay with them, but I couldn’t let our society question them for keeping me in their house. So I left and started living on my own, studied hard and became a CA.”

Sameer stared at her in awe and admiration, his hands at her waist tightening. “You were always talented, Naina,” he told her, tenderness in his tenor. “I knew you would have definitely succeeded career wise in your life.”

“Yeah…” Naina spoke, looking both shy and pleased at his compliments. “I succeeded in my professional life, but my personal life has been a disaster.”

Sameer kissed Naina’s hand, holding it against his chest. “Not anymore. I won’t leave you now.”

“But how?” Naina chewed on her bottom lip, looking worried. “You have your own life in Mumbai, and I live here in Ahmedabad. Fate is still against us being together.”

“No,” Sameer stated firmly. “There is no such thing as fate. It’s our choices which define our life, and I choose you Naina. Now I won’t leave you…ever again.”

Giving a little whoop of joy, Naina hugged Sameer, more tightly this time. “I never thought I would be with you again, and that too, on New Year,” said Naina, burrowing her face in the crook of his neck.

Sameer wrapped his arm around her, just as they heard crackers burst outside. “Is the New Year here already?” asked Naina.

“Doesn’t matter,” Sameer replied, holding her tighter. He felt at peace after a long time in his life.

And finally, two lost souls who truly loved one another found solace in each other’s arms. There was nothing that would part Sameer and Naina ever again. Because this time, they both chose to be together, no matter the dictates of fate.