Chapter 4 - Blurry Nights

The following Saturday afternoon, he rang her number. She picked up within the first ring, much to his amusement.

“Oye Vashma, you wanna hang out tonight?” He offered, slumping onto the couch.

“Did Trisha leave you alone?” She queried from the other end.

He cleared his throat, buying himself some time to wonder how she always knew what he was trying to hide. Still in dire need to protect his pride, he answered indifferently, “Nope, she’s gone to meet her relatives in town so she’ll be staying the night over.”

He could visualize the smirk wash across her face as she boasted, “So Trisha did leave you alone.”

“Well you said you wouldn’t so I’ll see you at our spot at 8.” He finalized, unable to blanket his inner insecurities with his cockiness. 

Although Vashma had assured him a few days ago when they’d gone shopping that they’d always remain friends, he couldn’t help thinking that something had changed between them. There seemed to be an imperceptible tension lingering whenever they spoke and he had a feeling it had to do with Trisha’s arrival. And so the moment his girlfriend mentioned something about her family members living close by, he chanced upon the idea, encouraging her to spend the day there.

He wasn’t going to say that to Vashma, of course.

“Uday, I’m not coming.” Her voice came out a little hurried as he heard the sound of shuffling on the other end. He relented with a dramatic sigh.

“Okay fine, we’ll go wherever you want to. I’ll even be chivalrous and come pick you up.” He teased with a smirk.

“Well, you won’t have to do that because I’ve fixed myself a ride.” Her words made his brows pique in interest.

“Who’d waste time picking you up from that antique little hole you live in.” He snickered with an incredulous chuckle, remembering the first time he visited her place.

The reaction had been instant. Her house was located in one of the oldest parts of the city. It’s architecture reminded him of what life would've been before the partition. While everyone else looked for sleek and classy homes, built with modern European architecture, here was a girl who resided in an unaesthetic looking house. More than once had he inquired whether her house had been possessed by a haunting spirit. More than once had she refuted his claim, instead snickering at how afraid he was. Each time she did, he would straighten himself, considering it a playful blow to his ego. Uday Sahani wasn’t afraid of anything, or anyone, visible or not, for that matter. Every time he’d reassert this as fact, she’d smirk in response, enjoying how she always got to him.

“It’s not antique. It’s just a little old architecture, and gives the house a little character. Plus he won’t mind it.” Her voice resonated through the speakers of his phone and he straightened in attention.

He tersely asked, “Who won’t?”

“The guy who’s coming to pick me up this evening.” His brows furrowed further in confusion. 

And so he voiced his thoughts.

“Why would a random guy be your ride?”

She sighed in response, “Because Uday, that random guy happens to be my date.”

All signs of color left his face. “What.”

It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t a statement either. Just a reaction similar to what he would’ve felt had an ice cold bucket of water been thrown on his head. His senses went numb, his hands sweating as his teeth gritted in an emotion so foreign to him. Uday had no right to be upset, it wasn’t like she had hidden this from him. Vashma wanted to try her hand at dating, she’d told him herself. And yet it didn’t feel more real than this moment. 

It’s when it struck him.

All this while he thought that this decision of hers was far-fetched. That she wasn’t quite serious about her ‘mission’, that this was merely a way to annoy him, to rile him up. But it wasn’t. This was the reality gnawing at his face, the brutal truth he wanted to turn his back to. Uday despised the idea of Vashma dating someone. He didn’t know why, but he hated it. He hated the thought of his closest friend spending her nights talking to someone else. His heart burned at the imagination of her and some stupid stranger idly laughing over some incident he wasn’t privy to.

Who was this stupid stranger anyway?

It was as if she had heard his thoughts, “Yeah, his name is Ayaan and he’s--”

“You know what, I just got this email from Sir about some urgent article. I gotta go.”

“Uday--”

“I’ll talk to you later, Vashma.”

He hurriedly hung up the phone, his heart rate accelerating at some uncontrollable speed with his thoughts all aimed in one direction.

He wasn’t going to call back Vashma anytime soon.

----------

Three minutes.

It had been exactly three minutes since she had begun staring at the black screen of her phone. Every twenty seconds she’d unlock her phone and witness it beam with a picture of her and her closest friend together. Her heart would soar with newfound hope as her lips would curve into a reminiscent smile at seeing their happy faces before it would all go dark again.

He wouldn’t be calling back anytime soon. Vashma knew.

She should’ve been bouncing with joy, excited for her first date in months. She should’ve been ecstatic to know that her plan of moving on had been working. She should’ve been doing a little victory dance after hearing his reaction on the phone. He had been jealous. Uday probably hadn’t realized it yet but she could identify the change in tone. He clearly wasn’t happy about her date tonight. Vashma had hoped his jealousy would bring her some peace; as if some pathetic way of extracting revenge from him for breaking her heart.

But it didn’t. 

She didn’t feel an ounce of happiness, no matter how hard she tried. All she felt was a piercing pain slowly twist through her heart. All she felt was guilt. Because her actions had hurt him. Her words had caused him unfathomable pain. And it was all her fault. How could she blame someone for not reciprocating her feelings?

Vashma should’ve never told Uday about her mission. 

She should’ve never taken up dating before truly getting over her first love. But now that she had floundered herself in this murky sea, she’d have to deal with its strong waves of emotions as well.

When her phone turned off for the tenth time, she sighed with dejection and tossed her phone on the bed. Taking the navy blue outfit in her hands, she painfully slipped it back on its hanger and slid it into her cupboard. 

There was no way she could pull off this look without remembering a certain Uday Sahani. 

And tonight, it was the last thing she wanted to do.

----------

His engine roared to life as he sped his open jeep with full force. The front locks of his straight hair danced frivolously against the strong gusts of wind, his teeth pressed together in frustration, his fingers clutching around the wheel in torment. He didn’t know where he was driving to, but he needed to get away from the four walls of his home. Uncannily, every moment spent in that house reminded him of the one woman he wanted to forget right now.

His living room reminded him of all the cheesy rom-coms she had forced him to watch, while she recited every dialogue off by heart. He’d always chuckle at her knack for movies, especially Bollywood films. And somehow he’d only be able to tolerate rom-coms with her commentary playing along simultaneously. His living room also reminded him of all the times she’d beat him at video games as well as each time she’d pout at losing. It reminded him of all the times they’d gone out to celebrate these little victories, either with ice cream or their favorite double chocolate truffle cake. 

His kitchen reminded him of all the times she’d come over to bake and especially of the one time he’d tried to bake for her. It was a birthday cake, burnt no less, but she loved the gesture, rewarding him with a spontaneous hug before roasting him on his awful cooking skills.

His bedroom reminded him of all the serious conversations they had; ones related to his family issues, ones about their careers and life aspirations. Somehow she’d always occupy the single couch across the bed, her legs sprawled in front of her as she’d lean sideways against the arm of the couch. He’d always take up the edge near the foot of the bed, sometimes his back hung low and his elbows perched on his knees and other times lounging freely on the bed. 

She’d always listen to him. It seemed like the easiest thing to do, but he’d never had someone in his life who’d just listen. To his thoughts, his feelings, his woes. She’d encourage him to take steps he never wanted, like the occasional phone calls with his Dad. But she’d also always have his back for whenever things went out of control. He knew he could confide anything to her without hesitation.

Because Vashma was always there for him.

She was. But now, he wasn’t sure.

His heart started to race again at the uncertainty. Uday didn’t want to feel this way. He didn’t want to feel so affected when Vashma practically stood impervious to all this. He didn’t want this emotional baggage, didn’t like the swirl of emotions he was relentlessly engulfed in. And so he chose the one escape he knew.

He picked up his phone and dialed.

Her phone buzzed with incessant rings, making her shuffle in her sleep. Vashma let out a groan, searching for the switch of her bedside lamp with closed eyes. When the dull fluorescent light blared into the room, her face scrunched in discontentment before blindly picking up the phone.

“Hello?” She half-croaked into the phone, ready to give the person on the other end of the line a piece of her mind for ruining her sleep.

“Is this Vashma?” Her eyes fluttered open, adjusting to her surroundings as she sat up in bed. 

She took a look at her phone screen before plastering it to her ear again. Who was this stranger calling her through Uday’s phone?

“Yes, this is Vashma Baig, who is this?” She asked attentively.

“Ma’am, I’m Mohan from the Midnight Blue Bar.” She frowned.

“Is Uday okay?” Vashma inquired instinctively, forgetting to tell the bartender who she was referring to. 

“Sir has had a little too much to drink to be able to drive back home, Miss. Yours was the first number that popped up so I thought of giving you a ring.”

She had slipped out of bed and had car keys in her hand by the time he finished his sentence.

“I’m on my way.”

----------

It took her approximately fifteen minutes to arrive, and another five minutes to locate the bar. She’d never heard of this place, the area a little too discrete and isolated for her liking. A few men lurked around here and there, eyeing her with suspicion but she simply eyed them back, making them scamper off in different directions.

Uday wasn’t one to hang out in shady bars. He wasn’t one to drink himself into a stupor either.

And so without sparing a second thought, she barged in through the single door into an average sized shabby looking bar. Lights had been dimmed to a bare minimum, with lamps hanging from the ceiling at odd distances. The place had desolated, save for a few men that leered around. She found him within seconds, his back hunched as he nursed his drink. He had donned a faded pink shirt and paired it with washed denim jeans, and yet his face looked paler than his outfit. 

Vashma quickly sped to him. But before she could utter a word, his eyes found hers and he giggled, “Oye Vashma!” Uday acknowledged with glee. His orbs observed her from head to toe before smirking, “You look cute.”

It’s when she looked down and noticed her outfit, finally realizing the reason behind those curious looks aimed in her direction. She was still in her beige colored pajamas, her hair tied in a loose ponytail falling to one side. In her hurry to get to Uday as fast as possible, she had completely forgotten about dressing appropriately.

Clearing her head of such doubts, she shot back, “You look drunk. How much have you had, Uday?”

He lifted his head to meet her concerned filled gaze, his eyes red with haze as he thought for a moment. Foregoing his chance at sensibility, he scoffed before downing his drink, “I stopped counting after my tenth drink.”

“Oh God.” She came up to him, moving away his glass before resting and arm across his back, “Can you stand?”

He mirthlessly let out a laugh, “I can’t. Apparently I’m only capable of drowning.”

Uday was always so confident of himself. He was reckless when he got upset, yes. But never had she seen him with such crumbled self-esteem. The double meaning of his words hinted at a possible incident that drove him to his current drunken state. Vashma knew something was wrong. But she also knew he’d deflect the instant she’d try to know more.

So she let it go for now, “Here, take my hand.” 

He looked at her, gratitude peeking through his drunken haze. She gently smiled, extending her small arm in which he slid his. 

She helped him rise to his feet before unzipping her purse, “How much do we owe you, Mohan?”

He could barely balance himself, but argued nonetheless, “Hey no, it’s the guy who pays.”

She rolled her eyes at him, “Not when he’s this drunk. Let me take care of it.”

Uday watched her settle his bill and his head swayed to one side in admiration. Her eyes had freed themselves of their usual kohl and yet she looked equally radiant. Vashma turned to him, pushing her sling bag over her shoulder before grabbing his arm, “Let’s go.”

At that moment, Uday knew he’d follow her wherever she took him. And so he took her lead, letting silence take over them.

----------

It was these long periods of silence that suffocated Vashma. It wasn’t like she hated it; in fact she rather relished these moments when her mind would be bombarded with rampaging thoughts. She also appreciated it when she’d be seething with anger, the silence proving to be a comforting blanket that helped her calm down. 

But not tonight. Tonight she only had one thought in her head, and it revolved around the man who although sat close to her in the passenger seat, yet hadn’t felt further away. He refused to say anything, constantly gazing into nothing in particular with his eyes heavy with intoxicated drowsiness. Vashma didn’t know how to broach the topic without pushing him away. For once she was clueless, unsure of whether this was the right time to initiate a serious conversation.

Vashma brought her train of thoughts and her SUV to a screeching halt in front of his house. She stepped out of her car, walking to the other side to unlock his door and unbuckled his seatbelt. He lived in a decent looking three bedroom house in a large gated community, its architecture modern and sleek; a complete opposite to hers. 

“Uday.” She called out, waking him up from his slumber. He groaned a little, imitating the actions of a small child and she chuckled at his antics.

She redirected his arm around her and asked him to lean on her, ever so frequently instructing him to put one foot in front of the other. They had managed to unlock the door to his house; a house she was well versed with. Vashma had moved away a little to turn on the lights when he began to sway again.

“Uday, stop being so difficult.” She huffed when he refused to cooperate for the fifth time.

He hysterically laughed, but his tone was surprisingly serious, “I trouble you too much, don’t I?”

“Well, you’ve had me rush to some shady bar at nearly three in the morning, so a little, yes.” She playfully answered.

His laughing ceased a little, “I’m sorry I’m such a burden.”

Vashma instantly stopped in her tracks and turned to him, taking one hand to his cheek, “Hey, that’s not true. As long as you don’t make this a regular affair and disturb my precious sleep in the process, I’m fine with it.” 

She tried to keep it light, but he understood the seriousness of her words. It should’ve made him happy but all he was swarmed with was guilt. And an overwhelming wave of annoyance. 

He pushed her hand away, faltering in his step. She looked alarmed, even hurt for a second.

Uday swallowed, “You shouldn’t be. You shouldn’t be fine with it. You shouldn’t have come.”

Walking up to her, he clutched her arms, taking her by surprise, “Why did you, Vashma?”

His intense gaze had the power to bewitch her. She stood there, too shocked and amazed to utter one word. And then his eyes softened, almost pleadingly, as one silent tear escaped his right eye. He looked so distraught, so broken that she had this sudden urge to reassure him.

“Because I’m your friend, Uday. And friends don’t desert their friends at times of need.”

“Who are friends when family deserts you too?” He scorned in misery, his arms slumping to his side.

When he lowered his gaze she cradled his face in her hands, drawing his attention back to her, “What happened?”

“Nothing worth recalling.” He brushed off, looking away.

But she could see through his lies, “It is if it’s still bothering you. You know you can talk to me about it.”

“Why are you always here to fix my miseries, Vashma? Why would you take the extra step to make sure I’m alright.”

“Because I care about you. More than I want to. And for some weird reason, seeing you upset upsets me too.”

It was the truth. For the past few days, anxious jitters weren’t the only thing she had caught notice of experiencing each time Uday was around her. She just couldn’t bear the sight of seeing him in pain. It was as if a sword was piercing through her too. These feelings were too foreign to be given a name to. But she knew she’d do anything to lessen his pain.

“So if it helps, I’m doing this for purely selfish reasons.” She added playfully.

He slumped onto the couch, his head tilted to one side as he confessed, “I met Dad today.”

She occupied the spot next to him, and internally groaned. From what she remembered, he shared a complicated relationship with his father. And if that led to his current drunken state, it surely couldn’t have been a moment of reconciliation.

Her comforting silence was the only sign he needed to continue, “You know, I work harder everyday in hopes that one day he’d be proud of me. But each time I see him, I see that hope flickering farther and farther away. He’ll never be happy. That man, I’ll never be able to make him happy.”

She ached for him. Here was a son, yearning for his father’s love only to get defeat in return. Vashma knew how dedicated he was as an employee, how much his father’s appreciation meant to him. For a second, anger blazed within her, all directed at his father. What kind of man was he, who could not for a single second appreciate his son?!

She had unknowingly begun rubbing soothing circles on his back when she asked, “What did he say?”

“He said I should stop my hockey tutoring sessions and instead focus more at my job, at making more money. He always considered hockey to be just a waste of time.”

“He has no idea how talented you are, Uday. What’s a man without a few dreams?”

“Just a stupid fool, according to him. And the worst of it isn’t here yet.” Uday vented, rising to his feet. “He’s made a new girlfriend, someone twenty years younger to him. So it turns out, he isn’t incapable of loving someone. He just can’t spare some time and affection for me.”

Vashma grimaced at the revelation, visualizing what it must’ve been like for him to sit in front of his father and hear stories of some new woman he was with.

His next words made her look up at him, “This is exactly why I don’t get attached to anyone. Because once you do, you start to expect. And all you get in return is disappointment.”

This is why he was never ready to commit to a relationship, why he preferred casual flings with no strings attached. This is why he had stopped believing in love.

She rose and braced her hands around the nape of his neck, “Uday, I need you to listen to me.”

He may have been drunk, but she had to say this in hopes that he’d remember. “It’s not your fault that your father doesn’t love you. It’s his loss that he’s incapable of realizing how fortunate he is to have a son like you.”

Before he could open his mouth to deny her words, she rushed him to it, “I’m not sugarcoating any of this. I’m being genuinely honest because no son cares about his father the way you do. It’s why you’re against his current relationship. You don’t want him to get hurt.”

His eyes widened the instant hers softened, “You know what your father went through when your mother passed away. You don’t want that to happen to him again. You’re saving him from potential heartbreak.”

“I never realized…” He left his sentence hanging, too amazed at how well she had decoded the reasons he couldn’t yet decipher.

“That’s because you were too angry to understand. And then there’s the fact that I know you better than you do.” She smirked.

When he chuckled, she continued. “Was he happy?”

“What?”

“Was he happy when he told you about that new girl?” She elaborated.

He made a grumpy face, knowing she was right yet again, “He was ecstatic. But I don’t think it’ll last, she’s too young for him.”

“Love doesn’t see any boundaries, Uday. It doesn’t matter how old he is for her or how young she is for him. When it’s right, love always finds a way.”

“You make it sound so easy.” He slurred in his voice, as he moved a strand of hair she hadn’t noticed, behind her ear. The shell of her ear tingled and she forced herself to gain control over herself.

“Because it is. Love’s easy when you openly search for it. Without any inhibitions.” She shrugged, making him sit on the couch again.

She sat next to him again and blanketed his large hand in her small one, “You don’t decide who you love. You don’t decide who you get attached to either. A few bad relationships do not define everything. So let your heart do the talking sometimes.”

He felt so many things at once. He felt drowsy from all that alcohol. He felt irritated with how he fought with his father. He felt guilty for ruining Vashma’s night. But above all, he felt happy that she was here with him. She was the only one he could share his secrets with without a second thought, the only one who had the ability to face his anger and calm him down.

So when she got up to get something from the kitchen, he voluntarily clung onto her wrist, effectively stopping her. When she turned around with curiosity piquing through her brows, he answered, “You know what my heart’s saying right now?”

He pulled her to him, taking her by surprise. Vashma crashed into him, her hands on his chest and his hands hot on her waist. She tilted her head back to meet his gaze as he whispered, “My heart’s saying thank you to you for taking care of me.”

She gently smiled, reciprocating the gratitude. Uday continued, his heart beating rapidly in his chest, “It’s also asking whether you’ll stay with me, no matter what.”

“Because I don’t want to imagine a world without you in it, by my side, Vashma.”

His words created havoc within her. Her heart thumped louder than ever, its beating echoing in her ears. Was she becoming as important to him as he was becoming to her? Had he been feeling differently about her too? How was she to answer such a question without going too far?

So she replied, “How about I answer this question when your mind’s a lot more sober.”

With a reassuring smile, she turned to a bigger issue at hand. Mixing the necessary ingredients to treat his current state, Vashma passed him a glass of salt water with lime. 

“Here, drink this.”

“Your drink, Ma’am.” The bartender passed Vashma her drink as soon as she returned from the washroom. 

Maybe a club wasn’t the perfect place for a first date. People swarmed across the dance floor and she spotted couples flirting with each other and enjoying their company. It should’ve reminded her of how Ayaan hadn’t reached yet or of how they’d enjoy their time together. But all it reminded her was of Uday. Of how dapper he’d look at an occasion like this. How this would be a perfect opportunity for him to use his flirting skills.

Damn him.

She gulped down her drink, followed by another and another. She needed to calm her frazzled nerves and take her mind off of Uday Sahani. Alcohol seemed to be the perfect way to do that. Now that Vashma had guzzled about three shots of her drink, she pulled out her phone and dialed a number she remembered off the top of her head.

There was someone she needed closure from.

---------- 

He was right where he needed to be.

It had taken a lot of coercing, but Trisha had finally given in to his plan. He drove over to her family penthouse on the outskirts of the city the minute she said yes to spending the night together. And now that he was on top of her, his lips across hers as she moaned underneath him, he heard his phone buzz. Uday decided to ignore it, just like everything else around him. Tonight he needed to focus on Trisha and solely on Trisha, just so he could divert his attention from a certain woman.

Only, the rings on his phone continued to echo in his ears, making him huff in annoyance. He slipped out of bed to quickly turn his ringer off when he saw the name blinking on his phone screen. Vashma. Wasn’t she supposed to be with her date tonight instead of calling her?

He was about to let his petty anger take over when another series of thoughts bombarded his brain. What if she was in some trouble? What if she needed help? What if the guy was a total creep? He couldn’t bring himself to decline the call, especially since it was Vashma calling. So no matter how much Trisha began to protest, he excused himself and walked out to the balcony, his phone in hand.

His first question was instant, “Vashma, are you okay?”

“That’s rich coming from you, Mr. Uday Kishore Sahani!” She snorted from the other end, her voice surprisingly audible considering the EDM beats pumping in the background.

“Vashma…” He began warily. 

“How am I supposed to be okay when you’re upset?” He could visualize the frown on her face.

“How did you know I was upset?” He asked with amusement.

“Don’t ask questions you already know the answers to, Mr. Uday Kishore Sahani.”

His brows furrowed in confusion as he caught hold of the parapet in front of him, “What’s with you using my full name today?”

“Because this is a very formal call…” She began, emphasizing on every word. She hesitated for a moment before blurting, “I just like to say that you’ve got no right to be jealous. This is a free country and I’m allowed to date whoever I want.” She argued pointedly, her words slurring at the end.

Was she drunk?

“Who said I was jealous?” He asked, even though a tiny smirk played on his lips.

“You didn’t have to. I could smell the burn.”

“Through the phone?” 

She senselessly giggled at the other end of the phone, making him scrutinize his eyes in suspicion.

“What is up with you tonight?”

“Nothing…” She stretched out the word, adding an innocent chuckle at the end. 

Okay, something was definitely wrong. 

He shifted the topic of discussion, “How’s your date?”

Vashma dramatically sighed on the other end before speaking, “Well, he hasn’t arrived yet, but he should be here in a bit.”

For some reason a surge of victory jolted through him at the thought of this random date making a weak first impression. He couldn’t help himself from commenting,  “He’s kept you waiting.”

“Yeah yeah, not everyone is as chivalrous as you, Mr. Uday Kishore Sahani.” Vashma ridiculed from the other end and Uday could practically imagine her rolling her eyes at him. 

He chuckled at the thought, “I thought you didn’t see much chivalry in me.”

“I can’t see many things right now.” She guffawed at her own joke, or what he couldn’t decipher as one.

Before he could inquire about what she had had to drink, another voice chimed in from behind him, “How long are you taking, jaan!”

Uday inwardly cringed at the timing as well as her choice of endearment and hoped Vashma hadn’t taken notice.

Only she had. “Who was that?”

Perhaps the truth was the only way to go, “Um...that was Trisha.”

Silence. Vashma didn’t respond, not for a few seconds, but he could hear the music get louder.

When she did, her voice had turned austere, “You know what, I’m sorry I disturbed you.”

“No, that’s not--”

“Goodbye, Mr. Sahani. I’ve got an entire dance floor waiting for me!” She screamed through the phone, making him grimace in guilt.

“Vash--” All he heard were long beeps. 

She had cut him off before he could explain anything. He sighed to himself, gazing at the black screen of his phone.

Tonight was going to be a long one.

----------

Tonight was definitely a long one, but fun nonetheless. 

Vashma flipped her hair once again, raising her hands in the air as she sang the lyrics of one of her favorite Bollywood remixes. Beads of sweat rolled off her forehead and she could feel a line of sweat trickle down her spine as well. But she didn’t care. All she wanted to do was disappear into this boisterous oblivion of darkness and music, just for a little while.

To some extent, she felt like she was already dissipating.

More than once had she felt her vision blur. More than once she had stumbled over her step, intruding into others’ privacy and makeout sessions. More than once she felt her cheeks redden at being caught, before indulging herself into the beats of the music again. It wasn’t like she had never drunk before. She knew her tolerance, and had intentionally had a lesser amount of alcohol to keep her senses in check. Something felt off, but she couldn’t pinpoint the source. She slowed down in her movements, witnessing her vision blur again under the scintillating lights.

Before she could shake her head to clear her vision, she found herself losing balance and stumbling upon someone again. The person grabbed her by her elbows and she found herself grabbing hold of this stranger’s forearms. 

“I’m so sorry I’m--” Words stuck in her throat as she felt the familiar skin beneath her touch. Her eyes caught attention of the silver band shining through the blazing lights and she finally brought her orbs to meet his. “Uday?”

He gave a lopsided grin and she asked, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m taking care of you.” He slid his arms around her waist. 

She retreated, still too shocked by his presence, “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of--woah.”

Vashma was about to lose balance when he caught her by her hand and pulled her to himself.

“Yeah, I got that.”

She still searched for defenses, not meeting his eye, “Look, I’m fine. You’re just freaking out because you’ve never seen me drunk.” She swayed in her spot.

It was true, he realized. For some reason, they’d never gone out clubbing together. Perhaps it was a way to escape the palpable heat and awkward tension that dancing so close together might’ve brought. Because he could feel a similar heat stir within him at seeing her today.

Vashma hadn’t worn the navy blue dress, instead had donned a black off-shoulder dress with knee high black boots. She had worn silver hoops and had styled her hair into long curls that cascaded down her back. Her makeup looked different too, a lot bolder than usual. It wasn’t like she didn’t look beautiful everyday.

But today, she looked...he couldn’t find the right words.

The reminder that she’d taken all the effort to dress up for whatever date she had tonight was as effective as a cold bucket of water on his head. He pulled himself together and cleared his throat, “I think we should head back now, Vashma. Where’s your date?”

She shrugged callously, her face falling a little.  “Ayaan didn’t show up.”

He’d beat the lights out of this guy for disappointing Vashma. But first, he’d take her home.

“Nevermind, he doesn’t matter. Let’s go home.”

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, directing her towards the exit doors of the club when she bitterly asked, “What about Trisha?”

“She doesn’t matter now either.” He simply said, bringing a small smile onto her face.

 They stepped out into the near empty parking lot with great difficulty with Vashma stumbling in her step and murmuring apologies all the way.

“How much have you had to drink?” He asked as they approached his car.

“Not a lot. Though I was drinking with reason.” Her eyes were heavy with intoxication.

He believed her. Vashma wasn’t as reckless as him, nor was she irresponsible when it came to alcohol consumption. Something seemed odd about her behavior though.

He puckered his brows, “What reason?”

“I was getting drunk so I could forget.” She revealed. He stood confused, wondering what she meant by that.

“Forget what?” He probed, connecting his orbs with hers. She gave him a long stare, dwindling between her options before finally deciding. He had asked her so many times, and each time she had deflected. Tonight, she’d let the truth slip without feeling guilty about it.

“I wanted to forget you, Uday.” She whispered, her eyes pooling with tears.

He looked taken aback for a moment but he managed to speak, “What?”

“I wanted to forget the pain in your voice when you hung up on me this morning. I wanted to forget how angry you probably were at me.”

She walked up to him until she had him right against his car. 

“I wanted to forget what you might be doing with Trisha tonight.” She gritted through her teeth at the visuals that played in her head.

Uday didn’t know how to react. He thought her spur of jealousy was a one-time thing, all part of their banter. He couldn’t fathom why she was still so affected by his relationship with Trisha. Was her jealousy similar to what he had felt when he heard about her date with Ayaan? Did it replicate that foreign burning sensation in the pit of his stomach that refused to ebb away?

“Why?”

“Because it hurts so much. It hurts me every second of every minute of every day.” A tear trickled down her cheek which he instinctively brought his hand to wipe away. It caused him unimaginable pain to see her so hurt, so broken.

“And I hate it, Uday!” She lashed out, taking him by surprise.

“I hate it that Trisha is so close to you. Closer than I’ll ever be.” Another tear slipped past her eye.

She pushed herself to him, grabbing him by his collar. “I hate it that she gets to touch you whenever she wants to. That she gets to run her fingers through your hair.” With that, her eyes softened and her fingers trembled, reaching up to his silky smooth strands. 

She tangled her fingers within them, soaking the feeling of being so close to him. His lids inevitably lowered shut as he realized how soothing it felt to have her do that. He was always so particular with his hair that he never allowed anyone to mess with it.

He hadn’t even given Trisha that right.

“I hate the fact that when it comes down to choosing between me and her, you’ll choose her.” Her voice cracked at the end, making him flutter his eyes open.

Uday wanted to deny her claim, that no one mattered to him more than Vashma. He seemed to have started shaking his head because she stopped him, “Let’s be real, Uday. No one would choose their friend over their girlfriend.”

She mirthlessly chuckled, giving way to more tears, “I hate that I’ll never be her.”

“But what I hate more than ever is that I still want to. A part of me still imagines what it would be like if I were her.” She muffled her voice in his chest, burying her face as she still clutched the collar of his shirt.

Uday was so confused. No one would ever take Vashma’s place in his heart. No one else in his life would equate to her. Why did she still feel so afraid, so insecure?

He had to reassure her. “Vashma, I--”

She hushed him immediately, pulling away from him. 

“Don’t say anything, Uday. Because you saying something might wake me up from the dream I’ve always wanted to live.”

And with that, she fell back into his arms, ready for darkness to take over.