Reconsider

A/N: So, a reader of mine suggested that I should continue this story and I decided to try.

Reconsider

5th April 2021, Monday
11:15 PM

Dear Diary,

This evening, as we all sat down together at the dinner table, silence came and sat with us in an invisible chair, presiding over the pitiable state they had attained, his pride and my ego. Only Siddhi, my little girl of eight, had the audacity to cause the silence that sat with us to raise its eyebrows 

"Mumma, papa," she said to the two of us, "I don't like that you both are getting separated. It makes me sad."

She stared between him and me then, a pleading look in her eyes. Siddhanth opened his mouth slightly to say something but couldn't. He then looked thoughtful even as Ved looked up from his plate, a bit stunned. The five year old didn't quite know what was going on but surely he knew what 'separated' meant and he probably was wondering why that word was used in accompaniment with the mention of his parents. 

Thank goodness for him not asking or saying anything. Siddhanth then reached out across the table and patted Siddhi's back as he exclaimed, "Siddhu, we will both still love you. Always will."

Before I knew it, my gaze had lowered itself. I tried and tried but couldn't bring myself to face my husband and kids again. Siddhi's words, like droplets of acid they had begun to burn a hole in my heart. The innocence in those words, it haunted me. I sat there and wondered if I was letting them both down by letting all of this go. 

Have I pushed her down the cliff into the ocean of deep sorrow by deciding to part ways with her father? Tell me dear diary, have I? Have I served my kids disappointment?

I really thought my mind was made up. However, now I feel like I am being forced to reconsider for reconsider I must. Now, I can feel the hurt re-entering my soul, having indulged amply in rejuvenation. Once it has come back in, I will break down again. I will sit here writing and I will go on crying. 

Meghana.