Inconsequential
6th April 2021, Tuesday
11:00 PM
Dear Diary,
So, last night's breakdown it was really to no avail. The deliberations I held with you and the attempts to reconsider, they have all been inconsequential. I have realized now that what we have decided is decided and is probably in the best interest of all four of us. The pain that this separation will bring in, no matter how humongous it seems at this point, will never measure up to the pain that we have been causing each other all this while. It is better this way, really and there is no going back. Yet I am glad I could at least let everything I had bottled up, burst out and flow. It feels somewhat good now and it feels like my heart is, at last, slowly approaching a state of weightlessness.
This morning, however, as the two of us, having sent Ved and Siddhi to school, were preparing to head to work, we heard the doorbell go off. I opened the door immediately afterwards and found my mother in the doorway. She had come all the way from Ratnavali to meet us in Mumbai, having resolved to speak to us, the moment she had heard of our decision to call it quits. In she came, and she sat on the couch in her domineering fashion, eyeing the two of us sternly. She called for us both to sit next her and we did as she asked, without a question. She then began her little speech about how marriage has a lot to do with adjustment and compromise, much of which I can't seem to recall now. I sat there and watched as Siddhanth listened to her very attentively. Among all the things that I have absolutely admired about him over the years, is the steadfast love and respect he has for my mother and I could see it in his eyes right then. And my mother, she has always pampered and cared for him like her own son. Their bond, it has a warmth that can melt hearts made of stone and iron.
Anyway, towards the end of her speech, my mother, in an insisting manner, suggested we consider relationship counselling. The two of us, we accepted without protest, somewhat half-heartedly. Maybe it was the immense regard in which we placed her that we did so. Yet when our gazes met, we knew. We had already concluded we could only regain our peace and quiet by breaking free from each other and from the marriage that had begun to resemble bondage. We had both convinced ourselves to go about it, regardless of what or how much it cost us. And in that moment, we knew that whatever counsel we sought out now, it wasn't going to change anything. It was all going to be a waste of time, all pointless and inconsequential.
Meghana.
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proteeti @wayward
+ 8
3 years ago
Beautiful! I love how sorted her thought process is, you've put it in words so well! :D