BigBen was right for the wrong reasons

It’s a slippery slope to want be a Feminist in your writing when you are wobbly on it. They made Abir give a long lecture. Thank You, makers, for not making him quote the term feminism. It gets people all riled up for some reason. However, my rave ends there. 😡

Does Abir however realise, he too treats Mishti only like a thing… a toy that his brother deserves because he is too broken!? The only reason, I am prepared to forgive Abir, aside from the fact that he is very hot, is that, one he is defending Mishti’s right to say No and two, that he is calling his brother out on his attitude towards Mishti. I am all for him calling out his mother’s parenting style towards Kunal. But, come on, Kunal is a grown ass man. I am glad Abir is trying to make Kunal realise that the break-up is more about compatibility and less about judging Mishti for what her dad tried to do or that Mishti did not reject Kunal...She rejected her marriage to Kunal. She used her right to choose.

It’s great that he is able to put his feelings on the side while he deals with Kunal. He is, though, missing the point that he now knows Mishti likes the person who did all those deeds.. He is assuming Mishti does not find Kunal compatible and so all those small acts of love mean nothing to her. Oh Abir, you speak her love language❤️ Go, speak it to her dear!

May be we are heading towards angst filled episodes where Abir is giving up his love for his brother. Shaheer would of course make them all worth watching. But till he does not realise how he has also wronged Mishti by setting those sweet nothings, I ain't impressed. Abir is right. This is not the real character of Kunal. However, BigBen was right for the wrong reasons... Mishti and Kunal are not compatible!

You know who is a feminist on this show, bade papa! He needs parenting lessons… but he knows how to treat all genders as equal! He empowers Mishti and Kuhu all the same.

Lol I disagree. This is very much the real character of Kunal. Blaming it all simply on parenting is an easy excuse. And that is where I disagree with Abir too since he continues to coddle Kunal without calling him out on his disgusting MCP mentality and the disrespect with which he talks to women who don’t do his bidding more sternly. Just a random lecture, then all forgotten. Lol

I personally don’t forgive people for anything cuz they are “hot”. By that logic, even Kunal should be forgiven everything. Lol then why blame Abir? Even the audience seems wobbly on the topic of feminism if they are willing to excuse nonsense and misbehavior for “hot” guys 🤷‍♀️

And the last scene from yesterday makes it obvious that Abir will talk to Mishti and try to clear things up. He isn’t backing off and will fight for their relationship. Or so he says 🤷‍♀️😂. Let’s see.

Originally posted by: thedramaqueen

Does Abir however realise, he too treats Mishti only like a thing… a toy that his brother deserves because he is too broken!?

I completely agree with this! In the initial episodes, Abir and Nanu's conversations of how a marriage can change Kunal's problems were very wrong. The whole thought of how Mishti, just like a toy, can make Kunal temporarily happy has been gravely misunderstood by these two since the start. When the actual problem of his behaviour and chauvinist thought process started with a broken off marriage, why assume marriage as the only way for Kunal to be happy again?

Originally posted by: thedramaqueen

But, come on, Kunal is a grown ass man. I am glad Abir is trying to make Kunal realise that the break-up is more about compatibility and less about judging Mishti for what her dad tried to do or that Mishti did not reject Kunal...She rejected her marriage to Kunal. She used her right to choose.

He is, though, missing the point that he now knows Mishti likes the person who did all those deeds.. He is assuming Mishti does not find Kunal compatible and so all those small acts of love mean nothing to her.

Trying to make Kunal realise and change his thought process is correct on Abir's side. However, what I'm really wondering is- "Is Kunal ready to get married right now?" The kind of thinking he holds makes him incompatible for every woman holding even slightest of self respect. More than Abir's emphasis on 'Incompatibility between Mishti and Kunal', it should be on changing Kunal's thought process and his morals and beliefs. It's high time Kunal introspects his belief system and treads into getting a wholesome perspective on why his marriage broke off rather than concentrating on a specific aspect or a woman's nastiness leading to the break off. I do agree that one does not need to change oneself inorder to get married. However, with such beliefs and actions, it'll be impossible for Kunal to sustain any relationship in future. I do agree it's not necessary for someone to get married in their lifetime. But letting regressive thoughts bloom in your mind is equally not right. The situation is more about impossibility of Kunal gelling with any woman rather than incompatibility.

Originally posted by: thedramaqueen

But till he does not realise how he has also wronged Mishti by setting those sweet nothings, I ain't impressed. Abir is right. This is not the real character of Kunal. However, BigBen was right for the wrong reasons... Mishti and Kunal are not compatible!

Of course Kunal and Abir were both wrong in catfishing Mishti with this act. However, I do agree with Kunal in this point that the flowers and dates are very superficial things for someone to fall in love. Either Mishti was too damn naive to fall for such things or I guess the least care that she receives from anyone makes her cherish it due to lack of love from her biological parents. But what I really was disappointed about Mishti was that the crucial deal breaker for her in this relationship was that Kunal catfished her rather than Kunal's chauvinist thought process. I am a bit surprised that Kunal's disagreement over her working, his disliking towards her wearing spectacles were actually not deal breakers for her. However, I feel Mishti's rejection was a built up realisation wherein all these elements which she thought were meagre initially started to become important since Kunal's real personality got revealed eventually on the engagement day when Mishti finally understood that Kunal never trusted her.

Originally posted by: AreYaar

Lol I disagree. This is very much the real character of Kunal. Blaming it all simply on parenting is an easy excuse. And that is where I disagree with Abir too since he continues to coddle Kunal without calling him out on his disgusting MCP mentality and the disrespect with which he talks to women who don’t do his bidding more sternly. Just a random lecture, then all forgotten. Lol

I totally agree with you on this.

Originally posted by: socioboss9797

Trying to make Kunal realise and change his thought process is correct on Abir's side. However, what I'm really wondering is- "Is Kunal ready to get married right now?" The kind of thinking he holds makes him incompatible for every woman holding even slightest of self respect. More than Abir's emphasis on 'Incompatibility between Mishti and Kunal', it should be on changing Kunal's thought process and his morals and beliefs. It's high time Kunal introspects his belief system and treads into getting a wholesome perspective on why his marriage broke off rather than concentrating on a specific aspect or a woman's nastiness leading to the break off. I do agree that one does not need to change oneself inorder to get married. However, with such beliefs and actions, it'll be impossible for Kunal to sustain any relationship in future. I do agree it's not necessary for someone to get married in their lifetime. But letting regressive thoughts bloom in your mind is equally not right. The situation is more about impossibility of Kunal gelling with any woman rather than incompatibility.

I dont know if Kunal is ready for marriage or not. However, I will say he is allowed to have an opinion on the kind of wife he wants. Nidhi, Varsha and chachi are all those kind of women. Even Kuhu is only working outside of home because she has nothing to do. And Ketaki was happy to stay home when she was convinced. Overall there have been inconsistencies and I have no desire to defend the writing. However, Kunal is shown to be fairly sensitive to women. He cant handle a woman who talks for herself is the issue here. He is missing the point that Mishti's silly courtship allowed him to speak his mind before you got married.

I cant see why having a wishlist is going to work against Kunal and makes him an MCP.

Originally posted by: socioboss9797

Of course Kunal and Abir were both wrong in catfishing Mishti with this act. However, I do agree with Kunal in this point that the flowers and dates are very superficial things for someone to fall in love. Either Mishti was too damn naive to fall for such things or I guess the least care that she receives from anyone makes her cherish it due to lack of love from her biological parents. But what I really was disappointed about Mishti was that the crucial deal breaker for her in this relationship was that Kunal catfished her rather than Kunal's chauvinist thought process. I am a bit surprised that Kunal's disagreement over her working, his disliking towards her wearing spectacles were actually not deal breakers for her. However, I feel Mishti's rejection was a built up realisation wherein all these elements which she thought were meagre initially started to become important since Kunal's real personality got revealed eventually on the engagement day when Mishti finally understood that Kunal never trusted her.

It wasn't about the flowers and poetry. The fact that impressed Mishti was that Kunal was paying attention to what she wants. Which means he is perceptive to her feelings. She always had doubts about this alliance.. Be it the topic of job or glasses and then in the end she broke it because of the trust issue.

Originally posted by: thedramaqueen

I dont know if Kunal is ready for marriage or not. However, I will say he is allowed to have an opinion on the kind of wife he wants. Nidhi, Varsha and chachi are all those kind of women. Even Kuhu is only working outside of home because she has nothing to do. And Ketaki was happy to stay home when she was convinced. Overall there have been inconsistencies and I have no desire to defend the writing. However, Kunal is shown to be fairly sensitive to women. He cant handle a woman who talks for herself is the issue here. He is missing the point that Mishti's silly courtship allowed him to speak his mind before you got married.

I cant see why having a wishlist is going to work against Kunal and makes him an MCP.

I agree with you that there are women like Jasmeet and Nidhi who don't mind on changing themselves for a prospective husband/'s family. But then he needs to know that he doesn't own the right to change them. At the end of the day, it's their own choice if they want to adhere to such a demand. And that's where the problem lies. I'm not saying that him objecting Mishti's job was a serious thing. Well, if that goes, a man can wish whatever he wants to. But the problem is when he reacted in the worst way possible when he got to know that Mishti still proceeded to work against his wish. That's where the problem lies. He cannot inhibit a woman's desire and right to take her own decisions. I even get the point that Kunal's socialisation skills are at fault which makes him insensitive in understanding how one should react. That way, his surprise of eye surgery was still okay to certain extent. But then when she refused it, he was wrong in saying that she had to get the surgery done in order to get engaged. What he doesn't understand is how does he own the right to take decisions on a woman's behalf? That makes him chauvinist. I know every person has the right to have an opinion on the kind of life partner they want. But that opinion cannot exceed the boundaries of rights. Hence, I feel unless and until he is ready to understand the nuances of what wishlist is right and wrong, he shouldn't even delve into getting in a relationship.

Originally posted by: socioboss9797

I agree with you that there are women like Jasmeet and Nidhi who don't mind on changing themselves for a prospective husband/'s family. But then he needs to know that he doesn't own the right to change them. At the end of the day, it's their own choice if they want to adhere to such a demand. And that's where the problem lies. I'm not saying that him objecting Mishti's job was a serious thing. Well, if that goes, a man can wish whatever he wants to. But the problem is when he reacted in the worst way possible when he got to know that Mishti still proceeded to work against his wish. That's where the problem lies. He cannot inhibit a woman's desire and right to take her own decisions. I even get the point that Kunal's socialisation skills are at fault which makes him insensitive in understanding how one should react. That way, his surprise of eye surgery was still okay to certain extent. But then when she refused it, he was wrong in saying that she had to get the surgery done in order to get engaged. What he doesn't understand is how does he own the right to take decisions on a woman's behalf? That makes him chauvinist. I know every person has the right to have an opinion on the kind of life partner they want. But that opinion cannot exceed the boundaries of rights. Hence, I feel unless and until he is ready to understand the nuances of what wishlist is right and wrong, he shouldn't even delve into getting in a relationship.

@Bold - that is my point however. How do we know Jasmeet wanted to work? She appears pretty happy at home... Nidhi we know wants to sing and dance.

@underlined - I am not saying that either. It was a red flag. I think if Life partners dont agree on employment matters it can be a deal breaker. Totally. His reaction was what raised the concern in Mishti's mind. My point is, he is making it very clear what kind of a marriage he wants. And Mishti is making it very clear, that is not the kind of marriage she wants. But, that does not mean another girl wont like to be in that marriage.

I think the point I am making is that, Kunal is not the right guy for Mishti. But that does not make him the wrong guy for every girl. Imagine Jasmeet in this position. She would be over the top that her boyfriend is facilitating removal of her glasses... From what i can tell, Kuhu would make a fabulous wife for the MD Kunal. She would thrive in entertaining his business guests.

Its important for me to realise that one person's Mr right can be another one's Mr Wrong.

Originally posted by: thedramaqueen

@Bold - that is my point however. How do we know Jasmeet wanted to work? She appears pretty happy at home... Nidhi we know wants to sing and dance.

@underlined - I am not saying that either. It was a red flag. I think if Life partners dont agree on employment matters it can be a deal breaker. Totally. His reaction was what raised the concern in Mishti's mind. My point is, he is making it very clear what kind of a marriage he wants. And Mishti is making it very clear, that is not the kind of marriage she wants. But, that does not mean another girl wont like to be in that marriage.

I think the point I am making is that, Kunal is not the right guy for Mishti. But that does not make him the wrong guy for every girl. Imagine Jasmeet in this position. She would be over the top that her boyfriend is facilitating removal of her glasses... From what i can tell, Kuhu would make a fabulous wife for the MD Kunal. She would thrive in entertaining his business guests.

Its important for me to realise that one person's Mr right can be another one's Mr Wrong.

If you look at it that way then it's quite a possibility that what is unacceptable to one may not be unacceptable to all. I guess, personally I kind of adhere to Mishti's pov. I have grown up believing that women like Jasmeet would want to do something but are supressed in a way or their thought process has been moulded in a way to accept dominance and it doesn't allow them to do what they want. It's also related to how the world is changing day by day. What was acceptable and believed by our parents isn't the same way for us. But I guess there are people who still find happiness in clenching onto a partner by sacrificing something they want. And yeah, if Kunal would have been clear since the start of wanting such a wife instead of pretending to be open minded, then the rishta wouldn't have gone this further.

Originally posted by: thedramaqueen

I cant see why having a wishlist is going to work against Kunal and makes him an MCP.

And I can’t see how Kunal’s glaring misbehavior is being downplayed as simply “having a wishlist”. He is most welcome to his own wishlist of a submissive wife he can control. That doesn’t change the fact that this is the basic definition of sexism. A man who tries to dismiss a woman’s right to an independent thought process and choices and derides her if she doesn’t agree to his commands is definitely a sexist.

Kunal has used blatantly sexist language with Mishti that is being cloaked in the guise of a simple “disagreement”. If we don’t even acknowledge the reality of misbehavior from men, how exactly is that behavior supposed to be corrected? This should not be downplayed. That is what men and society in general continue to take advantage of to suppress women and make them guilt trip.

Originally posted by: socioboss9797

And yeah, if Kunal would have been clear since the start of wanting such a wife instead of pretending to be open minded, then the rishta wouldn't have gone this further.

I agree. Kunal wasn’t forthright about his expectations from the get go. He has always dictated to Mishti and derided her if she expressed a different viewpoint. He has always talked in a condescending, dictatorial manner with her. Maybe I could have given him some benefit of doubt if despite his regressive views on women, he atleast knew how to talk respectfully. But no, he talks like a completely sexist person. This isn’t even a male or female thing. No matter what your views, learn to talk properly with a person rather than start throwing tantrums the moment they say no to something you want.

To actually expect Mishti to feel bad rather than make Kunal realize how wrong his behavior was. I don’t get why that is being considered a lift. This should be basic expectation from any person, not even the least in a person you are marrying.

Kunal's reaction in each of the instances was over the top. Bigben rode on that and that's what Abir is calling out. There were two more people over reacting. Badi ma and Abir. Both were in a rush to get Kunal and mishti married off.