"Again he thought of his own losses, and he wondered why it was that the things a person had lost" or might lose" defined him more than the things he yet possessed."
David Anthony Durham, Acacia: The War with the Mein
"For the possession of what we love is an even greater joy than love itself."
Marcel Proust, The Captive & The Fugitive
I had thought I wouldn't be posting a new topic soon, not for months at least when I finished replying to the one I made last; however then I wasn't aware of the sheer brilliance and beauty that was to come our way.
These past two episodes I am sure have made everyone happy - even those who have their own set of complaints against execution or xyz details of the scene - for one simple reason, that this was long in the making and kept us fans awaiting.
I reserved a spot in Gan' post for the Friday episode, however couldn't edit it (sorry Gan, for that)...because when I had made that post I was in a kind of euphoria that had made me giddy and do that in an instant. However when I sat down to edit it, I came up blank...not because there wasn't anything I had to say but because there was so much of it and my problem was I didn't know where to begin or how.
So I ended up not commenting and boy am I glad I didn't because I could make a combined post on the brilliance of the past two episodes in one go.
It started with an argument, this descent into something beautiful and wonderful; but of course what else could have been the precursor for the culmination of the desires so long suppressed in this much loved couple' love story, a couple that fights cause they love each other and a couple that loves to fight.
It started with his harsh words and her subsequent tears as they pricked her heart to hear him speak to her in the way he did, hurt her to witness his cold attitude towards her, to see his eyes looking at her with anger and a kind of disgust she never expected. Instead of the love, desire and passion, she had expected to find in them, dressed up for him in the way he always wanted to see he she found herself being ostracized by the man she is madly in love with, the man for whom she changed herself.
In the privacy of their room, as they declared themselves - his anger and her heartbreak were palpable and somehow I found myself transported back to a similar night between them - a night that was supposed to be one of celebrations but turned out to be anything but.
She had dressed up for him then, as she did now but he wouldn't look her way then as he wasn't now; only even when he tried to look away she was all he could see and think of. And even as she tried to find a moment where she might find him looking at her just once, she couldn't catch it, not knowing his snub wasn't his way of ignoring her rather it was all he could bring himself to do, else nothing couldn't make him look away from her, absolutely nothing.
She asked him in this room where they finally submitted to their love a question that was an echo of her remarks, her pain and complaint from all those months ago as she said - you did not look at me, not even once...no one was even looking at me. Then though she could voice her pain, her anguish, her wish to be noticed by the man who is her husband, but couldn't quite summon the courage to let him know - it was for him she dressed up, it was his attention she wanted, his eyes she wished to have on her and nothing else...as she did this time. It was the first time they had started to acknowledge the need to possess one another, as well as submit to each other...however, it wasn't meant to be then.
For his rage had blinded him then as it did now too...the difference however that marked this time was a simple fact - she allowed herself to be vulnerable and yet defiant, as did he. They knew they love each other - however, that love was yet to be realized between them in the most absolute way possible - a way that would bind them to each other and close the distances that remained between them.
That night he had in his anger asked her to exercise the rights of a wife, mocked her saying she wouldn't do that, but he would, he would execute them, the rights of a husband... though it was what both of them wanted even back then, his approach drove her away from him. It was and is a pity that alas that night, that incident was not given the conclusion it deserved, for it was the rawest moment of this couple' marriage yet.
Therefore, when this night came, the one that happened this week, somehow I could not help but connect the two - find the similarities between them. The way she dressed up for him yet was ignored by her husband, his anger directed at her but meant for others; situations and people that played with his life and mind but mostly his past that wouldn't let him be at peace, as well as the presence of another woman between this couple on both of these nights. Then it was his ex who was present physically as well as influenced him emotionally and mentally to distrust the woman he knew was not her and this time it was the influence of the past he had with that ex on his mind coupled with the presence of a woman who much like her was straying from her marriage.
Only on this night, she was more than willing to exercise the rights of a wife -questioning him why wouldn't he look at her all through the night nor complement her for dressing up for him, but mostly asked him revealing her most vulnerable side, letting him in, into her heart, her dreams and wishes. When she asked him, opening up her heart what does she mean to him and what is her position in his life; the man who was charging like an angry bull just moments ago realized the one obvious thing he had been missing through the night.
As she relayed is she only a DIL for his parents, a mother to his children who happened to be a roommate as well as friend to him; it struck him what was always in front of his eyes but what he was blinded too, due to his unwarranted rage and insecurity. In that moment it occurred to him that, his wife was not seeking anyone else's attention but his. She wanted no one else' praise but his, she didn't need to told by others she is beautiful, but she wanted to know that to him she is, enough to make her stand out in the crowd to him.
As her pain, her vulnerability appeared before him, as she bared her soul to him, he did the same. He acknowledged she drives him crazy, how could she not see it, get it, how can she not feel that he loves her so much, that even as he rages at her, he cannot help that love. As he learned she doubted her ability to hold his attention and in turn command his desires, he admitted he wants her to remain the way she is, never change not even for him...because if that happens, if she changes, he wouldn't know how to go on.
As I said earlier too, the ghost of his past fueled both the events, as his ex lingered among them - once present physically and the second time as another woman, a replica of her took the place. What Ishita couldn't do anything about that night, was what she however couldn't tolerate this time around.
That night, she didn't voice it out to her husband, how he hurt her when he acknowledged another woman as he snubbed her, but not this Ishita. She is in love, a woman one who wanted to be claimed as well as lay claim on the man she loved and was legally wedded too. The one who knew deep in her heart it is her right, to love this man and be loved by him in return couldn't keep quiet about her disappointments with him as she spoke not once but twice of him favoring another woman in her presence. The first mention he ignored, but the second one ...it got to him. So just to see, how far the embers burn he poked them subtly casually saying he found this another woman hot...only to get the first array of sparks flying right at him to sting him...because this time around, the woman who is his wife was laying her claim on him and couldn't, wouldn't let him ignore that. She was following his advice, his wish from that night long back - to exercise her rights and wanting to lay claims as his wife and her very first dictate was simple, clear and loud - you belong to me, you are mine and aren't allowed to even look at someone else. However, of course, he wanted to hear that out...so even as his tongue spoke of another woman, his eyes roved over her and in an encore, he got the very same result...the one he was expecting, but not wishing.
On this night however, there was gonna be no more running away or around, skirting what has been long ignored - so when she exercised her rights in anger, he retaliated and replied, not in kind but otherwise, as he made his move and through his actions, his gestures proved this is how a claim is laid, a siege made.
Moments ago, her vulnerability had disarmed him...moments later she was disarmed by the passion she felt in that first kiss, that her husband stole from her. And as she felt the first brush of his love upon her lips... all she could do was smile, touching them, trying to make herself believe it really did happen, relive the memory of that first touch of his lips against hers.
What neither could say aloud, express in words was said in touches and kisses that lasted through the night.
When the night passed, giving way to a new day - the softness of their looks, the gentleness in their touches, the shyness and happiness that shone through their smiles were all the answers they both seeked and longed for...even as new challenges and trials awaited them. With the very first being of love itself, as a husband would set on a mission as a man, to please the woman who is his wife, the one he loves...the one whose heart he has conquered, the one who conquered his in return.
CID
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
