mehvish0786 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#1
Hi my names Mehvish and i wrote the following for fun and just wanted your views whetherI should carry on or stop because its kinda boring. Improvement are welcome.

Mr Smith stood in front of us and began his speech "I just want to say a few words to express the company's appreciation for the time Sarah has spent with us. Sarah's moving on to bigger and brighter things which will leave a gaping hole in the organisation. While she has put in place some amazing ideas that will stay after she leaves, it will be a challenge to fill that hole. So Sarah, I hope you have all the best prosperity and fulfilment in your future endeavours. There is no doubt you'll make a success of future opportunities as you have here. These words and gift are just a small expression of our appreciation for your work and time here. So farewell and good luck." I looked at Sarah in shock was she actually leaving me forever, I knew it was destined to happen but so soon. All her memories fluttered in my head. I remembered the first day we met. It was heavily raining that day, I saw a girl she wore a simple, light pink anarkali dress. She seemed to be preoccupied and suddenly a truck was coming towards her but she wasn't moving. I grabbed on to her arm, and flung her angrily in to my arms. Her light brown eyes where full of tears, everything made sense now. At the time I was thinking how stupid could she get trying to kill herself in traffic why couldn't she use some sense and take poison a lot more easier. I started to yell my annoyance at her, she just looked at me and walked away with no response. I was about to follow her and give her a piece of my mind but thought better of it and just walked away. As I walked in to my office soaking wet my boss glared at me and was gave me a very long lecture. During the day me and my colleagues were aligned in the entrance to welcome the CEO's daughter, as the girl entered the door way. A shock of horror went through me it was the same girl that I had saved in the morning.


Edited by mehvish0786 - 12 years ago

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ChaiBiskoot thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#2
this will turn out to be a great piece of work!

loved the prologue!

umm.. u cud use more spacing between the lines.. ! The dialogues and narration both on separate paras, it wont be so clustered :)

nice work!!
_IcePrincess_ thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#3
Please continue! I think it will turn out to be a great piece, loved whatever u have written here... N agree with Purple_Lady, u should pay a lil attention to ur writing style coz u wouldn't want ur readers to give up on reading ur story coz it luks too clustered, that's all😊
mehvish0786 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#4

Originally posted by: Purple_Lady

this will turn out to be a great piece of work!


loved the prologue!

umm.. u cud use more spacing between the lines.. ! The dialogues and narration both on separate paras, it wont be so clustered :)

nice work!!


Thank u ill definately do that
mehvish0786 thumbnail
15th Anniversary Thumbnail Navigator Thumbnail
Posted: 12 years ago
#5

Originally posted by: _IcePrincess_

Please continue! I think it will turn out to be a great piece, loved whatever u have written here... N agree with Purple_Lady, u should pay a lil attention to ur writing style coz u wouldn't want ur readers to give up on reading ur story coz it luks too clustered, that's all😊


Thank u for commenting and ill definitely do that

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