FF: U R My Sunshine: Updt Ch 20, pg 118 - Page 68

Originally posted by: ash9

guess wht??? im refreshing thsi pg every 30 sec
so i observed that it takes 1 min to post a reply.... 😃

😆cho chweet

i want to knw wht bani going to tell him nw
mayb she can pour the whole cup of coffee on his empty head
after doing all that he got the nerve to ask her..jst like that.. 😡

😆am sure she would love to do just that

at least take her out on a date n propose...nah..he is talking abt this as if its a contract 😕

bechara does not believe in love shuv, date wate, karke dekh liya aur dil toot gaya, so he is just protecting himself

Originally posted by: kripa0521

Sabs just wanted to say i love the message "about the three things every girl needs" its beautifully written and so true too!

thanks dear, i felt the same too

Waiting for your next update, kash Bani Shaadi keh liye haan kar de 😊

am just finishing it, will post it soon. just need to smoothen the rough edges 😆 the holiday seems to have taken its toll on me

Originally posted by: ash9

can u reply us after u put up the update??? 😛

ho gaya, all replies done 😆

u already repled to lot of us..... 😃

i just did not want anyone to feel i was being rude or ignoring them.

am almost thru with the update, just requires some finishing touches. will do it after dinner and then post.

sorry for the long delay.

Originally posted by: TINK

...well i thought i pop by and ask for an update 😃 ...in the most nicest possible way 😆 ......u know wht i mean!! 😆 ....so lets be a gud girl sabbu 😳 😳 😳 ...and dont make tinku loose the plot 😆 ......

oy tinku bond 😆 main thode dino ke liye chali kya gayi, tum toh ekdum gundi ban gayi.............ok now i am scared so before i lose the plot, i will post the update.

Originally posted by: TINK

...well i thought i pop by and ask for an update 😃 ...in the most nicest possible way 😆 ......u know wht i mean!! 😆 ....so lets be a gud girl sabbu 😳 😳 😳 ...and dont make tinku loose the plot 😆 ......

Originally posted by: sabsj

oy tinku bond 😆main thode dino ke liye chali kya gayi, tum toh ekdum gundi ban gayi.............ok now i am scared so before i lose the plot, i will post the update.

Tinku Bond, lijiye update hazir hain. Tinku Bond ko na bolna mushkil hi nahin, na mumkin hain 😆

Sorry friends for the long delay in posting an update, had gone on a mini vacation with my family. Hope this update makes up for the delay. Koi bhool chook maaf kar dena, blame it on my holiday mood.

As usual, your feedback and comments, whether positive or negative are much appreciated.

Chapter 16 (09/4/07)

"I want you to marry me and help me make a complete home for Kabir" Jai said calmly.

"You came here looking for a readymade nanny for your son. Sorry darling, I am not on sale. Go shop elsewhere" suggested Bani.

"No, I won't go looking elsewhere, I get married to you or then to no one at all……..Kabir will continue to have the Mama he loves and is used to or then remain without one all his life, the choice is yours."

Bani stared at Jai, unable to believe her ears, yet unable to stop a wild rush of bittersweet hope. To marry and make a home for Kabir…….becoming a family would give her everything she most wanted in life.

There was only one problem. The marriage Jai proposed didn't include love. Of course it didn't. They were strangers. This marriage was more for convenience………..Kabir's convenience.

Settling back, Bani tried to relax. Best if she appeared calm, collected, in control. Someone had to bring some sense to this situation.

"Are you bloody insane?" blurted Bani……..so much for being calm.

"Why?" Jai carefully kept his emotions hidden behind a bland expression. "Because I want to provide a home for my son?"

"He had a home already Jai. With me" countered Bani.

"And now his home is with me, his father. But the judge was right; Kabir needs both a mother and a father. He had a mother in you, and now he has a father in me" replied Jai.

Bani's knuckles whitened where her hands laced together on the tabletop. Her heartbeat sped as fast as her whirling thoughts. She and Kabir had come so far in the months since he'd been placed in her custody. Yes, they had growing pains, but together they had bonded into a family, agreed it was not complete, but still.

More than ever, Kabir needed constancy, which Jai was more than capable of providing. Kabir already had to adjust to losing his mother. Now he needed to know he was loved. It would be harder for him if they were kept apart, if he lived in one house and she in another.

"What exactly did you have in mind?" Bani asked cautiously.

Jai lifted an eyebrow. He'd watched surprise, anger, fear, worry, speculation, confusion and finally hope cross Bani's expressive features. He'd intrigued her. Good. Once the shock of the idea had passed, she would be more open to reason.

"He is my son Bani, my responsibility. I won't shirk my duty toward him. I know what it feels like to be raised by either no parents at all or then by only one, and so do you, we have both been there, done that and not liked it one bit. Yes we survived, but look at us now, don't you feel incomplete, don't you wish you had it all, don't you curse your luck at times for being deprived. I know I do.

I work in a place where I interact with children from all walks of life. I can see the difference between children who come from stable homes and those who don't. I see children who have to be divided between two homes, like they are some commodity, when their parents get divorced or live apart, and it is not fair to them. They do suffer, at some point of time, whether you or those children or their parents want to accept it or not, and I would never want to put my son through that. It's his life, his future we are talking about, who is to decide where he spends his weekend and where he spends his school vacations. I will not treat him like a postal package that will be delivered to and fro between us, there may come a time when out of sheer frustration he would want to be with neither of us.

Both of us are victims of circumstances which were in a way forced upon us. We are also strangers to each other in a way, I don't deny that. But as you mentioned yourself, raising a baby is a lot different than educating one, so together we can definitely handle things better. Do you see where I am coming from?" said Jai.

After years of watching children grow up, first his brothers, then his students, Jai absolutely believed providing a balanced family was essential for any child. His visits with Kabir and Bani had given him the solution. He'd provide the home, his sense of duty demanded that, but his emotions weren't involved, couldn't be involved. Marrying Bani would complete the family unit Kabir needed.

She would provide the love.

For Kabir, of course. Jai didn't need or want to love or to be loved. He did not want to complicate his life once again with messy emotions. He had tried that once and suffered enough. Never again.

Caring and loving hurt too much, it killed every emotion in him. He just could not feel anymore, did not want to feel anymore. It was a vice he could do without.

Opening up his heart to another child was not an option. The father in him had died the day his baby girl died due to her mother's neglect. The love that one felt for a child dug too deep, the wonder so pervasive it consumed you, and then the loss of a part of you made your heart bleed. It turned you into a stone.

No, never again, he just did not have it in him to go through the entire motion again.

Jai had watched Bani work with kids at the high school. He had seen her gentleness, humor and the patience she displayed with each student and with Kabir. And her devotion to Kabir couldn't be questioned by anybody. She was the best thing that had happened to him. She was good, no strike that, she was brilliant with kids, they all loved her, adored her, Kabir loved her………..she was a loveable creature after all, but unfortunately love did not exist for him.

"Jai, are you okay" asked Bani. "You do realize we are strangers, what sense would it make to go through this charade then" she said, protest tight in her voice.

"But we are adults, and we are not confused by the events of the day nor about…..about…….each other, you know what I mean right" replied Jai.

Strangers? WRONG, not since the first time their eyes met. The chemistry between them was centuries old. Primitive in its power. Potent in its allure. Jai had fought it for months, he did not want to mix business with pleasure, that was strictly against his rules, but destiny it seems had other plans for them. Today he counted on that chemistry working in his favor.

"Speak for yourself. I am highly confused and angry at the moment" retorted Bani. Something….anxiety maybe…flashed in Bani's eyes before she quickly looked away. A frown marred the delicate line of her forehead.

"Why?" Jai demanded. "My proposal is straight-forward, what is so confusing about it?"

Bani shot to her feet. "Your damn proposal is as crazy and self-centered as you are."

In direct contrast to Bani's agitation, Jai calmly relaxed in his seat. Meeting the heat in her gaze with cool purpose, he said, "You get to stay with Kabir, and he gets a home with two parents. Everyone benefits."

"And you, Jai, what do you get out of it….besides a free nanny to look after your son of course?" asked Bani, arms crossed over her chest, she challenged him.

Jai smiled, not at all intimidated by Bani's feistiness. In fact, he welcomed it. She'd looked entirely too vulnerable, too alone in the courtroom yesterday and when he came to see her this morning.

"I get my son, Bani." Jai's plan would not work without honesty between them. He watched as Bani's chin lowered a notch. "And I get you" he whispered seductively.

"Me?" Bani's gaze never leaving his face, she blinked twice. "You want me?" she asked Jai, just to make sure she was not assuming things.

"Don't be coy Bani" replied Jai. Standing, he moved around the table. Bani's surprise couldn't hide her desire or the hope in her eyes. It was a classic case of Longing at war with caution. This wasn't the first time Jai had seen the intoxicating combination in her gaze. "You want me, too, it is high time you accept it."

Clearly torn, Bani swayed toward Jai then away, as if undecided between meeting him halfway or fleeing in full retreat. He had to give her credit when she stood her ground like this.

"You expect me to believe that you want me, when you don't even trust me, Jai. You think I am a good for nothing druggie like your ex, you think I fool around with every guy that comes my way…….now why would you want a woman like that Jai?" asked Bani.

"Bani stop jumping to conclusions will you………" snapped Jai.

"I…….I am jumping to conclusions. You are the one who has accused me time and again Jai. Now suddenly you want me to get married to you………I mean listen to yourself" said Bani.

"Bani………….damn it, do you always have to be so difficult" asked Jai as he started walking towards her.

"I am being difficult. I haven't forgotten Jai, your accusations, the way you have treated me, maybe you have, but not me" spat Bani.

"You know I did not mean it, I was angry, I misjudged you, I even apologized" reasoned Jai.

"Stay away" Bani hissed, as Jai closed the distance between them, reaching out to bracket her with his hands, flat on the wall beside her head. The tantalizing shimmer of liquid in her eyes ensnared him. Her delicate, fresh scent encompassed him, and the warmth of her luscious body drew him like a magnet.

He hefted one massive breath and struggled against the compulsion to reach out and claim her. To brand her as his own.

"That's the problem, Bani. I can't keep my distance. No matter how much I try." He dragged in another juddering breath. "Don't you understand?"

Jai stared down into Bani's wide stunned eyes and knew he was lost.

"Why do you think I was so furious with Derek and you?" he asked her.

"Because you thought I was seducing him," said Bani flatly.

Jai shook his head.

Bani shifted her weight and shot a glance over his shoulder. "I need to go and……."

"Why, Bani?" Jai demanded.

Slowly, as if she fought with every ounce of her strength, Bani lifted her eyes to his. She looked impossibly weary. "Because you didn't want me out of your sight……." she whispered and then looked away.

Jai nodded, acknowledging the surge of ravening hunger that even now tore at the frayed remnants of his self-control. A good thing his hands were planted firmly against the plaster. It helped him resist the desire to use them to shape her face, her fragile neck, her delicate curves.

"And why is that?" he whispered, focusing on her convulsive swallow, on the way she tugged at her lower lip with her teeth.

"Because I had your son, you were afraid I would run away with him and till you got his custody, you wouldn't rest in peace" she murmured at last, still refusing to meet his gaze.

"Wrong" he whispered.

Bani's gaze shot up again at the single word. The instant connection between them was like a jolt of electricity, charging the air with pulsing anticipation.

"It's because I was jealous," Jai admitted, stripping his soul bare. His voice was a low animal growl that matched the savage possessiveness welling inside him perfectly. "I'm jealous of anyone who has you to themselves when I don't."

Bani's eyes widened and her mouth gaped and Jai wanted, more than anything, the ultimate luxury of taking her lush, enticing lips with his. His whole body trembled with barely repressed desire. Sweat hazed his skin at the effort it took to keep still, keep from sweeping Bani into his embrace and burying his face in her sweetly scented hair.

"Do you understand, Bani?" Jai's voice was raw, all pretence at civilized gloss scoured away by this elemental hunger. "I was jealous of my friend because he got to spend the day alone with you, while I did not. I didn't think for a minute you might be seducing him."

Jai paused, gathering his courage.

"I wanted you to be seducing me" he said.

The stark admission reverberated in the still air between them. Blatant. Inescapable. Overpowering.

Jai had never felt so driven, so desperate for a woman's touch. And even more, for her understanding and forgiveness.

He saw the warm color flood Bani's face, accentuate the high contours of her cheekbones. Her eyes were wide, so clear and enticing that he felt he could lose himself in their promise, just as he wanted to lose himself in the heady temptation of her body.

He inhaled the scent of her, like beckoning spring after a long, cold winter. Enticing, promising, seductive.

He heard her soft breaths, short and rapid. And he could taste her already on his tongue. He had been craving that taste with a frenzied longing that appalled him.

He had only to lift a hand, cup her face as he closed the distance between them. In that moment it felt as if nothing else existed. There was only this space where he and Bani stood, bound by a passion so strong it eclipsed all his puny self-control.

Silence.

"Why? Why do you feel that way about me?" asked Bani.

Jai's heart leapt right up into his throat at her words. The moment of reckoning had arrived. Something clutched at his chest, squeezing so tight that for a moment he couldn't breathe at all.

He felt Bani's eyes on him and pushed back his shoulders, forced himself to move away, to answer her as honestly as he possibly could. He looked up at her and met her questioning stare.

"I don't know, I can't explain the feeling, all I know is I care about you, you make me happy…….." whispered Jai.

Watching her torture her full lower lip sent raw cravings racing through his blood. His eyes linked with hers as he drew nearer once again.

"We….." the word came out in a breathy whisper, puckering her lips prettily. Jai lowered his head. But Bani planted a hand against his chest, stopping him. Clearing her throat, she tried again. "We shouldn't. It will only complicate things."

Jai looked into her eyes as though seeking an answer to an unknown question. What he saw must have passed some hidden test because he took her hand, lifted it to his lips, kissed it and then placed it on his shoulder and in a thick, harsh voice he replied "Wrong again, it will only simplify things."

This close, her soft scent inflamed his senses and sent any further need for logic out of reach. Circling Bani's waist Jai achieved full body contact with one forceful jerk. "You drive me crazy Bani. Nothing short of a nuclear blast will stop me from tasting you today."

For all the power in his words, Jai used care in claiming Bani's mouth, gently soothing her tender lower lip with soft flicks of his tongue. She tasted sweet, lush, womanly. He wanted more, took more. Angling her head he deepened the kiss and felt his heart lurch. He said her name, the syllables grating across her ears. His arms tightened around her in a bone-cracking grip.

Bani too wanted him so much, her desire must have blazed forth from her face and her entire being. She went up on her toes to get closer to him, not that they could get anymore closer than they already were. Jai lifted her off her feet, swirled his tongue around hers while her arms tightened around his neck and she answered his passion with honest hunger. Sensation twirled them up and away so only the other existed in this space and time.

Past and future had no substance. Only now mattered, and the sheer exquisite meeting of body and soul. Bani made Jai forget where they were. Almost.

Her breasts pressed to his chest sent his blood pressure soaring. Now that he'd had a taste of her, Jai never wanted to stop, he couldn't, he wouldn't. Which answered one question? They were definitely compatible.

Easing away, Jai took satisfaction in Bani's unfocused gaze and limp posture. He helped her sit before putting some much-needed space between them. A few feet at least and a solid table should be enough to keep him from grabbing her again.

He took a deep breath and decided to continue with their discussion, settle the issue and then move ahead. "Since being strangers troubles you so much, we'll have a short courtship, thirty days tops, followed by a quick wedding. Everyone will assume proximity led to love, and we'll let them" he said to Bani.

Bani blinked, then narrowed her gaze on Jai. "You want people to believe this is a real marriage, that we are in love with each other?"

Jai lifted an arrogant eyebrow. "Make no mistake sweetheart. It will be a real marriage. As for the love, it is but an illusion, no such thing exists, except in fairytales."

Suddenly defensive, Bani crossed her arms over her chest. "So the marriage would be real, but not a love match, right?"

"We'll be a real family" replied Jai. He understood Bani's hesitation. She loved her nephew, wanted what was best for him, but at the same time was worried about her feelings and needs too.

Jai believed a marriage between them was for the best. In a strange way they were already a family. Marrying Bani would simply make it official. His proposal may have been impromptu and threatening, but he knew it felt right in every which way he cared to look at it.

"You want Kabir to have a real family, don't you?" Jai asked Bani.

"Of course I do, but……"

"Bani, you've been in education long enough to know a two-parent home is the optimal situation for a child. You said yourself that Kabir has been through enough. Our situation is ideal, our marriage will be the perfect solution" reasoned Jai.

"I've been in education long enough to know it's not that simple Jai" replied Bani.

"We both want what's best for him Bani. That's simple." It was Jai's bottom line. He had nothing more persuasive to say.

The fight went out of Bani, leaving a vulnerability she tried to hide. She surged to her feet. "This is too sudden, too unrealistic. I have to have time to think."

Her answer wasn't the one Jai wanted, but he inclined his head in agreement. "Don't take too long Bani. The sooner we are married, the sooner Kabir can settle into a sound routine without him getting too upset about the changes taking place in his life."

And the sooner she'd be in his bed.

*******************************************

A brisk wind blew dead leaves across the park. Bani welcomed the cold, clear air. It helped soothe her frazzled nerves, cool her over-heated body. She walked beside Jai but kept a gap of more than a foot between them.

She'd need more space yet before she could think about his proposal. The man was way too much of a distraction. Extremely potent and very hard to resist.

Suddenly Bani heard Kabir crying in the distance. Poor baby, he huddled against Jai's grandmother, a pitiful bundle of misery. His little butt poked out in resistance as if he'd fought hard and that's as far as he'd gotten.

Masi rocked him gently and patted his back, but Kabir continued to cry. When Jai's cousin, Karuna, tried talking to Kabir, he just turned his head and yelled "No……..Mama……..Mama…"

Bani's heart broke. She looked at Jai but didn't wait for his nod. She just ran to her baby.

Masi greeted her with relief. "Poor little guy wanted his Mama," she said as she passed Kabir to Bani. "He was okay for a while, playing around, then there was no consoling him."

"Mammaaaaaa" cried out Kabir as he jumped into Bani's arms, kissed her cheek and then clutched her around the neck so tightly that she found it difficult to breathe. He then lay his head on her shoulder, his tiny body shuddering once, twice, thrice, then he relaxed against her, as Bani continued to pat his back and soothe him in a language which only Kabir and she understood.

No words could describe the wonder, love and sadness that swelled Bani's heart at this moment……….to be able to hold her baby once again, feel him against her chest, love him……….how oh how was she going to cope with his absence. She fought hard to control her tears at the thought of this.

"I am sorry he was a bother, Mrs. Walia" said Bani, as she continued to rub Kabir's back in soothing circles. "He is such a good baby, but he can be very stubborn and unrelenting when he wants something. And all this change has been tough for him I suppose."

"Please, call me Masi" she insisted. More than a smidgen of sympathy reflected in her direct gaze. "It's been a tough time for us all. As for the stubbornness, I'm sure you've noticed it runs in the family, the prime example standing right behind you" replied Masi with a smile on her face.

Oh yeah, Bani had definitely noticed where Kabir got all his attitude and stubbornness from.

"Is he okay?" Jai moved closer to Bani, surrounding her and Kabir with his strength. His right arm circled Bani's waist as he ran his left hand over Kabir's head in the first tender touch Bani had seen Jai make toward his son.

"He'll be fine. He is just upset by all the tension surrounding him, the unfamiliar places, people, and from being passed around a lot" replied Bani.

Jai's grateful glance included both his grand-mother and cousin as he said "Thanks for looking after him for us. I am sorry he gave you trouble."

"He is just a little fretful Jai, that is all" Masi dismissed the apology. "No trouble at all, if I could manage you, then Kabir shouldn't be a problem."

"Bani's right, it's been an upsetting time for Kabir, that is all" said Karuna, as she put an arm around Masi and nodded at Kabir who was already fast asleep in Bani's arms. "It is time we all went home and relaxed."

"Kabir should go home with Bani tonight. I will pick him up as well as the rest of this things tomorrow" Jai said out of the blue.

Surprised, Bani looked up at Jai, suspicious of his motives, but she saw only concern in his eyes. "Are you sure?" she asked, just in case she was misreading things.

"I trust you, Bani. You wouldn't have brought Kabir to my attention if you meant to steal him from me" assured Jai.

He'd said much the same the day they had gone to the pond. His confidence in her revealed a knowledge of her she hadn't guessed he'd possessed. Until now. The thought scared her just a little. And touched her deeply.

"I don't know Jai. I am pretty mad at you about this whole situation" replied Bani.

Jai smiled knowingly. "You know how to fix that, don't you?" he asked Bani with a caring smile and then kissed her on the forehead as if to reiterate his intentions.

"I better head back home now. Masi and Karuna, thank you once again for everything. I am sure Kabir will adjust soon" said Bani, trying to avoid answering Jai's question.

Jai didn't try to dissuade her. Picking up Kabir's stroller in a swift, lithe movement he said "I'll walk back with you to your house."

"Oh, no" Bani protested. "There is no need. It's not far away, just down the road, and I do this all the time with Kabir."

"So?" Jai said, and smiled at her, and the urgent, driving beat of sexual attraction blazed bright and hungry through Bani's body once again.

Because Bani didn't trust her voice, she contented herself with a half-shrug and a nod of acceptance.

The summons of the telephone startled both of them. Jai frowned. "Excuse me" he said to her and answered the call.

Bani started walking ahead with Kabir in the stroller. Jai joined her less than a minute later, carrying her jacket. "I am sorry" he said, dark eyes unreadable.

"It's okay, you don't have to do this, please, I will manage just fine" replied Bani.

Jai shrugged and said obliquely, "I want to."

Instead of handing Bani the jacket, he held it out for her to put on and then continued to hold her by her shoulder as they walked along. Swift blood scorched her skin and she felt profoundly grateful for the dim lights along the road. How many other women must have shivered with pleasure and heady anticipation at the closeness the small, intimate courtesy allowed?

Plenty, she thought scornfully.

Stop this right now, she commanded that cynical little voice inside her. Jai has been perfectly polite ever since they had their discussion, and now he just wants to make sure you and Kabir get back to your lonely bed because he's a protective alpha male. That's all.

Together they silently walked back enjoying the lovely weather, its spring crispness tempered by a hint of the summer to come. Bani indicated that they had reached home.

"You'd better get inside with Kabir. You are shivering" said Jai in a voice which was cool and self-possessed.

Shivering….yes……..but not from the cold! Nevertheless Bani made no protest when Jai dropped his arms, although she felt bereft, as though something precious had been torn from her. He turned her towards him and kissed her lightly on the lips. "If you need anything, all you have to do is call" he whispered in her ears.

Grimly she drove herself to step away from him, to turn on the path, to head towards the door, so acutely conscious of Jai beside her that she felt his presence in every cell.

Just concentrate on getting inside, Bani told herself fiercely. You can think about it all you like soon, but now you need to shut the door on him so you can find yourself again.

The gravel under their feet crunched loudly; every sense was still stretched to its limit, so that her ears picked up the hushed lap of water against the lakeshore, and her skin tingled at the soft wind on her face.

Bani could taste Jai on her lips, and her tongue, and her body was hot and eager, every nerve throbbing with frustration and confusion.

She came to an uncertain halt, wishing for the thousandth time that she had more poise, yet feeling alive in a way she'd never experienced before. Poised on a knife-edge of stimulation, she felt as though the last few hours had altered her in some fundamental way.

Rubbish, she told herself sternly. It's infatuation, just like the monumental crush you had on that American pop star……hormone-driven and mindless, no real emotions involved.

Because although his kisses had been the most sensuous, earth shattering kisses she'd ever experienced, Bani could see that they hadn't been anything so earth-shaking to Jai, or so she thought. Oh, he'd enjoyed it, and he'd wanted her, no doubt about that, but in spite of her inexperience she knew that most men responded in the same physical fashion to a warm female body against them and a seeking, hungry mouth beneath theirs.

Well too bad, that wasn't what Bani was looking for, she wanted love and that too unconditional…………a give and take relationship, simple and easy, and settling for anything less would amount to crushing her dreams.