Within the next few days, I talked to Sahana online incessantly. She was still sarcastic with her remarks and remained withdrawn most of the time, but my goal was to eventually compel her to be herself around me. I didn't want her to keep her thoughts hidden behind her eyes when she was talking to me. I wanted to know them, even be a part of them.
Three weeks after I started talking to her, I realized that what I had simply thought to be an attraction was actually more than just that. Just when I thought I had figured her out, she threw some completely new information at me that was a contrast to her personality, and I was at square one again. But I actually enjoyed this because this gave us the opportunity to keep on talking further.
Once I had come to this realization, I felt as though I needed to take a step further. I wasn't planning on going up to Sahana and telling her I liked her, but I couldn't just sit home, wishing I could do so, either.
Now, you may recall that I had mentioned Sahana's best friend, Kriti, earlier.
Well, Kriti and I were pretty good friends. She was like a sisterly figure and was always willingly helping me with schoolwork and personal problems. In fact, during the beginning of my infatuation with Sahana, I had asked Kriti on more than one occasion what to do, without actually mentioning Sahana's name, and Kriti was always ready to help. It was wonderful having a friend like her to support me through my confusion.
In due time, I decided I should tell Kriti that the girl I was always asking advice about was actually her best friend. Maybe it would help Sahana and my relationship somehow.
It went something like this on the phone.
"So you're done with the calculus work?" I asked.
"Yep, pretty much."
"So, do you need any more help or you're good to go?"
"No, I'm fine Rahil. You've helped me enough as it is."
"Oh ok."
A short-lived pause. Then me again.
"Hey Kriti…"
"Hm?"
"You know that girl I'm always talking about?"
"Yea?"
"Can I tell you who she is?" I asked timidly, not sure of whether I was doing the right thing.
"Oh my God! I thought you would never tell me! Tell, tell," I heard Kriti squealing on the other line.
I took a deep breath and moistened my lips. "Yea…um….you won't tell anyone, right?"
"Rahil…"
"No, no. I'm just…." Another deep breath. "It's…it's Sahana."
"What?"
"It's Sahana," I said, this time more confidently.
"What?"
"Kriti, don't make me keep on saying it. I'm on the verge of blushing," I muttered, covering my face with my hands, while laying down on my bed.
"Sorry," Kriti said, laughing. "It's just…wow. Oh my God. It just hit me now. Wow Rahil. Wow. You and Sahana."
"Wait, it's not a good thing?" I asked, my heart sinking slowly.
"No, no," Kriti said quickly. "It's sweet actually. Really sweet. I mean you're so serious all the time and focused on becoming a world renowned architect and all. This is such a sudden change, you know? Like I knew you liked a certain girl all this time but it didn't really hit me until you told me who it was. And it's an even bigger shock considering it's Sahana, who is probably completely oblivious to this." She paused to take a breath, and laughed again. "I am so happy for you."
I smiled on the phone, and ruffled my jet-black hair. "You won't tell anyone, right?"
"Not even Sahana?"
"Especially not Sahana!"
"Aw man…how can I hide this from her?"
"Kriti…"
"Ok, ok, fine." She stopped talking and then let out a sudden chuckle again. "Awww. Rahil and Sahana!"
*
After telling Kriti my secret, I felt like a certain burden had been lifted off my chest. However, at the same time, I felt a certain burden had also been added on. I felt as though I needed to do something extravagant now. Well, not extravagant, extravagant, because I definitely was not capable of something like that. But something on the lines of getting her phone number or going to her class beforehand and leaving a rose at her desk.
I opted on leaving an anonymous note at her locker. It was classic and safe. Sahana would know that someone liked her but she wouldn't know who. It would be great.
At the end of the day, I stealthily followed Sahana to see where she would pick up her sweater from. When I saw her on the third floor, I took out a piece of scrap from my book bag and leaned against the water fountain to scribble a couple of short sweet lines.
Seeing you every day,
I wonder what come may.
I wish you would look my way
So I wouldn't be in dismay.
I looked at what I wrote and scrunched my nose. What the hell had I just written? It seemed like something I could have written in 5th grade for an English assignment. It had no feeling, no betrayal of emotion. Ah, it was horrible.
I looked up at her and moistened my lips. With a smile, I wrote.
I watch you every day with the same longing in my eyes.
I wish you would stop looking so beautiful.
Maybe those same eyes would be able to catch a wink of sleep.
True, it didn't rhyme, and it was no longer a poem. In some way, it even sounded stupider than the last note. But it was a straightforward depiction of how I felt. And hopefully, she would appreciate it.
When she went down the hallway to the staircase, I quickly walked to her locker, and slipped the note within the small space between her locker and the one below it.
Taking a deep breath, I looked around to make sure no one had seen me and with a triumphant smile, I walked away, pleased at my feat.
Tomorrow, she would open her locker and be surprised with a short note from a secret admirer. It was going to be great.
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