Rant about Raman , Ishita - my realisation and interpretation

  I have been an avid follower and lover of this show from the very beginning, and also a silent member of this forum . This show was my life and I was obsessed with it especially ishra and kp dt. After it ended , I also moved on. But recently I have been rewatching and I am seeing the characters and the plots from a pov of a fully grown adult and i am kind of bummed that I shipped ishra. 

Raman - 

As a woman I cannot stand Raman. No not even pre leap Raman.  He was one obnoxious, misogynistic , rude guy . Maybe he was good hearted and yes responsible but that's it. I remember this forum used to filled with rkb lovers ( who never found one fault in him ,even he was a down right abusive jerk) but truth to be told now I realise his love ( more respect) towards ishita and even his children to some extent was ALWAYS CONDITIONAL . He was a absolute jerk in the beginning, disrespectful and crass. The way he used to treat Ruhi was no excuse. No matter how much pain a person is in , treating ur small child like that , literally shrugging off one's responsibilities cause your child's mother cheated is disgraceful. He had no respect for his family too back then. It's only after ishita came into his life ,he started to warm up to her ( ruhi) . He was busy crying for adi lol. Kyu bhai? Why do u need a push from a 3rd person to make u love your daughter.  The scene where ishita confronted raman for not being there ruhi after DNA track. Absolutely correct. He was very rude to ishita in the beginning of their marriage and no his sexiest onliners were not funny at all. He let her sleep on the couch while he enjoyed the bed , didn't let her use the cupboard. Bachha hein kya? He was a man child.  Raman inherently mostly cared about his own feelings ,needs ,hurt etc more than anyone else. He did love ishita and his children very much but not more than he loved himself. He disrespected everyone , including his parents ,in laws . People used to shower love on raman for doing the bare minimum things he did for ishita or his in laws ( including exposing param) Raman was no hero to save ishita . She  was his wife ,who was wrongly thrown out after being molested and slapped. He did what he should have done ,otherwise his character would have been worse than the likes of Ashok. In the first few months I remember in IF ,everyone was crucifying ishita for understanding not Raman's pain ( in mani track) but no one cared that the guy literally tried to rape her and did actually molest her ( pre marriage ) in drunken state ( pin to the wall scene ,no it was not romantic,  it was disgusting) . Hypocrisy much? Also whenever he was in pain ,his entire family had to suffer. 

Still pre leap there were moments where Raman went out of his way to be their for ishita. Bhoot track and murder track especially. I won't mention Liscence track cause he was partially at fault and he only gave his position ,his job was not threatened. But he never failed to accuse ishita when things didn't go right , threw ishita out of this house for Rinki Mihir fiasco ,  never took the accountability of the part he played in adi ruhi swap track ( ruhi misunderstood ishita not Raman) , said ishita is not adi's mother and women cannot care of children when ishita spied adi ( yes she was absolutely wrong but that does not justify his words) literally 2 days after she saved him from fire , and obviously surrogacy track. In that , He was more interested in satisfying his ego ( that he can give ishita a child) than actually respecting ishita's decision or taking her consent. Some fans says ishita never cared to take other's opinion but it's Raman who only did what made him feel OK till the very last day. When it came to his kids , siblings, friends he was no diff. He treated his kids pathetically when they had a diff opinion than his , both adi and ruhi even lil pihu. Have uttered multiple times " ye Mera Ghar hein ,mere taur tarike se chalna hoga ,nahi to dafa ho jao"  Raman was a righteous man before leap but post leap he even lost that. How he handled ruhi in both Sohail and Nikhil track was not how a father should. Yes he wanted the best for her but not once he tried to understand her feelings. He did the same with adi post 7 years leap and when adi alia got together. His feelings were always more important to him than his kids. He literally said ki aaj se mere do bachhein hein adi and pihu ( when ruhi was not listening to him) and his habit to hit people out of the blue . Raman was not a self less or emotionally available father, he was never unconditional enough to let them be happy for their sake. How he treated pihu in some instances also proves that . 

I spoke more about pre leap Raman than post cz we all know what had happened, how he literally threw ishita under the bus for ruhi's death and never even apologised properly. They should have never gotten back together logically. Though ishita deserved raman's wrath in ruhi's remand home track and adi death track but how Raman kept on attacking her weak spot bar bar and never once tried to understand her Pov is beyond me.  You cannot do that to a person you love. But after analysing raman's pre leap behavior what raman did during leap and post that, was not at all out of character. . He was always capable of that. He was not the golden boy everyone showed him as. And in this forum Raman's Saat khoon was always maaf , I don't understand how grown women watching this show kept on supporting him and his actions is beyond me. The ingrained patriarchy and glorification of abusive male leads is nothing new though .

 In my opinion he was a failure as a husband and father .

Ishita- I loved her pre leap , she was strong , righteous and had self respect, Bhoot track was a huge blunder she did , but unlike Raman her intention was always to look out for others feelings and well being. Her approach was wrong and what Raman had said that day after finding out , I don't blame him but it was her who went through the most amount of emotional and physical pain during that entire time and no one can negate that . Truth is Ishita never gave importance her wishes or ego and continued putting others before her , which was WRONG .Post leap , I think she just became a doormat , she was devasted by ruhi's death but how could her leave her other children and go away. She always showed herself as a secure mother ,then what Raman said ( it was a Lot I agree ) could negate that for her? They lost Ruhi cause of Raman's miscalculation and inability, kya police nahi ati to Raman bacha leta Ruhi ko Lol . She should have stayed and fought for her self , she didn't. She couldn't. But even after 7 years ,she was the one guilty.. she never once hold Raman accountable for his misbehaviour towards her. I felt extremely sad for her cause she was broken from inside ,she always had self esteem issues and that triggered her but still it was disheartening to see her not taking a stand for her and her kids later on. Yes she killed adi that was a big mistake  , but why couldn't she fight for her rights as pihu's mom . Raman was always abusing , she was wallowing and when Raman stopped his abuse , she had no qualms going back with him. Before Gulabo track ,she even kind of justified Raman's behavior as "theek hein aapa kho dete hein , out of control hojaten hein , meine man liya hein" , I wanted to slap her for saying that and the way she was acting like a teenager in love in that track and was going all gaga even if raman was giving bare minimum efforts ( calling her for date and etc) is pukeworthy to watch rn .. a man can only continously verbally abuse you and belittle  you when you give him the chance to and ishita gave him that space. In real life , a woman would have left a man like Raman after the surrogacy fiasco only , but she accepted and stayed . Raman hardly stood by ishita post leap, but ishita did.  Ishita was also a extremely sane and mature mother. She never ever forced her opinion on her kids. Claimed to own them and went against their wish for her own ego . But unlike her self she failed to be there for her kids post leap in some occasions and that was wrong . In ruhi nikhil track she was wrong to slap Ruhi for saying he would call police on raman.  You like nikhil or not ,Raman had no right to physically abuse nikhil the way he did , and it's not approved by law either. Post adi's death ishita was a terrible mother to alia . She completely overlooked her and was more obsessed with Roshni than alia .  But one thing I have to say ishita was a better wife than a mother. As a mother she has done innumerable mistakes at times but as a wife she had always stood by Raman, gave him leeway and accepted his shortcomings. Her love was unconditional but raman's wasn't. She never disrespected Raman , and stood by him in toughest times. About hiding things and all , well she has done that ,but Raman has done that as well many times . 

Ishra were always a unbalanced and toxic couple. Ishita was stuck with NPD traits wala guy and she was not ever aware of that. She let her insecurities and low esteem come into forefront and couldn't leave . And yes she loved him WAY MORE than he did. I feel bad I wasted years of my life going crazy for this couple . 

I will say the only relationship in which ishita got back her due is with her children. She did mistakes but they never questioned her without valid reason. How ruhi behaved after leap was absolutely justified ,so was pihu's anger. But once they realised they came back . But the most love and unconditional acceptance if one kid has given her ,it was undoubtedly alia. She was never a banjh ,she was always a mother and she got the love of her children which she deserved . Raman got way more love and acceptance from his family than he deserved. If someone got unconditional love in the show it was him..he was the pampered ,coddled child Yhm not anyone else. Also Toshi n bhalla did a terrible job at patenting . All the bhalla children turned out be questionable human beings. 

I have ranted enough but before ending my rant. I have to say, YHM had the most amazing actors. KP DT played their roles to perfection. I truly believe more than the story ,it was them which took the show to greater heights. I still believe they are one of the finest actors ,we have got and I hope some day we get a see them in some other project hopefully with a better storyline and power dynamic. . 

On a side note , if I would have been the writer of custody I would have sued the makers for making such a mockery of such a good story. The quality of the show was completely destroyed due to Trp games  . Wish it had been finite and more mature. 

Honestly rewatching YHM beyond license track is a bad idea. Bringing Param back into Bhalla house was where YHM's downfall officially started. And YHM had completely sunk with Mani's track. Quite honestly, IshRa should have confessed after the license track. But back then Ekta had some sick superstition that people would stop watching the show if the lead couple confess their love. And so the CVs kept dragging their confession..Partly the reason why they introduced Mani's track.

Now talking about Raman and Ishita. When I'm watching a show I don't really think about "how would I react if I meet this character in real life". I would probably never like Raman in real life.. But in fiction, a well written character isn't the perfect/the most righteous character. There is a lot of difference between the two. A well written character is someone who is layered and has a journey and an arc. In fiction I want a character to make mistakes, to grow and learn from them. Raman had a journey from someone who didn't believe in love to someone who fell in love with the person he hated the most ;from a person who couldnt look at his daughter (because she reminded him of his ex wife) to someone who turned completely indifferent to his ex wife so much so that he convinced Mihir to forgive Shagun. So yes I do consider Raman as a well written character for the first 250ish episodes. Yes after that his character stopped making sense to me and I wouldn't defend that.

 Also about the license track, it wasn't really about "was there a threat to his job". Purely from Raman's POV, it was huge. Because he was a man who gave business more importance than his family..So it was huge character shift for him..And even putting fiction aside, even in real life you will see countless men who are insecure about their wives being more successful than them. And so Raman sacrificing something so important for his career was definitely huge. And he even says this to Mihir " Agar Ashok mera pura company maang leta woh bhi khushi khushi de deta" So I think it's pretty unfair for you to say that his position was something easy to sacrifice. Raman was ruined beyond repair after the slot change and he was rightfully bashed for it both in this forum as well as other social media platforms. 

About Ishita, I love her as well. But yes, even she was ruined beyond repair.She slowly changed from a relatable woman to prime time sacrificial bahu. 

Overall what makes Raman and Ishita unique is the way they slowly fall in love. In almost all the shows you see the leads hating each other, then few trip and falls, few eye locks and they suddenly at one point realize they are in love as if it's a button that can be switched on and off. But in YHM, you see their journey as a couple..You first see them slowly understand each other, then co operating with each other as parents, then becoming friends after Param's track, then falling for each other in the accident track, and finally realizing what they mean to each other in the license track. I think their love story was done pretty organically and that is the reason why people remember them so fondly even today and ofcourse KP and DT as actors were brilliant

Also I feel Custody as a novel is given lot more credit than it deserves. From what I heard "custody" was more about Raman, Shagun and their children. In the novel, there is no importance given to Ishita.So yes the credit to the initial episodes of YHM must be given to the writers of YHM. The show is just based on the novel. It's not an adaptation of the novel.

Firstly thankyou for reading my long ass rant and sharing your pov. I do agree with you that they did improve raman's character a lot till Liscence track and ruined it later on. I don't still understand the hate ishita gets for Mani track. Her character got ruined in bhoot track before that she was good only . But still I would say Raman in my opinion is not a very likeable character. 

Coming to the actors KP DT are indeed brilliant actors ,who have not got their due . I see a lot of itv bots of jennifer , Rajiv ,Harshad, sanaya taking a dig at them n their acting. I dont understand why. They are way better imo n deserves good meaty roles . Hope to see them together again someday in a finite well written series.