"Hume iss duniyaa ko ultaa nahi kaarna hai, seedha naahi karna hai. Hume iss duniyaa ko thikh karna hai"
This dialogue from YFilms' Man's World series reminds us that just reversing genders and asking What if...? isn't going to fix the injustice, the abuse, and the wrongs that women face in society, we need to make it right, one person at a time, one step at a time.
To celebrate the women we know on IF, to help them envision their "right" world, we reached out to a few ladies and asked them to share an anecdote in their life where they had to face gender/racial discrimination, we asked them how the situation would have been if the world was perfect for women or just what their perfect world would look like.
We understand and acknowledge that this is not idealistic, putting out just naïve thoughts out in the world isn't going to do any favors, but we hope for a future for our children, where they will live these naïve thoughts. We want this world for them, so, we are dreaming of that world.
The rest of the post speaks of gender discrimination/racial discrimination, mentions of inappropriate workplace behaviour, slight violence, groping, eve-teasing.
Reader discretion is advised.
Being a 30+ year old single woman, Living with my parents while supporting them financially has been a journey of love and responsibility. However, it also comes with its fair share of challenges, particularly when it came to societal expectations and gender roles.
One incident that deeply impacted me was during a family gathering when a relative commented on my decision to prioritize my career and financial stability over marriage and starting my own family. They insinuated that as a woman, my primary role should be to settle down and raise a family, rather than pursuing my ambitions and providing for my parents.
In that moment, I felt a mix of frustration and disbelief. Why should my worth as a woman be determined by my marital status or my choice to prioritize my career? Why couldn't society see the value in my independence and my dedication to supporting my family?
In an ideal world, this scenario would have played out differently. In that perfect reality, my relatives would have celebrated my achievements and recognized the sacrifices I've made to support my parents. Instead of questioning my choices, they would have applauded my strength and resilience in navigating life as a single woman supporting her family.
Moreover, in this ideal world, societal expectations around gender roles would be dismantled. Women would be free to pursue their passions and ambitions without facing judgment or discrimination. Whether it's focusing on their careers, starting a family, or both, women would have the autonomy to make choices that align with their values and aspirations.
Reflecting on this experience, I'm reminded of the importance of challenging societal norms and advocating for gender equality. Every woman deserves the opportunity to live her life on her own terms, free from the constraints of outdated gender stereotypes. By working together to dismantle these barriers, we can create a world where all women are empowered to pursue their dreams and live fulfilling lives, regardless of their circumstances.
My experience is not about gender un-equality but racial discrimination.
Before I went for an interview for the current job, I was told that they were recruiting a person to replace an employee who is going to retire.
So I thought there is only one position available. On the day I joined, I was introduced to another girl and I was told we both will be working in the same office doing the same type of jobs.
My colleague's partner has been working in the same company for a long time. So, my colleague has assumed that being new to the city, I will have issues and ask her for help. Though I am new to the city, I am more familiar with the job I was doing, so, I never had to approach her for help. Infact, she did not understand how two people work as a team and trying to interfere in everything I do and tried to boss around me. If there is job which needs the same equipment, she would tell me, she already set it up for her job and I should not touch it. I would simply smile and do other jobs until she finishes her current job. She wasn't happy with it either. One day I started doing a job and found issues. Since it was the end of the day, I left the job as is and went to the washroom to wash my hands before going home. I thought I will speak to my supervisor next day to find a solution for the issues I faced. By the time I returned to the office, she already called my supervisor to show him that I was not doing the job properly. It put me in a really awkward situation. I just left the office and in my disturbed state, I ran a red light at a big intersection. I don't know how I missed getting a ticket and how I escaped from getting hit from other vehicles.
Because of my colleague's irresponsible act, I ended up in a dangerous situation and it is neither good for me nor for my family. So, next day I spoke to my boss who recruited me. My colleague saw it and before my supervisor addressed the issue, she complained to HR saying my allegations were wrong. I told them what happened and my HR verdict is almost like "Khoda pahad nikli chuhiya". They pointed out that I am addressing my colleague as 'her or she' instead of using her name.
By that time I already calmed down mentally and physically, so, I did not take the matter any further and reduced my interactions to bare minimum with my colleague. I can't show proofs that I ran a red light. Can I?
How did it all end?
Within months the supervisor who according to my colleague should have been upset with me, has offered me a better job in his group in a different office and few months later, my colleague was made redundant for misusing the system by showing an injury which she sustained long time ago as a current injury.
In a perfect world, the HR should have told her to offer suggestions if she had any or wait for me to talk about it either with my colleague or supervisor next day instead of checking my work behind my back and complaining about it in my absence fully knowing that I start early and leave early everyday.
I have been harassed at school due to my origins, religion and clothes. My parents have raised a complain to the principal at that time. The classmates got a warning and they had to write a sorry letter. Things got difficult. As a girl, I was not taken seriously due to lack of evidence and support.
In a perfect world, school staff and police need to make investigation for both girls and boys being abused, as we have advanced technologies and cameras.
I did my schooling and college in the south .
So after college got over at 3 pm, i used to take a short cut route to come home. The longer route was through the main road but quite far.
The shorter route was through the bylanes with lots of houses, but a bit deserted.
So as soon as college was over, we used to try to come out so that there are some students going that way. But if we got a bit late due to extra lectures or talk to friends, the shorter route would get a bit lonely.
There were some jobless guys who used to follow college girls when the road was lonely till the house.
So i had to rush home quickly or take the longer route for safety.
But the boy students never had such problems, it was safe for them to go out at any time of the day.
They had more freedom to roam out late as noone would follow them or Eve tease the boy students.
This was one major setback I found for girl students. Due to this we had to be careful when we went out alone also.
In an ideal world, girls should be able to walk freely even in lonely places alone or with their friends and have less time restrictions for going out with friends or cousins. Girls should be 100% safe everywhere.
Either they should get the same privilege as boys from the society or there are strict laws to enforce safety of women everywhere.
The HR Head in my second job after college was a jovial, older man, and quite chatty. We shared adjacent workspaces and became friendly. We began sharing lunch, having a mutual liking for each other’s traditional cuisines. He would always have a joke or a funny story to share that would have me in splits. To me, he was like an avuncular figure & I enjoyed his company.
Gradually, his jokes began crossing the line from cute and funny to borderline racy, adult stuff. One day, after lunch, he told me he had seen something hilarious on this internet site and pulled it up to show me some inappropriate, vulgar jokes/content on the Internet. I was immediately uncomfortable and left the area. I returned to tell him I did not appreciate him sharing such stuff following which, I stopped eating lunch with him. But the incident kept bothering me. Feeling the need to talk to someone, I brought it up with my boss, who had always been a sympathetic and kind guy. Even knowing he happened to be good friends with this HR Head, I expected him to support me.
To my utter shock and disappointment, my boss just laughed it off and even asked me what the joke he shared was! When I told him I'd felt uncomfortable, he began insinuating that I had over-reacted and there was no harm done. I felt diminished and ignored and felt like my experience was being undermined. Since my problem was with the HR Head, I felt like there was no one else I could approach who would see my side of the issue. It led to me developing trust issues around men I worked with in general and older men in particular. It ended up with me eventually quitting the job.
In an ideal world, my boss would have listened and perhaps taken the corrective action which would have helped me feel heard and therefore safer at my workplace & I would have probably stayed on at the job.
I am an engineer. And in this field, the bias towards one gender is very evident.
When I was in college, my program had a clear gender disparity where we had 10 males for every 1 female. And the way our peers treated us was not at all normal. Any time I had a project idea, it was shot down even before I could present my case. Any time I asked for help in understanding a certain concept, I was spoon-fed the answer like some kid. I was treated so delicately as if I'd break, as if I'm too dumb to understand the complexities of physics. Often times, these biases were unintentional - maybe ingrained in them from childhood - but still present.
But had it been an ideal world, my opinions would be taken just as seriously as a man's. I would be viewed as an equal and given equal chances to showcase my skills. Given that I knew just as much as them, I would be appreciated just as much for succeeding. These subconscious biases would not exist and we would all have the same platform to stand on.
And above all, I would be treated normally as just another fellow engineer-in-the-making.
This happened when I was in Class 5 and I was a new admission in my school in a new city.
It was not a big school like DPS nor a small one, but the school seemed to have a closely knit, supportive culture between teachers and students. My parents thought it would be an ideal environment where I would be able to adjust to the change in city.
I was good in studies and even as a new student, who had missed many earlier classes, I had secured third rank in my half-yearly exam. My teachers were surprised because in that class the same students held the same rank every year. I had somehow broken their status-quo in that academic year.
After the results, the school started preparing for the Annual day dance performances. I was participating too. One day when a large number of students had gathered in the rehearsal hall, this boy from my class comes up in front of me and kicks me on my stomach. This boy was third rank-holder in my class in all previous academic sessions and he had got fourth rank in the half-yearly exam. First I was too shocked. Then I started crying and went to the teachers to complain.
When I complained to my class teacher and the dance teacher what that boy had done, they did not scold him. They just dropped me out from the dance. Like I had done something wrong by studying well or participating in extra-curricular activity. Of course I had to be wrong. Wasn’t I just a new girl? While he was their rank-holder boy. How could they scold their boy for a new girl? That would not be very supportive of the teachers… towards the boy. My parents had judged the school’s culture well except it wasn’t too accurate.
I told my parents what had happened in school and being supportive parents, they changed my school. This time my new school already had some healthy competition and I was never made to feel guilty of my success.
In an ideal, when I complained to my class teacher and the dance teacher what that boy had done, they did not scold him. They spoke to him separately asking him why he did what he did. They made him understand that it was okay if a girl scored higher than a boy and it should breed healthy competition rather than unreasonable jealousy. They comforted me and promised me that such behaviour will never happen again within their school premises. They punished the boy with community service of teaching girls from unprivileged area for a month.
I told my parents what had happened in school and being supportive parents, they were happy that I had got admitted in such a supportive school.
When I was very young and unaware of good touch/bad touch, my mother was inappropriately touched on a public transport. That's when she realized that she needed to make me understand what a bad touch is, so she told me about the incident. I asked her if it was a misunderstanding and she was very upset, confusing me. Then, she went on to explain why it was wrong of the man to do so and why she didn't misunderstand it, why I should understand my body.
In my perfect world, my mother wouldn't have been groped and in my perfect world, I would have been told very early that the touch was wrong, I would have been more sensitive.
You open your eyes in the world.
Pink/Violet has to be your favorite color, that looks good on you
(also they are designated girl’s colours, c’mon!)
Slowly getting entangled in the “I AM NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS” TROPE.
Media showcasing women as one-dimensional beings that exist to fulfil desires of men.
“Ghar ki beti hai, kitna bhi karle kabhi beta toh nahi ban sakti” (A daughter cannot be a son)
The ultimate goal of a woman’s life: Getting married, having children, the double-shift mindset.
“Education is a criterion for marriage, career is a hobby.”
“Ladkiyaan khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai.” (A girl is like an open safe/locker)
Women have to adjust and sacrifice, only then a relationship will suffice.
The glass menagerie shatters, just like your faith in ever breaking the glass ceiling.
Somewhere deep down, questioning your own intellect/ability for decision-making because you see that the ‘role models’ you have idolized all your life, despite being absolutely remarkable women, have at some point given their remote control in the hands of the men of the household.
School gives you a chance to hear more about women that made a change in the world.
The revolutionaries that dared to think beyond the boundaries, and refused to be confined by societal expectations/norms. You rush to the library, pick up the history books, google, read more about their contribution to society.
You realize you have actually been sleeping to the infinite potential the world holds for you.
You start to use terms like ‘intersectional feminism’ and what it means to have a voice.
You come to learn that every issue is multifaceted, and it is important to acknowledge both the pros and cons.
You begin to value the worth of individuality, and how it makes you unique.
There is no other you, there will never be.
You want to encourage others to follow their dreams too, no matter what that looks like
(a homemaker and/or household help should be accorded the same dignity as an entrepreneur).
You are more cognizant of your flaws, and realize that they do not stunt your growth, merely give you an opportunity to reassess how much you can invest in your personal life/work life/relationships with your time, energy and efforts.
You forgive the generations before you because they did try the best they could.
Haan, Ghar ki beti toh hoon, toh beti hi rahoon na, kyun apne swabhimaan beta banke gawau?
(Yes, I am a daughter, why would I even want to be labelled as a son?)
Ladkiyaan agar khuli tijori ki tarah hai, toh yeh samaj kya choro ka hai?
(If a girl is like an open safe/locker, is this society made up of thieves?)
Now when you step into the world, you know that no matter what happens, you are the sailor of your ship, and will do your best to never let it sink like the Titanic.
We are waiting for the day the above-mentioned scenarios seem like a possibility and not just wishful thinking.
Till then, the Crazy Creatives wish you and the special ladies in your life a very Happy Women's Day. Ladies, shine bright, the world needs your sparkle!
x.titli.x | Life_Is_Dutiful |
Edited by Leprechaun - 1 months ago
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