𝙅𝙤𝙨𝙝: 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙐𝙣𝙩𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙎𝙖𝙜𝙖 🩳

G’day 👋🏼 

This is a shoutout to all SRK and Aishwarya lovers who are still waiting for a movie where the pair are not star crossed lovers, ghosts, ex-spouses or even worse, SIBLINGS. If you’re dying wish is the same as mine, and you’ve even lied to SRK on twitter during his #askSRK sessions, telling him that you’re dying from an incurable disease and all you want is a movie with Aishwarya that has a mother-fooking happy ending!

Look no further because desperate times Jayaji ki zubaani. I have created a simple solution and revealed the real story of Josh. Directors uncut version. Now ladies and gentleman, when watching Josh please zone out as much as you can .. until all brain activity ceases. In fact, squint your eyes and start walking as far as you can from the TV screen. You'll notice the screen blurring and instead of two siblings, you'll see Megha & Raj Aryan/Paro & Devdas in a parallel universe. This is when you activate your trauma-induced imagination skills. Allow me to show you my world when I watch Josh nowadays. 

𝗝𝗼𝘀𝗵

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗨𝗻𝘁𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘀 𝗪𝗵𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘁𝘀

Once upon a time two UNRELATED orphans by the name of Max and Shirley was left at the doorstep of a church, abandoned by their respective and completely UNRELATED parents. Max was left at the doorstep on Monday morning and Shirley on Tuesday. The nuns took these poor babies in and raised them in a convent. Shirley and Max grew up together and became inseparable best friends. Unbeknown to Max, Shirley harboured romantic feelings for Max after watching Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and seeing her favourite actor SRK (who also looks like Max) say the infamous dialogues: 

Shirley was shooketh. Her feelings for Max changing overnight from best-friend-zone to romantic love. Now she started looking at Max differently. Staring at him bashfully with her pretty pretty eyes. 

Was he always this cute? She thought to herself. Did he always have those dimples? She mused. 

While she admired Max from afar with her lowered lashes, Max continued to treat her like a typical guy friend. Throwing cards and spitting water at her face. 

One night, Max bumps into a girl named Rosanne at a party and starts to dance with her. Sparks are flying between the pair while Shirley helplessly watches their exchange. 

Shirley depressed starts to sing Hare Hare Hare Hum To Dil Se Hare while Max teaches Roseanne how to play basketball. Please refer to the first few mins of this song (from 0.10 to 0.55 seconds strictly).

https://youtu.be/3wIMRnYv7lE?si=jY6IhyfBR43Z8wPc&t=10

Shirley tries to forget about Max by immersing herself into the world of stitching. To her horror, Shirley realised that she had stitched 5 new shirts for Max. So much for trying to forget him. 

Desperate, Shirley goes to Church and turns to God. She prays for a miracle (Roseanne dying a peaceful death and going to heaven leaving Max single and ready to mingle lmfao). 

When Shirley opens her eyes after praying, she notices a creep staring at her. 

Feeling grossed and dirty due to his salivating stares, Shirley takes a dip into the water to cleanse herself from his stalkerish gaze. 

Only to notice the creep with his micro-mini shorts had even followed her to the beach! 

*Insert Meri Khwabon Ki Malika song* 

Shirley terrified gets up and starts to run away with Chandrachur chasing after her. 

While Shirley is running for her life, she starts to laugh out loud. Bystanders would think she's happily being chased by her lover, but nobody knew that Shirley had a medical condition. She laughs when she's stressed, scared or in danger! It's her coping mechanism. 

Max notices Shirley laughingly running with a creepy man behind her and misunderstands the situation. He begins to feel jealous (a surprising emotion) as no one apart from him has ever made Shirley laugh. Max starts to drum in anger, vibrating with rage. 

What are these emotions? He thinks to himself. Confused with his feelings, Max goes home and realises the TV is on. Kuch Kuch Hota Hai - Shirley's favourite movie was playing. 

Max watches the pyar dosti hai scene and is shooketh from the dialogue and his resemblance to SRK. Shirley is his best friend and he loved her! Max has flashback moments and remembers all the times he spent with Shirley. 

Determined to win back Shirley, Max issues a challenge to Chandrachur. 

'You' he points at the man with his micro mini shorts. 

'Stay away from Shirley'. 

He tries to calmly talk to Chandrachur as Shirley looks on. 

Chandrachur hikes up his shorts even higher to provoke Max.

Max gets angry and threatens to bottle him. 

Chandrachur ignores Max and tries to move closer to Shirley. She laughingly runs away (her medical condition of giggling when scared is once again activated). Back to square one, Chandrachur begins to chase her. 

Max grabs a hold of Chandrachur before he runs out of his reach and begins to slap the shit out of him.

In the climax Max chokes Chandrachur and he dies. Lmfao just kidding, he gets choked almost to death but Shirley faints at the thought of Max going to jail. Seeing Shirley collapse, Max rushes to her side and forgets about his murderous rage. 

Now that Chandrachur was out of the picture, Max musters up the courage to propose to Shirley. 

Max and Shirley live happily ever after, both unrelated and not siblings. Just two unfortunate orphans from different parents finding love in the convent/orphanage etc. 

EXTRA EPILOGUE? OR WHATEVER THE HELL THIS IS. Thank you Grumpy for reminding me of Roseanne’s existence. I hope I got her character name right coz I didn’t search to verify. 

 Max decided to break up with Roseanne because he was blind for even considering her when Shirley existed. 

 Max takes the slap sportingly because he deserved it. 

 Shirley runs after Max and gives him a side hug. ‘Don’t be embarrassed about the slap’ she comforted Max, ‘who gives a shit about Roseanne when she used to string along that 40 year old man. Who even the fcuk was he?’ 

Max and Shirley lived happily ever after. They continued to walk towards the sunset, holding hands and kissing. Yes, Max gave Shirley a long lip lock to erase the trauma of Jab Tak Hai Jaan. 

THE END 

Directors note: 

Meh can’t tag half of you lot. Why you make it so hard? Also if SLB, Hirani or any director is lurking in the forum and wishes to bank on my story. I hereby copyright this and will only allow my story to be distributed if you send me money and add an item song with Arjun Rampal and John Abraham sharing a frame. Thank you and come again. 

Oh Fingu! Was this cathartic for you? To get over your Chandracher Singh and his shorts trauma. I agree he was not to look at. But you seems to have been scarred for life. 

But you deserve this for your creativity! 

This forum felt empty without your energy here! 

That role was offered to Aamir. I wonder how he would look in short shorts 

Beckoning the 5 or so SRK fans whose usernames I can recall. That’s a feat indeed as somedays I don’t even remember my own name. Breezy, I know you claim not to be a fan and apparently your best friend is the fanatic but you’re a closet fan in my opinion. So don’t try to argue with me because 

Originally posted by: Maroonporsche

That role was offered to Aamir. I wonder how he would look in short shorts 

Already done and never needed to be seen again. Thank you Omar, I miss the person I was before I google imaged this.

How did Rossane deal with her heartbreak? Was it violent? 

Originally posted by: Grumpydwarf24

How did Rossane deal with her heartbreak? Was it violent? 

Oh I forgot to add her perspective. 

Let me remedy that. 

An extended epilogue has been added. 

I am more shooketh to find out that Jaya aunty is our Fingerfetish 🥸

Coming back to the plot, I loved it and laughed so hard at some parts, Jaya ji you are amaaaazing