Is Karishma's infidelity acceptable?

As much as I loved K's truth bombs, the question arises- does this mean her actions are acceptable?

Its interesting how they have suddenly included a character that has been taking sadistic pleasure on other's misery to suddenly become the center of attraction today and get the floor all to herself.

will they give her more meat or is this all ? maybe 1-2 epi more at best?

If she was out of love and so unhappy and had already found another guy- why was she continuing to stay in CN as Mohit's wife in an unhappy marriage. Why didnt she leave before?

How common is it that the explanation for cheating is because you feel unhappy with your partner and feel neglected

Is true neglect a good enough reason to cheat? after all, people do crave love and acceptance and how do they not get attracted to someone who can give them what they are missing in their life?

Is it really possible to hold back from finding what you want outside marriage ? Is it love or just attention that K was getting from this relationship?

Is it truly possible to be all "proper" about this and ask for divorce before moving on to the other relationship or is it easier to live 2 separate lives due to societal pressure etc?

Should infidelity be seen as a criminal offense or not? its debatable because in some countries/states- it is. People can get jail time for it. But in other countries/ states it is not.

How much of this is genuinely Mohit's fault?

When they got married, M was an aspiring actor but K never supported him. Sai did and thats why he used to back her. He regarded her as a sister.

K used to want M to find a real job.

However now when he has been coaxed into doing business, K is still unhappy because he only works and does not devote time to her.

He has always spoken respectfully to Sai and P. Calling them as vahini unlike V who used to call P by her "nickname" and it was well established that they both had the hots for each other in the past ? K called P as V's ex-GF clearly indicating the open secret that P cheated on Sam always- however that is not impacting anyone as always! but M never had such a relationship with Sai or even P for that matter.

Why did M not give time to K- is it because he did not feel respected and supported by her?

If he was so busy, was it not K's job to stand by him and understand his pressures and Sonali-Omi's job to remind him to also spend time with wife? How come this meddlesome family didnt care about the other couple- the one that was younger, did a love marriage and had a higher chance of giving ghar ka chiraag....

They never showed too much of M and K's dynamic on this show. Earlier they used to squabble with M asking K to shush and K being annoyed that he wasnt financially independent.

I am surprised that despite K admitting that she had an affair people were trying to convince her to stay back. She didnt even bother denying. She straight up said- yes. Despite that Shivani and Ashwini wanted her to stay and so did BK. But BK ofcourse cares only about log kya kahenge.

Are these people really going to try to convince 2 people to come together- when they have drifted apart so much that one person has found love outside her marriage and the other despite knowing of it, has said/done nothing

And Sonali seems more upset about the fact that it was said out in ZA rather than the fact that her son's marriage is broken

Similarly Omi wanted to blame M for K cheating on him...despite being M's father.. Does that mean he has told M to devote more time to K and Mohit didnt listen? Or did K confide in Omi about how she feels neglected and therefore he was feeling considerate.

Because neither Sonali nor Omi seemed too concerned about Mohit...

will they delve into all this ? or was this all just a filler ?

Can 2 people really get over an issue like cheating and reconcile?

Does it matter if she had sex with this other guy or not ? Like is it more serious if it is sexual as opposed to dates, kisses, hugs, bike rides and long phone calls/ romantic text messages.

Can people forgive one but not the other. Or are both deal breakers?

Is sex the ultimate thing in the scale of cheating because people are expected to only sleep with those whom they feel so much comfort that they can be naked or should it be the other way round- that sex is just a physical act but things like dates, hugs and romantic conversations indicate more of an emotional connect which is more hurtful to witness your partner do with someone other than you ?

Or is emotional connect with another person acceptable because it is just friendship without crossing any physical barriers because everyone seeks a person they can talk to, and sometimes its easier to do that with a stranger than family/friends ?

If both partners have cheated, does that make it easier to reconcile ?

I actually find this subplot to be more interesting to think about than V's ridiculousness with his 2 wives, 2 kids crap. but neither of these 2 actors M or K can carry the show. Sneha is decent but not good enough imo and Vihaan was pretty blah and very below average.

If she is unhappy, she should divorce mohit and then pursue another.

No. Cheating is cheating. Karishma wasn't completely wrong in her words, but her actions were wrong. Everyone in the household was guilty of the actions she accused them of, but those things and her EMA are actually different. They are interconnected, yes. But they cannot be judged simultaneously.

Mohit was wrong, and Karishma was right in saying that if a spouse leaves your side, and starts taking someone else's side then you should leave the spouse. But 1) That should not be the first step. First, you must have faith in your relationship and try to communicate your feelings. 2) If you can't make yourself love them or can't believe in your relationship. Then leave them. You can't have both the stability and security they provide, and the love and attention someone else does. You must first make a decision for yourself, then continue with that path.

No relationship comes without burden. If you can't handle it, break it.

Sai and Virat on the other hand... are a little bit more complicated. The thing is Pakhi didn't come into their life because Sai was neglecting Virat or because their relationship was weakening, but rather Pakhi was always there, ingrained so deeply in their mind that the moment she made her presence known, it disrupted everything.

Firstly, Virat and Sai's relationship, in the beginning, was something that was similar to an open relationship. They both had no commitment and would have not been wrong to pursue another relationship, but Virat too, like Karishma, wanted it all. He both wanted Sai to remain faithful to him, to love him like a wife, and desired the freedom that came with their 'deal' relationship of not actually being bound to remain by her side.

His and Pakhi's relationship was an EMA in disguise. From the very beginning, Sai, understanding the nature of their 'deal' relationship, told Virat, even when it started to hurt her own self, to pursue Pakhi if that's what he wished. She always told him to be with Pakhi and to accept any emotions he had for her, but he refused. At this point, I don't even know if it was because he actually didn't have any feelings for her or was just in denial. But whatever the reason, he made Sai believe that he loved her and had no space for Pakhi in his life.

And this is where it went down. When you are not a real husband and wife, like Sai initially thought to be the case, you actually have no responsibility towards each other except that of a simple guardian and ward. But when you do become a real husband and wife, then it is your responsibility as a spouse to always protect them, to make them your first priority, and to stand with them. but that would also mean taking the side of your spouse against other people, and potentially hurting them or ruining your relationship if the situation required. But, Virat never wished to compromise his 'understanding' with Pakhi, so SaiRat were fine when it was just love and romance, but whenever the time came to actually do the duty of a husband, Virat failed. And when Sai, now believing that he is truly her spouse, called him out for it, Virat got confused or reacted badly, coz he was deep down still used to Sai not expecting anything of him.

Basically....dono haath mein laddo lekar ghoomoge, to eventually pait kharaab ho jayega.

ya my own personal feeling is similar in that while I understand that K was unhappy- but for me infidelity is a crime. it is a breach of the contract of marriage. Yes "feelings" are not in our control but our actions are. And if K was unhappy ,she could have easily filed for divorce and then pursued her romantic liaisons. To me it seems like she was there just for financial stability/security but chose to leave because her truth was out in open. But in the real world, I wonder if its possible to actually avoid talking or being with your "lover" until you sort out divorce/separation etc....thats a long and messy process often.

and if the woman is not employed or there are children involved, then perhaps its not so easy to just walk away and you feel compelled to make a relationship stay even if its just on paper. As someone that doesnt have any relationship experience, I am kinda idealistic and i feel that if someone finds themselves attracted to another, it is obligatory to have the courtesy to formally break things off with a person first. Obviously divorce takes time but if K has clearly communicated her unhappiness with M (which she has) and he is aware of her being with another guy- then really there is nothing "wrong" perse na? It was news to everyone else but M always knew and to some extent K knew that M knew! It was just that they didnt openly address the affair itself but they had made it apparent that M and K were not on good terms, they werent intimate- emotionally or physically in the past few years. and both didnt care to fix it.

M claims he was hoping K would get over it because he gave "chetavani". I am not sure what to make of that. Is that a sign of him being patient, accommodating and understanding that K can have male friends or is it that he didnt care at all and now just pins the blame on her and pretends as if he didnt know anything.

It didnt seem like K was trying to hide it from M...she hid it from family coz she didnt want drama but M seems to know I guess? I am not sure.

As far as Sai- V is concerned, I think Sai was clear from get go - even in deal phase that she wanted honesty. She wanted him to admit who he loved and who he wanted to be with but he denied it. and as they grew closer he told her he didnt feel anything for P even though his actions didnt really demonstrate that. but Sai always asked him, he sidestepped. Sai still always gave him benefit of doubt thinking he's not a bad guy, but he has only abused the faith shown in him. he has always cheated on Sai- emotionally and now even physically. Even before he has allowed P to hug him, barge in when he is changing, shared personal things with her, allowed her to come into his room with Sai without permission and interfere or comment on things that dont concern her, overstep her bounds and ask to pack her things with his in one suitcase and he didnt rebuke her etc etc. And now with the convenient excuse of Sai being dead and later "separated", allowing P to be his wife, share his room, touch his things, help him with chores like dressing for work, doing sacred poojas with her, raising a child together, celebrating anniversary, holding her, hugging her, allowing her to cuddle him and go on homeymoon, taking pheras- he has crossed EVERY physical barrier also- all this without formally divorcing Sai now that she is back, all this despite knowing she hasnt moved on but still accusing her and CA'ing her with a goon like JM, all this despite the fact that the person he has "moved on" with is the very criminal who wronged Sai, all this despite acknowledging that he doesnt "love" her. Even if Sai was dead, was it fair to her memory for him to move on with P of all people?! did he think Sai's soul would be at peace if he was with P ?! especially after the way he ended things with her....

I don’t think infidelity is acceptable. But I do understand it when a marriage breaks down to this extent.

Human beings are simple creatures, who crave love and attention from their partners. If their partner continues to neglect their needs and both never learned to openly communicate their issues, then it’s likely the person will seek love elsewhere. It shows a lack of sincerity towards resolving marital issues on part of both the parties.

Mohit and Karishma have had a tumultuous marriage from the beginning, where K felt unsatisfied with his aspirations to be an actor. She wasn’t allowed to work as per the Chavan customs, so can’t really blame her for placing expectations on her husband for fulfilling her materialistic desires.

M felt this lack of support from his wife and gave his attention to Sai, who respected him and shared a pure bond with him. That adoration got transferred to Pakhi as they learned the family business together and Mohit began getting his sense of self-worth back. But K began to feel neglected with his increased time away at work.

They have always had an immature communication channel and neglect further highlighted this issue. It drove a wedge that could have easily been bridged with open communication and mature decision making. But neither Mohit and nor Karishma learned how to do that in the course of their marriage. The toxic environment at CN probably didn’t help matters.

I firmly believe that the major reason for a marriage breaking falls on both the parties. This excludes cases of domestic abuse and violence because one can’t reason with an abuser.

If it was real world , my opinion would be different but since it’s ghum world Karishma did the right thing . Only after cheating your husband one can get Devi status in CN with everyone praising left right and center , people sacrificing for you . Until now in CN she was neglected but she will be the new positive character as she followed the foot steps of ideal Bahu Pakhi 😆

Originally posted by: ShipIsSailing

No. Cheating is cheating. Karishma wasn't completely wrong in her words, but her actions were wrong. Everyone in the household was guilty of the actions she accused them of, but those things and her EMA are actually different. They are interconnected, yes. But they cannot be judged simultaneously.

Mohit was wrong, and Karishma was right in saying that if a spouse leaves your side, and starts taking someone else's side then you should leave the spouse. But 1) That should not be the first step. First, you must have faith in your relationship and try to communicate your feelings. 2) If you can't make yourself love them or can't believe in your relationship. Then leave them. You can't have both the stability and security they provide, and the love and attention someone else does. You must first make a decision for yourself, then continue with that path.

No relationship comes without burden. If you can't handle it, break it.

Sai and Virat on the other hand... are a little bit more complicated. The thing is Pakhi didn't come into their life because Sai was neglecting Virat or because their relationship was weakening, but rather Pakhi was always there, ingrained so deeply in their mind that the moment she made her presence known, it disrupted everything.

Firstly, Virat and Sai's relationship, in the beginning, was something that was similar to an open relationship. They both had no commitment and would have not been wrong to pursue another relationship, but Virat too, like Karishma, wanted it all. He both wanted Sai to remain faithful to him, to love him like a wife, and desired the freedom that came with their 'deal' relationship of not actually being bound to remain by her side.

His and Pakhi's relationship was an EMA in disguise. From the very beginning, Sai, understanding the nature of their 'deal' relationship, told Virat, even when it started to hurt her own self, to pursue Pakhi if that's what he wished. She always told him to be with Pakhi and to accept any emotions he had for her, but he refused. At this point, I don't even know if it was because he actually didn't have any feelings for her or was just in denial. But whatever the reason, he made Sai believe that he loved her and had no space for Pakhi in his life.

And this is where it went down. When you are not a real husband and wife, like Sai initially thought to be the case, you actually have no responsibility towards each other except that of a simple guardian and ward. But when you do become a real husband and wife, then it is your responsibility as a spouse to always protect them, to make them your first priority, and to stand with them. but that would also mean taking the side of your spouse against other people, and potentially hurting them or ruining your relationship if the situation required. But, Virat never wished to compromise his 'understanding' with Pakhi, so SaiRat were fine when it was just love and romance, but whenever the time came to actually do the duty of a husband, Virat failed. And when Sai, now believing that he is truly her spouse, called him out for it, Virat got confused or reacted badly, coz he was deep down still used to Sai not expecting anything of him.

Basically....dono haath mein laddo lekar ghoomoge, to eventually pait kharaab ho jayega.

i agree with this totally

God.. it’s been ages since I replied in any Ghum topic. Even now, I’m going to stick to ‘cheating’ and not Karishma or Mohit or Virat for that matter. I hope my view can be attached to characters you prefer.

Cheating in a marriage is a very grey thing for me. As an idea. Because no instance is similar to other to generalise it as bad as good. It’s called cheating on marriage when you connect to a person any which way outside your marriage. Would the quality of a marriage determine it as good cheating or bad cheating ?

One could be seeking out a partner outside an abusive marriage and and one could be doing it in an honest marriage. We never know the reason. I think our taboo around cheating comes with our over importance to how much of “holy” institution marriage is. Cheating is something that should be left to parties involved and nothing more. Alas, it might never happen in India.

As for countries criminalising cheating, I think they have no business in it. Cheating is criminalised considering marriage as holy and divorce can be banned the same way. We give cheating more societal importance than it deserves.

Interesting take.

I agree it can get grey if you start thinking about the circumstances due to which a person is "cheating" on their partner

Having said that, irrespective of the circumstances in an idealistic way- the person who is seeking to move on with another person always has the option of ending the first relationship right?

So even in an abusive relationship or just a relationship where one is unhappy- isnt there an obligation to end things with the first relationship

Even if the relationship isnt one where a partner is physically abusing, there is always something that is contentious if people feel the need to break up. there has to be a disagreement for people to want to move on no matter how amicable the break up.

And it is important that people feel empowered enough to walk away from a relationship that is not working out instead of continuing a farce.

A domestic abuse case is challenging. If the person has found another loving partner, shouldnt they also feel empowered to take the offender to task and happily move on?

Obviously sometimes the feelings and identifying someone else to move on with, has happened even before you end things with the first person- but shouldnt there be some minimum respect and courtesy to honestly tell the person you are with- that you have found someone else and that you want to end the relationship.

Its obviously a tough conversation to have but dont we owe that to the person -especially when its in the setting of a relationship that we entered into voluntarily but now want to quit ?

If you see marriage as a binding contract, then violation of the contract should have some implications right? even if its not "criminalizing" infidelity, shouldnt there be some implications especially if the circumstances are such that one person is loyal but the other person is not ? Because there is such a thing as injuring someone emotionally/mentally too right?

While I agree that it is sometimes, problematic to make marriage "holy" , on the flipside it bothers me that nothing is considered "sacred" anymore. The idealist in me feels disheartened to see that there is no "forever" and even in the "as long as it lasts"- there is lack of basic respect.

Its really romantic to think that we are destined to have a soulmate and a partner with whom we have a lifelong commitment.

Obviously laws cannot be based on such romantic and idealistic notions. And we have to be practical. People can make wrong decisions or be pressured into a marital relationship and such things will no last.

But even in such cases, shouldnt there be an expectation that a person should do their best to be honest.

Its called "cheating" because marriage is kind of like an emotional contract where you promise to keep one person as your priority and pledge maximum intimacy- emotional and physical with that person for the rest of your life and when you violate that you are breaking a contract.

And there is an angle of morality ...morals are subjective and obviously cannot be directly translated to legalities but if one person is suffering disproportionately shouldnt that count for something?

but then the question arises- how will we measure suffering....

Some More thoughts -

should such acts done in flow of emotions/passion have no consequences then ?

And if the person who has been cheated on wants "justice" , how will it work if there is no legal recourse.

You cant attach legal aids to help in matters that are entirely "emotional" right?

So does that mean you just have to deal with it if you partner cheats on you?

Does realizing that your relationship is toxic or disintegrating alone help to justify/understand why the other person found attention/affection/love/sex/etc outside

Also can a person ask for alimony in a divorce if they are proven guilty of infidelity?

If 2 people are both hurting or unhappy in a marriage but one chooses relief by finding another person but another doesn't, isnt there an inherent imbalance there?

At least once you have acknowledged that you are indeed "having an affair" why do people feel the need to continue it secretly rather than end things with the first person?

Will decriminalizing help people be more open about their "affairs" and ending a farce of a marriage?

Originally posted by: Nja91

Interesting take.

I agree it can get grey if you start thinking about the circumstances due to which a person is "cheating" on their partner

Having said that, irrespective of the circumstances in an idealistic way- the person who is seeking to move on with another person always has the option of ending the first relationship right?

So even in an abusive relationship or just a relationship where one is unhappy- isnt there an obligation to end things with the first relationship

Even if the relationship isnt one where a partner is physically abusing, there is always something that is contentious if people feel the need to break up. there has to be a disagreement for people to want to move on no matter how amicable the break up.

And it is important that people feel empowered enough to walk away from a relationship that is not working out instead of continuing a farce.

A domestic abuse case is challenging. If the person has found another loving partner, shouldnt they also feel empowered to take the offender to task and happily move on?

Obviously sometimes the feelings and identifying someone else to move on with, has happened even before you end things with the first person- but shouldnt there be some minimum respect and courtesy to honestly tell the person you are with- that you have found someone else and that you want to end the relationship.

Its obviously a tough conversation to have but dont we owe that to the person -especially when its in the setting of a relationship that we entered into voluntarily but now want to quit ?

If you see marriage as a binding contract, then violation of the contract should have some implications right? even if its not "criminalizing" infidelity, shouldnt there be some implications especially if the circumstances are such that one person is loyal but the other person is not ? Because there is such a thing as injuring someone emotionally/mentally too right?

While I agree that it is sometimes, problematic to make marriage "holy" , on the flipside it bothers me that nothing is considered "sacred" anymore. The idealist in me feels disheartened to see that there is no "forever" and even in the "as long as it lasts"- there is lack of basic respect.

Its really romantic to think that we are destined to have a soulmate and a partner with whom we have a lifelong commitment.

Obviously laws cannot be based on such romantic and idealistic notions. And we have to be practical. People can make wrong decisions or be pressured into a marital relationship and such things will no last.

But even in such cases, shouldnt there be an expectation that a person should do their best to be honest.

Its called "cheating" because marriage is kind of like an emotional contract where you promise to keep one person as your priority and pledge maximum intimacy- emotional and physical with that person for the rest of your life and when you violate that you are breaking a contract.

And there is an angle of morality ...morals are subjective and obviously cannot be directly translated to legalities but if one person is suffering disproportionately shouldnt that count for something?

but then the question arises- how will we measure suffering....

I think you can either make marriage holy or a binding contract. There’s no way you can give it both the characteristics. Hindu marriage is considered a sacrament by law. Holy. But the problem is, when something’s holy, it no longer moves with time. A contract on the other hand, makes more sense. It’s between two parties. And when it’s between two parties, it’s open to them about implications. Hence, pre nup clauses.

What’s the first thing we do when we realise that something’s hurting us ? I believe, it’s finding relief rather than trying to end the cause. Ending the cause of hurt is always an after thought. And cheating I think, is that relief for people doing that. I’m not justifying it. But I believe it’s like any other human vile. Human, as in, completely emotion related. You can’t attach logic about why a person hasn’t done this or that. I