Please help

Dear Ria Pande,

I think by now you must have realised he was after you because he was looking for sexual partner, not friendship. You have rightly, sensibly n honestly declined to have an extra marietal affair, so he is disinterested in you now. I think if you care about his choices you should let him be, let him look for some other partner who wants to have sexual relationship with no commitment. I think you should also move on and let him go. Spice up your happy married life n enjoy with your loving life partner.

Hello, Ria Pande,

He meticulously planned everything and then moved forward to obtain what he desired from you.

God protected you from his adultery; he is a dishonest man, and I feel bad for his wife.

It appears that you are unaware of your good fortune. He attempted to seduce you and form a relationship with you, but I have no doubt that he will either discard you or use you later by threatening or blackmailing you.

Save yourself, and your family, from disgrace and dishonor by choosing to ignore him and forget about his existence.

People can develop a wide range of coping mechanisms to deal with difficult emotions, sometimes choosing a few thoughts/ beliefs that have emotionally numbing effects as an easier option than facing them. Friendship/ attraction, drugs, alcohol, and other addictions or compulsive behaviors, controlling one's self is difficult, but one has to come out of such things because, not yielding is the good solution, that will give you peaceful life.

When you realised his true intentions, you probably shouldn't have contacted him in the first place. It appears that you mistakenly thought of his lust as friendship.

My advice is, sooner the better that you should come out of that emotional illusion that he is a trustworthy man and a friend, which he is not.

Took it as a sojourn in life, it is over, now be happy with your husband and daughter.

Best wishes, be happy by staying away from bad people and sorrow.

Ria, It is not about him - you must ask yourself a few questions. WHY DO YOU WANT THIS FRIENDSHIP?! when you already know that there has been a motivation behind it. If he wanted to be your friend, he would have respected you rather than doing these passive-aggressive theatrics. It is one of the most common psychology tactics, which we call "Silent treatment" - you ignore the person, the other person fumbles up and runs after you, and in case you are that person running after him. You might have respected him, but he did not respect you in return, so why are you giving in - let him go?! Who cares?! He treats you like an object, and there is nothing more to it. You are reading way too much, and that's what confuses you. Everything is under your power - either yes or no - the answer is pretty simple. If you don't want to keep his friendship - don't do calls, don't receive his, block him from everywhere. If you want his friendship, you will be stuck in the loop, and you'll never get the respect that you deserve. Be assertive with yourself.

Another thing, Please do not think I am judging you as a person. Still, it seems pretty apparent to me you enjoyed his attention and charmingness and are probably somewhat attracted to him and got addicted to it - it does happen in a long-term marriage, and there is nothing wrong with it. However, you need to realize that there is an attachment/addiction issue with this person. It does take a while to get over it, but you will be over him once you divert your attention. It also gives you a cue that perhaps it's a good time for you need to be more productive and step outside of your life and reinvent yourself. There is so much more in life rather than seeking a reply or friendship from a fractured guy.

Originally posted by: No2Pencil

Ria, It is not about him - you must ask yourself a few questions. WHY DO YOU WANT THIS FRIENDSHIP?! when you already know that there has been a motivation behind it. If he wanted to be your friend, he would have respected you rather than doing these passive-aggressive theatrics. It is one of the most common psychology tactics, which we call "Silent treatment" - you ignore the person, the other person fumbles up and runs after you, and in case you are that person running after him. You might have respected him, but he did not respect you in return, so why are you giving in - let him go?! Who cares?! He treats you like an object, and there is nothing more to it. You are reading way too much, and that's what confuses you. Everything is under your power - either yes or no - the answer is pretty simple. If you don't want to keep his friendship - don't do calls, don't receive his, block him from everywhere. If you want his friendship, you will be stuck in the loop, and you'll never get the respect that you deserve. Be assertive with yourself.

Another thing, Please do not think I am judging you as a person. Still, it seems pretty apparent to me you enjoyed his attention and charmingness and are probably somewhat attracted to him and got addicted to it - it does happen in a long-term marriage, and there is nothing wrong with it. However, you need to realize that there is an attachment/addiction issue with this person. It does take a while to get over it, but you will be over him once you divert your attention. It also gives you a cue that perhaps it's a good time for you need to be more productive and step outside of your life and reinvent yourself. There is so much more in life rather than seeking a reply or friendship from a fractured guy.