This really has a personal connect with me.. During covid ..if there are a lot of disturbances that happened.. office going online, shutting schools down ..it created major impact atleast for my son..someone who loves going to school.. playing ... extremely outdoor person confining him to a home and room didn't go down well..His personality changed ..he rarely talks .on mobile or internet alll the time..wasn't attending online classes..I started noticing once he started going down grades..but it was more mental build up over months..he felt like running away to some place breathe fresh air.. enjoy life without these restrictions..It took me nearly two entire years to work with him and bring him back to where he is today...I initially thought Arpi is a coward..but ..your write up made me rethink..it's circumstances that drives people to do things which they totally aren't and they start thinking about their existence of living...Glad she is saved on time by someone who understands her and together fight for their life and journey..
It is such a beautiful post. Everything you have written is just ❤️
I do wish that had "shown" it better so everything you pointed out would have translated on screen and that would have made it one of the best episodes but sadly with mental health they do such a hash job... Which is why most of us (including me) were super pissed with her.
I loved the imagery you invoked of a broken bird. That she needs to be treated with gentleness and love. Love it
(on a side note, I'm not sure if sundar will be able to be the person for her. Bec while he is gentle with her can he be strong with the world??..... which he would need to be to protect her from backlash.
I can imagine someone like aryan who can be infinitely sensitive but super tough. More than a love story i would have loved had they used this track to show us more brother sister bonding)
But thank you for this post. You write wonderfully
thank you; maybe I had super low expectations or hardly any expectations at all and so I was pleasantly surprised that they managed do it sensitively in a masala format. I was laughing at imlie's reactions. I will also admit that I don't watch serious or arthouse type dramas at all because I find them very draining. I always say that if I want to watch something serious, I prefer news and documentaries (which I do consume lots of in equal propotion to dramas 😊 ).
so yea, I would have loved if they had done the track properly over many episodes with lot more sensitivity but we will just take it I guess. for me, it is the actors who really did a good job of giving more depth to the flawed script. the image of a broken bird or gentle hand cradling that bird really came from the vibes of the actors playing arpita and sundar. so kudos to them to keeping their head in the game and giving us something.
as for sundar being the right person, I guess he is the right person for her emotionally (but not necessarily a match in other ways). if it is someone like aryan, he would overpower her and frankly make her feel stupid and voiceless. whereas with sundar, she is not afraid to be her soft gentle broken self. she speaks, she smiles. based on comments at DT, I gather that we have a screechy opponent in the form of sunder's ma and who knows aunty blue and sunder ma will have faceoffs? for life protection, we always have aryan and imlie riding to the rescue -- these two are way too happy to fight for others. guess, it is their way of keeping themselves entertained. 😂
Thank you for writing this post with a focus on Arpita. Often times, we forgot to see her as a 3-dimensional character or appreciate those layers to her. Your analysis is brilliant and it brought up amazing and relevant points (points that matter outside of the show for we’ve all seen similar pressures be faced by exam students, as you’ve said)!Originally posted by: mango.falooda
** tagging this as 18+ comment -- not because it is risque but because it covers some serious themes.
so I was waiting to comment till I watch yesterday's episode even though I had thoughts as I wanted to watch for myself before I react. unlike many I actually enjoyed it!! I do think that if they had written it over several episodes and added more layers, it would have been more impactful but I still was moved. yes, people I am in the minority who liked the finale of arpita - sundar arc!!!
Arpita getting flustered and thinking of taking the extreme step is understandable -- it happened because of aunty blue's taunts and it wasn't a single event but rather a series of taunts that has led her to this step. while some may think what is the big deal about a taunt, we all have our lows. when we are down and vulnerable, words have just as much power to punch and cause scars as physical blows. 🤕😭🥀
there is a reason why the government issues psych advice whenever board exams arrive -- what is the top advice? be kind to your children and be careful with your words. speaking encouraging words is the government advice. why? because of pressure and worry of faiture and dissapointment, many children think of taking the extreme step. they are afraid to come home. they are afraid that their parents will reject them because they didn't do well. they are not confident in themselves.
every year, there are children that run away from home at this time because they are afraid. one of my aunts is a teacher and she shared that in the first year of teaching, a child run away from her school. he was in 9th standard and doing average to poor. when the teacher told him to get the signature on the report card, he left school and didn't go home. my aunt retires this year and this child was neither found and nor has he returned home. after he went missing, the parents felt bad for pressuring him and taunting him over his poor marks. but it was too little, too late. words have the power to drive our loved ones way. 😢
lest you think that this is just children, lets look at the statistics involving suicide -- there were more people who died from suicide in 2020 than from covid. yes, that is the official stats from the national crime bureau. we all know that many suicides are covered up by the family and so, the number is likely more.
what are some of the reasons? financial debt, exam pressure, love failure, relationship problems. I watched a news programme about this and the experts revealed that unlike the west where suicide happens more because of mental illness, in our part of the world, it happens more because of situations. this means it is far more impulsive and emotional driven. it is a moment of weakness where one feels completely worthless, defeated and useless.
for me, the most shocking part of the statistics is that we have a huge number of housewives take their lives and no one knows why. 🤯 we don't have research to understand why young women are taking their life. is it in-laws problems? is it problem with abusive husband? are they just unhappy stuck at home? what is going on? we don't know. 😧
so, lets not dismiss taunts as just taunts. maybe these families are not being physically abusive but words over a period of time can also cause someone to break down. while I agree that we can't be fake and it is unrealistic to expect people to be politically correct, we also need to be aware that when we are vulnerable and down, words can hurt us. and it can happen to any of us. we can't be strong all the time right? if we are continiously told that we are worthless, won't we start believing it and feeling that we are? as women, we are told in so many ways that we are burden to the family and we are worthless -- is that not a problem?
now on to the drama itself -- I actually did like the scenes and I understood what was going on. one thing that has always bothered me about aunty blue's taunts is the silence from narmada and aryan. because narmada gives too much respect to the whole elder dynamic, she doesn't challenge or say that aunty blue's words are baseless. by keeping quiet, they make those words true. if they had taken arpita aside and told her to ignore those useless words, it would have made a difference. by assuming that arpita was fine, they didn't realize that aunty blue was amputating her spirit one blow at a time. they should have put a stop to aunty blue's continued taunts from the start that arpita being a widow is a jinx.
now you might think why would arpita react so negatively to aryan's defense -- well what is he talking about is the old arpita. the current arpita is a shadow of her former self and by talking about the old arpita, he reminds her in a painful way on how much she has lost. it is difficult to understand that pain unless you have a past and present that is so different. it can be financial losses, relationship problems or maybe just a break in career. if you have faced a situation of being nowhere where you thought you will be, you will know the pain -- it is heartbreaking, embarassing and humiliating. you will be able to understand why arpita runs on hearing him praise her -- she is no longer that person and the person she is now feels utterly defeated, uselss and lost. she is without purpose and feels a lack of connect.
look at what she says:
"I am the eldest but I have become a burden.....
everyone is fighting but I can't fight for myself....
aryan and imlie are fighting because of me....
I am not able to understand myself...."
her mind is all over the place and she is not able to have control over emotions or have clear thoughts. she feels that she is a burden and she doesn't contribute anything to the family or to the world. she is frustrated that she is not able to speak up or fight for herself. that makes her feel even more powerless and in pain. she is worried that she is the cause of disharmony. she also feels powerless that her mind is confused. those are scary, overwhelming negative thoughts that can cause a person to feel like they don't matter. that is the tipping point.
many were confused on what poison she was trying to consume -- those were pills. most likely they were some sort of psych related drugs she had been taking after depression and losing arvind. perhaps some anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds. aryan had mentioned that after arvind's death, she collapsed and fell apart. so it has been a long difficult journey for her to become normal. aunty blue's taunts that she is worthless made her retreat back into that wounded shell she barely came out of and reach for those pills she used to take.
now let me come to sundar -- while I had to laugh at imlie's fangirling, this part of the scene did move me.
what does he say:
"I know you don't need me. I carry no value for you. I know you don't want to live me with but Ms Arpita, you must live. may be away from me as someone else's, but you must live. because without you, my life would be meaningless"
what is he saying -- he understands that he is not a match and he is okay with it. but he is asking her to live because she is precious, she is worth something. he is telling her that she matters and she is important. those are the words she needed to hear to get out of that dark negative cloud. to know that she may be a shadow of herself but she still matters to someone who has no need to care about her. she still is precious to someone who does not need to care just because she is family. she matters. and so his love grounds her emotionally and brings her to her senses.
now, looking at aryan -- he finally gets that while sundar is nowhere a good financial match, he is what arpita needs. the current arpita is a vulnerable broken bird and she needs a gentle soul who will treasure her for who she is now and not look at who she was earlier. that is why she responds to sundar with love. it is as if two broken birds are able to sing together.
in some ways, aryan is taking on the financial comfort for his sister but he is okay with as long as she is safe. his words to sundar are "you will protect and love my sister" -- what does she need protection from? the dark thoughts that she is no one and she is worthless. she needs emotional protection and aryan recognizes that sundar is able to provide that. so his sorry to sundar is not a sorry for devaluing sundar but for not recognizing what sundar is bringing to the table.
we have been all chatting that the surpita arc was randomly shoved on to us viewers and many were not convinced by arpita's sudden feelings. but look at what she tells narmada -- "I was quiet because I didn't understand what was right or wong. I was not able to make any decision." in some ways, arpita was saying that she was still not clear headed and so unable to understand herself.
while we could have gotten a better written surpita arc by showing us more scenes of arpita getting close to sundar, getting confused etc, I was satisfied with the resolution of this romance -- for me, atleast it packed an emotional punch and it made sense. 🤷
Thanks for the tag. I've just briefly skimmed through and will be reading this once I get some time. But even before that, I wanted to appreciate the fact that you've put so much thought into Arpita and her situation. We haven't seen much of her struggle or trauma and everything has been left to assumption and interpretation, so when I read the synopsis saying Arpita attempts suicide, I was shocked but also curious to see what goes in around that. I haven’t caught up on the episodes in a month and have just been hearing bits and pieces from here and there, but I for sure was hoping to write something on Arpita (and maybe Sundar) when I do catch up. But since you've already done it, maybe I won't have to.
Will be back once I've read this. 😊
Originally posted by: mango.falooda
as for sundar being the right person, I guess he is the right person for her emotionally (but not necessarily a match in other ways). if it is someone like aryan, he would overpower her and frankly make her feel stupid and voiceless. whereas with sundar, she is not afraid to be her soft gentle broken self.
Though this thread is not about aryan but I'll still put in my 2 cents (sorry)
I did ponder about that given how high handed he was with imlie. It was all tough love. But i think imlie being imlie needed someone to tell her forcefully to stop being an idiot and appeal to her ego that you can't fall apart over a man. Thats what she needed.
But I think aryan can be extremely soft because we know the boy is sensitive and feels deeply. He wouldn't trivialise anyone's trauma and make them feel stupid. Least of all someone he loves.
Also, coming back to Arpita and sundar. For someone who attempted suicide, will she be able to handle taunts of her saas when sundar can only provide silent support.
I guess my question is - can two very gentle, non confrontational people make a strong unit? (your idea of 2 broken birds healing each other) Will not everyone just walk over them? should atleast one of them be more like imlie/aryan?
Originally posted by: BlueJayFire
This really has a personal connect with me.. During covid ..if there are a lot of disturbances that happened.. office going online, shutting schools down ..it created major impact atleast for my son..someone who loves going to school.. playing ... extremely outdoor person confining him to a home and room didn't go down well..His personality changed ..he rarely talks .on mobile or internet alll the time..wasn't attending online classes..I started noticing once he started going down grades..but it was more mental build up over months..he felt like running away to some place breathe fresh air.. enjoy life without these restrictions..It took me nearly two entire years to work with him and bring him back to where he is today...I initially thought Arpi is a coward..but ..your write up made me rethink..it's circumstances that drives people to do things which they totally aren't and they start thinking about their existence of living...Glad she is saved on time by someone who understands her and together fight for their life and journey..
glad to hear your son is doing better. ❤️ it really was a case of two lost years for children as well as adults. if we adults were going cuckoo stuck indoors, how much more difficult for the children. I heard of situations where young children (3-6) are still yet to speak because they have had no interaction during the lockdown. parents are working and so only interaction was with phone or tablet. so the kids don't know how to interact with other humans. hopefully now that they are in school, all these issues will get sorted but it requires patience, time as well as understanding from everyone around the children. I really pray that more parents are sensitive and not put unreasonable pressure on the children to score well.
glad to know that the write up gave a different view on arpita. 😘
Originally posted by: mango.falooda
glad to hear your son is doing better. ❤️ it really was a case of two lost years for children as well as adults. if we adults were going cuckoo stuck indoors, how much more difficult for the children. I heard of situations where young children (3-6) are still yet to speak because they have had no interaction during the lockdown. parents are working and so only interaction was with phone or tablet. so the kids don't know how to interact with other humans. hopefully now that they are in school, all these issues will get sorted but it requires patience, time as well as understanding from everyone around the children. I really pray that more parents are sensitive and not put unreasonable pressure on the children to score well.
glad to know that the write up gave a different view on arpita. 😘
But parents need to take time and engage them..he helps me in cutting vegetables or making roti..play indoor games..I bought carrom ..
Though this thread is not about aryan but I'll still put in my 2 cents (sorry)
I did ponder about that given how high handed he was with imlie. It was all tough love. But i think imlie being imlie needed someone to tell her forcefully to stop being an idiot and appeal to her ego that you can't fall apart over a man. Thats what she needed.
But I think aryan can be extremely soft because we know the boy is sensitive and feels deeply. He wouldn't trivialise anyone's trauma and make them feel stupid. Least of all someone he loves.
Also, coming back to Arpita and sundar. For someone who attempted suicide, will she be able to handle taunts of her saas when sundar can only provide silent support.
I guess my question is - can two very gentle, non confrontational people make a strong unit? (your idea of 2 broken birds healing each other) Will not everyone just walk over them? should atleast one of them be more like imlie/aryan?
I would say that is a great question and difficult in some ways to answer. we are sort of used to the idea of having someone strong to balance someone weak. however, the idea of gentleness being strength is not something we understand is it? ironically it was a drama that made me think about the courage it takes to be gentle and that it can be strength for someone gentle and they add value to the group.
so back to the question, can two gentle people make a strong unit? perhaps and perhaps not. maybe together, they are stronger to take on others because they lend each other strength. but if they both fall apart, then that is an issue right? also, it matters if those around them value their gentleness and what they are to each other.
one of the things I have learned from my years of watching dramas is that there is a reason we have different styles of romances and couple dynamics. basically arylie appeals to you and me but it may not necessarily interest other viewers as much. that is okay. so in order to have a full drama experience, smart CVs give side couples with different flavours and dynamics. it helps extends the drama over many episodes as well as give add different viewers. after all, every couple have their own vibe.
so it will be interesting to watch -- as a side couple, I think having both characters gentle and be the peace mediators adds value to a drama filled with strong roaring type characters. basically they will often be the ones to make sense and be the voice of audience. I think ultimately it will come down to the writing. since the CVs have been all over the place over the last few weeks, we will just have to keep our fingers crossed.
Originally posted by: BlueJayFire
But parents need to take time and engage them..he helps me in cutting vegetables or making roti..play indoor games..I bought carrom ..
100%. those are what memories are made of. ❤️
| topics | author | replies | views | reply |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Armu4eva | 1 | 603 | ||
| Ajab.Pehchan | 8 | 1991 |
comment:
p_commentcount