•| Listen the Unsaid
Kya tumhe kuch kehna hai?
Kya aapko kuch sunna hai?
Nahi mujhe kuch nahi sunna.
To mujhe kuch nahi kehna.
He sat in a swirl of one of the few poignant moments he had shared with her. It was his fourth visit to the swimming pool since she was there with him last. His restless heart seemed to be able to breathe only in the caresses of the water she had made him grow fond of.
He had sneaked away from the dinner table when his eyes ached at the sight of seeing her with someone else. Even if it was her fiance and his best friend.
She gotta be a professional thief, he was sure. How was it possible otherwise that she stole his heart and he didn't even realize? She was swift and smooth. Definitely a professional. He had no doubt about it anymore.
If he paused and reflected back - he wouldn't be able to pinpoint one incident that was the perpetrator. That unlocked those chambers of his heart that he didn't know existed.
There were too many.
He would still struggle to choose one moment that slowly began to overshadow the years of beliefs his grandmother had etched on his mind.
There were too many.
He had topped every academic exam but he was always a brutal failure in the cryptic Ishqi exams. Every question in Ishqi exam always felt out-of-syllabus.
But all of a sudden, the exam that he struggled to even pass - he was desiring to top. His heart was desperately willing to shush his brain, and take the charge of writing the answers of the Ishqi exam and strangely, his heart was utterly confident that - if it stepped in - it would nail the exam.
But that was it. His mind never allowed his heart to take over. Rationality always won over the tales of complicated feelings.
His head hung down, staring at the ever-so tranquility of water - almost as if complimenting the present stability of his heart. No matter how many excuses it looked for and lies it made up to deny its very own budding feelings - acceptance came naturally to him every time he was at the poolside.
Perhaps, because it was the place where she confessed the deep adoration she held for him.
Perhaps, because it was the place where he lived some of the most unforgettable moments in his life. The ones he could never even imagine with Rhea let alone experiencing the beauty of them.
That night, being with her, had brought a deep crack to the denial he was living in and filling that crack now didn't seem to be in his capacity.
And watching her marry his best friend seemed painful. Painful enough for him to be wanting to do whatever it would take to rewrite their stars. Tear apart her fate entangled with Mayank's and write her in his destiny.
"What did you do to me, Ishqi? What did you do?" His murmur echoed in the quiet surrounding as he realized how wild his desires became.
They were ruthless and unacceptable. Even holding such feelings for his best friend's fiance was a sin. A sin he was ready to accept any and every punishment for.
What he wasn't ready for was - letting her go. From growing irritated and agitated at her mere sight to growing uneasy in her absence - he fell in love. Hard and deep.
"What did I do?"
No. No. No. Did she hear that? Heck, where did she come from? He didn't want to turn and confirm his suspicion.
"AVM, what did I do?"
Sigh. He knew he was in trouble.
"Why are you following me?"
"What the fudge!" she yelled at his accusation. She was following him? What nonsense.
As if I am going to accept even if I was. Ugh. Shut up, Ishqi.
She stomped her foot at how easily he got her all riled up.
"Dadi ne aapko bulaya hai," she said, in a curt tone, averting her gaze from him.
"Unhone tumhe bheja mujhe bulane ke liye?" He was surprised and why wouldn't he? Wasn't his grandmother always in attempts to keep her away from him and his family?
"Uh nahi. Kartik ko aap mile nahi -"
"Aur tumhe mil gaya? Kaise?" His gaze scrutinized the shift of emotions in her orbs.
"Main bas Kartik ki help kar rahi thi. Mujhe laga ki aap yahi honge -"
"Kaise?"
Ugh. Just ugh. She groaned in frustration.
"Aap fir se nasha-patta karke baithe hai kya? Kya kaise kaise kar rahe tabse?"
He pulled his feet out of the water as he stood in front of her.
"I wish I was intoxicated. At least then I wouldn't need to conceal my emotions. I would stand on a table like you did and scream it to the world that I want you to cage me forever. To keep me a prisoner in the prison of your heart forever and never allow me even a bail forget a release."
Eyes poured into hers, for the very first time, he let his heart take over to confess what it had been dying to let her know.
Her brows furrowed. "Into - into kya? Conce..." A frown crossed her face before she blasted him. "Aap Jaante hai mujhe hi-fi English samajh nahi aati fir bhi kyu bolte hai mere saamne?"
Tumhe samajh nahi aati isiliye to bol paya.
His lips stretched into a bitter smile. He did allow his heart to take the lead because his intelligent mind knew how to keep it away from her despite keeping it right in front of her.
His heart had let her know but his mind wouldn't let her understand.
Her heart almost skipped a beat at the tremendous agony and grief flashing in his eyes.
"AVM, kya hua hai?" Her tone had instantly changed, grasping the seriousness she had sensed.
"Tumhe kuch sunna hai?"
Her gaze stuck on him as the familiar question hit her ears. The same question that she had asked him, not too long ago.
"Ab inn baato ka koi matlab nahi hai. Meri shaadi hai. Kuch hi ghanto me. Mayank se."
"Right... Shadi. Mayank se. I know. Congratulations. Main chalta hu. Dadi wait kar rahi hongi."
The disappointment and hurt, conspicuously clear, in his stance could go unnoticed by anyone but her. If he wasn't going to take a stand for his feelings, it made no sense for her to do that.
She wasn't going to stake the reputation of three families for her selfish desire. The desire of being his and keeping him, hers.
And who else knew it better than her that he was never going to choose his love over his family values?
He was never going to give in to the desires of his heart for his shoulders were burdened with the weight of not letting down his family pride and values.
"Mummy, kya karu main?" She helplessly sighed, slipping on the ground and dipping her legs in the water.
So soothing. Her face instantly lit up but the momentary smile faded sooner than she expected when all of a sudden, his confession from the holi, graced her memory out of nowhere.
Main tumhe hamesha safe rakhna chahta hu.
"Ugh. Stop thinking about him." She slapped her palms on her sides in annoyance. Her head tilted beside upon realizing that there was something under her palm.
Her eyes narrowed at the sight. A phone. Oh damn. AVM's phone. The realization was quick. Must have forgotten it here. She picked it up with the intention of giving it back to him.
But her rising feet stopped at one glance at his phone's wallpaper. It seemed like a childhood picture of Ahaan, Kartik and Sonu.
A warm smile involuntarily curled up her lips as she gazed at the kid Ahaan. It took her just one look to know who he was among the three kids.
The one holding hands of his two siblings.
The caretaker.
The superbrother.
Ahaan Veer Malhotra.
And before she could realize, she was in his phone's gallery despite knowing how awfully wrong it was. She couldn't resist the urge to see his and Rhea's pictures. Maybe they could be the final hit in the coffin for her to stop his thoughts and focus on Mayank.
Weird. She was bewildered to find not a single picture of him and Rhea.
How was that even possible that he had no pics with Rhea?
She was clueless and about to shut the phone when something caught her attention.
Noticing something familiar, she clicked on the video. She gasped at the CCTV footage of the party night at the poolside.
With an unblinking stare, she watched the entire clip. From the chemistry to the kirmich ball. From asking him why they weren't getting married to asking him for the best moment in her life.
From clinging on to him to almost kissing him.
"What the fudge!" She shut the phone and pushed it away from her reach. Her eyes couldn't believe what they saw.
"Main kaise kar sakti hu ye sab!" She clutched her head, the video clip replaying in her mind again and again, over and over.
She loved AVM.
And she confessed to him that she did.
Now things made sense. She could see what was in his mind when he had asked her if she wanted to say something.
Damn it.
Hold on. Wasn't the CCTV footage not recorded? What was this then? Did he purposely delete the footage so that nobody could find it? Why did he keep a copy on his phone then?
Her brain stopped functioning at the whole lot of questions doing rounds in it.
She sat there for minutes. Just recalling the video clip she had just seen.
He had laughed with her.
He had sat in the pool with her.
He had... hugged her.
He had... avoided Rhea's call to let her have what she had demanded from him.
AVM.
Emotions threatened to overwhelm her.
*
"I am sorry. Main ye shadi nahi kar sakti." Ishqi summoned tbe courage to tell the truth to the people who deserved it. As they stood in her room, she had made up her mind and she wasn't going to back off.
Her Maasi rushed to her side. "Ye tu kya bol rahi hai?"
"Ek minute, Maasi. I am sorry, Mayank. I am sorry, Suman Aunty lekin mai nahi kar paungi. Main Mayank ko ek aisi shadishuda zindagi nahi de sakti jisme use wo pyar na mile jiska wo haqdar hai."
"Pyar to shadi ke baad bhi ho sakta hai." Her Massi intervened.
"Nahi hua to?" Her counter question was ready. "Mujhe nahi lagta main Mayank se kabhi pyar kar paungi. Aur aise rishte me na to main khud bandh sakti hu aur na hi kisi ko bandh sakti hu. Sorry."
Ahaan's face paled at the conversation he had just overheard. She broke the marriage? But why?
Ab inn baaton ka koi matlab nahi. Meri shadi hai. Kuch hi ghanto me. Mahank se.
Her words were still fresh in her memory. He backtracked himself, away from her room.
Was it because of him?
When he was battling guilt, someone bumped on to him. He quickly held on to her. "Careful."
Ishqi. His surprised gaze stated at the distraught woman in his arms. The guilt of breaking the marriage was visible on her face.
"Tumne shaadi..."
She sniffled a bitter laugh. "Aapke vajah se nahi todi hai. Main kisi se dhokha nahi kar sakti. Main unse shaadi nahi kar sakti jab main kisi aur se pyar karti hu."
"Kis se?" He still hadn't let her go. His arms were still wounded around her back as he waited for her answer.
"Aap jaankar kya karenge?"
"Ishqi."
"AVM."
He sucked in a sharp breath.
"Chaliye maan lete hai, aap jo soch rahe hai wo sahi hai. To bhi kya? Kya aap accept kar payenge? Apne gharwalo se keh payenge? Rhea se keh payenge?"
Silence consumed him, taken aback at what she had exposed him to. He wasn't expecting her to say what she did. She actually accepted.
"Keh payenge?" She repeated herself.
Tere baap ne ek galat ladki se pyar kiya tha. Uski saza ham aaj tak bhugat rahe hai.
Mai wada karta hu, Dadi, jo pehle hua wo dobora kabhi nahi hoga.
"AVM."
"Nahi. Nahi kahunga." He chanted once responsibilities took over and once again, and once again, he drowned himself to keep his family intact. "Nahi kahunga." His absent-minded chatter continued while letting go of her. He turned back on his feet, walking away from his happiness to make sure his family's satisfaction wasn't let down.
She stood there, embracing the agony of her life as she watched him wiping a lone tear from his eye before he faded from her sight.
*
He drew his knees closer, burying his face in it as he sat in his room, leaning against a wall. "I am sorry, Ishqi, I am sorry," he mumbled an apology for yet another time as he wept alone in the darkness of his very own demons. The demons his mother had left for him.
"Shayad kisi se kabhi keh na paau par chahta hu ke tum suno. Jo kabhi nahi keh paya."
Haathon ki laqeere do milti jahan hai,
Jisko pata hai bata de jagah wo kahan hai.
Ishq me jaane kaisi ye babasi hai,
Dhadkano se milkar bhi dil tanha hai!
*
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*
Yikes. This is crappy, I know. I don't know what I have even written. I probably won't write for a long while now.
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