' Talking things out '
The chills of breeze stroke her frail skin like the daggers as she fished out the shawl from within her purse and wound around herself and walked rubbing her hands periodically in an attempt to warm herself. It weren't for long but mere twelve to fourteen steps from the taxi perch to reach the Urban Caf, one of the finest caf of Chandigarh and the place where he decided to meet.
Crowd was the only thing that flourished through the doors as her heart started beating frantically with her agarophobia somersaulting in her being.
The penetrating smell of freshly brewed coffee challenged her olfactory senses making her rush to the washroom situated at the left most corner to the door with a doll imprinted at the centre indicating it to be for the women's.
Throwing her guts out in the dross bin she sighed with the heaviness pumping in her head though it felt lighter now. "Are you alright?"she heard the call from the woman outside the door, who must have heard her moans while vomiting. Not in want to interact or gaze over she replied in a dull and just-thrown-up-vocals "Umm..yes!".
Pulling her free curls back,she rubbed her nape breathing heavily as ever. Tears sprouted over her corneas but she rubbed them away in a minute. She stood up on her heels and spun around to exit the cabin.
"Hey!"Prerna was startled seeing a lady standing just on her face. But even before she could settle with her surprising appearance the lady hurled question at her "Hope you are fine?".
She smiled a bit with her teary eyes on seeing concern from her side and nodded in a 'yes'. "Thank you!"she breathed " I just felt nauseous so..."saying so Prerna started to walk for the basin but felt dizzy in the mid-way and tripped a step. To save her from falling the generous lady came forward to hold her from the wrist and gladly prerna escaped the fall.
"Are you Pregnant?"the lady beamed at her after Prerna stood firmly holding the corner of the island placed before her while the mirror reflected her lean figure in the bright white lights.
The silence from Prerna's side became awkward for her as she apologized "I am sorry if I crossed the limits but I was just too driven by my doctor instincts."
Prerna slightly nodded in a 'no' because she felt happy to see someone's concern for her but the uneasiness that struck her after that pregnancy question compelled her to swim through the bitter memories of her life.
"I am pregnant--eight weeks."Prerna smiled at her amongst the tears in her eyes when the lady took her into her embrace mouthing a congratulation.
"By the way, I forget to introduce myself."she moved away from her beamed at Prerna with a gleeful smile and it is then Prerna noticed her doe shaped hazel eyes with a pouty pair of lip donned in darkest shade of red with a subtle makeup that all in all she looked pretty in her off- white chiffon anarkali suit.
"I am Anishka...Dr.Anishka Bagchi"she forwarded her hand and it is then Prerna burst out of her daze and shook hands with her introducing herself as "Prerna Sharma".
Anishka's cellphone rang echoing in the small chamber as she fished it out from her wallet mouthing a good-bye to Prerna and walked out of the the door talking on the phone.
Prerna turned to wash her face and wiped off the residual chyme that stuck to the sides of her lips. Her breathings were now at normal rate as she washed her hands and picked out the handkerchief to wipe it when the fibrils of the fabric tangled in the crook of her ring thus gaining her attention.
She skillfully detached it with few threads peeping out but what caught her attention was the crystal that shone brightly in her ring finger as the memories of her engagement flashed in her brain.
The fairy lights hung from the chandelier brightened the patio in the shimmering of golden while the sunkissed hue of roses added the beauty to the evening that was held for namesake when they already belonged to each other.
Seated at the hammock that was finely carved with the wood and graciously decorated with the heavenly scent of roses across, the couple eyed each other with the love sprouting in the air and giving a reason for the guest to chime with endearments of admiration.
But besides that smile of her there was a thumping dread in her heart, her childhood fear of crowd and the area bustling with loud noise and people wasn't the sight she wanted to see.
She knew about the situation beforehand and had undergone numerous of self- motivational rounds too but facing the situation brought an opposite outcome than she expected. And to top the fear was her apprehensions to fit perfectly in the frame of Anurag Basu's wife, for the world.
He knew her fears and apprehensions so squeezed her hand away from the prying and admiring eyes of all. She smiled at his subtly sweet gesture with her heart beats playing in his ear drums,he knew how scared she felt but for the sake of his family she sat there silently--showing her perfect set of teeth.
"Don't worry I am there with you...amongst all of this crowd."he whispered to her looking at his front as his mother, Mohini Basu reached to the duo with a pious worshipping tray in her hand.
She clutched his hand a little tighter to indicate her love for him before detaching it away as Mohini approached them. "Onu-Prerna"she called them both eying them with the fake love for the sake of Anurag's happiness and asked them to stand up at their seats.
As the couple stood up ,the pious matras echoed in the open air ringing the wedding bells in their minds and Mohini stood on her toes to mark their foreheads with the blissful vermillion before they were asked to exchange the rings.
Her chain of thoughts came to an end with the pop-up call of her cellphone when she wiped away the tears that flew through her eyes in daze and fished her phone out to see the message.
'Mr.Basu.' It read.
She clicked it open to read about his arrival and smiled sarcastically at the change of events. For her, everything has changed within the span of three years. From his ever so caring nature to his bitter behavior, everything happened that she never expected when they promised for their Together-Forever'.
She looked the two contrasting situations of her life when there were times he supported her through her fears and it is today when he brought her to face her fears amalgamated with the pain of losing him, forever.
She exited the restroom only to face that ever so bustling crowd and unknowingly her heart started beating irregularly, she was scared of the noises hurling at her in the back of her mind but she promised herself to step out of it everytime she took a step deeper into the arena.
Her eyes brimmed with tears and that unknown weakness acquiring her brain, her senses now were shut down to numbness increasing her hatred for him. He did it purposely to weaken her state of mind, to weekend her but she didn't wanted him to succeed. She fought rounds of battles from within, her figure shivering with the dread when she closed her eyes remembering that little squeeze of his hand whenever she feared of the crowd and was left out alone.
A push from behind scared her as her one hand reached out to her womb with one clutching to the rim of the chair placed next to her. "Sorry!"Prerna and stranger mouthed at the instant but the incident seemed to be increasing her fears exponentially.
She breathed heavily with the burden on her heart and turn to face in her front when her eyes caught in his darkened pool of almonds, that eyed her devilishly with a smirk flaunting without regret.
She walked through the crowd fetching her inspiration from the deepest corner of her hate for him. He did it purposely , her brain retarded but that fire of hatred arousing from within proved to the fuel of her strength, contrastingly.
"You did it purposely; didn't you?"her tone couldn't mask that hatred budding from within making his smirk go wider to some extent but their was still a guilt from his inside for his act.
She wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes and jested through her hair's to pull them back as they covered her eyes. "For God's sake, why can't you just grow up and act maturely?"the frustration was visible through her expressions as know the regret surfaced out of his skin, gradually.
"Anurag,look,we both have fears and using them as the advantage won't yield anything except for hatred."She breathed heaving as her mind controlled her body to reacted to her fears involuntary. She eyed to her sides before seizing the glass full of water placed before her and gulped down whole of it within seconds.
"I know ,we no longer share that sweet bonding as before but we still have a chance to end things on a good note if not better, at least as friends or mere acquaintance."her eyes trailed over his left hand when he rested his hand on the table , breathing tiredly. He knew what he did was wrong but this seemed to be one of his guilty-pleasure he had the urge to extract from her.
"How do you manage your fears when you are alone,at Delhi?"his eyes raised up to meet her centrifuged to his left hand or probably his ring finger which no longer was bound with the ring she made him wear; back the three years instead another ring replace it showing her that he now belongs to someone else even though their ties aren't broken legally.
His eyes frozen on her face, waiting to see something else than frustration but if only he knew that she had learned to stand out of all those insecurities ever since he broke their relationship emotionally if not legally yet.
"Something I am too acquainted to now--fears. It still lingers but the thought of having none by my side seems to be the most hopeful thought to overcome it somehow."she smiled, returning her gaze from his ring finger to his eyes.
He noticed the redness of eyes with the capillaries bursting out of her eyeballs, indicating the strain it went through with her desire to not break into the tears that brimmed up. The silence engulfed them with none finding a subject that feels less painful than this.
If it wasn't for the waiter who approached them their table would have been succumbed to the silent and heavy breathes. "Your Order Sir...Ma'am?"his polite vocals broke their eyelock as they faced him embarrassed.
"One black coffee and Coffee latte with coconut cookies"Anurag ordered without gazing the menu since he was known to their tastes really well. As the waiter proceeded to go away with the order Prerna stopped him at the instant " Filter coffee instead of Coffee latte, please.".The waiter left as Anurag questioned Prerna over her change of taste within two and a half month.
"Things change with time so why not the taste."she shrugged it with the silence developing again but couldn't last for three minutes more as Anurag break it.
" We got engaged a week before. She is a doctor. We planned to get married by the end of this year,after our divorce."his eyes travelled over his sides with the guilt penetrating his soul as he failed to match her inquisitive eyes. She forcefully smiled at him and beamed a congratulation "Congratulations Any...rag! Hope this times the girl matches the expectations of your family...and yours;of course."
"Well,yeah,umm...Mom has chosen her for me because she thinks that it would be easy for me to get over..."he stopped at eyed her as she understood his indication.
She smiled at him politely making him curious for such a gleaming reaction from her when a part of him was expectant of her to fight over him but then he got reminded how she just walked out of his life and that expectations flopped down.
"It seems so strange to see both of us talking things out, though they don't relate to the reason why we are here but still... it's been long since we ever talked nicely."he nodded to her doubtlessly before asking her for the forgiveness on the account of his cunning trick that he played on her regardless of knowing her fears and phobias.
" I am sorry,Preu!"he sighed before continuing " for calling you here in this bustling hour even after..."his tongue ditched to voice it further with the guilt burdening him.
"Even after knowing my fears?"she shifted uncomfortably at her place and filled her glass for another round,not to quench her thirst but to ease down that panic in herself.
" I am happy that you apologized for it. And it's just the beginning of us tackling things maturely now instead of being extremely instantaneous with the youthful blood in our veins."she smiled at him in acceptance.
" Things would have been better if we worked out on our relationship like that but..."he rubbed his hands over each other in regret as the peace of their friendly relationship currently reminded him of their initial days. "Prerna you were the mature one among both of us, at least you could have made me understand it."he complaint with hurt.
"I guess we better not have rushed with our feelings firstly, though it was love but still--we should have given each other time instead of rushing into-- marriage."she was in a daze of memories searching for the reason why their love turned sour when the reality hit her that nothing can be changed now.
"Anyway,the by gones are the by gones. Let's just not talk about them."she chuckled humourlessly in an attempt to let go off the regrets that would conquer over the friendliness they developed.
He watched her intently before pulling his shoulders back for a second and required the same position as before.
"Umm..Anurag, I wanted to share something severe and trust me...I do not intend to hurt you in anyway but I felt that it's your right to know."the hesitation on her tongue made him attentive as he straighten himself with the clear indication of him being all ears to her.
"Anurag,I am pregnant--eight weeks."she licked her lips with uneasiness as her heart thumped louder not knowing how exactly he is going to react to her.
"I felt that it's your right to know it as a father and I don't mean to bother you about it anymore if you don't want to. It's just that I came across it four days back and chose to better discuss it with you on how are we going to take things further. Though there isn't any hope of reconciliation keeping in mind the past instances and now as I came across your engagement, nor was expectant to. But if you want to keep in touch with the baby I wouldn't be acting as a barrier between both of you."She completed raising her eyes to him who was awestruck with the information he just grabbed.
His lips curved up in the smile and hand covered his face with the surprise that struck him. The tears brimmed in his eyes as he watched her intently,his features softening and probably this was for the first time he let his tears flow freely without any boundations in front of her ever since they met after two and a half month from their separation.
"I mean.. you can discuss about it with your fiance and go according to her preferences because now she is going to be a major part of your life whom you have promised your forevers if not firsts."her tongue stuttered at the thought of it but knowing the bitter events of pasts she knew getting hopes of reconciliation will prove fatal for all three of them, surviving through heart break once again is something she can't expect of.
He was knocked out of his merry with those tested and mechanical words that she talked about but even before he could record his mind registered that he had to sort things out before promising her.
He had his family's hopes on him and the promise he made to the girl who wantedly moved forward to share her life with him even after knowing his past but still it pinched his heart that his love,Prerna has become so hopeless on him for everything they once had.
Their orders arrived as he paid the bill that came along with it.
He has just got hold of his black coffee when he heard Prerna squirming at her place with her hands covering her mouth as she rushed out to somewhere--he could not estimate. He stood up at his place to follow her with the snacks left untouched. She rushed into the women's restroom as he stopped on time on realising where she went but this wasn't the end to his worry. He stood tense and rooted at his spot until it stroke him why did this happen. He paced to and fro with her moans and some-noises-that-he-couldn't-decode echoed making him lose his senses to the exasperation for not being able to be there with her.
"Excuse me,what the hell do you think you are doing outside the women's restroom?"an angered young lady questioned him making him flinch at his spot with the frustrations building up but realising his circumstances he stopped, breathed deeply in order to calm down his raging chargin.
"Umm,I am sorry."he breathed deeply as the lady eyed him in accuse yet he chose to continue it further "Look,my wife is pregnant and she is vomiting inside. I can not go in so was waiting here. Can you please help her?" Seeing his politeness and the circumstances she acknowledged his state and assured him to help her out.
"Don't worry brother,I will see her."her face softened with realisation and she moved in to ask Prerna about the issue.
"Hey!Are you fine? Your husband is worrying about you.What shall I inform him?"the lady knocked at Prerna's cabin door asking about her wellness.
The irregular breathings and hush of words was all she could hear in return until she knocked again "I...am...fine..."Prerna's strength was completely drained out with the serial throwing up of her guts out till it was the bile juice that set her throat on fire.
She was out of strength toppling when she tried to stand up but in the nick of moment balanced herself and unlocked the door. "You look pale...and drained. Your husband is worried about you a lot. "Something stroke her lungs as Prerna started coughing vigourously.
The generous lady patted her back and helped her to move to the basin as Prerna helped herself and nodded to her in gratitude. "Th...than...thank You!" Prerna chimed as the lady smiled at her subtly before she get herself inside one of the cabins to finish that unfinished business she came for.
Prerna wiped away the trickling tears and washed her face with the chilling splashes of water before exiting the chamber to witness Anurag standing at the face of door with worry lines clearly visible.
"Preu,Are you fine?"he took her in his embrace the very moment she exited, she clung on his arms for support with her erratic breathings when her heart pinched at the thought of them being separated forever after the divorce or for a better consequence being reserved to mere acquaintance.
A part of her wanted this moment to happen when they were together or may this baby could bring them together somehow--after all it is his baby,their baby. But she knew now is just too late to mend things that broke them apart .
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Precap: Prerna throws away her engagement ring.
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