Originally posted by: evenjleena28
I welcome healthy conversation and point of views, please do not respond if you cannot be constructive and offer a different perspective, I am able to handle the criticizing but I frown upon personal attacks.
"Blaming the victim is an act of refuge and self-deception. It allows the blamer to sit in judgment, imagining some mystical justice that means bad things happen only to bad people, thus ensuring their own safety.
Una, Becoming Unbecoming
I was not going to say anything purely because at the end of the day this show is fictional, yes affairs do happen in real life and life do get destroyed but each situation is different (for the people involved) and therefore my views have always been stated after looking at the situation from all angles.
Blaming the victim is easy, to say Nandini deserves what happened to her is easy because naturally all the sympathy is with Mauli who is as far as the audience is concerned, has not done anything to be criticized. What I am unable to fathom is why no one is blaming Kunal? The main culprit!!!!!
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, that is the beauty of a democratic society but bringing emotions in a debate changes the equation.
Nandini is breaking her friends trust, no denying that but would it not be prudent to think from her perspective? Our patriarchal society blames the women all the time (and let's face it we have too) but who is the real villain in this saga? She is breaking her friends trust but the MAN (Kunal) is breaking his vows. Which sin is bigger? There will be some who will say its trust and some that will say vows it's all about one's prerogative.
I never understood Nandini but after watching this series for a while she is showing classic symptoms of PTSD as described in DSMM. Does that justify what she is doing? NO it doesn't but why blame her when the person who really is to be blamed is the man here.
Why Do I say that?
Kunal initiated the whole thing. He was unable to control his emotions and yes Nandini felt something towards him but she tried to resist him unlike him who never even tried.
Yes she is cheating with him but from her perspective it makes sense right now the only good thing in her life is Kunal, Mauli is a second thought. For us normal individuals it is unfathomable because we have not been in that situation but for her a victim who has suffered horrendous abuse makes perfect sense.
Kunal did not let her go when she realised that she cannot control her feelings. When Kunal told her he loves her and knows it is wrong she accepted that because she finally got one thing she had always wanted a male approval and someone who will love her unconditionally.
From what I am seeing she has no expectations she is going with the flow and it is perfectly normal. I doubt she has any plans long-term or otherwise. What is Kunal's excuse?
Kunal is not a baby that anyone can make him do things he is not being manipulated because manipulation means:
Psychological manipulation can be defined as the exercise of undue influence through mental distortion and emotional exploitation, with the intention to seize power, control, benefits and/or privileges at the victim's expense.
This does not sound like something Nandini is doing but something that Kunal is doing to Nandini he keeps telling her their love is true, sacred, destined by gods. She has never said that she has always agreed with whatever he says.
After they had sex, Kunal appeared guilty, was it genuine? I highly doubt it given the moment he kisses her. He doesn't pick up her phone later but if he was so guilty why text? Also why not tell her he is guilty? These are mixed signals that any normal woman will find confusing and Nandini has just gone through substantial abuse.
It is easy to blame her because yes she is doing something that she shouldn't, but what about Kunal? I am 100% sure that experiencing betrayal can be devastating but to only blame one person is not fair. I hold Kunal more responsible because he started this whole game. He always initiated the conversations and also he is the one who is married. For Nandini it is finally being accepted by a man who is what she has ever wanted. Does that justify what she is doing to her friend? NO it doesn't but it makes sense. What about her friend's husband and what he is doing to his wife? The one with whom he said his vows?
To even think that Nandini deserves abuse is something I can never ever comprehend. What Nandini does or doesn't do, no one deserves abuse that includes Rajdeep. Abuse is something that only people who goes through understands the psychological effects. It takes away person's self-confidence, ability to think, and rationalisation mind-set. These things are proved again in the DSMM, do read the manual if anyone is interested and you will get better understanding of why Nandini is behaving the way she is all over the place.
I feel that Kunal is psychologically abusing Nandini; he is the one manipulating her and not the other way around. When his mood strikes its true love and when his mood strikes its guilt. He hides from Mauli and knows that apart from Mauli, Nandini has no one and even then without thinking of any ramification he is still continuing in his affair.
Blaming a victim is easy but empathy is important too.Thank you for making this post. It really generated some healthy discussions here, which I know is hard with all the emotions swirling in the air regarding everything that's happening in the show. Try as we might, it's hard to stay objective, especially right after watching the episode but when we discuss it and share our views like this, I think it really helps to learn something new and gain a new perspective.I completely agree with you. While both Nandini and Kunal are guilty, Kunal should be held more responsible and accountable for his actions. I will be honest that I was happy after he confessed that he loved her. I was tired of the whole them trying to stay away from each other but not able to change their feelings. I would have accepted that if it was love. But everything that happened afterwards is not acceptable to me.I honestly was waiting when Kunal would sit down with Nandini and decide what they are going to do from here. Yes, you have accepted and confessed your feelings to each other..but now what? He's married and while she has separated from her abusive husband, she is not legally divorced yet! (which by the way her divorce is going to get messy now and I won't be surprised if Rajdeep's lawyers paint her as someone who was lying about the abuse, or that it was justified because she always seduce men or something. Especially when we have that incident with that doctor who came to Mauli's home and said something along the same lines about Nandini.)Kunal is married, and yet he is acting like a guy who is single and is being with Nandini as such. Only of course he is doing behind everyone's back. I really did not expect that kind of behaviour from him. More than Nandini, I can't understand what is going on in Kunal's mind. You told her you loved her and now what she is someone on the side that you love? Mauli even brought up having a baby, and still he hasn't thought about the future? About coming clean to Mauli, to lay it all out in from of her? That should have been the first thing that happened after he professed his love to Nandini. I know that while ideally that would have been the case, in real life it's different but still it should be something that came across his mind and he is planning to do. But that's not shown here at all.Nandini might be suffering from possible mental illness and even if she wasn't her case is different given everything she's gone through. But he has no excuse at all. Considering that everyday he has to go back to his wife and family, how can he not see what he is doing? Mauli will be the most affected and feel the most betrayed but the truth is that entire family will be betrayed. They love their daughter-in-law, they've been an open and understanding family, they've welcomed Nandini into their home and defend her when the need arises and now when they learn about this affair, it's going to devastate them. I fear Deeda and Kunal's mother will blame Nandini the most, because to them Kunal and Mauli's marriage was fine before she came along.Mauli will suffer the most but I fear things will deteriorate for Nandini. Both women will suffer the most. Because based on Kunal's wishy-washy behaviour, when his family will turn against him and he will fully realize the enormity of his actions, I don't know just how much 'love' for Nandini he will be feeling then.
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