The New Norm - Victim Blaming

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Posted: 2018-09-09T13:56:05Z
I welcome healthy conversation and point of views, please do not respond if you cannot be constructive and offer a different perspective, I am able to handle the criticizing but I frown upon personal attacks.

"Blaming the victim is an act of refuge and self-deception. It allows the blamer to sit in judgment, imagining some mystical justice that means bad things happen only to bad people, thus ensuring their own safety.
Una, Becoming Unbecoming

I was not going to say anything purely because at the end of the day this show is fictional, yes affairs do happen in real life and life do get destroyed but each situation is different (for the people involved) and therefore my views have always been stated after looking at the situation from all angles.

Blaming the victim is easy, to say Nandini deserves what happened to her is easy because naturally all the sympathy is with Mauli who is as far as the audience is concerned, has not done anything to be criticized. What I am unable to fathom is why no one is blaming Kunal? The main culprit!!!!!

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, that is the beauty of a democratic society but bringing emotions in a debate changes the equation.

Nandini is breaking her friends trust, no denying that but would it not be prudent to think from her perspective? Our patriarchal society blames the women all the time (and let's face it we have too) but who is the real villain in this saga? She is breaking her friends trust but the MAN (Kunal) is breaking his vows. Which sin is bigger? There will be some who will say its trust and some that will say vows it's all about one's prerogative.

I never understood Nandini but after watching this series for a while she is showing classic symptoms of PTSD as described in DSMM. Does that justify what she is doing? NO it doesn't but why blame her when the person who really is to be blamed is the man here.

Why Do I say that?
     Kunal initiated the whole thing. He was unable to control his emotions and yes Nandini felt something towards him but she tried to resist him unlike him who never even tried.
     Yes she is cheating with him but from her perspective it makes sense right now the only good thing in her life is Kunal, Mauli is a second thought. For us normal individuals it is unfathomable because we have not been in that situation but for her a victim who has suffered horrendous abuse makes perfect sense.
     Kunal did not let her go when she realised that she cannot control her feelings. When Kunal told her he loves her and knows it is wrong she accepted that because she finally got one thing she had always wanted a male approval and someone who will love her unconditionally.
     From what I am seeing she has no expectations she is going with the flow and it is perfectly normal. I doubt she has any plans long-term or otherwise. What is Kunal's excuse?
     Kunal is not a baby that anyone can make him do things he is not being manipulated because manipulation means:
Psychological manipulation can be defined as the exercise of undue influence through mental distortion and emotional exploitation, with the intention to seize power, control, benefits and/or privileges at the victim's expense.
This does not sound like something Nandini is doing but something that Kunal is doing to Nandini he keeps telling her their love is true, sacred, destined by gods. She has never said that she has always agreed with whatever he says.
     After they had sex, Kunal appeared guilty, was it genuine? I highly doubt it given the moment he kisses her. He doesn't pick up her phone later but if he was so guilty why text? Also why not tell her he is guilty? These are mixed signals that any normal woman will find confusing and Nandini has just gone through substantial abuse.

It is easy to blame her because yes she is doing something that she shouldn't, but what about Kunal? I am 100% sure that experiencing betrayal can be devastating but to only blame one person is not fair. I hold Kunal more responsible because he started this whole game. He always initiated the conversations and also he is the one who is married. For Nandini it is finally being accepted by a man who is what she has ever wanted. Does that justify what she is doing to her friend? NO it doesn't but it makes sense. What about her friend's husband and what he is doing to his wife? The one with whom he said his vows?

To even think that Nandini deserves abuse is something I can never ever comprehend. What Nandini does or doesn't do, no one deserves abuse that includes Rajdeep. Abuse is something that only people who goes through understands the psychological effects. It takes away person's self-confidence, ability to think, and rationalisation mind-set. These things are proved again in the DSMM, do read the manual if anyone is interested and you will get better understanding of why Nandini is behaving the way she is all over the place.

I feel that Kunal is psychologically abusing Nandini; he is the one manipulating her and not the other way around. When his mood strikes its true love and when his mood strikes its guilt. He hides from Mauli and knows that apart from Mauli, Nandini has no one and even then without thinking of any ramification he is still continuing in his affair.

Blaming a victim is easy but empathy is important too.
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Posted: 2018-09-09T14:25:16Z
For me kunal is more guilty than nandini because he is committed one here and i don't oppose ppl slamming nandini but disrespectful words used hv crossed the limits now.It mere character ppl are using such cheap language that you are forced to think are these ppl are educated or not .Ok nandini hv done wrong go ahead bash her but watch your language while commenting on social media.Anyways for me kunal is also culprit and ns
nandini too.But as usual society expects woman to act mature always and slam her more as compared to man when both are at equal fault.This is not about fictional character it happens in real world too.
Edited by TheMockingBird - 2018-09-09T14:27:54Z
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Posted: 2018-09-09T14:32:29Z
Originally posted by TheMockingBird


For me kunal is more guilty than nandini because he is committed one here and i don't oppose ppl slamming nandini but disrespectful words used hv crossed the limits now.It mere character ppl are using such cheap language that you are forced to think are these ppl are educated or not .Ok nandini hv done wrong go ahead bash her but watch your language while commenting on social media.Anyways for me kunal is also culprit and ns
nandini too.But as usual society expects woman to act mature always and slam her more as compared to man when both are at equal fault.This is not about fictional character it happens in real world too.


You are absolutely correct - it is easy to blame the female but lets not forget that yes she is doing the wrong thing but so is he!!!! I personally swear when talking, that is the way I am but I do not use derogatory terms and to attack someone and to say they deserved that is uncalled for. As a society we need to be mindful of how we speak - doesn't matter the platform.
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Posted: 2018-09-09T14:38:09Z
Originally posted by evenjleena28


Originally posted by TheMockingBird


For me kunal is more guilty than nandini because he is committed one here and i don't oppose ppl slamming nandini but disrespectful words used hv crossed the limits now.It mere character ppl are using such cheap language that you are forced to think are these ppl are educated or not .Ok nandini hv done wrong go ahead bash her but watch your language while commenting on social media.Anyways for me kunal is also culprit and ns
nandini too.But as usual society expects woman to act mature always and slam her more as compared to man when both are at equal fault.This is not about fictional character it happens in real world too.


You are absolutely correct - it is easy to blame the female but lets not forget that yes she is doing the wrong thing but so is he!!!! I personally swear when talking, that is the way I am but I do not use derogatory terms and to attack someone and to say they deserved that is uncalled for. As a society we need to be mindful of how we speak - doesn't matter the platform.
Derogatory comments they are not only using for characyers but they have started attacking actors also .I saw so many ppl using cheap language for drashti and shakti on social media especially drashti she is being called with cheap comments and her social media accounts are spammed with hate messages.I mean get real playing actors are playing character .Nandini tak theek ab actress playing nandini is attacked.
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Posted: 2018-09-09T15:01:47Z
Originally posted by TheMockingBird


Originally posted by evenjleena28


Originally posted by TheMockingBird


For me kunal is more guilty than nandini because he is committed one here and i don't oppose ppl slamming nandini but disrespectful words used hv crossed the limits now.It mere character ppl are using such cheap language that you are forced to think are these ppl are educated or not .Ok nandini hv done wrong go ahead bash her but watch your language while commenting on social media.Anyways for me kunal is also culprit and ns
nandini too.But as usual society expects woman to act mature always and slam her more as compared to man when both are at equal fault.This is not about fictional character it happens in real world too.


You are absolutely correct - it is easy to blame the female but lets not forget that yes she is doing the wrong thing but so is he!!!! I personally swear when talking, that is the way I am but I do not use derogatory terms and to attack someone and to say they deserved that is uncalled for. As a society we need to be mindful of how we speak - doesn't matter the platform.

Derogatory comments they are not only using for characyers but they have started attacking actors also .I saw so many ppl using cheap language for drashti and shakti on social media especially drashti she is being called with cheap comments and her social media accounts are spammed with hate messages.I mean get real playing actors are playing character .Nandini tak theek ab actress playing nandini is attacked.


I am not active on social media platforms so I don't know but that's not fair. It's like show brings worst in everyone sadly isn't it?
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Posted: 2018-09-09T15:06:06Z
I completely agree. I've thought the same since I started watching the show. Nandani's actions, whether right or wrong, makes sense. Someone in her shoes, who has been through the kind of abuse, looking for a man in her life that she can trust, it makes sense that she fell for someone who has every good quality in the book. Kunal's behavior doesn't correlate with his feelings for Mauli. When we were shown that foreshadowing scene where his friend cheated on his wife, he was so flabbergasted. I haven't seen that level of reaction from Kunal when he's the one in this situation now. Kunal is the one cheating his wife, he's the one breaking his vows, he is the one who has initiated things like you have pointed out. If Kunal hadn't stopped Nandani she wouldn't even be in the same city. Before Rajdeep thought for her, told her how to act and what to say and now Kunal is doing the same to Nandani. Difference is, Kunal is a nice guy so it doesn't necessarily come across as manipulation. Kunal's feelings are so so random. He probably did fall out of love for Mauli if he found someone that he vibes with more or someone that he can "protect" (typical patriarchal bs) someone that can make food for him or whatever it is, he is wrong. He is wrong and he should be held accountable for his actions. 
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Posted: 2018-09-09T15:16:49Z
Originally posted by music_l0ver036


I completely agree. I've thought the same since I started watching the show. Nandani's actions, whether right or wrong, makes sense. Someone in her shoes, who has been through the kind of abuse, looking for a man in her life that she can trust, it makes sense that she fell for someone who has every good quality in the book. Kunal's behavior doesn't correlate with his feelings for Mauli. When we were shown that foreshadowing scene where his friend cheated on his wife, he was so flabbergasted. I haven't seen that level of reaction from Kunal when he's the one in this situation now. Kunal is the one cheating his wife, he's the one breaking his vows, he is the one who has initiated things like you have pointed out. If Kunal hadn't stopped Nandani she wouldn't even be in the same city. Before Rajdeep thought for her, told her how to act and what to say and now Kunal is doing the same to Nandani. Difference is, Kunal is a nice guy so it doesn't necessarily come across as manipulation. Kunal's feelings are so so random. He probably did fall out of love for Mauli if he found someone that he vibes with more or someone that he can "protect" (typical patriarchal bs) someone that can make food for him or whatever it is, he is wrong. He is wrong and he should be held accountable for his actions.


You said it brilliantly and I agree - how is she manipulating? She is being coerced, she is being manipulated by a nice man this time. Mental illness is very real and I get that India has not caught up but biased opinions without facts are just that - biased opinion.

I have never justified Nandinis actions but I understand it completely. People really should read DSMM to understand what construes as manipulation, psychological abuse, and post traumatic stress disorder. I cannot tolerate ignorance and making assumptions without complete knowledge is just that - ignorance.
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Posted: 2018-09-09T15:18:33Z
Very well explained. Can I share this since u r not active on social networking sites Ofcourse by giving the credit to u. Or else u should share. Not many people understand nandini. Infact even I used to skip trauma part because according to me it's just to create sympathy for her and nothing else. 
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