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Hi guys. Happy Independence Day 🤗
I have a lot of cribbing that I have wanted to do, ever since his track started but then there was a side of me which was like it's not worth it. Cause really why waste your time on something, which is clearly driven by the audience's reaction. Unfortunately, kaleerein at this stage has no narrative of its own, its driven by the TRP's.
I have been surviving on updates, since well Monday, which is technically only 2 days, but for me that itself is quite a lot. But now at least, the show isn't pissing me off, so, I decided to pen down the thing that I hate the most about ITV shows and that is the hypocrisy of the FL and her family and maybe to a certain extent of the audience as well.
Unfortunately, though kaleerein has become exactly that where the characters have such glaringly obvious double standards that it can actually be astounding sometimes as an audience.
Starting with the Dhingras, or should I say a certain Dhingra, cause well he is everyone's favorite now
Amar has always been weak, but at least he was a fair and just guy. Right from the promos we could see that he really did love Meera and irrespective of what everyone else said, to him she was perfect. Even if he couldn't stand up for her, like he should have at least he would retaliate to a certain extent against Dolly's constant badmouthing of Meera. That's both good and bad. I am not saying Meera wasn't brought up well but sometimes constant supporting of your kid can make them self-absorbed to the point that they can never see their own mistakes. Amar was that father who was always in support of Meera, irrespective of whether she was right r wrong. Like he had said once, ki mujhe uski galti dikhayi nahi deti, which is a very unhealthy approach to have when bringing up a kid. As a parent, it is your duty to appreciate your child when they are right and chastise them when they are wrong. Which Dolly I guess always did. She was another extreme initially as well, but at least she didn't blindly support Meera all the time.
Either way, the first time around when I felt he was being a hypocrite was when he wasn't too happy that Vivaan married Meera. I can understand that the way things unfolded wasn't really ideal but at the very least, I expected him to show some gratitude towards the man who saved his daughter's dignity. Even if they believed that Vivaan had made that video, the fact remained that Sumair showed it in front of an audience.
Then during Vivaan's birthday party when he was like we weren't dying to marry off our daughter, wanted to make me laugh. They were actually so desperate to marry her off, that despite Sumairs mothers behavior, they went ahead with the marriage. They didn't like Roma and didn't appreciate her behavior, well then what about his mum. They didn't even think once that the woman who was treating her like that before marriage and with her family around, then how would she treat her after marriage. I'll always remember that one dialogue of Meera where she was like ki itni kya jaldi hai aapko meri shaadi karne ki.
I would have had a lot more respect for him, if he would have stood up for her and even his wife then. They were insulted at every step, but he didn't say anything. The way Meera was humiliated on her wedding was atrocious and yet all he did was cry. He should have stepped in. He should have been the man to hug her and take all those blows. She was his daughter and his responsibility. Vivaan shouldn't have had to be responsible for her, yet he did step in. He protected her and made her his wife to keep her reputation intact.
And after all this when he was like oh we have brought up our daughter with so much love and were in no hurry to marry her off, actually cracked me up a bit. I don't doubt their love for her but you have to be a bit thick to actually mouth of dialogues like that, after all that you did, or should I say after all that you didn't do.
Now coming to his behavior, now, it is actually such a contrast to the Amar that I have seen that I honestly cannot even believe that this is Amar Dhingra. For starters, I had expected more understanding fo Vivaan after everything that he went through and even when that doctor came in and he was like let him go cause otherwise Vivaan is going to get mad and take it out on Meera, had me tongue-tied for a moment. Cause that right there was a very selfish man speaking, who suddenly had no regard for the girl who had been there with them for so many months and had been nothing but nice to them. Suddenly you would let anyone go to her room, while she is in coma cause well you can't see your daughter in pain. Having a daughter, I had expected more understanding and empathy from him for another girl. I loved Dolly at that moment because she was like kudi ka mamla hai and so we should be there, her brother isn't here and we shouldn't just let anybody in.
I am not upset that he got angry at vivaan for behaving with Meera like he did, but he suddenly grew a spine overnight and forgot everything that Vivaan had done for them. Suddenly, his plight and agony didn't matter, all that mattered was his daughter. It would have been more relatable if they had shown him at war with himself, wherein, on one hand, he was sympathetic towards Vivaan while on the other his behavior was pissing him off. He could have gone up to him like he had when Amaya was in the hospital and have a heart to heart with him. He should have been there for him but should have also tried to make him understand that his actions towards Meera were outright abuse and as a father, he was not going to put up with it. And if he couldn't do that then he should have just done what he had always done up till that point, he should have stayed quiet. Because really whatever Vivaan did with Meera, the fact remains that this was a matter between a husband and a wife. She willingly put up with it. He kept on telling her to stay away but she refused to leave him. I am not saying that she should have left him, because he was in a very vulnerable mental state then but she could have dealt with him in a better way. Barging your way into someone's life is not the only way to support them and when she could stand up against him for her family, then I believe she could have for herself as well. I don't want to get into this now, but again I loved Dolly ji's approach towards the problem. She could see that Meera didn't need the added burden of her family's opposition at that moment. Instead what she needed then was some moral support. She also knew that as husband and wife they needed their space to sort out their problems without any external interference and manipulation. If Amar would have left them at that point, then they would have found their way to each other, like they did when Amaya was in the hospital. They would have fought and would have been hurt but ultimately it would have ended with an apology and a better understanding of the other person.
But he decided to be a father then and he did exactly the thing that he was hating on Vivaan for. He hated Vivaan for leaving Meera and abusing her but shouldn't emotional abuse count as well. Your daughters in the hospital but you coerce her into choosing between you and her husband, minutes after she regains consciousness.
Does that make you any better than her husband? Her husband didn't ask her if she wanted the divorce or not. He felt she was wrong and he left her. And you did exactly that. You never asked her what did she want, did she still want her husband, well I guess it didn't really matter, did it? All that mattered was that now you didn't want her to be with her husband anymore, and your ego is, of course, paramount. Meeras wishes could go to hell for all you cared. But I guess I shouldn't really be surprised because nobody really did care about what Meera wanted. Which was the biggest paradox of this serial, cause on one hand you have this family and this guy who loves his daughter to bits, but when it comes to supporting her wishes they all back out. Ultimately, they all backhand her into doing exactly what they want. And Meera's hypocrisy laid in the fact that when it's her family she would do it, but when it's her husband, she would resist it. I am not saying that she should get coerced into doing exactly what Vivaan wants her to do, but she would have been more real if she showed the same resistance to her family as well. Which she did initially and that is exactly the reason why I loved her. She was a girl who was driven by her set of right and wrongs and I am not saying that's a good trait to have, cause that often made her judgemental but at least her morals didn't change depending on the person in front of her.
Coming back to Amar's hypocrisy, he should probably be crowned as the hypocrite of the century, with his daughter finishing a close second after what he did with Dolly yesterday. He disowned his wife of 25 years and the mother of his children at the drop of a hat, simply because she didn't obey his 'commands.' All the years they spent together suddenly didn't matter, because she was aliasing with the 'enemy.' Well then just wanted to ask you Mr. Dhingra, wasn't Dolly someone's daughter as well? Just like you entrusted Vivaan with your Meera, Dolly's father had probably trusted you to look his daughter as well. He had trusted you to love, honour and protect her, until your last breath.
But maybe that's wife men need daughters in their life so that they can realize all the ways in which they failed their own wives when someone does the exact same to their daughter. They seem to forget that the woman who's their wife now, was someone's daughter once upon a time as well and just like their own daughter is the apple of their eye, she too was just as precious to another man. And if you can't respect the woman who you were entrusted with, what right do you have to turn around and blast someone else for doing the same to your daughter.
The hypocrisy of this patriarchal society really gets to me at times. There is respect for a woman, only when she has a certain relation with you and that too only till she is fuelling your ego, by living by your rules. The moment she refuses to do that, she ceases to have all the love and respect that you had once promised her.
Amar takes it a step further by preaching something and doing the exact opposite. He demands respect for his daughter and turns around and treats his wife worse than his daughter's husband had treated her.
Vivaan was in shock and had faced the worst trauma that anyone could have been through and that is losing your mother, but whats your excuse Amar? Your love for your daughter? Well, that seems a bit rich considering your disregard of her feelings in this entire mess.
Now his treatment of Vivaan is equally appalling and the funny part, he always wanted his daughter to marry an NRI and now they want to torture that same NRI, by making him live like an Indian villager. It's actually hilarious, first, they tried to browbeat their daughter into becoming more westernized so that she could be a suitable NRI bride and when she did end up getting married to an NRI, now they see his way of life as a means to torture him.
Even more hypocritical is the fact that he was not ok with Dollyji trying to change Meera cause she was perfect for him, but her husband should change himself and learn to be a house husband. I would have found it more plausible if he had asked him to go for therapy and get a grip on his anger. Instead, he wants him to learn to make aloo paranthas. I don't think you were too happy when Meera was insulted for not knowing how to make high tea, were you now?
They are not even trying to mask their double standards.
And like I had said on the AT, I don't think there is anything wrong with being privileged, as long as you don't look down upon people who are not as privileged as you. And Vivaan never did that. He never had any issue with their standing in the society. He was always accommodating, so making him live like that makes no sense. What do you hope to teach him? You want him to gain respect for middle-class people like you. But he never disrespected your way of life, to begin with, so why did you have to reach the low of using the life he was used to, against him?
That's Mr Dhingra, and now coming to Meera. So, she wouldn't put up with Vivaan calling her daddy anything but papaji and even in his distraught state when he blasts her family, she stood up against him and said she would fight god for them, but she wouldn't stand up for him.
Irrespective of all of Vivaan's shortcomings, he at least never let a third person disrespect Meera, but I guess that's only a husbands job. So when a man stands up against his family for his wife that is applause-worthy but a wife letting her husband being disrespected in front an entire pind by her father is what makes her a woman of substance? And then I hear people going like ITV is anti-feminism, what lies. If anything our television is what every feminazis dreams are made of.
It's great if men stand up against villainous mother in laws for their wives, but it would be great if wives could do the same for their husbands. In the end, its more about supporting the person who is right in a particular situation, irrespective of your relation to them. Which is why it was all right that Meera stood up to Vivaan for her family because even if he was in shock, he was spewing absolutely delusional stuff. And he needed to be told that you are wrong. Just like Mr. Dhingra needs to be told that his behavior is borderlining inhuman now.
But she won't. I have always noticed this trend that in front of the ML, the otherwise docile FL's turn into absolute bravehearts and the same treatment when meted out to the love of their lives by their family, makes them, well tear up. They never protest, they never come their rescue, irrespective of however wrong their family get in their bid to teach the ML a lesson. They don't have to forgive their husbands for all that they did, but at the end of the day do they really deserve all that they are put through and then how does it make your family any better than your husband?
When the same thing is done to their family, they lose their marbles, as does the audience. It becomes an issue of national importance when a woman is treated the way men often are on TV and irrespective of how wrong she might have been, their redemption is over with a sorry. But a man needs to struggle to have himself redeemed. Why the double standards?
Most importantly though, isn't your husband your family as well? How can you say you love him, when at the very least you can't even speak up and say that he isn't a servant, he is my husband. Even Vivaan never let her be disrespected as a servant.
I ll never understand this hypocrisy of the FL's and the audience and this is something which bothers me the most.
Most importantly Meera didn't even say anything to her father, after the way he treated her mother and even in front of the pind people she didn't take a stand for her father. What were the CV's playing at? Were they trying to compensate her lack of support when it comes to Vivaan by having her stay quiet when it came to her father? If anything she lost more respect, as far as I am concerned, because it just highlighted to me that she can only stand up to certain people. Namely, Vivaan, Pammi, and Roma. Cause she didn't like them from day 1. Other people have the privilege of insulting her and her family and walking away scot-free cause she doesn't hold any inherent biases towards them. Namely Sumair, his family and now the apparent good villagers.
Also when Meera was blasting the villagers for their thinking, I couldn't help but laugh cause wasn't she just as judgemental as them.
Also, every time she says she was the one who tried to hold onto the marriage whilst Vivaan wanted to leave, baffles me a little. I don't deny that he always wanted to break their marriage but meera never held onto their marriage because of him or because of her love for him. It started with keeping up the pretence for the sanity of her family and soon they started getting entangled in the mess roma created. She had reasons for holding on but it was never cause she couldn't live without him. Plus they were both very clear that this marriage was going to end in a divorce and they were both prepared for it. Which is why even when she didn't want him to go she was at least clear about the fact that this was always how it was meant to go down. When she was pregnant like lying about being pregnant and even when she was seeing pammi off, every time she would say that this marriage is a farce and everything related to it is a lie as well and how hurt everyone would be when they would come to know of the truth. So then why now are her dialogues written in such a way so that it seems like she was the victim in all of this mess. Sure she was as was Vivaan but their divorce was mutually agreed upon at least after the initial shock because they both knew that they would never work.
Now her anger. That is one thing that is absolutely justified. She has every right to feel the way she is feeling and if she doesn't want to forgive him that's all right. What I cannot digest is her judgement being driven by her fathers opinion of him. When did she become this girl who just stays quiet and says hanji hanji like aditi said in that interview .
I am dissapointed Meera became what she has and no I dont think she is an inspiration or the only FL to have not forgiven her husband, like some of the twitter audience seems to feel. She would have been an inspiration if she had blasted her father when he had asked her to choose and told him that she was not forgiving Vivaan because she couldn't live with a man like that anymore not because he was forcing her to choose. Or if she had chosen to be with Vivaan defying her father and together they had worked hard to mend their marriage and be there for each other. If not an inspiration she would definitely become the only FL to have ever done that.
Things are just becoming more convoluted now, which means I wont be watching it any time soon and that makes me sad cause of the amazing story this could have been. But that's Television. ðŸ˜
Either ways just wanted to share my views and keep the forum activity going :))
Chandu 😊
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