Bepannah ~My thoughts ~ep 102 7.8.18 On a knife-edge !
Adi is an open book for all regards his on edge behaviour. For Zoya though he remains a closed book. Continues to bar her, let her into the contents of the workings of his heart and mind. Zosh team, and Zoya however can sense Adi's anxiousness over some difficult or stressful situation. Readily he rudely shuns Zoya's advances to offer him a listening ear. Adi though, despite what he feels for Zoya, continues to remain on the knife-edge of conflicts within himself.
Yet Adi is his own worst enemy.The more he pushes Zoya away, it's his heart that conspires against him and makes his imagination go wild whenever she's nearby.The feeling of love makes his heart go giddy. Hangs over his head like a double-edged sword! Where on the one hand recognition of love seems beneficial to him. On the other hand it creates disadvantages for Adi too! He fears the reaction of the world, in case he seriously gets with Zoya? So much so, that his very own emotions begin to conflict. His erratic mood swings keep him on edge, stealing his peace and calm. One moment he side-steps her, rebukes her in public! Next moment, unseen, in stealth, he holds her close to his very heart!
Not even their cold war can freeze the passion he feels for her. Adi appears totally lost in his imaginary world, even in work related tasks. Whereas out on the cutting edge, Adi and Zoya both literally turn their backs to each. One untimely mistake of showering rose petals becomes for the quite powerless Adi! Yet another invisible flight of fancy! Which makes him swirl Zoya in the tender circle of his arms. Boundless love, he holds in his heart for her.This unlimited love, that makes each heart need the other! A love that makes them spin and revolve around lightly, in their private world of tranquillity..
Still sweet dazes flee from broad reality! Adi too revives from the spell love casts upon him. What a blessing! this time she faces him! not away from him, like before! To him, flowers that adorn a vase in some corner of a room. End up crowning the top of Zoya's head! So like his love are the rose petals scattered upon her head. A befitting homage for one so pure, as his Zoya..
Yet situations continue to prompt uneven reactions from Adi.Once more he removes himself from a scenario where his actions begin to speak louder than words! His bemused expression transforms into a scowl, and he visibly walks away from all! especially Zoya. If only Zoya knew instead of worrying sick about him, that its her and only her welfare that means the world to Aditya.He'd drive himself over the edge than let any grief touch her, ever!
He dances over the razors edge!! The scene is shocking to see Adi on the border, trim of his life which should have been at the central point of the terrace. Emotional disturbance makes Adi walk away from the centre! Towards the edge! Adi stands in a risky and precarious situation. He stops at the precipice of his troubles and from a great height looks down at the ant sized activities of life below him.
At this low point in his life his conversation with Arjun gives Adi the verbal platform he needs to lift things off his weighed down heart. Confessions do Adi good and this time he not only accepts what Arjun says, but he also gets to give his own defence too. Why love for Zoya, as much as being a wonderful feeling! Happens to be a morally stumbling block for him! which prevents him of envisaging a future with Zoya. Fear of being rejected by the vicious norms of custom and practice restricts the progression of his love!
Adi really, voices off a general fear that normal people feel when they do the extraordinary. Marrying Zoya , given their ugly past is sure to invite great chastisement and severe criticism, not so much for him, but for Zoya in society.
Love is unselfish! It gives up one's own gift of the virtue, to protect the other.Its Zoya's honour that Adi is concerned about, what not she would have to face ,especially being a woman! But then again, it's a sensible person like Arjun ,who has his head screwed the right way, that reminds Adi about Zoya's strength .That Zoya is a tough nut to crack. Has become strong enough to give back as good as she gets! Arjun recognizes, Zoya can not only shield herself against taunting, wagging tongues! But she can also be the armour of emotional protection for his brother too!
Adi is blessed to be surrounded by strong positive figures like Arjun and Zoya, who hold him when he stumbles emotionally. Arjun reminds Adi that him and Zoya are destined for each other! However controversial their pair may seem, or sound to the world! Society finds fault in everything and anything that deviates from the norms set by traditions! There is much hope for Adi in Arjun's words, that Adi and Zoya's friendship is blossoming into love! Henceforth, Arjun emphasizes to his bhai to make his own destiny! By making Zoya his destiny! Before its too late and he finds ,he's lost her ! all because of his societal fears!
When one confronts one's painful past. It goes to show one arrives at a cross roads where paths have to be determined! She always ironed out his problems for him in the past. His encounter with Pooja on the edge of the terrace, is an entry into the troubled labyrinth of Adi's mind and heart.Zoya helped him to taste redemption of his soul from the festering revenge that lodged in Adi before.
His present, imaginary rendezvous with Pooja, symbolizes how Adi's forgiveness of Pooja's betrayal enables his mind into receiving a strange type of healing from his best friend Pooja. The healing that gives a benign closure to his past, so he can live happily in both his present and future.
Pooja's words from her diary now come alive through the workings of Adi's restless mind! In the form of Pooja's apparition. Adi senses, that Pooja too, where ever she was, would be delighted that Adi too has found his first love in Zoya!
Perhaps, somewhere, Adi carried the guilt that he would be insincere to Pooja's memory by falling in love with Zoya? Now through this communication with Pooja's memories, somehow Adi finds solace in the fact, that Pooja would see his pain, as linked to his love for Zoya! The kind of love that extends from the depths of one's heart and reaches up to the heavens itself! In Pooja's example Adi grasps the concept that one has to put up a fierce fight to win one's love! for to realize love for the first time is to rebel against forces that prevent one from achieving it! For it's in this rebellion to get one's love lies that freedom that sets one free! For those who fight for love emerge victorious those who refuse to fight for their lov, end up regretting all their life! Adi gazes at his friend Pooja..and it makes sense to him, that Pooja fought for love, and attained her freedom!
On the brink of his life, it dawns upon Adi, that he has to make the inevitable choice of either hanging on to Pooja's hand and his past or to beckon to the frantic call of Zoya "Aditya come down take my hand! In taking Zoya s hand would mean saying farewell to Pooja and his past? Whereas, grabbling Zoya's hand gives good tidings of his present! Along with many good times ahead to come.
Adi's mind is at rest..Pooja found her first love! and now the winds convey Pooja's message to Adi! Zoya is the one! the girl who is your first love!! somehow Adi feels he has the edge over things!His past ,gremlins ,glitches that previously frayed!! the edges of his very existence! are exorcized! His stormy past, itself shows him the love that now fills him up! All his fears flee from him and he feels a sense of victory, that moves him on with his head held high! Hamlet53 8.8.18
As usual, once more Harshad brings alive the sufferings of Adi s heart, mind and soul. Overall the episode bodes well .. Adi now needs to make his feelings known to his first love! Zoya! Did Pooja's rebellion in love mean fighting one's family?? If that was the case, then I cannot see Zoya and Adi going against their familial wishes.. to attain their love..
Precap:Not a detached note. But an honestly connected letter of love for the woman who gives him ultimate peace in his previously woeful existence.
Hammie's Bepannah Thoughts Index
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