||ArMu OS - Coming Home||

||ArMu OS Coming Home||

The summers had just begun in Amboli but the heat was already beginning to become unbearable. As he walked in to the panchayat building, he wiped beads of sweat off his forehead. Stopping to get a drink of water from the earthen pot, his hand paused midway. He'd never thought that in the short time they'd been together, she would permeate his life to such an extent. Her memories seemed to be everywhere. Her presence seemed to be every where. Like this earthen pot. She had made him, literally, dance to her tunes when she won her bet about filling this earthen pot with water she got from the well.

He downed the glass of water and sat down on his designated seat outside. Of course, he wasn't safe from her memories here either. She'd walk in in the middle of meetings and disputes like she owned the place and give advise even when he told her time and again to keep out of his affairs. A smile curved his lips as he thought that sometimes, her crazy advice and opinions did work out.

It was five years now, but still every memory of hers was as fresh as if she had been in his house and his life just till yesterday. Maybe it was all that happened right before she left. His dhingli's truth had come out. The whole truth, that Mishri was actually Rami's and Lalji's daughter. And along with the revelation had come the other big revelation, that for 14 years, his own sister, Rami, had been plotting his downfall. That combined with getting to know of Uma's abusive marriage, his world had literally come crashing down around him. But she'd been his support a rather unlikely support through it all. She'd seen him break down completely and then she'd helped him gather the pieces and start over again. Mishri had gotten married to Deep and moved to the US, Lalji was back in jail for attempted murder and Rami left the village forever. Uma was now back in the house much more quieter than she used to be but at least she wasn't being abused at the hands of her husband anymore. And when it had all settled down, she had left.. and he had let her go. And he'd lived in the huge gaping void she'd left.

"Raju.." Saanvi placed a hand on his shoulder and brought him out of his reverie. "Saanvi? How come you are here? Is everything okay? Is chotu okay?" He asked wiping the moisture away from the corner of his eye. "I am fine. And so is chotu. I was passing by and I saw you sitting here alone and lost in thought so I thought I should talk to you," Saanvi replied, "Are you okay?" "Yes! Of course! What could happen to me? I'm fine. I was just thinking about something.." his voice trailed off. "Something or someone?" Saanvi asked. He looked at her surprised. "You miss her, don't you?" Saanvi continued. He looked away immediately, afraid that his childhood friend would be able to read the truth in his eyes, "what are you saying, Saanvi? Why would I miss that Gaurani?" "But I didn't take Aru's name, Raju," Saanvi interrupted him.

Too late, he thought as he realized his folly. He shook his head. "There's nothing like that Saanvi. "Did you meet her when you went to Ahmedabad this time? Saanvi asked. "No. She had gone to Mumbai for some work. Do you know? She's expanding her business there," he replied, the pride he felt for her achievements reflecting in his eyes and voice. "She is doing really well for herself. And why wouldn't she? She is smart, intelligent, hardworking and no. 1 jugadu! She does a hundred things at the same time. God knows what Express train she is competing against. But once she decides on something, by God, she persists till the end," he went on and on unmindful of Saanvi watching him closely.

"You really love her," Saanvi commented. He looked at her absolutely surprised. He'd always had tumultuous emotions when it came to his Gaurani emotions that he did not have the time, patience or more truthfully, the courage to examine and dissect. He respected her, admired her for her perseverance and unfailing optimism. Her messiness and need to interfere in everyone's affairs bothered him but he always knew that if she knew she'd made a mistake, she'd be the first one to rectify it, even before apologizing for it. But, love? Of course he cared for her. He couldn't see her hurting or in pain. He'd do anything for her. But did he love her? If five years ago, when they'd gotten married, someone would've told him or asked him if he loved her, he would have titled them the world's biggest daffod. But today, he was actually introspecting to see what was in his heart.

"Are you still unsure about it? Then tell me why neither of you have initiated a formal divorce yet?" Saanvi asked. He had no answer. When she left five years ago, he'd assumed she would get the paperwork done, they'd never even felt the need to talk about it. And they hadn't, in the last five years. "Look in your heart and tell me Raju, have you never once seen her as the woman who was.. who is your wife and not just the Gaurani that you teasingly call her?" Saanvi continued.

He knew the answer even before the memories came rushing by. He had. There had been so many incidents where he'd been aware of her, not as the multitasking, irritating Gaurani, but as a woman. Like the wedding night that the family and villagers had forced them into. She'd looked so beautiful, so delicate. But things were so awkward between them at that point that it was at best a fleeting moment of awareness. Then the night they were stuck on the terrace together and she'd tripped over Chammo to land on top of him. Even today, he could smell that tantalizing fragrance of her hair as it fell over his face. She had raised her big, innocent doe eyes to look at him and for just a second, he'd felt as if he was going to lose himself in their depths. And that time she'd asked him to accompany her to the bathroom late at night. She'd come running straight into his arms, afraid of the dark. Her hug was innocent but the fact that she'd chosen to seek comfort from him, in his arms, and she hadn't drawn away in embarrassment even when he asked her what was wrong, had registered somewhere at the back of his mind. Then she'd topped off all his mixed emotions by stating that she'd never let him be away from her for long. It was an impulsive statement but it had tugged straight at his heart strings.

She'd also asked him once to tuck away her wayward locks of hair from her face because her hands were covered in mehendi. He'd initially refused but she'd threatened to call Mishri and for the fear of upsetting Mishri, he had complied. It seemed like such an intimate gesture now, like something a lover would do. But of course, that had not been the time or place to think those thoughts. He knew that even though neither of them accepted or acknowledged their marriage, somehow, he had taken her to be his responsibility. And even though she constantly reminded him that she'd be gone as soon as Mishri got married, he had made space for her in his life.

He shuddered to think of the times Lalji and Rami had plotted to kill her. First with the fire in the storeroom and then, pushing her into a well. That was when he had faced the fear of actually losing her. And when he realized just how easily she'd wormed her way into his life. It was after those incidents, that his whole world had come crashing around him like a stack of cards. And it was then that he seen her, truly seen her as a woman of strength with whom he could share the part of himself that he kept hidden from the world, with whom he could share his life with all its burdens, pains and flaws. When all the truth came out one after the other in quick succession, he had felt as though every decision he'd ever made had been wrong a young Mukhi, declaring Rami's illegitimate child a sin and banishing Lalji from the village. Then when Mishri was born, buckling under societal pressure and lying to Rami that the child was a stillborn boy. When his guilt wouldn't let him live, he tracked down the baby girl and brought her home to raise her as his sister. In the meantime, Lalji's thirst for revenge had brought him to Mukhi's doorstep and almost had him killed. Lalji was locked away in lifetime imprisonment. But little did he know that in his efforts to do right by all, he was turning his own sister into his foe. When he broke down pouring his heart out and crying to finally let go of all the pain he'd carried within him, she had been there. She had been there, silent but strong, lending him support as she'd held him in her arms. She'd told him that he was only human and humans were flawed. His intentions were never wrong. His sister just never understood him. And she'd let him cry till his tears dried up and she held him close and comforted him.

"I can see it in your eyes, Raju. You've accepted her as your wife long back. Then why did you let her go Raju? Why didn't you stop her? Why haven't you told her till now? Why are you putting yourself and her through this pain?" Saanvi asked. "It doesn't matter what I think or feel Saanvi. It isn't necessary that she feels the same way. And what right did I have to stop her? We both knew that this marriage had no future. We had no future together. Think about it Saanvi. I was a 42 year old illiterate villager and she, she was a 22 year old girl with hopes, dreams and aspirations and the drive to achieve them all. What could I offer her? And even if I did have a right to stop her, I wouldn't. Because I know what her dreams mean to her. And I'm not that selfish yet that I hold her back in a relationship that she does not want just because in this old age, I may have developed feelings for her. That's the worst I could do to her, Saanvi."

"But are you sure Aru is happy where she is right now? Are you sure that she has no feelings for you?" Saanvi persisted. "She still calls you, every day, to check on you, if you've eaten, if you've taken your medicine, to ask Mastana to feed Chammo, to ask me to make kadha for you when you fall sick." "She is really good at heart is all I can say. As for what's in her heart, I didn't know then, I don't know now. For now, let things be the way they are," Mukhi said standing up. As he started to leave, Saanvi stopped him with one last question, "What will you do Raju, if she finds someone else?"

The ache in his heart at that question was so strong, he couldn't breathe for a few seconds. He turned to look at Saanvi but said nothing and walked away.

Just as he entered the front yard of his house, the sky crackled with thunder and it started to rain. He stopped for a minute to feel the warm droplets against his skin. What will you do Raju, if she finds someone else? The question lingered on in his mind and so did the pain.

"Arey wah Mukhiji! You would scold me that the first rain of the season is not good for you and now you are enjoying the rain yourself, eh?" Her voice seemed so real that he thought she was somewhere near him and not just his mind playing tricks with him. He stayed put, feeling the rain, his face turned upward to the sky and eyes closed. An arm on his shoulders yanked him, turning him around.

"Now you won't even talk to me?"

Mukhi's eyes opened and he found himself staring into the doe eyes of the woman who was in all his thoughts and emotions day and night. "Gaurani, is that you?" He asked surprised. "Mukhiji!! Don't you think at least now you should stop calling me Gaurani? After all, I am your legally wedded wife!" She retorted. He let the words sink in and waited for her to go on. When she said nothing more, he asked her, "what are you doing here? You didn't mention that you were coming when you called yesterday." "Arey! Do I need to set up an appointment to come see you now? Give you two weeks advance notice?" She replied. "Now will you keep staring at me or will you help me put my bags inside?"

"Bags? Did that mean she would be staying a few days, he wondered. "What has happened to you Mukhiji? Why do you look so confused? Of course when I'm coming back home, won't I bring my bags with me?" She stated matter-of-factly.

The truth was, she didn't feel the confidence she was projecting. The decision to come back to him had been an easy one to make. She knew that her heart now belonged here, in this village, with him. But before she could come back to him, she had a few promises to fulfill, dreams to achieve, because they had been her father's dreams. Coming from a middle class background, her dad had dreamed of being a big businessman someday. But his business ran into a rough patch and when he got a stroke, everything was shut down. They were left with nothing. Since then, Aru had taken it upon herself to fulfill her dad's dreams; which could not happen here in Amboli. So, she'd left. Now, she had a successful business running, she was no Ambani yet, but that didn't matter. She'd bought an apartment for her parents from her own money. She wanted to make sure she did not leave them in any debt so she'd worked day and night for the past five years to pay off the loan for the apartment. And now that her parents were settled in, her business was running smooth, she'd set in motion plans for outsourcing and expansion, it was finally time for her to come home.

"Actually, there was something I wanted to tell you, Mukhiji," she started hesitantly. "I've been keeping you updated on how my business is going na? I've set in motion the plans for expansion and outsourcing. Papa and Mummy are settled into the new apartment. And now that things are all in place, Papa Mummy think I should settle down too."

So that's why she was here, Mukhi realized with a sinking feeling in his chest. She was here to discuss divorce. Not letting himself dwell on the pain, he spoke quickly, "you needn't have come all this way for that. You could've just sent the papers and I would've signed them."

"Papers? What papers?" Aru asked confused.

"The.. divorce papers," he said, looking away from her.

"Divorce papers?! What are you talking about?" Aru exclaimed startled.

"You've come here to talk about divorce right? So you can get married again and settle down?" Mukhi's tone was laced with an underlying anger and accusation.

"Have you lost your mind?!" Aru yelled. "I've been standing here in the rain, for the past ten minutes, trying to tell you that I want to be with you, and you think I'm here to get divorce papers signed?"

Mukhi was genuinely flabbergasted.

"You know what? I've given you the right name, Dukhi Mukhi. Whenever you think, you'll always think of the worst. If I wanted divorce from you, why would I wait five years for it? Wouldn't I have got it as soon as I left? Why would I call you ten times a day to check on you and what you are doing and worry about you and leave all my work and come meet you every time you were in Ahmedabad? Why would I still be wearing this mangalsutra and sindoor? But why would you bother to think about any of that? Jumping to your own conclusions.. Divorce papers my foot!" Aru yelled.

"You are such a strange female. Why do you always have to talk in riddles. Why can't you just straight up say what you have to say?" Mukhi asked.

"Okay. You want me to spell it out for you? Then listen. I don't want a divorce from you. I never wanted one and I never will. When I left from here, it was to fulfill my papa's dreams. And even when I was leaving I knew would come back, right here, to you.. because.. because.. I love you!" Aru said exasperated.

Mukhi stood stunned for a few minutes at her open, honest declaration of love. When he said nothing at all, Aru felt her heart sink. She'd taken a gamble by coming back because though she was sure of her own feelings for him, she had no idea if Mukhiji had any feelings at all for her. And with his silent response to her declaration of love, he was confirming her fears that maybe he did not want her in his life.

"I am sorry," she said, her voice small, "I shouldn't just have blurted that out. I understand.. that.. you don't feel the same way for me as I do for you. You were probably hoping for a divorce. That's alright." She shuffled on her feet not knowing what to do next. Abruptly, she turned away from him and reached for her bags, "I should just go."

He snapped himself out of his stupor when he heard her say that she should just go. He sprung into action and caught hold of her hand, yanking her towards him so she landed against his chest. "The name I gave you was the right one too," he said, tucking wet strands of hair away from her face, "Daffod! You are Daffod No. 1!" She struggled to get out of his hold but he simply held her tighter. "You just gave me a long lecture on all the signs I missed that you wanted to stay in this marriage. Then how could you think of something as ridiculous as I wanted a divorce? Wouldn't I have asked for one five years ago if that were the case? Why would I, a man who visits Ahmedabad possibly once a year, make trips to Ahmedabad every two months over the last five years when I really don't even have any work to get done there? Why would I still be sleeping in the terrace even after you left? Why is one half of my cupboard still empty?"

She looked at him stunned, her heart in her eyes, unable to speak as she waited for him to go on. "Because I love you, you crazy woman!"

That's all she needed to hear before she hugged him tight and started to cry tears of joys. And Mukhi no longer hesitated as he hugged her back, holding her close to his heart, where he intended to keep her forever.

"Welcome home Gaurani!" He whispered into her hair and she smiled against his chest. In one swift move, he lifted her in his arms and carried her into their home.

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