Can Father be a Mother For a Child? - Page 2

Originally posted by: NKSUDHIR

Very nice topic Sowmyaa. I have practical experience other way around I tried to be a good mother and father as well for kids since last eleven years. My husband was too close to our kids. In fact at that time, He took care of them more than I did as a mother. But all of a sudden responsibility of mother and father was upon me which I tried my best to be a mother and father for my kids but I failed badly. My sons and my daughter still miss a father's love in their life. Boys seems to be quiet by nature. They normally don't admit that they miss their father but from last 5 to 7 years what my older son went through, I can clearly see that if his father was here, he could have handled the situation better than me. Same with my daughter, even though I am very very close and friendly to her; still if she sees or hear some father talking about how they spend their quality time with their daughters, she starts crying.
Coming to your main topic, when my kids were little, this was always a big question in my mind: If It was me instead of my husband, left these kids alone with their father???? Would it be possible for a man to take care of three kids ( 6 years, 4 years and 8 months old), go to work full time and study part time for better job and better life style in future??? My answers was: No. I don't think so. As there is an old saying: Grief must have an outlet. Ladies cry a lot to releive themselves from any kind of stress but men don't cry. How do they take out their stress??? Either drinking or smoking or both??? If you are in these bad habits, how much you can think about your children's necessities like Diapers, baby food, baby sitters, breakfast, lunch and supper, laundry, grocery, bringing enough income home to pay for mortgae, bills, taxes, car expenses and children's clothes. I can definitely say that it is very very hard for men to be a mother and father both for kids at all stages of life especially if you are a father of a girl. I am not trying to be partial, but it is not easy at all to be both parent to a girl. Girls need their mother the most when they go through teen age and before their wedding.
I don't know what I said above makes any sense to you or not, but I personally think it is more difficult for a father to play mother's role in compare to mother playing father's role.

I salute you.

Even in my friends case the father had the help  of the whole Nana-family. My friend has no memory of her mother, never got a chance to realize a mother's love. Also she is the only child. If there were more may be things would have been different.

Listening to your side I feel in general  absence of any parent does make a lot of difference to a child.

Thanks for listening, Pradarshak. These experiences teach us values of family and relationships in our life. In my case too my kids have Mama, Mami, Bhua and Chacha, chachi. But they all were working. They used to help me in the evening time when I uses to go to College for my designation. But I still had to get up early, make them lunch, drop them off at the baby sitters and then go to work. I always wished my kids also have grand parents so that I don't have to bundle them up in -35 degrees, but unfortunately my Mother in Law was a kidney patient and I don't have my Father In Law and my father is in India and my mother passed away before my husband. But my brother and my husband's sisters were my biggest support. I think kids still look out for their father and they definitely do not want step father or step mother. There are very few kids who appreciate the involvement of step parents.

nvmd😉

Edited by sareg - 17 years ago

Originally posted by: sareg

Yes, A father can be a mother for a child, it is not a substitution, but if needed it can happen, it just needs a lot of dedication and patience and willingness to change and you have to have a lot of time to learn and this is also true the other way around. I should know 😆 No person in this world is irreplacable, Nothing is imposssible, and if someone lives with a motto, If there is a wish, there is a way, they can get over it

But it is the best for a child to have both the parents around

I agree with you sareg.

btw, now i really want to know what you had written in that nvmd post 😛

Can Father be a Mother For a Child?

Mother and Father are really two unique entities.Each has their own style,responsibilities in a child's role.Everything looks wonderful,goes normal  if each(mom and dad) one does their job perfectly.Mother should behave like mother,Father should behave like father,role reversal does'nt have any beauty.

 

NK, Your life story is truly inspiring.

Sowmya, Very thoughtful post. I will continue to read everyone views. I am not able to add anything here.

A mom is a mom and a dad is a dad, but with out either one of the thing can and cannot work out- it depends on the situation, child, and other atributes like personality, finances and ect... but i know one thing, weather your parent/guardian is your biological one or not- they can love you just as much as if you were there child- even more, so maybe a dad can love there kid like a mom or visca versa😉

Reeha 😊 Edited by reeha...k - 17 years ago

Originally posted by: sowmyaa

I agree with you sareg.

btw, now i really want to know what you had written in that nvmd post 😛

I had a line by line  response to NK'ji post which on second thought, felt might offend, so pulled it back😳

hmmm...a father can take on the responsibilities of a mother

but, i feel that the children should still have a female 'role-model'....[soz, dunno wat word to use]

like say, if u were a daughter, you would find it easier to talk to a female about some problems....coz u wud know that the female would understand and could empathise with wat u were tryin to say. whilst a man may find it difficult to relate.

and as someone before me has said, that their parenting styles are different..and it can become difficult to imitate...

so, a father CAN take care of a child no probs...but he cannot BE a mother....neither can a mother BE a father, she can assume all responsibilities and do fine, but can never BECOME a father...

anyways, All you Need is Love....*sings it in the Moulin Rouge style 😆 😉 *....
Edited by bewafa - 17 years ago

A child requires both his parents for his or her different needs...but in any unfortunate circumstances one parent can step into the shoes of the other..sometimes very effectively...sometimes not so effectively...

This question therefore could have been asked in the reverse also...and like Neelamji narrated in her first hand experience...it is never easy!