Salut Mes Amis!!
Drabbles aren't really my forte, cause I just can't keep it short. But, I'm learning...
This is absolutely not the usual fluff I write. It's angst all the way.
A little background would be helpful I believe..
This one is a spin off again. It's set back when Suman and Shravan were at loggerheads, the whole Nirmala fiasco and then Ramnath's gig at keeping Suman at bay had happened. And Suman told Shravan "Shaadi jaisa faisla mai kisi ko hurt ya please karne ke liye nahi leti.." And instead of giving it back, in this piece Shravan drove off.
Suman realised she had pushed him too far and considers apologizing. But is Shravan in the mood for forgiveness? How much does he really know? Who is he? Read on to find out.
FIRE
Suman entered Malhotra Mansion under the pretense of meeting Preeti. She checked if the coast was clear and practically ran up to Shravan's room. The lights were off giving the room a deathly feel.
"Sh..Shravan?" Began Suman, "Tum ho yahan?"
Getting no response she walked into the room and turned the lights on. What she saw was not what she had expected. She knew Shravan, she knew he was emotional so she had expected the place to be thrashed and the absence of light earlier had made her sure that something was wrong. But she was wrong. The room was squeaky clean, not a thing out of place and definitely no Shravan in sight. She should have been happy that he didn't take it to heart and hurt himself but something stabbed her, why didn't he get affected? Why did something feel off? She was about to leave when she felt the door behind her close. She didn't need to turn to know who it was.
"Why are you in my room Ms. Suman Tiwari?" Huffed Shravan.
Ms. Suman Tiwari? Why was her calling her by her full name? "Shravan woh I wanted to apologize.." She said her eyes downcast.
"For?" Said Shravan non-nonchalant.
"For what I said to you earlier, that you don't matter. You must hate me right now..."
"Aww no, no Suman, I don't hate you right now." He paused and Suman heaved a sigh of relief. "I've hated you since we met." He completed.
Suman turned around in shock, "Everybody makes mistakes Shravan.."
"Yes, but not everybody's mistakes ruin lives." He said raising his hands in dismay.
"So that justifies you ruining mine now?"
"When did I attempt to do that Ma'am?" He asked.
"Planning my wedding, you are doing it to ruin my life aren't you? To get back at me.."
"Oh bullshit! Get back at you? Nah you aren't so important that I'd actually waste my time planning a come back. And ruining your life is it? I'm not ruining it.. Your life just sucks." He said blankly.
"Shravan please, don't do all this. You are falling each day."
"From where? To where? I honestly didn't know you made a hobby out of my life's doings.."
"It's not a hobby."
"Of course it's not, its a post apocalyptic skill isn't it?"
"Apocalypse?"
"Yeh! Damnation sweet heart! One you guys signed me up for without my knowledge.."
"You are going to regret being this person Shravan.." Suman tried reasoning.
"F**K it! I already do! What is it to you? And each time you take my name, I die a little inside, so maybe if you'd just stop with that it would be nice."
"The darkness within you is deep. It is unfathomable. But that doesn't mean you pretend its not there.. And that darkness sure as hell doesn't justify your doings to others."
"I didn't fall into the darkness, I was pushed into it. I didn't choose it, it chose me. There in the depths I rose like a phoenix. I became something you cannot imagine. I am dark. I am despair. I am death itself. I am." he whispered, his voice dangerously low.
"You scare me.." Suman shivered at the intensity and the blaze his eyes held.
"Good, afraid is what you should be." He shrugged.
"Shravan?"
"Do not call my name, I hate it."
"Why are you insulting me like this, I..."
"I'm not here to insult you, no. Don't flatter yourself. I'm simply trying to subtly make you feel terrible about your existence."
"Shravan please.." She said nearly choking.
"Oh the tears! They don't affect me anymore. The little stunt you pulled off with my father, made me impervious to all of this.." he said pointing at her tear stricken face.
"What?"
"Oh! surprised? I'm not exactly dumb.. My father didn't like you, I knew, he agreed too easily I assumed it was his love for me. But then he went and gave you a blank cheque to buy my love and you, you your highness, returned the cheque cause it singed your ego. And so in your bid to be "Mahan" your broke my heart. My love wasn't even worth arguing for was it? Forget fighting for it.."
"You knew?"
"Oh please, don't pretend to be slow, do keep up.." He mocked.
"If you know all of this, you know why I agreed? Uncle said he wouldn't let Preeti and Pushkar's marriage happen and I couldn't hurt them like that. I had debts to pay. I just wanted to do the right thing.."
"I, I, I ... It's always about you isn't it? Your sister, Your debts, your wants.." Said Shravan frustrated.
"Shravan!"
"Ah! Do. not. say. my. name!" he stressed on every word. "All you needed to do was come to me and I would have made it all work"
"I assumed you wouldn't believe me.."
"And now YOUR assumptions. That's your problem, it's only "you". You are a self-centered narcissistic bi**h. That's what you are!"
"How dare you?"
"Oh did I hurt your inflated ego? See, always you. Point proved. I lost my dad, I lost you, I never had a mother, why would you ask me to redeem myself now? What remains? Oh wait, do you think now that I know and now that your royal head is out of your sorry ar*e and you're asking for forgiveness that I will do just that? You're expecting it to go back to being love is it?"
Suman looked on in disbelief. She had no words, what had she done to him she thought.
"News flash, hell no! I won't take you back cause you gave me up at the hint of a problem, when a problem genuinely does arise tomorrow, you would flee leaving me to fend for myself. See my heart has been ripped out of my chest one too many times. Now as drop dead gorgeous as I may be, I'm certainly not a vampire so I could in all honesty die and I choose life. How ever miserable it may be, I choose to live, for myself for a change. So no, I won't forgive you and I certainly won't forget. I have the memory of an elephant, you do know that. I will make each of you pay. Dearly. Be it my mother, my father or you. I will put you guys in hell, pull you back out only to push you harder into the fire. You deserve it."
"What have you become? Why?"
"Why? Let me see, self-preservation. Look it up. What have I become? I won't answer that, I will show you, each day. These tears, weep as you wish now, for when I'm done with you, these would desert you too. Your sorry existence would repent the day you easily traded me. I will be your worst nightmare, I promise." He looked her straight in the eyes, hell fire evident in them.
"Would you be at peace then?" Croaked Suman, "If yes then do as you please."
"I will do the f**k I please, I wasn't looking for permission anyway. And peace? What makes you think that is what I seek? Maybe I did, till yesterday. But I had forgotten it's the fire within me that kept me alive, peace is not what I wish for. It's pain that I want. And pain it is that I will give. Hell hath no fury..."
Suman knew all was lost, her friend, her love, he was dead and she killed him. She was responsible for what happened. She should have fought for him when she could. Now was too late.
"What are you waiting for? Do you wish to perish immediately? I do not wish for it to be fast Ms. Tiwari. I want it to be a slow simmer, so get out!"
And so she did. Lifelessly, aimlessly she left.
Shravan fell to the floor, he was a raging inferno but that didn't mean he'd ruin her to bits. She needed an education which he so effortlessly delivered. Regret is what she would live in, that's the only punishment he'd give her. That was enough. He could have accepted her but hell was all he knew. And hell was the only place he belonged, he couldn't let go of that. Familiarity was all he ever longed for, none but hell delivered. Suman would get married and be gone from his life. Maybe she would forget him too. He? He would be free to burn each day, that was the only way he knew how to survive. And that was all this was all about. Survival. Not living but simply being. A day would come he knew when his breathing would stop, but till then he would allow each breath to burn him slowly, this would be his preparation for the hell that awaited him after death. Death, oh how sweet it sounded. People generally died once in their lifetime, he choose a life that would be death each moment and the beast in him reveled in the fact that even death couldn't beat him. He was invincible. He was...
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Suman couldn't quite manage to shake away his deep pained penetrating gaze. She drove around aimlessly for 3 hours before she decided to head back to Malhotra Mansion to stop the damnation Shravan wanted to start.
He sat crouched against his bed, his eyes staring away into nothingness. He looked like he had cried. He looked like he was contemplating.
"Shravan?" Croaked Suman. She gained no response, not even a budge. She kneeled beside him, placed her fore finger under his chin and nudged him to look up. His deep expressive orbs held absolutely nothing. There was a void, an emptiness. It scared her more than his previous outburst.
"Kyun Shravan?" Her voice a mere whisper.
He let out a sigh, "Tum poochti ho kyun? Qaatil pooch raha hai ki qatal kyun hua?"
"Shravan please.." She begged holding his hand in her free hand. "Mat karo yeh sab.. Kyun khud ko itna dard de rahe ho?"
"Kyunki jab andhera roshni ki bheek maangne aaye, toh apna ghar jala dena hi sahi hai.." He looked at her hopelessly.
Nothing more was spoken, no further explanations were demanded nor bestowed. Suman's earlier resolve was now rock solid. It was a difficult path ahead, but she wouldn't let go of him ever again. Not when he was about to burn his existence to hell. That wasn't acceptable. She didn't give him promises or assurances, but his heart knew her's had chosen him. It would be difficult to leave his baggages and tender forgiveness. His wrongdoers will pay, but not at the cost of his love. Never. Never again...
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So how was it?
Made any sense?
#AngstyMood
I always felt Shravan would go on an all out destruction path only to look back and realize it wasn't worth it. Don't get me wrong, by destruction I mean his own. He was the self-hurt kinds. There won't be a follow up on this one. It just so happened that I wanted Shravan to vent it out in the harshest way possible and who better than Suman to take it out on.
Do let me know what you guys think of this one.
Cheers!
Zoya
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