Chapter 4
Arpita's
support of Aarti did not go down with either her family or her in-laws. They could not understand that she accepted
her husband's ex-lover so easily or Ansh as her own child. Her mother-in-law took her to task for it and
tried to keep her so busy at home that she would not have enough time to go to
Aarti. And she endured it without
complaint. But whenever she had a spare
moment she went to Aarti.
When she
found out that she was pregnant, Aarti was the first one that she told. Not because of anything other than that she
wanted to break it to her personally and gently and did not want her to hear it
from anyone else for her example her mother in law that would have told her to
rub salt into what must have been an already open wound.
Aarti felt
shaken to the core. She needed time to
compose herself.
"Aarti, are
you ok?"
She cleared
her throat.
"Yes,
fine. I am fine."
"Aarti, I
know this is not easy but ..."
"But it's
not any more difficult than it was for you when I was pregnant, was it?" Aarti
smiled sadly.
"I guess."
Aarti came
close to her.
"I am a
terrible person. Here you are sharing
the happiest news in the world with me and I haven't even congratulated
you. I truly am very happy for you
Arpita. You are already a wonderful
mother."
Arpita was
in tears.
"You really
think so?"
"I don't
think so. I know so. You have been an
amazing mother to our Ansh. And I know
you will be to your baby too. And you
will make the whole family very happy."
She was
right. Arpita was treated like a queen
for having conceived Yash's heir. And
when they found out she was carrying twins, they were even happier.
She went to
visit Arpita at the hospital after the delivery. The twins were beautiful. Arpita looked happier than she had ever seen
her. Yash was there as well and he was
completely smitten with the twins. They
decided to call them Palak and Aayu. The
little girl was so beautiful, she looked just like her mom, but she had her
daddy's amazing eyes. She didn't have a
baby girl of her own and she knew that in all likelihood she would never have
one. She was immediately drawn to the
little cherub. Her brother was as cute
but Aarti felt more of a bond with Palak.
"Oh Arpita,
you are doubly blessed. This little
princess is going to steal so many hearts." Aarti said looking at her
adoringly.
"Yes, my
princess is gorgeous." said Yash coming to stand next to her with Aayu in his
arms. They shared a glance, it was
fleeting but all three of them realised what it was.
In her
happiness, she saw the look of love they shared, and for a moment Arpita felt a
tinge of pain. As if they were the
family and she was an outsider. She
remembered the time that she came to the hospital when Ansh was born. She was reminded how she found Aarti in
Yash's arms. And there was no doubt that
he was very happy about the babies, but still his reaction to her was not the
same as it was to Aarti. But they tried. They looked away immediately when they
realised what was happening between them again.
"I will send
Ansh over when you are feeling better.
He was asking about you and I told him you went to fetch his brother and
sister. Now he keeps asking when he can
go to his baby brother and sister."
Arpita delivered the twins by c-section so she was still in pain.
"I wish I
could help you with the babies Arpita.
You did so much for me when Ansh was born."
"Don't worry
about that. I have help at home. Ma, Buaji and Vidhi Bhabhi will be glad to
help. And you can send Ansh over as soon
as we are discharged or maybe Yashji can bring him along when he fetches me."
"Ok, we will
see how it goes."
Ansh was
excited about his siblings and wanted to go there every day, so Yash came to
fetch him every day. She avoided him,
sending Naina out to take him to and fetch him to his father's car.
Arpita had
finally convinced her to take up Yash' offer to complete her degree. She loved it.
She felt like she had a purpose to life again. And being busy studying kept her mind busy
and off other things. Again Arpita
helped her with Ansh when she had exams and had projects and 2 years later she
graduated with highest honours. It was a
bitter sweet day. She would have loved
her parents to have been there to see that she had finally graduated. But that was only a pipe dream. But there was a celebration. Yash and Arpita, as well as his brothers and Bhabhi
and Prashant was there and they all came to her house for a celebration
afterwards.
Prashant had
come into her life again just before that.
He has stayed behind when his parents came back to India. He finally moved back and though his
friendship with Yash was not what it used to be, he started to spend a lot of
time with Aarti. She felt guilty as she
was aware that she was the reason for the break in their friendship. Prashant soon made it clear that he was still
in love with her and wanted to marry her.
She was adamant that they should only remain friends. But he kept pushing the matter. He was good with Ansh and she eventually gave
in, thinking that it would be good for Ansh for her to be married. And she was mostly hoping that she would be
able to love him back, the way he loved her and forget about Yash.
Yash was
livid. He knew he had no reason to be
feel this way. He was married. She was not his for the taking. But he couldn't stop feeling this way. He could not stop loving her. He had grown very fond of Arpita and on
occasion they made love. But for him it
was just to meet a physical need and it lacked the intensity and passion that
he shared with Aarti. And truth be told,
most often her fantasized about her when making love with Arpita and he would
have momentary release. But he would
feel worse afterwards. Like he was
cheating on both of them.
He was
pacing his home office. He made up some
excuse of work and left the room after Arpita gave him the news. He was surprised that Shoba-ma and Dubeyj
would allow Prashant to marry a woman with a child and his child no less. He knew Prashant was around from Ansh's
conversations. Even that had made him
feel jealous. They were his family. His son, his ... But what was she of his. Only the mother of his child. Nothing else.
It just felt that now he was losing her forever. Nothing about this was logical, but then
nothing about their relationship ever was.
Before he
knew it he was hammering on her door in the middle of the night. She was a half asleep when she came to the
door.
"What are
you doing here", she whispered only opening the door slightly.
"We need to
talk." he said.
"Shh, Naina
is here."
"Get rid of
her."
"Go home."
"Do you want
Naina to hear our discussion?"
"Fine, just
wait."
She told
Naina to go back to bed, and that everything was fine, then she quietly let him
in and led him to her bedroom.
"What do you
want Yash."
"You can't
marry him."
"I can and I
am."
"You don't
love him."
"I do love
him. You know he is a good man and he
loves Ansh and I very much. He will be a good father to him."
"He already
has a father. I will not let you take my
son away from me. I will not allow it."
"Please
don't raise your voice, you will wake up Ansh and Naina."
"I don't
care."
"Do you want
the world to gossip about us even more?"
"What do I
care what people say."
"I do. Especially what people say around my
son! What is your problem Yash? You are married. Why can't I get married?"
"Because I
love you dammit."
"I know
that. And I love you too. I will never
stop but I have to move on with my life.
You can't be a part of it anymore."
"Please
don't do this. You are making a
mistake."
"Stop it
Yash. This is the best thing for all
concerned."
"Is it?
Really? Do you know what it is like to
be married to someone, an exceptional person, that loves you and much as you
try you can't love her back because you are hopelessly in love with someone
else. Do you know how it feels to look into
that persons eyes, knowing that they know they will never have your heart? Do you know how it feels to make love to that
person but all the while imaging someone else?
To be constantly alert lest you call out that person's name because she
is what you want more than anything or anyone. You don't know that Aarti. It's hell."
"I have my
own hell. The hell of loving a man that
belongs to another. Knowing that he will
never be mine. Hating to wake up in the
morning because in my sleep, in my dreams you are mine. Hating to come home from the office to no one
but Naina, when Ansh is with you. I have
no one to cook for, no one to tell how my day went, to ask how their day
went. And every night I have to go to
sleep in an empty bed. I need someone
Yash. I don't want to be alone anymore."
They stared
at each other, each feeling their own agony.
She had tears in her eyes, he didn't but his pain was not any less than
hers. In that moment they could only
find solace in each other. The person
that caused them the most pain and that they loved the most.
He took her
in his arms and just held her as her body convulsed in silent sobs. He held her tightly. He wished her could take all her pain and
suffering away.
"What a mess
we made of our lives Baby?"
"I'm sorry."
she sobbed. "I should have forgiven you.
It was my own fears and feelings of inadequacy that kept me away from
you. But I would rather have lived with
your families disapproval than this, not having you at all. It's all my fault."
"No baby,
it's mine. I should have honest with you from the beginning. I knew how I felt about you almost instantly
and I should have told you about Arpita before we got involved. I should have told my parents about you and
broken the engagement no matter what the consequences, it would not have hurt
as much as this. Having you around but
not in my life. It is so painful."
"I
know." Finally he too broke down and
they held each other and cried.
Finally she
looked up at him.
"Yash, I
won't marry Prashant if you don't want me to."
She looked
at him, not sure what she was hoping he would say.
"I don't
want you to, but I won't be able to live with myself either knowing that you
could have had a chance of a happy marriage.
You need someone that can take care of you. Be there for you. I wish I was that person but since it can't
be, it's good that it's Prashant. I've
always known how he felt about you. He
is a good man. He will give you a good
life."
She nodded. He had given her his blessing of sorts.
"I love you.
I only want you to be happy."
"I won't be
happy without you, but I will be the best wife I can be. He deserves that."
"Yes, he
does."
He looked at
her for a long time as if he wanted to imprint the picture on his mind. As if it wasn't always there. He brought his lips down on hers for a long
and lingering kiss. And then he hugged her again and left.
She went
back to bed and sobbed till the early hours of the morning.
Her wedding
was the one time that she saw Yash's parents happy. She was finally out of their son's life and
they came to celebrate the occasion. He
was there too. He even came to
congratulate them. Even after everything
they had faced, this was a most excruciating experience. Both of them could barely hold their tears at
bay but they both braved it. She
politely said thank you. It was final.
They were out of each other's lives.
The first
year both Aarti and Prashant worked hard at the marriage. She was really a good wife. She tried her
best. She moved in with his family. His parents were accepting of her and loved
her despite her history. And they
accepted Ansh as their own grandson. They
understood what she went through being an unwedded mother and Shoba-ma knew G3
well enough to know how she would treat her.
Shoba-ma was also very traditional but she had an immensely good
heart. Aarti had just completed her
degree when they got married. Her in
laws agreed for her to work. Arpita still made sure that Ansh spent as
much time with them as before. And Aarti
was a great bahu and did everything that was expected of her.
She tried to make
Prashant feel like a husband, a man. She initiated physical intimacy but
it was just not the same and they both knew it. After all, Prashant has
front row seats to the intense love that Yash and Aarti shared. Prashant was attentive and romantic.
For the first year.
But in the second
year, he changed. It all started at Ansh's 4th birthday party. As usual she was on edge with him in the
vicinity but she could not expect him to stay away from his son's birthday
celebration. When they arrived she had
to go and greet them. Arpita had helped
her plan so she was excited to see her reaction to the result of their party
planning. And she greeted him and they
shared that quick familiar look that everyone knew by now. And she then went about being the
hostess. The busier she was the less she
was aware of him.
The party was planned
to perfection. It was big. Everyone in Ansh's pre-school class was
invited. Aarti was running around making
sure there was enough for everyone and would replenish as soon as she
needed. She was collecting more juice
for the kiddies table when she slipped on something that one of the kids must
have dropped. She screamed and drooped
the jug as she struggled to keep her balance with very little success. She anticipated the pain that she would feel
when she would hit the floor. But
instead her fall was broken by a pair of strong and familiar arms. In an instant her fear of the fall vanished
as she relished the feel of his arms around her his intoxicating
fragrance. She looked up at him and saw
in his eyes what she felt in her heart.
He did not let her go immediately as he too enjoyed having her so close
brief as it may be.
"Aarti!"
It is was
Prashant.
They jumped apart.
"What is going on
here?"
"I... I fell."
"Conveniently right
into is arms I see."
"Prashant ..." she
started trying to prevent this from becoming a scene. They were attracting attention.
"It's amazing that you
were around at just the right time. Always
her hero aren't you? Always her
saviour. What was it that she called
you? Her answered prayer."
"What would you have
me do Prashant? Just let her fall?"
"Of course you could
never do that. You could never let the
opportunity pass of having her in your arms one more time."
"It was not like
that."
"You forget I know
exactly what it was like. And nothing
has changed. I am a big fool."
Then he turned around
and walked out.
Aarti started to run
after him.
"Prashant wait." she
called. He went to his car.
"Prashant where are
you going?"
"Do you care? You lover is here now."
"He is not my lover."
"Not that you don't
want him to be."
"Prashant, can we talk
about this later. People as staring."
"There is nothing to
talk about. And I am not needed
here." He slammed the door and sped off.
She went back to the
party awkwardly. And she pretended that
nothing happened. She kept her tears at
bay and smiled through the pain and carried on being the perfect hostess. She
could see the pity of her m-i-l, the sadness in Arpita's eyes and the glee in
Yash's parent's eyes.
He made an excuse to
Ansh shortly afterwards, citing some work and said that he would take him out
to the movies the next weekend. Just the
two of them. Ansh loved that idea so he
let his pappa leave without a fuss.
When the guests left,
she tended to her tired munchkin and then she went to her bedroom, ran a bath
and sat in the bath, finally giving in to the torrent of tears that had been
threatening since the altercation with Prashant and Yash.
Prashant did not come
home that night and after that he started to "work late" more and more
often. He stopped being attentive to her and Ansh. Ansh looked more
and more like his dad as he got older and was a constant reminder of the man
she truly loved. He picked fights with her and then would storm off
despite her not retaliating. He accused her of lusting after Yash. The
times that he was home before her and she ran late from work, he interrogated
her about her movements. She was not
allowed to go anywhere without a family member.
His jealousy was totally irrational.
He even starting
drinking more than usual. And he would phone
Yash on the odd occasion and verbally abuse him. He threatened him to stay away
from his wife. When he was in this mood,
Aarti soon learned it was best to be quiet as he would become very angry and
almost violent. He never hit her, but on
more than one occasion he pushed her.
She was not sure that it would not have gone further if his parents were
not around to stop him.
She really felt sorry
for them. He was their only son. And now they had to choose between her and
him. And this made him even more
alienated within his own family.
He always wanted
children and she was in agreement. They
never used contraceptives yet she never fell pregnant in the time that they
were married. He blamed her for that,
despite the fact that she already had a child.
She went for various tests and there was no problem on her side.
Finally what she had
expected was confirmed. He was having an affair with Neda, his
secretary. She was pregnant and he chose to marry her and divorce
Aarti. Her in-laws supported her and wanted her to stay with them but she
chose to move back her house with Ansh and at least give Prashant the
opportunity to be happy with his whole family. She was terribly sad that
her marriage didn't work out and that Ansh had to be uprooted but in her heart
of hearts she could not blame Prashant for the choice he had made. She
wanted the best for him. She felt
responsible for his condition. And if he
finally had a chance at happiness and a family she was glad. Neda was not his parent's first choice due
the circumstance of their marriage but Aarti at least knew for sure that she
truly loved Prashant and would make him happier that she made him. And she could not deprive another child of
having a full time father. Neda was the
one that broke the news of the baby to her.
She pitched up at
Aarti's office unannounced.
"What can I do for you
Neda?' she already knew why she was there.
"Mrs. Dubey, I came to
tell you that I am having your husband's baby.
"I see."
"Mrs. Dubey, I am sorry. I know that what we did was wrong, but I have
been in love with him for a long time, even before you were married and when he
came to me I was powerless to refuse him."
Aarti understood her
helplessness completely.
"Mrs Dubey, I know all
about your relationship. I know that you
are still in love with Yash Scindiya.
Prashant is not happy. I know he
loves you but he has changed so much since your marriage. He really is not happy."
"What are you saying
Neda."
"I want the chance to
make him happy. I love him so much." she
started crying and Aarti could feel her sincerity.
"I came to ask you,
no, to beg you to release him and give me an opportunity to be a wife to him,
one that truly loves him and a child of his own."
"Neda, if only things
were so simple. I understand where you
are coming from. I live your pain every
day, but just know that it is not easy to live with a partner that loves
someone else. I see it in Prashant and
Arpita. So think carefully that this is
what you want. We have all made dreadful
choices and now we are all suffering. We
both want Prashant to be happy and I am willing to step aside for that, but
make sure that you are prepared for what is to come. You know better than anyone how affected
Prashant was by this situation."
"I know, and I am
prepared to take the risk."
"I suppose I would too
if I had an opportunity to be with my love.
I will speak to Prashant. The
decision is his."
"I know. And I know that he will want to do the
honourable thing and stay with you. But
I was hoping you could convince him otherwise."
"Please don't have any
expectations about this. But I will talk
to him. And I wish you all the best
Neda." Aarti smiled.
"Thank you Mrs.
Dubey. I wish you the same." She smiled and left.
That night Prashant
was home early again. For the past week
he had been home early and nicer to her and now she knew why.
"Prashant, Neda came
to see me today" she said when they retired.
The blood drained from
his face.
"I know about the
baby."
He looked sad and
remorseful.
"What do you want to
do about it?"
She saw tears in his
eyes.
"I am sorry,
Aarti. I never meant to hurt you. But ...
I don't know how it happened. I
don't even know this person I have become.
She just seemed to care for me, you know. I wanted someone to love me like ... like..."
"Prashant, do you love
her?"
"I do, but I am in
love with you."
"Prashant, there is no
reason that you should not live like a family with the women that is the mother
of your child. We made a mistake getting married. We should have known better. I know you hoped that things would change and
so did I, but we were both wrong. I love
you. You have always been a good friend
to me. The thing that changed that was this marriage. I release you from any obligation towards me
and Ansh. Please be with your family."
"But what will you
do?"
"I will go back to
life I lived before we got married. Just
my son and I. You don't need to
worry. I'll be fine. In fact, I will be worse if I stay knowing
that I robbed you of a chance at happiness.
I love you too much for that and hopefully we can be good friends
again. And you and Yash."
"I don't know about
that, but I would like to have my child with me. Ma & Bauji will be upset."
"They love you. They will get over it. Especially when that
bundle of joy comes. They won't even
remember why they were ever upset."
"Are you sure Aarti?"
"100%"
"I am not sure how to
take that?" he smiled.
"Only the best of
ways." she smiled back.
"We can chat to Ma
& Bauji tomorrow and I will leave after that." she said.
"I don't know what to
say."
"You don't have to say
anything. Just be happy. That will be enough for me.
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