Kaira OS| Kho Gaye Hum Kahaan?

The persistent rapping against the door extracted a growl from her throat as she sat up. "Just leave me alone!" she mouthed, her voice barely audible, even as the thoughts raged and screamed in her head. Whoever it was outside, they did not relent and knocked again, softly. Too much noise. She wiped the tears off her face fiercely and started getting off of the bed, ready to vent all of her frustration on someone, anyone.

"Naira?"

She froze in her steps. And just like that, her anger died again. She just felt like crying again. Her teeth digging into her lower lip, she watched her hand hover above the door knob, almost touching but not really, as if she didn't even know what it was doing there or what it could possibly be doing there. He knocked again, called her name out again in the softest whisper and she had to squeeze her eyes shut against the wild flurries that started up in her chest.

"Open the door, Naira. I know you're in there."

"I'm sleeping, leave me alone, Kartik." The words had left her mouth before she had realised how utterly stupid it was. She stared up at the door, mentally cursing herself. There was silence from his side for a long minute before she heard him chuckle.

"Kitne sade hue jokes maarti ho na tum?"

Flustered, she pursed her lips, her brow knitting into a frown and she glared at the door now, hoping to burn a hole through it, into his dumb head. "Haan. Toh?"

"Toh I miss them, na?"

It made her crumple back into 'Crying Mode'. And she hated it. She hated crying, and she hated him for making her cry. Her hand wound itself in such a tight grip around the handle, it hurt but she didn't let go. Part of her that was insisting on opening the door, on throwing herself in his arms and begging for forgiveness or thrashing him into submission. Instead, she decided to persist a little longer. Just a little more. "Maine tumse kaha tha? Aise jallaad banne ko?"

"Naira... jallaad... main... what?"

Despite her better judgement, she pulled the door open. She had not bothered to turn the lights on in her room and he hadn't bothered with those in the corridor either, so she could only barely discern his outline. Which was good because he couldn't see her face, so he wouldn't be able to tell she had been crying, but she would have liked seeing his what-are-you-talking-about face... She wished she could have told him just how much she missed the old Kartik, her friend Kartik, her 'Jai' Kartik... but for one, he probably didn't care anymore - and she knew she couldn't blame him, although she would never admit it out loud - and secondly, her pride wouldn't allow her that.

"Haan, jallaad! Tum jallaad ho!" He inhaled deeply. She sucked in a ragged breath as she tried not to start crying in front of him and ploughed on. "You don't care the least bit about... Just go! Tumhi ne kaha tha, na? That I should stop following you around? Ab tum kyun peechhe pade ho mere?"

He didn't say anything for the longest time. She felt his eyes on her, despite the darkness. "I can't sleep because I can hear you cry," he finally spoke up, his voice even.

She took a step back. He could hear her? He knew she had been crying? Another lone tear slipped its way down her cheek as she turned her head towards the side wall. His room was right on the other side. Damn these old European paper-thin walls. "Shut your ears, then," she gritted out bitterly. "Just like you've been doing all this time while I have been trying to apologise to you. If you could ignore me so well then, you can do it again now."

She tried closing the door but he moved in, faster than her and blocked it. "Well, too late now. I cannot un-hear it, can I?"

"It's none of your business, Kartik. Tumhein kya farak padta hai?"

"Farak padta hai, Naira..." He had hardly breathed those words out and she would probably not have heard him otherwise but he was standing so close, the night was terribly silent and the darkness sharpened her senses. "Bohot farak padta hai... Naira... I can't bear you crying..."

She should have come up with something witty, a taunt, anything but a mere and feeble "Why?" was what left her mouth.

He sighed. She felt him raise a hand, slowly. It touched her cheek lightly, making something flutter quite violently in her stomach, then pressed against her skin with more firmness, and involuntarily, without even realising, she leaned into his warmth. Until he spoke again. "You won't understand."

Anger overtook her. Again. She shoved his hand off her face but didn't move away from him. "Is that why? Is that why you didn't think to tell me about what was going on with my Papa? Because I cannot understand a single thing?"

"Nair-"

"Aur tum toh sab samjhte ho, na?" She snorted drily. "Oh, and wasn't it you who was lecturing me about trust? Kartik, you couldn't trust me enough to tell me about all that?"

"Will you-"

She shook her head, pushing the hand that was about to rest on her shoulder away. "No! You listen to me! If you had trusted me, if you had just told me right from the beginning, I wouldn't have doubted you, Kartik, things would never have come this far! I asked you so many times, you kept coming up with the lamest excuses... How was I supposed to know? Your behaviour had been so weird... You got into Papa's cabin, you were getting calls from Kenya, you looked like you were hiding stuff... Yeh sab normal lagta hai tumhein? And when I asked Naman Chachu... He had a perfect, confident reply... Main kya karti, Kartik? Tum bolo, tum hote toh kya karte?"

This time, he didn't hesitate for even the fraction of a second. "Main hota toh tum pe trust karta." Naira looked up at him incredulously, suddenly wishing there was some light so she could see his face and know whether he was making fun of her. "I would believe you above anybody else, Naira." He sounded too sincere for it to be a joke.

"Kyun?" she whispered, her voice breaking. "Why would you do something so stupid? Why would you put me above a member of your family?"

"Tum-" He finished that sentence with a sigh, followed by silence.

"Main nahin samjhoongi... right?"

"Because I know you, Naira! That's why!"

She nodded, smiling sadly. "Oh... Yeah... You know me." He started to say something but she held her hand up. "No, you are right. You do know me. But vahi toh problem hai, na? Do I know you Kartik? Tum mere dil ki har baat jaan lete ho, meri har ankahi baat samajh jaate ho... I don't know how but, you get me to talk about things I would never share with anyone else... But I don't... I don't know you, it's like I don't know anything about you! And you don't share anything with me either... do you? I just..." Lightheaded, she felt herself break into a sob. She had had enough of this. All this crying and begging. If she went on like this, her Mamma and Papa would know for sure that something was wrong and they had just been through so much... She shook her head and started pushing him out of her room. "Tum sahi the. I didn't trust you enough, galti meri hi hai. Tum jaao. I won't bother you from now on, I won't even cry if it disturbs you... Tum bas chale jaao."

But he didn't even move an inch despite her best efforts and with each push, she was crying harder. He simply wrapped his arms around her, gathered her against his chest, just like he had when she had been crying in her Papa's office. She gave up after a while. This stupid crying business had weakened her while he was still standing strong... the jerk... She slipped her arms around his waist too and hugged him back, her face buried in his chest. It was warm. And she felt safe. She didn't think even her Papa made her feel this safe... He was right, wasn't he? She should have trusted him instead of believing Naman chachu? God, she was ready to give anything to undo this...

"I'm sorry too, Naira," she heard him mutter. He dropped his head and pressed a long kiss in her hair and she shivered, snuggling closer to him. There was a feeling stirring up deep inside, she didn't recognise it and in that moment she didn't really care, she only had one concern. Was she forgiven? Did he still want her as a friend? Or would she have to see him every day with the knowledge that she had lost his friendship because of her baseless doubts? Or worse, what if that was it? What if he had decided he had had enough of her and he left the job and her and...

She pulled away, not crying anymore but shaking. All of a sudden, she was cold and scared. "Kartik-"

His finger on her parted lips halted the words. She couldn't think anymore. Everything was... dizzy. "Have you stopped crying?" He asked gently and she nodded, the movement almost mechanical. He leaned in closer and she almost forgot how to breathe. "Good. Ab muskuraaogi, Naira? Asli wali, hundred watt wali smile?"

She would have if she felt like it. She didn't. Naira shook her head. "Don't go anywhere!" She thought she must have puzzled him for a moment. "I know ke mujhse galti huyi hai lekin Kartik... tum usski vajah se job chhod ke toh nahin jaaoge, na? It's okay if you don't want to talk to me ever again, but you can't leave like that! Everybody loves you so much... Mishti... Mishti-"

"Naira," he interrupted her. She could hear the smile in his voice as he threaded his fingers in her hair but she couldn't be sure. "Naira, I am not leaving you. I would never leave you, Naira. Unless it makes you happy..."

"It doesn't!" He chuckled. And then he kissed her on her forehead. And something erupted inside of her, spilling a warm, comforting feeling... She shook herself. Her hands found their way to his collar and she held on lightly but firmly. "Am I forgiven? Are we still friends?" she sniffled.

He seemed to be watching her, she could feel it, but that would be impossible, it was too dark. "Haan, Naira Singhania," he finally mumbled in a really low voice and made her heart thump way to hard for it to be normal. "Tumhein toh saat khoon bhi maaf hain."

She almost squealed and laughed but her parents, Gayu Di and other clients at the hotel had to be sleeping soundly in the nearby rooms so she didn't. She was only going to jump and throw her arms around him and hug him again but even that didn't happen. Because the moment she jumped, she felt her head crash into something and Kartik yelped. He seemed to be holding his face - judging from his silhouette - as he fell back against the door frame.

"Kartik!" She frantically moved closer to him, not quite knowing what to do. "Are you okay?"

He straightened himself. "Haan... I think so..."

She reached for his face but turned away to turn the light of her room on and she had to clap both hands on her mouth to prevent herself from screaming or something. He stared at her, his eyes wide. "Kya hua?" She could not form a reply.

Tears pooled in her eyes again and she started crying again, confusing him even more. He swiped a hand under his nose carelessly before stepping closer to her to comfort her but then he saw it too. The blood on his hand. He touched his nose with the other hand and looked at the dark red fluid that stained it as well. He looked up at her. "Naira..."

"I am so sorry," she found her voice again, but not quite, it wasn't really loud and clear, just a tiny bit louder than a whisper. "I am so sorry, Kartik! I didn't mean to hurt you... I just keep hurting you all the time... I-"

He looked like he could have laughed, like he was trying not to. "Naira, it doesn't hurt. Stop crying, Naira, please! Please? Naira, dekho, sab jaag jaayeinge. Mujhe bilkul bhi dard nahin ho raha hai. Naira..."

She hurriedly shoved some tissue paper in his hands, made him tilt his head back and pinched the bridge of his nose to stop the bleeding but without stopping to cry. She was still going at it by the time the bleeding had stopped and Kartik had given up on. Without saying anything, he nudged her aside and walked into her room. He returned with her jacket, which he tugged on her even as she cried. He took her by the hand, pocketed her room keys and stopped by his own room for his own jacket and pulled her along.

"Itni raat ko hum kahaan jaa rahe hain?" she wanted to know once they were in the elevator.

He gazed at her blotchy, red face in a way that made her tingly all over. "Can't you just come with me?" She shrugged. His lips started twisting only slightly into a lopsided smile that probably was doing something to her heart. "We're in Zurich and I didn't even get to have a good time with my Veeru. Yeh bhi koyi baat huyi?"

She snorted. "Achha? Aur cable car mein nakhre kaun dikha raha tha? Tab yaad nahin aayi Veeru ki?"

"Kya yaar? Main itne nakhre uthaata hoon tumhare, tum mera ek bhi nakhra nahin utha sakti?" He was grinning when she glanced at him.

Naira rolled her eyes. "Ha. Ha. So funny." She crossed her arms across her chest. "Vaise, as far as I've heard, you did have a really great time." He gave her a baffled look. "When we got off the cable car and you disappeared like I was a ghost after your blood? And you went and had such a great moment with Gayu Di in the snow and everything?"

"Oh..." He looked away.

She smiled, saccharine sweet, at the elevator doors, waiting for them to open. "Aur main thi, ke paagalon ki tarah tumhein dhoond rahi. It was... fun. Bada maza aaya mujhe!" She walked out without waiting for him, even though she didn't know where they were supposed to go either, but she knew he would be right behind her. He was.

"Naira?" Out of the corner of the eye, she saw him smile when she refused to answer or even acknowledge him. "Are you jealous?"

"No!" She had turned around and refuted his question so loudly, she had captured the attention of the few people who were in the lobby. Cheeks burning, she inched closer to Kartik, whose grin had widened. "Main kissi se nahin jalti. And why should I be jealous of Gayu Di? She is my sister, I am not jealous of her."

He shoved his hands inside his pockets, looking like he was actually enjoying himself. "I don't know... that sounded like... jealousy..."

She opened her mouth, closed it. Opened it again, to decide against it and closed it again. "Okay, fine," she hissed, after several good seconds. "Mujhe achha nahin laga. You left me to go enjoy the snow with somebody else and I was worried sick about you the whole time. I didn't like it at all. But it's not jealousy, okay?"

He smiled. "Okay." He caught her at the elbow and pulled her back as she resumed walking. "But you were worried about me?"

"Very. Worried sick."

"Kyun?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. Then smiled that sickly sweet smile again and patted his cheek like one would do to a little child. "Tum nahin samjhoge." That should teach him! She had not expected a particular reaction from him but it amused her to see he was liking the taste of his own medicine. And seeing him smile again... It was like someone had breathed the life back into her...

He tucked her hand in the crook of his arm. "Chalo." He took her only right across the street, in the small cosy caf she had wanted to go to but they hadn't had the time because of Gayu Di's exhibition and then the whole mess Naman Chachu had created...

"How did you know I wanted to come here?"

Kartik smiled but did not answer her question. "I heard the ice cream and waffles are really good here."

Naira opened the menu and wrinkled her nose. "Everything is written in German... I can't even understand-"

"What do you want to have?" He nodded attentively at her list and called for the waiter. Then he completely took her by surprise when he gave the order in... German? She watched him puzzled and he gave her a sheepish shrug when the waiter moved away. "Don't look at me like that, I just know the basics, to survive only. Koyi pro nahin hoon main."

She bit her lip to try and hide a smile. "Yahaan aane ke liye?"

He shook his head. "Nahin, pehle se..." His expression turned serious for a moment. "Naira... You were right. There are a lot of things you don't know about me and... Maine bhi tumhaare kabhi kuchh share nahin kiya. Main karna chaahta hoon lekin..." He fell silently, frowning at the table top and she leaned against him to rest her head on his shoulder.

"It's okay, Jai. Tum bataana nahin chaahte toh theek hai."

He rested his cheek against the top of her head whereas his arm went around her shoulders to draw her closer, against the chilly night. "No, Naira. I want to tell you. Everything. It's just... a bit difficult... Pehle kissi se isske baare mein kabhi baat nahin ki maine toh... I need some time... Is that okay?"

She looked up at him again, feeling a smile play on her lips to mirror his hesitant one. "Hmm. Theek hai. Take your time, Jai." He looked down, lips pursed and absent-mindedly started playing with the end of the plait she had put her hair in. "Jai?" His eyes turned to hers and for an instant it was like she had been hit with something but she caught herself in time. "Aaj se, abhi se... I'll always be there you, Jai. Koyi bhi kuchh bhi kahe, main sabse pehle tum pe hi vishvaas karoongi. Promise." He looked like he was touched, he had that look on his face... She pretended to think. "Haan but, mere Papa tumse pehle. Aur meri Mamma bhi. Aur Bhai-"

"Shut up!" he grinned.

She grinned back at him. There, she had him back. Her Jai. Her best friend. Her Kartik. Hers. He belonged to her. Another thing she would not admit out loud, she had been jealous when Gayu Di had told her about that thing in the snow with Kartik... Just a little bit! Because... well, he was her best friend. He was friends with Gayu Di too, she knew that, but still, her best friend. And she had planned to spend the day with him, she had thought she would get him to forgive her or pelt him with snowballs. Maybe she'd have pelted him with them even if he had forgiven her. But he had gone and done it all with someone who was not her while she had looked for him, not enjoying one moment of it... She did have the right to feel jealous about that, didn't she? Not wanting to share her best friend was not wrong?

He pulled a face as he set his cup of coffee back on the table and she realised she had been so lost in her thoughts she hadn't even seen the waiter bring their order. "Kya hua?" she asked him. "Was it too hot?"

Kartik shook his head. "Nahin, utni buri bhi nahin hai. Bas... your coffee is much much better!"

She could not help but laugh at this. "Bas, bas! Thoda maskha kal ke liye bhi bacha ke rakkho varna bread sookha khaana padega."

He smirked and winked at her before digging into his waffle but she only stared at it for a minute, her fingers in a tense knot on her lap. She hoped he wouldn't notice as she sneaked a glance at him. No, Mr Bhukkad Mendhak was too taken with his food to notice. But she would have to do something about this. These messy feelings. God knew what had happened to her... She had never been nervous around him, not even when she had first met him. Toh phir... kya hai yeh sab?