MANAN TS: Till My Last Breath-[part 3: page 13] 5th august THE END

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Tears roll down my eyes. They always do, whenever i read this novel. Its the 8^th time in one month that i have finished reading this novel. What makes me cry is , probably, the fact that i too am in the last stage of cancer and wonder whether i could get an augustus waters' ever.

Don't think that i am a 16 year old cancer patient. No, no, definitely not! I am a 27 year old married woman, mother of a 4-year old girl. I discovered that i have cancer only 4 months ago. And my world came shattering down like a house of cards. My husband started remaining aloof. Later on i came to know that he is worried for the expenses that would be generated in my treatment. We had been married for 4 and a half years. He is a handsome young man of 30 years . why should he bear the burden of an ailing wife. He has the full right to enjoy his life. Marry again. Have kids. Lead a content life. So i decided to separate from him. He agreed after a few feeble attempts from my side. I offered to take our daughter with me, he agreed on that too. I just had two conditions for him.

1.       He would remarry only after my death

2.       If anyone from my family enquired, he wouldn't let them know that we are not together.

 

Reason for the conditions was that i belong to a middle class family and i have a younger brother who is still studying. If my family comes to know that i am not doing well, they will spend all their savings on my treatment in hope that i would be cured but i know it is impossible. I just have 4-5 months in my hand , at the most 6 months, that's it.

I was thankful to my husband for atleast he got me registered in a cancer care and rehabilitation center, where i am presently living with my daughter.

 

My cancer is of a very specific and unique kind. I don't even know , what triggered it. From last one year, i would have blood falling from my nose every now and then. I ignored it as i was too busy managing my house. Then i even found small pieces of flesh falling along with the blood. I ignored even then, but when the problem aggravated i had to see a doctor. When he checked ,initially, he scolded me and my husband , that how could we be so careless. After a minor operation, sample was sent for test and then after a few days i was informed that i am on the last stage of cancer. The cancer is growing from my nasal cavity to wind pipe and moving towards my lungs. I started having breathing problems. Here in this institute, the doctors suggested me to breathe through my mouth. Its a temporary solution as i know i would choke one day and die.

A few days back i underwent a session of chemotherapy. Expenses were borne by the cancer institute in which i live. They find my case unique and take special care of me. the chemotherapy has decreased the pace of the growth of the cancer cells but has taken away my hair...my beautiful long hair...that i had treasured all my life. The chemotherapy has increased my life span for a few more days.

 

I don't regret the fact that i am dying,but the only thing that worries me , is my daughter. What will happen to her, once i die? Death will give me relief from all my pains, whether physical or emotional, but what about my daughter?Who will take care of her? She is so innocent , so mature for her age. She isn't like other kids of her age, who make their mother run around the house to  feed them. She obeys me like a robot. Probably, she understands my condition..i am too worried for her. Thats why i have asked dr. Navya to look for a suitable guardian for my daughter. I will give her for adoption. That seems to be the best thing to do. Probably someone else would give her the care and security which i failed to give.

Presently, my daughter is sitting in one corner of the room, and playing with her dolls. Talking to them. She looks towards me with her twinkling eyes and flashes her beautiful smile. But then she sees me crying and comes to me with her shaky steps. She reaches on the bed after a lot of struggle and wipes my tears with her cute little fingers.

"momma aap q lo lahi hain?? Maine koi badmashi ni ki...i plomise" she pinches her throat to vouch for her innocence. I remove her hands from her throat, shaking my head.

"no beta, apne koi badmashi ni ki...mai bas ye book padh kar ro rahi thi...but i am fine now..see" i said and smiled ear to ear for her. She smiled too.

"ok mamma" she said and hopped down the bed making her own sounds and speeches.

...

My room door flung open revealing a panting navya, i mean DR. Navya.

"nandu...chalo wo agae to see nishi" she said breathing heavily. I nodded and got up from the bed.

"nishi beta chalo...uncle ae hain apse milne" navya spoke picking up nishi in her arms. Nishi looked at me for approval and also to see if i was accompanying her. I smiled and nodded. So she encircled her arms around navya's neck.

Navya had informed me that one of her friends, named manik malhotra was interested in adopting nishi. I had done a lot of background check and it wasn't difficult as he was one of the business tycoons of the country. He has suffered two failed marriages and is single right now.

...

It was evening and he was out in the garden. Navya walked us to him.

"manik" navya called and he turned around to reveal a charming young man. He still looked like he is in his 20's but navya had said that he is 32 years old. He smiles in acknowledgement putting his hand forward for a shake. I shook hands with him.

"she is nandini and this cute little one , is her daughter nishi." Navya introduced me.

"nishi say hello beta" i asked my daughter who was hiding her face till now. She raised her head a little to look at me. i smiled "say hello, beta, you are a good girl na?" i cajoled and finally she turned to look at manik and said a hello' . manik's face lit up seeing nishi. He came forward to take her in his arms from navya but nishi turned around and hugged navya.

Navya mouthed the word chocolate' to manik. And he bobbed his head excitedly. He searched in his pocket and took out a Cadbury silk bubble.

"nishi, princess, dekho mere paas kya h??" manik spoke for the first time to her and he referred her as princess, that melted my heart.

"nishi, uncle k paas chocolate hai, dekho, dekhho" navya cajoled her and nishi turned to see the chocolate. Her eyes twinkled and she looked at manik and then at me. i blinked my eyes in assurance and she looked at manik who was saying ,"princess, i will give you this if you come to me, will you?" he asked and she nodded. He forwarded his arms smiling widely and she jumped on to him. Manik opened the wrapper and gave it to her. She started eating.

Navya turned to me " nandini, tum aur manik baat karo, mai chalti hu" she said and left.

Nishi was still in his arms. He started walking and i followed him.

"she is beautiful" manik said after a brief silence "exactly like you" he added . i didn't know what to say , so i just said thank you' looking down.

"i wanted to ask something..."i started and he nodded "you want to adopt nishi, but what if you marry in future . how can i be sure that my daughter's future is secure?" i asked

he stopped walking and turned to me "i won't marry. I won't repeat my mistake" he said looking straight into my eyes, a sign that he was 101% sure about it.

"why don't you have your own kids?" i asked and regretted as his expressions went dull, as if i had pin pointed on his weakness. "both the women i married, were too ambitious to bear kids" he replied shortly and i didn't dig into the matter further.

There was silence for a while as we turned to stroll back to the main building.

"no more questions??" he asked curiously with a smile.

"no, as of now, no" i said feeling uneasy, probably i was having slight difficulty in breathing.

"so tell me about yourself" he asked

"what do you want to know?" i asked

"anything which concerns nishi, that i should know" he said

"ok, i don't know if navya has told you this or not...my ex -husband , nishi's father's  name is rishi iyer. " i said and he listened carefully. I gave other details regarding nishi...her likes and dislikes, her allergies. He listened to everything carefully.

"and tell me about you" he said when i finished

"what about me?" i felt suddenly nervous at the interest that he was showing towards me.

"anything" he said as if he was more interested in hearing my voice than in the words i speak...

I struggled to find topic to speak. Suddenly i was at loss of words. "ummm..well...i...mean...i am on the last stage of cancer. I have very less time left with me...i just want to see nishi happy..its my only wish" i said and my eyes glistened looking at my baby who had smeared whole of her mouth with the chocolate. I didn't look at manik's face as i didn't want any sympathy from him.

Suddenly my breathing became laboured. I was experiencing difficulty in breathing. I tried to take in short breaths from my mouth. "nandini, r u okay?" i heard manik's voice, there was panic in it. But i was not able to speak. He started shouting "navya, navya!!" i saw him holding my baby near his chest securely . i felt relaxed in my heart of heart.

Navya came running "nandini...hold on" she said patting my head. She called out for stretcher. But manik interrupted her "navya , tum nishi ko pakro...i will carry nandini inside" he said and navya obeyed. He picked me up in his arms and navya guided him to my room. He put me down on bed carefully. My chest was heaving up and down as i struggled to inhale air. My eyes rolled upwards simultaneously. Navya started her check up put the oxygen mask on my mouth. After a while my breathing relaxed and due to the injection i felt drowsy and slept.

...

Manik's pov

 

Navya came to me after nandini fell asleep.

"she shouldn't exert herself" she informed. I looked at nandini's pale skin and thin body. She looks beautiful even in this condition. Beautiful than the  other women. Her full lips and those big round eyes instantly caught my attention. I will fulfil her wish. I will make nishi's future safe and secure. Nishi was cradling in my lap scared from what she just experienced. She wasn't speaking but was just watching her mother silently.

"manik, tum jao..nandini ab kal subah hi uthegi..mai nishi ko v dinner karwa kar sula dungi ab" navya said and i nodded. I placed an endearing kiss on nishi's forehead and handed her to navya. "i am going now, princess but i will come tomorrow to meet you , ok...you will miss me na?" i asked her and she bobbed her head. "main kya launga apke lye kal? Batao? Chocolate?? Toys?? Ya kuch aur??" i asked. "meri momma ko thk kar do.." she requested and i stood rooted to my place. I had no answer, no assurance for this little soul. Navya had tears in her eyes hearing nishi's request. "manik, jao" she pushed me to move forward. I walked out with heavy steps. All the while nishi's words rang in my ears.

...

 

 part 2 : page 8

Cont soon.

Just loved it...

Nishi is soo cute...

Emotional story but sensible...

She asked Manik to cure her mumma!!!

Eagerly waiting...

Take care...😊