IshVeer FF: Of The Soulmates | Epilogue (Page 52) - Page 12

Chapter 59

It was a lonely hour of the midnight when the world slept, curled in the arms of the most delicious of the slumbers and deepest of the dreams, and the white moon burning coldly in the heavens. Ishani stood at the window, her sleepless eyes staring out towards the hazy sky. It might even rain in a while, she observed, looking at the clouds gathering above. Her eyes glided down to the quietly flowing Thames below her gaze, pepper of golden lights sprinkled on its surface gave a mystical look to the stream; and she closed her eyes, hoping to find a comfort that nothing else would provide. Cold air filled the atmosphere as Ishani felt her body shiver with the impact that the coldness left. She sighed. She had visited Ranveer again, and spent longer time with him but no words had formed in her mouth this time. What was she supposed to say at all? Those squally gushes of guilt that furiously burned in her heart caused due to her own wrongdoings were enough to have her mouth shut in front of him. How was she supposed to face him at all? This condition of his: Wasn't she responsible for that? A single dash of one more revelation and she would find herself defeated against the odds that already promised to suffocate her to death.

Her sole desire to be loved so intensely and deeply had been fulfilled at such a great price that she wished Ranveer hadn't loved her at all. A better fate he would have been bestowed with, perhaps. With her, all of his dreams had been crushed ruthlessly. Forget love, she had never even been a good friend to him when he had needed her the most. All of the loyalty of 15 years had been rewarded with the ugliest of the accusations followed by the cruelest judgments from her own side. Why did she never look back? Chirag was her own mistake and she deserved to suffer its consequences too, but why Ranveer? Could really love anyone the way he had loved her? Would she really be able to reciprocate his feelings the way she ought to? He wouldn't say a word, she knew very well, but that didn't mean there was no responsibility from her own side. No relationship could ever work with only one person trying while another being unable to be what they were supposed to.

Her parents' relationship was an example that crossed her mind everytime she thought of Ranveer and herself. He loved her exactly the way her father had loved her mother: without expectations or demands. But her mother had reciprocated his love in form of respect she had for him, and thus protected their relationship from the remorse of lack of love. What did she, Ishani, really do? What reason had she given Ranveer to love her all those years? "You made me feel alive," was what he had said to her the other day; but wasn't she the one unknowingly killing him as well? He would never admit this, but she knew the truth. He had truly loved her so much that it hurt now to be loved like this. Could being loved really hurt so much?

Ishani found herself awfully afraid of the future that awaited her and Ranveer. Ironically, for some reasons, her heart had stopped producing any negative thoughts ever since her second visit to Ranveer. She couldn't tell what, but she knew, like all the time, his love- no, now their love- would coax him back to life. She was now not afraid of the fate that threatened her love and life, rather love that was beyond her ability to reciprocate.

However frightened Ishani was, she had no inkling of the strength of her own love that already had coloured the blank canvas of her and Ranveer's love story, and turned it into a treasure that they were meant to guard forever with the most tender of the cares. Ishani wiped her tears as she saw the redness of the dawn taking over the sky gradually from behind the grey curtains of the clouds. She glanced at her watch and realized few more hours and they would be taking him for his final surgery. The final move that would ultimately get her Ranveer back to life, and she would ask no more from God. Her eyes closed once again as she found herself doze off gradually. In a few moments the rest of the sounds about her died down except the one coming from her own heart that pulsated rapidly in her chest.

"So, having fun?" A rude but clear voice woke her up. She opened her eyes and looked around. There was no one there.

"Who's here?" she asked softly.

"Open your eyes, Ishani. I'm right there," the voice drawled

Ishani wondered if she were dreaming in that moment, for the voice was too shrill and clear to be real, and yet so distant to be somewhere about her. She closed her eyes and opened them again, and this time, she felt her own mirror reflection standing there, maliciously staring back at her. She started at once but fell silent as the reflection of hers before spoke.

"You don't have to be surprised! I'm no enemy of yours, don't worry." She laughed.

"Why are you here?" Ishani asked suspiciously.

"No, why are you here? You were the one supposed to leave long ago, weren't you?"

"Never!" Ishani said. "I was never going to leave..."

"Ranveer?" She laughed again. "Oh, come one, Ishani. Don't pretend to be a saint now. We both know you didn't care about him back when he was a servant."

"I did!" Ishani snapped angrily. Who was she to tell her any of this? "He was my friend back then and I loved him too."

"That was why he was left to die that night!" her reflection mocked, and Ishani shivered.

"No, it wasn't so!"

"What was it?"

"We've talked over this and he doesn't want to discuss this matter anymore."

"Don't forget you are the cause he's here in this condition in the first place. You could have avoided it. All of this, and not let this harm come on him."

"Why are you talking about this now?"

"Because you are the reason of all of this!"

"No, no!" Ishani shouted. "I never meant anything wrong to him. I wanted to be with him... and..."

"But you didn't! You left him because of Chirag. How did you sleep peacefully after all of this happening to him? How could you not bother with him all the time when he needed you? And even today you are the cause he might very well be on his deathbed."

"I cared about him. I loved him!" Ishani shouted frantically, old memories resurfacing back to her again.

"Applying ice-cream and making fake promises holds no importance when you talk about someone's life and death. Your promises were fake. Your care was so conditional that it changed with every person you came across. You always chose others over him," her reflection said bitterly.

Ishani shook her head. "I meant everything I said," she defended herself, hoping to find a way to defeat her vicious self in front of her. "I never made fake promises. I didn't choose anyone over him. He was my best friend and will always be so."

"And that was why you never spoke up or looked back that night?" she asked calmly. "Ishani, would you have done the same... letting your family members handing him over to police had he not been your servant? How would you have reacted if her were not a servant of your family? Wouldn't you have looked back even once? And not just that, how could you not do anything to protect his honor when he sacrificed it literally for your happiness?"

Memories flashed in front of Ishani's eyes once again: all at once, slowly, painfully being played there again and again. She closed her eyes and tears escaped freely for how long she could not tell. Indeed, he hated discussing all these matters, for never did he say anything about him or that night to her. The only conversation they had had about that incident was on Disha matter where he asked her to let the things go. Ishani opened her eyes. The question was legit! How would she have reacted had he not been her family's servant? How would her father have reacted? She did not have very clear memories of that night except that she remembered him calling out her name and she hadn't looked back. Later she had gone to Chirag's house to apologize. All of her foolishness.

Her reflection looked at her curiously.

"What do you want?" Ishani asked wearily.

Her reflection stood silent for a while and then spoke. "How would you forgive yourself if anything happened to him?"

"Nothing will happen to him!" Ishani yelled. "He'll be alright."

"Haven't the doctors said there's not much hope?" A bitter voice answered. "You know what? I was here, right within you, always trying to tell you what to do and what not, but you ignored me always!"

"Please go!" Ishani said, hiding her face in her hands. "Go away, please!"

"You took him for granted, Ishani, and he's paying for that. I will go, but ask yourself the obvious. Do you deserve him? Do you deserve someone like him? His parents have forgiven you. How can you even look into their eyes? You must be ashamed, Ishani! You've only caused others pain and sufferings. He must hate you! Hate you! Hate you!"

"No!" Ishani screamed as loud as she could to silence the voice of her another self, and as world about her spun frantically, and she lost sense of her even being alive. Suddenly her eyes opened; the nightmare was gone. Ishani was sweating, curled in the corner below the window, hugging herself tightly. Down fell the rain upon the surface of river, splashing it generously, and genially, reflecting a rain caused by her own thunderstorm within her heart. Ishani wept, her eyes too soar and tired to remained open now, but as she closed them, Ranveer's face flashed before them and she opened them again.

"I'm sorry, Ranveer, I'm sorry!" she cried, holding his photograph that she had with her all this while close to her heart. "Even if I do it all, I will never be able to love you the way you do. Why? Why did you do all of this for me?"

She remained silent, only sound of her sobs escaping her lips until she saw Puneet coming towards her, his eyes sleepy. Even he hadn't slept the whole night yesterday.

"Ishani," he said, as he stood in front of her. "You've been here the whole night, it'll be better if you take some rest." He looked concerned at her condition but at her assurance of being fine, he nodded.

"No," Ishani replied slowly, and then collected herself. "I will be here only... I can't leave him. Please understand, Puneet."

"Ishani, relax!" Puneet said, looking at her panic stricken face. "Look at you. You look so awful. RV sir wouldn't like seeing you like this, would he? And what have you made of yourself!"

"Let him see me like this," Ishani retorted painfully. "Let him see what he's done to those he loves so much. Do you think it was right of him to do what he did? Pushing me away?"

Puneet smiled sympathetically. "What would you have done?" he asked softly. "As much you love him, I don't think you would yourself have wanted him to stick by your side and see you suffer like that. Wouldn't you have pushed him away as well?"

Ishani looked amazed. Would she have been able to do this as well? How could she break his heart again knowing how much he loved her? Did Ranveer want her away because he did not trust her or her love enough? Perhaps not. He knew her better than she knew herself. Then, why? Ishani wanted to tell him what she felt. What he was to her. That she would never be happy or even alive without him. Apologize for all the sufferings she had inflicted upon him.

"But I'd never have hurt him," Ishani said at length, and more to herself than Puneet. "Not at any cost, and I know he can never be happy without his Ishani."

"That is true," Puneet agreed. "His intention was only to see you happy."

"He's like that, isn't he? And I'm not leaving right now."

Puneet nodded. "I knew you wouldn't leave him now," he said. "But it'll be better if you do take care of yourself properly otherwise you might feel weak again."

"I'm perfectly alright," Ishani said, smiling feebly.

"Are you alright?" Puneet asked again and Ishani looked crestfallen. How could the whole world know if something was wrong with her, no matter how much she tried hiding from them? Had Ranveer given some kind of magic to everyone around him?

"You know, Puneet," she said after sometime, as Puneet made her sit on a chair and sat himself by her side on another. "We were best friends. Not just the best friends for sake of it, we were best friends in all ways. I didn't know what a life is without him, and he never imagined one without me either. Then one day Chirag came. My life's worst chapter. Soon enough I found myself falling in love with him. Oh, how I'd dreamt this feeling would be. Love! But, no. After a few weeks of Chirag and my engagement, Ranveer left... not left, we brutally threw him out of our family. I always wondered where Ranveer would be when he was gone. Always wondered if those accusations on him were right. Always hoped to see him once again, but I knew nothing about him. Not until we met here again, and I realized what he had done. All the days and nights of last many months were spent in wondering if I really deserved him. But nothing matters to him even now. You know what? If he were mad at me, I would have found myself being able to look into his eyes atleast. But how do I do it now? Right now he's here because of me only."

Puneet listened to her intently, and sighed. "Ishani," he said slowly. "I know many things that happened between you two when you two were friends, and you are not to feel guilty over the things that have passed. He would never want to see this regret in your eyes..."

"That's his problem," Ishani interrupted bitterly. "That he loves me so much and I can't love him enough. I'm afraid for everything that might happen in future... good or bad."

"Love should never make you feel that way, Ishani. Never. Do you really love him or it's just sympathy that you feel towards him? Ask yourself."

Ishani looked surprised. Once before, too, her love was accused of being sympathy for Ranveer. He himself had done this. But it was no sympathy! She loved him. "I love him." Ishani gulped. "I've always loved him."

"That's what I wanted to hear," Puneet smiled. "And as long as you know you love him, nothing will go wrong. Chirag might be a mistake of yours. You might have made a mistake of not being able to see your true love once, but you do it now. And that's most important, you know? Better late than never."

"You make it all sound so easy."

"It is easy. Now, come on! Don't cry. Sally will be coming here as well in a while."

Ishani smiled, feeling lighter somehow. It was all Ranveer's fault, she thought. How on earth could he make her feel so much better at once that his absence was completely akin to her death now?

"That's good!" Puneet said, while Ishani smiled, feeling the first shafts of the sun penetrating through the clouds.

And as they talked, Ishani saw Ranveer parents arriving, their faces worried and their eyes curious.

"Is-is everything alright?" Amba asked as she and her husband hurriedly approached them, and Ishani nodded her head.

"They'll be taking him in 2 hours," she said, and Amba gasped, her eyes gleaming with tears. "Kaki, don't worry! Everything will be alright."

Amba looked at Ishani, as if having noticed something that Ishani would rather keep hidden from her eyes. "Are you alright?" she asked.

Ishani nodded her head, struggling with tears once again, and turned her face away.

"Doctor, anything new?" Ishani hurried to Mr. Gregson, as he exited the operation theatre, looking tired.

"Not yet, Miss," he answered. "There have been some troubles in the anatomy on which the surgery was supposed to be performed. In the lower parts of his splenium, there has been seen a huge cluster of liquid. We're working on that."

She nodded. Ishani had, by now, done a mild study of the disease, and understood how things worked.

"The blood that was supposed to be occupying those parts was replaced by something else."

"That's not a big trouble, right? That can be removed..."

"Yes," the doctor smiled. "Please have faith in God. I'm sure things will be alright."

He left, and Ishani returned back to the waiting room. Kailash, Amba, Puneet, and Sally looked up at her, and she nodded. But said nothing else.

Time passed as slowly as it could crawl, making everyone anxious and once in a while when either of the doctors exited the room, they were showered with the questions of Ranveer's well being but were not answered satisfactorily.

"Kaki, everything will be alright," Ishani said to the anxious Amba while the old woman only looked at Ishani, as if hoping she would make everything alright. Everyone was running out of patience now. One hour passed somehow. Two hours. Three hours. Amba would look up again and again, feeling hopeless at times and the room sometimes would be filled with her sobs, Ishani and others comforting her.

"Kaki, it's alright!" Ishani said, while Kailash agreed and repeated Ishani's words. "It's a matter of a few more hours only. I'm sure we'll hear the good news only. I promise!"

Ishani fell silent suddenly as everyone looked at her. She did not know why but she was most hopeful now. It wasn't the same, usual hope that gleamed in her heart; it was powerful, patient and fierce. Fierce enough to burn the nastiest of the hopelessness away. "I promise," she repeated again, more to herself now.

"I want to trust you," Amba said.

"Trust me, Kaki."

One more hour passed but no information from the doctors came. The morning had now melted into a hot afternoon and everyone waited with their bated breath to know what future held for them all. Suddenly a sharp vibration on Ishani's phone brought her out of her thoughts, and she, going in a corner, hurriedly picked up her phone. It was Sharman.

"Sharman bhaiya!" Ishani sighed with relief. "It was you!"

"Ishani, what are you doing in the hospital? And where in this hospital are you?"

"You're here?"

"Mr. Khanna just dropped me here. Ishani, what's happening?" Sharman said, his voice desperate.

"Where are you right now?"

"On reception counter. Is everything fine?"

"Wait for me there," Ishani said and rushed there.

15 minutes later Ishani found Sharman waiting for her in front of the reception counter, and to her sheer surprise, he was not alone, but Pratiek stood by his side. Ishani moved closer to them as they greeted each other, Ishani for the first time feeling slightly better.

"I'm sorry, bhaiya, I don't have any better place to take you right now."

"Ishani, who is here? And what are you doing here?"

Ishani shook her head. "First you both should go to home and take some rest. I'll take care of the things over here."

"But, Ishani..." Before Sharman could speak anything else, they saw Puneet approaching them.

"Ishani, Mrs. Vaghela wants to meet you. She's getting hysterical without you."

Sharman looked at Ishani, shocked. "Ishani, what is happening here?" he spoke, holding her hand.

"I can't explain anything right now," she said, her eyes teary, and Sharman's eyes emanated regret that she could not understand why. He and Pratiek followed Ishani only to find out a shock of their life.

Ishani rushed to Amba, and held her hand in hers. "Kaki, don't worry," she said, wiping her tears.

"Why don't they tell us what's happening in there? My Ranveer! What are they doing there?" She burst in tears as Ishani hugged her.

"Kaki, they're just working! Ranveer needs you the most right now. Please don't' give up. We all need you." Ishani caressed her back softly as Amba's sobs caved in, and she looked up at her.

"Ranveer..." she whispered. "Why did this happen to him, Ishani?"

Ishani looked away. "Sometimes worst things happen to the best people. And we happen to have no idea why."

"But never anything good happened to him. Ever since I've known, I have only seen bad, bad and bad happening with him."

Ishani looked at her once again and smiled. "And he's proved all this time why he's worthy of all the happiness. You do trust God, right? We know He will never let anything wrong happen to Ranveer."

"Never," Amba said in a childlike innocence, and rested her head on Ishani's shoulder. Ishani caressed her hairs slowly when suddenly Amba retreated back, her eyes carrying a hatred Ishani had never seen before. Ishani looked behind her, to see where she was looking at, to find her cousins standing there awkwardly.

"What are you two doing here?" Amba said, rushing to them both, and grabbing Sharman by his collar, while others darted to hold her back. "What do you want? Wasn't all that happened back then enough?"

"Kaki, please," Ishani said, struggling. "We don't have time for this. Leave them."

"Amba, listen to Ishani. She's right!" Kailash said, as he took his wife in his arms, and Amba wept.

"Why did they come back?" she said, dejected. "We were so better without them. They humiliated him so much. What do they want now? Ishani, ask them to leave this hospital right now! I can't see them. I can't see them. Go away, you two!"

"Kaki, I'll manage," Ishani said, pacifying her, relieved that the old memories did not embitter Amba towards her.

After a decent struggle, Amba was calm, and sat quietly on the chair, while Puneet and Sally left to see the further developments, if any had happened.

"Look after your brothers," Kailash said, while Ishani nodded.

"We deserve to know, Ishani. What's happening here? Ranveer's family! Where is he? What are you doing here? How did you two meet? What happened between you and Falguni Kaki?" he said, but fell silent at Ishani's passive look. "Ishani, please say something!"

"There's so much to say, bhaiya," she said, lost. "I only want my Ranveer back. He's so close on that brink... he's struggling with death with no hope. I want him back. I can't fight like this." Ishani closed her eyes. All the battles at times felt lost and hopeless, and it was the moment she knew no one else but Ranveer could show her the way. But how could he? She was the reason he wasn't here too.

Sharman looked confused. "Ishani," he said sympathetically. "I want to know what happened here."

In the next half an hour Ishani narrated all that she could in her broken voice while Sharman and Pratiek listened to her intently, a deep sense of regret in their eyes clearly visible.

"So, this was it!" Sharman said, his head bowed low. "I've never been so wrong in my whole life. And thanks to Harshad Kaka that he had bailed Ranveer out of jail that night. Otherwise..."

"Wait!" Ishani snapped. "Did Papa bail Ranveer out that night? How do you know...? He couldn't have shared it with anyone else..."

"No," Sharman agreed. "He never shared this with anyone, but we both went to the jail to bail him out. Kaka was rather upset about the whole matter. Though he never let Ranveer know himself. We asked the police not to inform him anything about it."

But Ranveer knew, she felt. How could he not?

"And he still knew," Ishani whispered resignedly to herself and sighed. She looked at her cousins who sat as dejected as she, regret in their eyes. They had admitted their mistakes, but would they be forgiven?