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The Distance - A ShraMan OS
*"Kabhi Hua Yeh Bhi, Khali Rahon Pe Bhi..Tu Tha Mere Saath..
Kabhi Tujhe Milke Lauta Mera Dil Yeh Khali Khali Haath...
Yeh Bhi Hua Kabhi..Jaise Hua Aabhi..Tujhko Sabhi Mein Paa Liya..."
"Shravan...Shravan...Stop...Stop!...I said STOP dammit!" Suman shouted at the retreating back of the tall figure walking a mile a minute in front of her. Suddenly he stopped in his tracks as Suman ran in front of him and blocked his way.
"What?" Said Shravan looking at her with cold eyes.
"What?" Said Suman her eyes widening. "You're asking ME what? Like you don't know what I mean?"
"No I don't know what you mean!" Snapped Shravan.
"Really? That's rich!" Suman snapped back.
"I am not a mind reader Suman. Why don't you make yourself clear?" Said Shravan insolently.
"Wow, now you have to be a mind reader to know what someone means? OK Mr London returned...I'll be clear! What was that spectacle that happened inside? Is that clear enough for you?"
"Oh that?...You're so worked up about that? Woh ithani bhi badi baath nahin thi Suman!" Said Sharavn with a sarcastic twist to his lips.
"Really? Woh ithani bhi badi..." Suman started to say when she stopped mid-sentence. Suddenly it occurred to her that she had heard that line before. Yes she had heard it because SHE herself had said it to Shravan, just over a week ago when she met him at her house after 10 long years. She looked at Shravan with sudden clarity.
"So THAT was what all this was about? Payback?"
"Let's call it levelling the score!" Said Shravan.
"What the hell is your problem anyway?" asked Suman angrily.
"MY problem?" Said Shravan in a low but equally angry tone.
"Yes your damned problem. Since you got back from London, you have been blowing cold and hot. Mostly acting like a jerk!"
"I thought you liked jerks? You know, they're cool right? Happening? Isn't that what you said when I asked you to be my date at the prom in our final year?" "Prom pe rocking dude ke saath jathain hai?" Something like that?"
"So to get back at me for something stupid I said 10 years ago, you will bring your own "rocking date" to this party after leading ME to think I was your date? You even got us both the same dress? How could you sink so low Shravan?"
That seemed to get his attention as he stepped closer to her and looked at her with cold anger.
"I am low down? ME? This is coming from you? The person who invented the definition of low down?"
"I said I was sorry for what happened in high school Shravan! I don't know what more I can say? I didn't know you were still so upset about it. I know I was wrong..." Suman was saying as Shravan cut her off.
"Wow...so you know you were wrong? That must be the closest you got in 10 years to showing any sincerity. Or is it coz you finally understand what it feels like to be embarrassed in front of all your peers? Not so much fun when the boot's on the other foot is it Suman?"
"No it's not. It's not Shravan!" Said Suman looking square at him. "Point noted!" She said in a quiet tone.
Shravan looked a bit taken aback by her response. Suman saw something flit across his eyes, before he masked his expression again.
"But you didn't have to go to these lengths to let me know that!" Suman said in a firmer tone.
"Really?" Said Shravan with raised browse. "What other way was there to let you know Suman? You clearly didn't have a clue how badly you screwed up! Even after 10 years all I got was a lame apology with a footnote of how it was not such a big deal!"
"I know I should not have said that, but the only reason I did, was coz you seemed to be giving me this cold attitude, and I didn't want you to think I was hung up on the past!"
"So once again, it was all about your ego for you right? Again your ego won over any regard you had for me! That is why even after 10 years, you didn't want to compromise on looking less than cool in front of your ex nerdy friend! Still the same old Sumo, with her "image" to protect right?" Said Shravan sarcastically.
Suman looked at Shravan incredulously. "God...do you really think this was about ego? About some stupid image for me? You said you didn't remember me to Pushkar! How the hell else did you expect me to react?"
"How did you know about that?" It was Shravan's turn to look incredulous.
"I was in your room at the time!"
"You were...What?...How?"
"I came to your room to leave you a note. Then you came in with Pushkar when I was in the washroom!" (Suman didn't tell him the part about how she had gone into his washroom to wash away her makeup, and she had left the note hours earlier when she came to his house).
"Did you have to take your earnings off to leave me a note?" Asked Sharvan with a raise of his browse.
Suman had forgotten how fast that mind of Shravan's was. "He's a lawyer bewakoof. His job is to catch people out on lies". Suman reprimanded herself in her mind.
"Did you say something?" Asked Shravan.
"No nothing! I thought you couldn't read minds?" said Suman in a catty tone.
"No but I can catch people out on lies. It's my job!" Shravan said with a tight smile.
"Yehi toh problem hai" said Suman under her breath.
"I heard that!"
Suman rolled her eyes.
"SO...are you going to tell me exactly what you were doing in my room with your earnings off? Other than leaving me a note?"
"I was washing away my makeup!" Said Suman stoically.
"Washing away...What?" Said Shravan with a shake of his head.
"I wore more makeup coz I wanted to make a good impression. You know... look sophisticated?" she muttered. "But Pushkar told me it was too much, so I wanted to wash it off! OK? Happy now?" Snapped Suman.
So she had put on makeup and dressed up to meet him? Shravan wanted to smile, but didn't want to show any softening towards her.
"So since when do you take makeup and style tips from Pushkar?...Anyways, why didn't you stay and say Hi after all that effort?" Asked Sharvan with a straight face.
"Stay and say Hi? To the person who just said they didn't remember who I was? Are you serious?"
"Well if your ego didn't matter to you at all as you say, then yeah why not? Why not stay and remind me who you are?"
"Clearly you don't know the difference between ego and self-respect, Mr hot shot lawyer! They obviously don't teach you the difference in law school!"
"No but they teach you to differentiate between fact and fiction. Look at the evidence and evidence alone when resolving a case! So judging by the evidence, it was clear what you call self-respect was actually you're pride. You couldn't handle the fact that nerdy Shravan who used to hang around you could dare to forget you? The great Sumo, Ms Cool! I mean how dare he right?" Said Shravan sarcastically.
"You have serious problems, do you know that? So I was a Brat in high school and you were a nerd? We each had our thing. Yours was books and mine was image! Why do you want to take something from so long ago so seriously?"
"This is the problem with you Suman. Even NOW you have no idea what it felt like to be me back then! You wanted my friendship, but on the down low. You wanted me to pick out your dress, so that you can turn up with someone else as your date! Well THIS time, I picked out your dress, but I picked someone else to be my date!"
"Yes, someone that suits your "standard" right? Miss Delhi or whatever...Urmila..."
"Urvashi"
"Whatever! I guess she is your type now? The air head type?"
"Why not? You're type was always rocking dudes right? See in high school, I tried cool girls with image, but that didn't work out so well for me... so now airheads are the flavour of the month! Who are you to judge me?"
"No one Shravan! Clearly I am no one to you now!"
"Just like I was no one to you back then Suman!"
"How can you even SAY that, when you know how much your friendship meant to me?"
"Really? I don't know how much it meant to you. In fact that is the problem. I never knew what I meant to you. What I didn't mean to you was made very clear to me!"
"I was a dumb kid Shravan. Just a kid. We were 16 for God sake's. I had this way of being, this way of acting tough in front of everyone, and I didn't want to lose that. That image was my lifeline since my parents died!"
"I lost my Mum too!" Said Shravan in a quiet tone.
"Yes but at least you had a Dad. I lost both my parents and only had Nanu! The tough and cool girl thing was what I held on to, to cope with my life then!"
"So what you are saying is that running roughshod over people's feelings, and being crass and insensitive was your way of dealing with your loss? By treating people who cared about you the worst? Or was that something you just reserved for me? Did you ever stop to think how your actions were effecting me Suman? We were so close, but you didn't even want to talk to me in school! Then when you realised I had a crush on you, you made a big joke out of it? You expect me to have just forgotten about that? Well I didn't. I couldn't, because that made me realise that the person I was, was not someone that girls wanted to date. Girls like bad boys, smooth guys? In short, jerks? So I became a jerk, and now you tell me you don't even like that? Wow...what DO women want?"
"You are blaming me for the way you are now?"
"Yes I blame you! Because you made me question the way I was, and made me want to change everything about me that made you reject me in the first place. In the process, I guess I lost some of the person I used to be. For that part, I guess I blame myself!"
"Do you really think that I didn't like the guy you were? I lo...I really liked the guy you were. Really cared about you. I guess coz I was a stupid teenager, I didn't know how to show it to you. I was always the same with you as I was with everyone. But because you were a nerd, I didn't want to be seen in school with you. I was a stupid kid Shravan. Yes I was a B***h sometimes. But that doesn't mean that I didn't care. I did. That's why I ran behind your car wanting to talk to you that day you left. But you wouldn't even listen to me!"
"I'd heard enough. Trust me I didn't want to hear anymore!"
"I know I was wrong dammit. I was sorry then and I am sorry now. THAT is why I was so excited when I heard you were coming back. I wanted to tell you how badly I felt about what happened then...I wanted to pick up..."
"Where we left off right? Just like nothing ever happened? Like I said Suman, it didn't happen to you. It happened to me. So you thought one lame apology with a "it's not a big deal" attached was going to make it all go away?"
"Maybe I did. Maybe I thought you were over it all! Clearly you were not. Clearly you didn't move on Shravan, and neither did I. I guess we were both stuck where we left each other 10 years ago. But I wanted to put things right. I wanted us to be friends again. I wanted to make amends. But from the moment you arrived back in India, all you wanted was to get even. You used me!"
"Yeah...and how does that feel?"
"Not good. I guess you wanted to show me instead of tell me how I made you feel? I guess I expected this hot shot Lawyer from London to be a lot more mature about things! My mistake!"
"So now you are accusing me of immaturity, coz I wanted to show you the mirror?"
"No I am accusing you of being the same insensitive jerk I was 10 years ago now. Main galath thi Shravan. I accept that. I was wrong then... But you are wrong now! And two wrongs don't make a right"
"Yes but at least now you know what it felt like to be me, and it won't be so easy for you to dismiss it anymore"
"You really have changed. The old Shravan would have seen that I was sorry. The old Shravan would have known that..." Suman was saying when Shravan cut her off.
"I am not the old Shravan!"
"Trust me I know. You have made it abundantly clear!" Suman stopped and took a deep breath. "You know what...there is no point going on about this over and over again. I treated you badly in high school. I took your friendship for granted. I didn't value enough of what you meant to me in my life. But losing your friendship made me realise it. So all this..." She gestured around with her hands...,"that you did to prove a point to me, was really not needed. I already went through it all when I lost your friendship 10 years ago. When I lost you!"
"Suman... you" Shravan started to say, when Suman stopped him.
"I am not finished
yet. You wanted to teach me a lesson? Well consider my education completed Mr
Shravan Malhotra. I got it! I finally got it. I am not worthy of your time
right? Message received. Loud and clear!" Suman was tired of pretending it
didn't matter to her. "You wanted to hurt me? Consider it done. Mission
accomplished. I guess if I had such a big ego, I would not have admitted that
to you!"
Shravan was about to speak but Suman didn't let him.
"Please save it. Save the rest of the conversation this evening for your date, who is of your status! What did you say inside? That we are very far from each other in every way? Education, wealth, status? Yes you're right. Hum sach main ek doosere se bohot dhoor hain Shravan!"
Shravan fisted his hand. "Suman..."...
Suman spoke over him as if he had not spoken at all. "Aur aab yeh dooriyan aisi hi rahegi!" Said Suman with resolve, her head held high as she turned around and walked away from Shravan.
Shravan pursed his lips as he balled both his hands into fists as he closed his eyes. He truly felt like the jerk that he had tried so hard to be. Yes he had wanted to hurt her. Clearly he had. But how come it didn't fill him with the elation he expected to feel? Why did he feel like hell? Why did it hurt so damn much to see that pain in her eyes as she left? Why did this distance between them hurt him so much still? He knew the answer to that question, but he just didn't want to open that dangerous door. He had said that he'd had a "crush" on her. He knew it was a lot more than that. It had been then, and it was even now. But if he knew Suman at all, after tonight, the distance between them will only grow. This chasm will only widen. He had thought that was what he wanted, but now he was not so sure!
*"Tera Mujhe Kar Jaati Hai Dooriyan...Satati Hain Dooriyan..Tarsati Hain Dooriyan..Fanah Ho Sabhi Dooriyan"
* Lyrics derived from the song "Yeh Dooriyan" - Movie - Love Aaj Kal (2009)
Hi All,
Here is another piece on the ongoing track. In this I focused on a possible confrontation after whatever happened at the party. Hope you all liked it. Please do like and leave comments! Looks like I am on a roll. Two pieces in one week. Trust me this has not happened in months!
Cheers
Mandy
Find below the link to my SHRAMAN Index
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