Kahi-Ankahi---Codes Decoded For Innocents --(Fun Take) :)))

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-Cruiser-

@-Cruiser-

IF-Sizzlerz

+ 5

Posted: 8 years ago

One of my friend of marriageable age has a stubborn stance that he would not go to any girl's house to have a look at the girl' as his parents beg him to, each time a RISHTA proposal comes their way!

He says he has no right to see a girl and based on a few minutes of impression say either NO or YES to a girl. He further strengthens his argument applying the logic on himself as well. He says what right a girl has to judge him one way or the other based on 10-15 minutes of an awkward meeting?

Point toh hai!👍🏼

Determination of Indian parents to see to it their kids get crucified on altar of marriage is nothing less than legendary warrior Karna's fierce determination of proving himself better than Arjuna, any way he could and my friend's parents too tried every trick in the book.

Sometimes they would sneak in pics of girls with beaming- ear to ear smiles inside his books or under his pillow, sometimes would start loudly chatting as to how beautiful Jalebi Joshi has become as a grown up girl, far cry from that little, eternally running nose girl. 😳

Nothing aroused any curiosity or interest in our man and he continued to remain that typical nerd, eternally engrossed in his research and studies.

And then one day his Parents unleashed the ultimate Brahmastra on him and quietly placed the matrimonial ad page of The Times of India on his work table at home, having encircled a few ads. ⭐️

Being a bookaholic who even reads Publisher's Zip / Pin Code when finishing a book, our man glanced through the classified advertisements with a magnifying glass, got fascinated and started making notes of ads, their special contents and responding to select few ads, even posing as a girl and responded to some prospective groom advertisements, just to satisfy his curiosity and master his knowledge of his latest interest field.😛

Some two months of passionate work and being the diligent genius that he is, he had completely cracked the coded lingo of Matrimonial ads and had me doubling up in laughter when he shared his discoveries and Gyaan!👏

Blessing me with his profound knowledge, he revealed if a prospective Bride's ad says "Expert in household chores"----In most cases it means she wasn't exactly brilliant academically, so expect delicious Paranthas, Sabzis, Chutneys, Pickles and neat house but not a career woman.

Conversely, if an ad said Serious Career minded girl, be ready to marry a successful working girl with whom, every evening you would argue whether to order Chinese or Pizza or Indian gravies from a dozen catering outlets around your house (Indian mein yeh sukh toh hai bhaai---).👍🏼

He kept dazzling me with other coded terms in marriage advertisements and their real meanings. Like:

Wheatish Complexion / Gehuaan Rang-----(Means Girl or guy is dark actually-----God why in India they even mention complexions and skin shades in Ads is tragic actually)! 😕

Extremely fair complexioned Girl or Boy / Ati Gaur Varna- (In most cases low Hemoglobin count mareez and as a result pale-weak appearance)! 😕

Homely Girl / Griha Kaarya Mein Daksh Kanya------(Means don't expect our girl to do anything else but cooking, mopping, silaayi-kadhaayi. Extremely homely ones would even comb your hair with their fingers and put you to sleep singing Lalla-Lalla Lori---Doodh ki Katori--Doodh Mein Batasha---Mera Jaanoo kare tamasha)! 😳

Mature, Studious personality-----(Means our girl / boy has a pasted Karishma Tanna frown on her / his face and if you laugh, be prepared to face an angry stare, full of hatred)! 😈

Extremely Ambitious girl / boy--------(Means as Ajaz Khan used to say Badi-Badi Baatein---Vada-Paav Khaate)!😕

Innocent Divorcee----------(Means our girl's / boy's was not at all at fault, just the fate that he / she got married to a plain evil one before)! 😕

Early Decent Marriage (Bride's ad)--------------(Means bahut Dahej Milega-----Right boy gets rich quick with hefty dowry)! 😉

Early Decent Marriage (Groom's ad)--------------(Means bahut jyaada Dahej Chaahiye-----Boy's father wants to get rich quick by selling his son at the earliest for a very hefty dowry)! 😉

Early Simple Marriage---------------(Means only Babaji Ka Thhullu if you expect dowry and in many cases, Parents wants to do an urgent Bidaayee / Marriage of their daughter / Son for reasons they would not like you to know of).🤓

Aur bhi many hilarious ones!

Amazingly, even in Bigg Boss-9, one does need to pay careful attention to what a contestant / anchor is saying to be able to decipher, what she / he actually means!

So cutting out the crap, Codes-Decodes of Bigg Boss-9 or----Bigg Boss-9 Simplified for Dummies are:

1. Kishwar:

"Yes, I know I am a strong player---" (Means I am stubborn, loud and obnoxious)

"Crappp dude!----Crappp it is if someone says I dominate Suyyash & Prince"" (Means to say, whats your problem dude? Whats your problem if Suyyash and Prince are my pups and foot soldiers?)

"Bullshittt! Who the hell says I am the man in my relationship with Suyyash?"-----(Means Suyyash---Kishwar----Merchant----Poora Naam-------Baat karta hai---------Agneepath naheen---Bigg Boss Path----)😡

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2. PRINCE:

"Sab jaante hain Main Har task poore Dil-jaan se karta hoon---)----(Means main har task mein saari limits cross karta hoon and you better understand this and give up as soon as you can---or else---) 😈

"I am always happy---Hamesha Khush rehta hoon main kyunki---? (Means----ye dekho naa: https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/topic/4494391 )

"Haan Kishwar meri Behan hai, but khelta main apne dimaag se hoon----" (Main Kishwar Behan ka wafadaar fauji hoon aur by default Suyyash Jija Ji ka bhi)

"Mandana khud kare toh sab thheek hai, doosre wohi karein toh sab galat hai----Gaali deti hai---------Badtameeziyaan karti hai"----------(Means main Mandana ki har Eent ka jawaab patthhar se deta hoon-----Mere se panga naa le wo)

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3. MANDANA:

"Keith---aapka girlfriend Rushail--------Rushail ka Damaag kharaab hai-----sayi nayin hai Rushail ka damaag--"-----(Means, I am not happy to see Rochelle happy with you Keith-----Keith---Main hoon Naa!" 😳

"Keith acchhi aadmi hai------Rushail acchha ledki nayin hai------"-----(Means I have done the home work-----Salman Khan Ji loves a foreigner girl's Hindi in which Feminine and Masculine genders are interchanged----Aadmi ke liye Stree-Ling----Aurat ke liye Pulling---So cute naa?"😳

"Ye jo Preeenc -Preeenc hai na---ye koi limit nayin jaanti hai----Paagal hai ye---" -(Means Holy cow---this Prince is one kid who rattles me no end and I have no idea how to get the better of this fellow who matches me fire for fire, trick for trick)

4. AMAN VERMA:

' Kishwar ne khaane mein thhooka---Maine nahin! Maine sirf thhookne ki ACTING KI----ACTING!" ------(Meaning----maine apne group ko full-full encourage kiya ki thhooko-thhooko---aur thhooko-------Waise kisko pata chala maine waquai acting ki ya------shhh) 😉

"Main hamesha logic se sochta hoon---logic ke saath chalta hoon--)-----(Means---Main is ghar mein sabse jyaada chaalu hoon baccho------) 😉

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5. SUYYASH (He doesn't speak a lot and mostly, you have to decode his expressions only):

His Sad looks--------(Mean how dare you do this to my Kishwar)! 😕

His Happy looks----(Means Kishwar just got on top of someone in house) 😃

His absent minded looks----(Means its Wednesday night episode showing him mentally recalling Salman onslaught on Kishwar last Saturday night episode) 😕

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6. DIGANGANA MUKUTVANSHI

When she refutes charges of favoritism she opens her mouth, widens eyes and protests,"Arey nahin"Main kabhi FAVOURISH nahin hoti----- (She means to say yes I agree with everyone's opinion and right now too, do not want to upset you by disagreeing with you----Katti mat hona bas ---Ol-Raait?") 😳

"How can you say maine koi Stand nahin liya? -----Liya na stand"Kayi baar liya---" ---(means in her mind, she is recalling various Agarbatti and Pen-stands she has bought at various stages in her life, especially in past 2-3 years as she turned more and more religious and God fearing with exams getting tougher every passing year, especially her XIIth Class).😛

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7. ROCHELLE RAO:

"Ek second Bigg Boss---Main ye kehna chahti hai ki---Mandana bilkul galat baat kar raye hai-----" (Means, my Hindi is as cute as Mandana's Salman and Hey Bigg Boss----shoot me saying this for next episode please!) 😳

"Ek Second Salman Ji----Main ye kehna chaahti hai ki----Kishwar bilkul galat baat kar raye hai----Mandana ka kick, -----kick nayin thhe---action ka against, natural reaction thhe----" -----(Means, see Salman Ji, my Hindi is as cute as Mandana's, I am saying what you would love to hear and I hope you too are visualizing me on winning podium, just as I am!) 😳

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8. SALMAN KHAN:

"Prince----Tune Mandana ke suitcase ko haath lagaya---koi teri behan ke suitcase ko haath lagaayega toh?"------(He means to say Prince saale,---- Meri Mandana ke suitcase toh kya, toothpaste aur parchhayi se bhi door reh)! 😡

"Puneet----Tumne Kishwar-Prince-Suyyash ko samjhaaya kyun nahin? ---Roka kyun nahin---tumhaara farz thha un ko rokna"samjhaana---" ------(Means Aman Verma had no need to restrain his group from spitting-gargling in someone's food plate---infact, Aman is welcome to act as if he too is spitting on the food on plate----but Puneeet----tu toh gaya beta!) 😈

"Prince----aise hi rahoge show mein toh kaun kaam dega kal tum ko? Hain?----Acchha kaam karna hai life mein?)--------(Mandana se door reh saale------mera dil jeet! You make me happy and I will give you a 3 minute role of Cop Mangu Ram in Dabangg-4)! 😉

Hyena laugh "Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-Hein-Hahahaha---" (Means Hanso Saalo---PJ hai toh kya hua? ----Ye joke, maine maara hai----Sense of humour nahin hai kya bilkul?"😡

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Sample some matrimonial ads in Indian print media...👏