The Dakshineshwar Kali temple on the banks of the Ganges. People say, its a place where every wish comes true.
I am a Marwari, so I never went there. But in my College days, I have often gone and sat on the banks..alone, looking at the temple lights glowing amidst the slowly gathering darkness, until it was time to go home.
Then, Dadima and papa used to fuss about why i was so late in coming back from college. I was a good girl. Always toed the line.
Today, I slipped out after the afternoon meals were done. Nobody was bothered, they would not be bothered about a murderess , liar and re-incarnation of a witch anyway. They should not be. I had been sitting here for the past two hours. I am not sure if at all i want to go back. I don't know how to swim...perhaps, if I just jumped...the lapping waters would wash me away like it splashes the Durga deities every year during visarjana. The end.
I could feel the madness building up again. The daze beginning to cloud me, urging me,egging me on. Its a high...standing on the edge of life...preparing to take a header into the unknown.
And a voice pulled me back.
"ragini?" Its a voice I hate...and still cannot ignore.
Sanskaar came in front of me, forcing me back from the crag.
"I know what you were trying to do. Don't do it. Listen to me this time." He pleaded and commanded at the same time.
I looked at his face, blindly...the tears fogging my eyesight. "Why? Let me go. I am over anyway. I tried to get everything. And I got nothing. I am not good enough for the guy I love, I did crimes to snatch him. I tried to kill my own sister. And I'm caught. He still loves her. Everyone still loves her. They should of course. She is great. Do you know...she of all people forgave me? she pities me Sanskaar. Pities me". I screamed.
"Sit" he forced me down...and sat down cross kneed beside me on the bank.
"What is this i heard about you wanting swara to marry laksh?" he asked.
"Obviously" I sneered at him,"laksh loves swara..Swara would have married him if i had not tried to grab him, anyway i could. Lovers unite, now that the evil witch is defeated. Easy equation sanskaar."
"thats not what I meant. I mean..will you give him up? Can you? You are crazy for him"
I cocked my head at him...staring him in the eye. "ha! I am just following your example"
" My example?" he asked, not meeting my eyes. He knew exactly what i meant.
"Yes, your example. You are also crazy in love with swara. But you told her, if she wants a divorce, you'll give it. You'll be friends with her regardless. Can you sanskaar? Even if she does not love you back...and even if she, say for argument's sake...chooses laksh over you?" I spat at him.
"look ragini..I told you relationships are never forced. See what happened to yours. Laksh does not want to see your face or hear your name again. He has gone grovelling back to Swara. But I love her enough to make her own decision as to who she really wants."
"That is not an answer to my question Sanskaar. Thats just your consolation to yourself. Both me and you know very well...that once swar divorces you..and if at all she goes back to Laksh, even though I don't know why she would do a silly thing like that...you will never remain friends with her. You will cut and run. Am i right or am I right?"
Sanskaar's voice suddenly becamesofter. Wistful, like a child. " why is it ragini, that who we love, does not always love us back?"
"You are asking me? believe me, I became a psycho killer trying to solve that very question" i snorted.
"I started all this. Did mistakes...but when she needed me, I was there. I have repented for what i have done go her, I have seen her through this. Laksh did not. Nobody believed her. I was there, supporting her with everything i had. I married her, just because it would help her out. I knew I was going to get my heart crushed again if i started loving her...because, she is.." the strong and silent Sanskaar was suddenly burning.
"Stupid?" I laughed hysterically. " anybody who tries to forgive a sister who tried to kill her is stupid. Anybody who thinks that a guy like you is not worth keeping is stupid , sanskaar. She can go dancing back to Laksh if she wants to...not that I think she is as stupid as that. But, she knows how much you love her. She knows how much you have done for her. Swara has always thought she is a Goddess or something...eternally taking the high road. She thinks that she gave you a second chance to make amends..so you are in her debt..and she can do anything to you ...and leave. She has not realised sanskaar, that after what you have done for her, its she who is in your debt now. You are way more selfless, than she ever will be."
Sanskaar looked at me, surprised. And rather ...pleased?
"Its nice to have my dupattewali dost back." He suddenly grinned.
"I thought you hated me after all that i did."
"No. If I did..I would have let you die. I understand ragini. Just as you understand me. Its strange..that swara does not understand me as well as you do. Just one question, you know laksh is stupid, why do you love him?" he chuckled without humour.
"You know Swara is like Socrates, why do you love her?" I countered."Gotcha!"
"yeah, well, I guess you did. Love never does have a reason huh?"
"Lets pray. They say, that all wishes come true here."
"For what? I am not a big believer in prayer..not since'
"kavita died?"
"Yeah..." he sighed.
"Was she like swara?"
"No. She would never hurt a fly unlike you, but she was a lot like you. Smart, quiet, a go getter and she understood me. We were friends even when we were lovers."
"hmmm. Anyway..lets pray that Swara knows what is good for her...and does not leave the diamond..looking for God knows what."
" Me being the diamond? Was that a compliment?" he grinned.
" I would like you to be my Jijaji...for real, this time. You will keep her happy. I just want that she should know your true worth...and not belittle your love. If not, then, I pray that you get over her because you deserve more."
"Why are you praying for me?"
"For whatever its worth, we are friends, and we understand each other." I smile.
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