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Please listen to this as you read this :)
[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhbaG6i5wZI[/YOUTUBE]
[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhbaG6i5wZI[/YOUTUBE]
It was happening. And she was far from ready. Everything they wanted to settle for in the length of their contract had happened in due time. Ranbir had warmed up to her and even Aarav had started attending vocational training to make a better man of himself, but not before profusely apologising to both her and Nachiket for letting them down.
Nishi and Jignesh were living separately.. in a house Jignesh had booked with his own earnings. They were never has happy as they were nowadays, having rediscovered the meaning of love and togetherness.
And now she was running out of excuses.
Out of excuses to keep him to her.
Her biggest excuse was the truth, the truth that she had never fallen out of love with him, and she would do anything to keep him here by her side.. married to her for now and forever more.
He had started teaching at some colleges now that he had no interest in working at Aman's hospital and sometimes it meant traveling over the weekend to other cities to teach.. like he had gone now.. leaving her alone.. their last talk on the phone was rushed and awkward.. they had both wanted to say something to the other but were holding back. She feared the worst.. she feared he would call it off... that he'd seen through her and her desperation and wanted to hold back and retreat before the reciprocation of those feelings started feeling like an obligation thanks to their proximity. He did not say when he was coming back.. and she did not ask.
Their conversation ended with no words spoken.. just a click of the phone from his side and a tired sigh from hers.
The call had left her uneasy.. she ate her lunch silently and her mental exhaustion led her to their bed where she just slumped against the pillows with her hand shielding her eyes.
She tried to think of him... and could not think past her favourite part of him.
His eyes.
She sighed as she realised she could not think of anything else..
Teri ankhon ke siwa
Duniya me rakha kya hai
Ye uthe subah jale
Ye jhuke shaam dhale
Mera jeena, mera marna,
inhi palko ke tale
(If not for your eyes,
What's there to behold in this world?
When they open, they bring forth the morning,
When they close, the sun sets,
My life and death,
Is beneath these lashes)
It was like those eyes of his were the centre of her universe. She often wondered how he could speak so much without ever moving his lips. It was all there in those beautiful, gorgeous brown orbs of his. Yes, they were brown. People were often mistaken.
The newspapers and online publications had them listed as black but you had to be one of those blessed beings who he allowed to gaze deep into his eyes.. for the longest time.. till you marvelled when you found out that his eyes were indeed the deepest shade of brown masquerading as black.. her brown orbs of magic.
How they responded to her touch, her eyes, her entire being.. that glint in his eyes meant a new dawn for her and the moment they glistened meant the sun going down in her world as well. But it was not like this was the only thing his eyes could do.
They could be cloudy, dark.. indecisive.. mirroring the words spoken from his lips.. which he would later regret.. the demons in his head getting the better of him and demanding release through the anger of his eyes..
the dark clouds that made her doubt the brown sometimes..
but she knew the clouds were temporary..
they always were.
Ye ho kahi
inka saaya mere dil se jaata nahi
Inke siwa ab to kuch bhi
nazar mujhko aata nahi
(Wherever they are,
Their shadows never leave me,
For I cannot see anything,
But them (eyes))
Yes.. that was it for her.. the shadow of his gaze. It was everywhere. All the time. She would often act as if he was watching, even when she knew he was halfway around the world.
When she was struggling with her emotions, she would see him look at her with his soul in his eyes, asking her to confide, to let go.. to express.. and then she would try with the best possible substitute of him..
sometimes her mother, sometimes her best friend..sometimes her loneliness.
She knew of people who behaved like their parents were watching over them.
But no, she would behave like he, Nachiket was watching over her. It was only after meeting him that she felt the need to be a better human being. To make him proud of her, not as his wife, but as a person, a beautiful human being.
His ability to find positivity in everything around him astounded her. His eyes would glisten when he heard a beautiful song, when he stared for too long into a baby's eyes, when he watched an emotional movie.. and then the lights would come on, and he would never wipe off those tears..
because he had always been the one to bare his soul to her..
and he would look at her with the last tear threatening to flow down his eyes.. and then he would smile the most heartbreaking of smiles.. the same one he did when he would stop after reading a few pages of a book.. as if thanking God for the beauty he encountered..
and it was moments like those which let her see the depth of his being in stunning clarity.. because of his eyes.
She had heard people say that you can know all you want to know about a person by his/her eyes. They were right. Anyone who doubted them just needed to see his eyes once. She could feel herself physically drown in the depth of feelings she felt almost everytime she looked deep into his eyes..
his smile spreading the glint in his eyes and making it even warmer and approachable than it already was.. he smiled through his eyes.. and she loved that..
He cared through his eyes.. he loved through his eyes.. he pampered through his eyes, he questioned through his eyes, he played through his eyes.. and now she had those eyes in her life again.. and she would not let go. Never.
And suddenly, she was almost sure she could feel the same eyes on her face and gingerly opened her eyes to the him.. he was sitting besides her.. she was lying down on the pillows.. she tried to get up but his eyes went wide, asking her to relax as the faintest of smiles appeared on his face..
before disappearing to reintroduce the glistening of his eyes she was so familiar with.. the one he got when he was touched and moved.. she hoped against hope it was her.. but this time his eyes wouldn't answer..
Or did they?
Fin.
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