I'm Kabir Sharma. I'm 27 years of age. I'm an alumnus of BITS Pilani, and Wharton and currently VP of Synfosys Delhi. People say I'm the epitome of kindness and sensitivity. That I can get people's emotions as if they were my own. That I feel for them, as I would have for myself.
What do I think of myself?
I think I'm a fool. I'm so foolish that I should probably get this fact certified. I think main logo ko bali ka bakra lagta hu. Aisa lagta hai zindagi mein jis ladki ko apna pyaar nahi milta woh mujhse shadi karne ko razamand ho jaati hai and then boom! Comes the love of her life who gives me lofty claims of their love and what not other emotional blackmail shit and then dulhan woh le jaata hai! And to think this happening with me once wasn't enough. No, it happened once. Then twice. Then thrice.
So what was I saying? Yes, I'm a fool! And now probably you can certify it for me. Probably the aashiq community can hold a special felicitation ceremony and award me for the yogdaan I've done for the community without even being part of it.
Saali meri zindagi mein pata nahi koi ladki aake tikegi bhi ya nahi... sigh...
"Chal bhai yeh le teri coffee. Aur bata kya khaas baat hai." Vihaan said, handing out the respective beverages to the gang of 7 cousins.
"Woh kya hai na logo. Mujhe Naina ko propose karna hai." Advit started. "Nahi toh uske family kisi London wale ko dhoodhne nikal jaayegi. Job bhi settle ho hi gaya hai toh soch raha hu main bhi ho jau."
"bitwa wapas zameen par aa jao. Khayali pulao mat pakao. Sabse bade Kabir bhaiya hai. Pehle unki shadi hogi phir baakiyo ka number lagega. Aur unki shadi toh hone se rahe kyuki woh jis ladki se shaadi karne nikalte hai uska kanyadaan khud hi kahin aur kar aate hai." Atharva said.
Hahahahahahahahaha
Kabir smiled weakly. I'm a joke now too. Aur meri kaifiyat bhi aise hai ki bina shadi ke mera band baje jaa raha hai.
"Dekho Bhaiyya. Duniya walo ka bhala karte ho apne bhai ka bhi kardo, meri shadi ke liye pata lo family ko. Waise bhi family ko patane mein toh aapne mastery kari hai." Advit said with a supplicating gesture.
"Mat kar chinta baat karta hu main." Kabir replied good-naturedly.
"Toh bus baat pakki. Ab isi baat par mithai ho jaaye." Niharika supplied clapping.
"Do pastry hi le aana, teen shadiyo mein bahut kharche huye hai." Tanya ribbed.
"Koi zaroorat nahi hai. Main treat de deta hu." Kabir replied getting up.
"Dekha isliye to aap sabke favourite ho." Manav said.
"Your order sir."
"Thank you." Kabir replied collecting the tray laden with pastries.
Thud!
"What the heck!" Kabir cried out, dropping the tray, and catching hold of his hand, which was bristling after an onslaught of Devil's Own Hot Chocolate.
"Oh crap, crap, crap! I'm so sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Pata nahi mera dhyan kahan tha. I'm sorry. Aapko zyada toh nahi lagi na." Kabir noticed that a girl was very theatrically fusing over him when she grabbed his throbbing hand.
"OH EMM GEEE!" Yes she smacked her forehead when she said that. "Aapka haath toh jal gaya. F**k! F**k! F**K!" Oh yes! My ears have totally fallen off.
"It's not a problem." Kabir replied gently taking his hand away from her hold.
"Par-"
"It's okay. Just calm down. I'll just go wash it off."
"I'll come and help." She offered instantly.
"No that's fine. Main kar lunga." Kabir replied with an amused smile. Pagal!
"Okay. I'm sorry." He could hear her even as he walked to the washroom. He just waved his hand without turning back.
"Kabir bhaiya, kahin aapko ladkiyo se allergy toh nahi hai?" Atharva asked humorously.
Hahahahahhahaha
"Seriously bhaiya, itni pretty ladki aap par fuss kar rahi thi aur aap wahan se chale aaye. No wonder aapko koi ladki nahi milti." Advit said shaking his head.
"Chup raho. Bandi yahin aa rahi hai." Tanya said in hushed whisper.
"Hmm?" Kabir said turning his head.
"Bhaiya kya kar rahe ho? Mud ke mat dekho. Try and act cool." Niharika smacked his arm.
Kabir grunted, snatching his injured hand away before it got yet another blow.
Hahahahaha
"Tum log kya pagal ho gaye ho jo aise hass rahe ho?" Kabir asked confused at the sudden unexpected burst of laughter.
"Bhaiyya aap kitne funny ho." Tanya said between peals laughter holding her stomach.
Maine aisa kya keh diya? Mujhe foolish hone ka certificate mile na mile, meri family ko pagal hone ka mil hi jaana chahiye!
"Um... hi?" Came an awkward voice next to him.
He turned and looked up at her. She really was quite pretty. And the slight blush on her cheeks just added to her charms.
"Hi." Kabir replied.
"I hope aap ab theek ho?" she asked hesitantly.
"Yeah I'm fine. No worries." Kabir replied with a smile.
"Thank goodness." She huffed, tension leaving her shoulders. "I got you these pastries you dropped because of me to say sorry." She said, raising the tray in her hand meekly.
"You didn't have to do that." Kabir said.
"Ab toh kar diya. So..." she said forwarding the tray towards him.
"Thank you." Atharva said, making a grab for the proffered tray.
"Um... Okay... so that was that." She said taking a step back.
"Are you alone here?" Kabir blurted, causing raised eyebrows and exchange of some mischievous and surprised looks.
"Actually yes." She replied, taken aback by the question.
"Why don't you join us?" Kabir asked.
"Um... Okay." She replied and Kabir grabbed the nearest chair for her.
"So what's your name?" Niharika asked taking a bite of her cupcake.
"Ananya Sharma." And she totally didn't get why smirks were being exchanged in that group.
"I'm Kabir Sharma and this is my brother Advit and these are my cousins Niharika, Tanya, Vihaan, Atharva and Manav." Kabir made the introductions.
"This seems like a big family. Mere koi bhi cousins nahi hai. Bus ek bade bhaiya hai, papa hai and mumma." Ananya replied pouting a little.
Whatsapp Group: Baat Humari Pakki Hai
12TH December 2013
Vihaan joined
Atharva Joined
Tanya joined
Advit joined
Manav joined
Niharika: Dekh rahe ho, bhaiya is staring at her. 😃 😉
"Hmm. So Ananya, what are you studying?" Vihaan asked.
"I'm in my final year of designing at NIFT." She replied.
"Nice." Tanya replied.
Advit: Intelligent lagti hai. Apne bhaiya ke liye theek hogi.
"Aur aap log?" She asked.
"Well. Humare yahan sabse interesting CV Bhaiyya ki hai. BITS, Wharton and now the VP of Synfosys."
"OH. EM. GEE. That's just W-O-W!" she said awestruck. Over excited much?! Kabir thought.
Tanya: did you see that? Indulgent smile flash hui uske liye!
"OMG right? Hum bhi totally aisa hi sochte hai." Atharva chimed.
Vihaan: Guys excited hone pehle important baat puch leni chahiye. Main ek hi drama ka repeat telecast baar baar nahi dekh sakta. Manav tu puch.
Manav: Main kyu?
Advit: Kyuki tu chota hai.
Manav: Tanya di se puchwao. Zyada appropriate lagega.
Atharva: Saale teri toh, Kabir bhaiya ka bhai hai tu bilkul.
Tanya: phattu hai yeh! I'll ask.
"So, Ananya aapka koi boyfriend hai?"
Choke! Cough cough!
Kabir rubbed her back while shooting daggers at his cousins.
"Are you alright?" He asked Ananya concerned.
Tanya: Oooh hand on the back! Hand on the back!
Atharva: OMG right! 😛
"I'm fu... fine." Ananya replied. "And to answer your question, no I don't have a boyfriend."
"Kabhi tha? Recent break up hua hai kya?" Tanya asked eagerly.
"Excuse me?" She said before she could help it.
"Just ignore them. I mostly do." Kabir replied.
"No that's alright. Nahi tha." Ananya said a little confused.
Advit: hey bahgwan isse ke saath setting ho jaaye. Phir meri bhi naiyya paar lag jaayegi.
Niharika: pyari bhi lagege! *starry eyes*
Manav: perfect!
Tanya: ab toh isse patana padega.
Vihaan: totally! Dil aa gaya bhabhi pe.
Atharva: Inse na pati toh main pata raha hu!
Niharika stamped his feet with her heel.
"F**k!" Atharva cried out.
"Kya hua?" Kabir and Ananya asked in synchronization.
Tanya: Arey wah!
"kuch nahi." Atharva gasped.
Niharika: Suno sab, table khali karo. Baat aage badhani hai.
"I'll just freshen up and come." Niharika said, collecting her purse.
"Main bhi aati hu di." Tanya chirped almost instantly.
"Vihaan, gadi ki chabbi kahan hai? Gadi mein nahi chod di? Chal check kare." Atharva said.
"Main coffee lene jaata hu. Kabir bhaiya card dena please."
"Oh Naina's call. I have to take this."
Within 30 seconds the whole table was clear. And for once even Kabir didn't realize what his cousins were up to, so engrossed was he in his conversation with Ananya.
"Adha ghanta ho gaya, unn log ne realize bhi nahi kiya ki hum wapas nahi gaye." Niharika said.
"Hmm." Atharva said, not looking up from his chat with Rhea.
"Mujhe na achi wali gut feeling aa rahi." Manav said.
"Ab woh toh aayegi hi. Itna hass hass ke jo baat kar rahe hai." Advit said.
"Guys! Atharva bhai dekho, phones nikale dono ne! lagta hai numbers exchange kar rahe hai!"
"Lagta hai bhabhiji ke saath gaya chance mera!" Atharva said.
"Main Rhea ko batau?" Vihaan teased.
"Saale teri himmat nahi hogi kyuki agar hui toh pichle week wali baat Avni tak pahuch jaayegi."
"Guysss! Haath rakha! Bhaiya ne uski chair par haath rakha!" Tanya exclaimed loudly.
"Tanya di calm down woh log sun lege!" Manav cried out.
"Ek teekhi teekhi si uff karari si ladki
meri dil me dil me, ek shole jaisa bhadki
kabhi hichkichati hui, kabhi khul ke gaati hui,
baatein banati hui,
kaise jaal bechati hai pagli..." (all cousins singing)
"Guys, thodi garmi nahi ho rahi?" Kabir
said trying to hide his blush and rubbing his neck. "Main AC on karta hu."
Baat humari pakki hai
17th December 2013
Advit: Guys! Guess what? Bhaiya abhi baat kare the phone pe! Ananya se! bahut khush bhi ho rahe the. And tease bhi kar rahe the.
Tanya: Voice note *Arey Wah Wah Wah! Arey Wah Wah Wah Wah!*
Atharva: Jiyo mere sher! Aisi cheese batate rehna.
Advit: Agar bhaiya ne yeh ladki patali toh main Mariott mein treat dunga.
Manav: Hey bhagwan pat jaaye. Yeh treat aise nahi kho sakti!
"bhaiya ek min laptop dena?" manav asked.
"Table par rakha hai le le." Kabir replied from the kitchen.
As Manav opened FB, there was a ping!
Baat humari pakki hai
27th December 2013
Manav: Guys! Kabir bhaiya has been chatting with Ananya on FB! Yaar lagta hai sahi mein kuch hone wala hai. Gut feeling bilkul hi strong ho gayi hai.
Baat humari pakki hai
25th January 2014
Advit: breaking news! Bhaiya video chat kar rahe hai.
Vihaan: Toh?
Advit: Kisi ladki se!!!
Niharika: Raat ke 2 baje?
Advit: haan! Kaan lagakar suna toh "OH.EM.GEE!" sunayi diya!
Atharva: Voice note *"OHHH.EMMM.GEEE! KYA BAAT KAR RAHA HAI?!"*
13TH FEBRUARY 2014
Niharika: Advit pata laga kahan jaa rahe hai bhaiya.
Advit: Haan di batata hu.
Atharva; Jaldi batana, Rhea meri jaan kha rahi hai to know ki main usse kahan le jaa raha hu.
Vihaan: mera aana zaruri hai?
Niharika: tum apni coochie-coo baad ke liye save kar lena, kal sabka aana zaroori hai.
Tanya: Haan, maine bhi Aryan ko pata liya hai! So no one backs out!
Manav: Mera kya? I don't have a date...
Niharika: koi baat nahe chotu tu mere date banker chal.
Advit: Bhaiya Pacific Grand leke jaa rahe hai!
Vihaan: W*F! 7 star Hotel?!
Atharva: Yeh bhaiya toh kangaal karwaenge! Inko VP Kisne banaya?!
Advit: Meri placement hui hai, job nahi lagi! Lag gayi lanka!
Tanya: shit! Meri date pe aadhe paise toh mujhe hi pay karne padege. Gayi pocket money!
Niharika: mujhe toh poore dinner ka pay karna pad raha hai! Mera socho!
Manav: 😃 😎
Niharika: do laat!
15th February 2014
Niharika: I can't believe Bhaiya ne yeh sab kiya... I mean... Candle light dinner... Violins... Roses... 5 course meal... and a pendent! Matlab... it's UNBELIEVABLE!
Atharva: Rhea ki expectations badha di kham'kha!
Vihaan: Avni bhi kuch aisa hi hint kar rahi thi. Woh alag baat hai that I changed the subject.
Tanya: Aryan ko toh bahut zyada complex ho gaya aaj. Seriously! Bhaiya se yeh sab expected nahi tha!
Manav: main soch raha hu ki main bhi MBA kar hi lu!
Vihaan: Out of context baatein karne ko bol do bus isse.
7th June 2014
Niharika: Kya to dhamaka kiya hai bhaiya ne! Propose kar dala!
Tanya: Iss baar shayad ho jaye shadi complete.
Manav: ho hi jayegi. Arrange marriage ki baazi thodi na hai. Bhaiya ne bakayda khud propose kia hai. Bahut tez gut feeling ho rai hai... Baat poori tarah se set hai 😃
Tanya: Chal maan li teri gut feeling. Aaj kal badi sahi cheese bata rai hai.
Advit: Jai ho bhaiya ki! Ab mera number lagega 😃
Vihaan: Sale tu bhul kyu jata hai ki tujhse bade bahut log hai line mein. Sabr balak sabr!
Advit:
Manav: Bhaiya bhul gaye... par mai nai bhula. Mariott mein party bachi hai. Aur Kabir bhaiya se bhi to special party leni hai.
Tanya: Pacific Grand hi leke challenge. Vaise bhi bhaiya aajkal sab kuch grand scale par hi karte hai. Matlab, aisa proposal!
Niharika: Sai mein yaar! Matlab Pacific Grand ka terrace book karna... Lagta hai bhaiya ke paas zaroorat se zyada paise ho gaye hai.
Atharva: Agar aisi baat hai to bhaiya ko thoda daan punya karna chahiye. Kehte hai na charity begins at home.
Advit: ab kaha! Ab to bhaiya family man hogaye hai. Ab kaha dene vale apan ko!
Niharika: Princess cut diamond ring dekhkar to meri aankhaein khuli ki khuli reh gayi!
Tanya: Eeeps!
Atharva: Lagta hai bhabhi ke saath zyada rehne lagi hai tu Tanya! 😛
Vihaan: Thank God, mera promotion hone vala hai. Jab tak meri bari aayegi mai bhi ye sab tam jham afford kar paunga!
Manav: Fir to next party aapse hi lenge Vihaan Bhaiya!
Vihaan: Ye le! Sheher basa nai lutere pehle aa gaye.
Kabir and Ananya sat in the same Cafe they had first met almost a year ago.
"Aur phir she told me the big secret. Apparently all you need to do is add a spoon of baking powder. And voila it becomes perfect!" Ananya was blabbering not noticing that Kabir was quietly studying her hiding his amused smile behind his knuckles.
"Aap aise kyu dekh rahe hai?" she asked.
"Kaise?" he asked raising his eyebrows.
"Jaise main aapki favourite dessert hu." Ananya replied.
"kyuki tum ho." Kabir replied suggestively.
She lowered her eyes blushing. Ananya ki exactly aisi baaton par dil ka bahar nikalne ka mann karta hai.
"Main aapko kuch batane wali thi." She said after a while, meeting his eye.
"Kya?" He asked pulling the tray of tea towards himself.
"My brother is an asshole." She said immediately.
"Ananya usse yeh mat bolo. Its rude." Kabir said while adding water to his cup.
Ananya just rolled her eyes.
"Mujhe pata chal jaata hai when you're rolling your eyes at me." Kabir said amusedly, stirring sugar in his tea.
"Kabir, you're missing the point." She said.
"Acha baba kya hai the point'?" Kabir asked looking at her.
"Abhi bhaiya ne bina reason apni girlfriend ko dump kar dia. Kitni achi thi Natasha. I really liked her." She explained.
"Bina reason ke nahi kiya. She cheated on him with her colleague." Kabir said patiently.
"Haww. Aapko kaise pata?" Ananya asked.
"I have my sources." Kabir replied smugly.
"Khoob jaanti hu main aapke sources ko. I can't believe Bhai ne aapko bataya aur mujhe nahi." She whined.
"Toh ek hi baat hai na. Tumko bataye ya mujhe, what's the difference." Kabir said.
"Par he's my brother!" she cried.
"And my brother-in-law." He replied.
"Abhi hua nai hai!" she said petulantly folding her hands under her chest.
"Toh hone wala hai na." Kabir said grabbing her left hand caressing the ring he had placed on her ring finger a month ago.
"Haan." She sighed. "Acha aap bataye ki aapko chutti mili Mumbai chalne ke liye?"
"Haan mil gaye and maine tickets bhi book kar di hai hum dono ki. Ab iss weekend banda aapki khidmad mein haazir hoga." Kabir replied with a small bow and flourishing hand gesture.
"Yay! Kabir aap best ho!" she exclaimed giving him a tight hug.
"Anything for you Ma'am." He replied amused, giving her a one armed hug.
The whole Sharma clan was celebrating. The eldest son was FINALLY getting married. And they had done everything to make sure that this wedding did take place. Akhir faltu mein itni security nahi lagi thi gates par.
Everyone was busy making sure that the right groom and bride were getting married, except one person; the bride's brother. He was busy looking at the groom's cousin.
"Aap kyu ro rahi hai? Behen toh meri vidaa ho kar aapke ghar aanewali hai..." Abhimanyu said with a slight smirk.
"Maine kabhi nahi socha tha ki yeh din bhi aayega, jab Kabir bhaiya ki shadi puri hogi." Niharika replied sniffing.
"Huh? Aisa kyu? Jiju toh kaafi eligible bachelor the?"
"That's the problem. Ghadi ghadi bachelor ho jaate the. Sirf eligible hona kaafi thodi hota hai. Eligible toh aap bhi ho."
"Matlab?"
"Matlab... eligible bachelor ke status se aage badhna bhi zaroori hai na!"
"I... Uh"
"Chodo... you won't understand."
"Koi nahi, poori zindagi bachi hai aapse yeh baat samajhne ke liye."
And he did make sure ki Niharika ki poori zindagi uske saath hi ho. Atleast yeh Sharma clan aisi baaziyan nahi haarta!
6 years later...
"Uncle, Nivedita Nikhil se pyaar karti hai aur Nikhil usse. Is sab mein main unke beech kaise aa sakta hu? Na yeh mere saath fair hai aur nahi un dono ke saath. Uncle, I think aapko Nikhil aur Nivedita ki shaadi kar deni chahiye." Manav explained to Nishant Sahai.
"Ananya, tere sasural wale bilkul epic hai yaar. Matlab kuch ritual type ka hai kya ki ladka mandap pe apne fianc ki kisi aur ke saath naiyya paar kar de." Abhimanyu whispered conspiratorially.
"Aapke bhi saural wale hai." Ananya replied.
Ping!
"Baat humari pakki hai Season II?" Abhimanyu said with raised eyebrows.
Whatsapp group: Baat humari pakki hai Season II
Kabir joined
Ananya joined
Vihaan joined
Avni joined
Atharva joined
Rhea joined
Abhi joined
Advit joined
Naina joined
Tanya joined
Aryan joined
Niharika: ek aur bakra mil gaya. Ab iski bhi naiyya paar lagani padegi.
Atharva: Maine toh pehle hi kahan tha ki yeh Manav bhaiya ka hi chela hai!
Advit: thank goodness mujhme aise gund nahi aaye... acha hua gf ko wife banaya.
Naina: I always thought you were the smarter brother.
Tanya: Mera toh arrange marriages se vishwas hi uthta jaa raha hai.
Rhea: season 2?
Aryan: I don't even know what to say!
Kabir: tum log ne aisa group pehle banaya tha?!
Vihaan: Le! Poori Ramayan khatam ho gayi aur yeh puchte hai ki Ram kaun hai?
Avni: Itne gambhir samay par tum log whatapp group banakar yeh baqwaas kar rahe ho.
Abhimanyu: like I said Ananya, your family's crazy!
Ananya: shut up! It's yours too!
fin.
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