Day 52! - "For You..."
No longer does he belong to himself Nandini...no longer does he even reside in himself anymore. His words may carry his voice...but his words don't even speak for him anymore. His thoughts may be stored in his mind...but the mind doesn't even listen to him anymore. When his lips open to speak a syllable, their intentions are that they will be heard by you. When his eyes open in the morning daylight, their motivation is that they will fall upon your sight. When his mind weaves a new thoughtful intention, it hopes that it will only benefit you. His every murmured word, his every futuristic thought, his every life-filled breath; they all are...for you...
No longer can he even look himself in the mirror Nandini...no longer does he even want to forgive himself anymore. The "sorry..." was a genuine whisper...but for him it's never going to be good enough. His healing caresses held all the love that his heart has stored for you...but he's weeping he knows he was too late. His guilt-drowned eyes want to promise you his apologies...but he doesn't know how to look you in the eyes. He's known to be the protector, the fighter...but he knows his strength isn't enough to heal your wounds. Yet he wants to stay the night, fight with himself, face his failures...for you...
This guilt...this pain...this heartache...it will only heal once your wounds heal Nandini because his every emotion felt...is for you. The tears rolled down his eyes and new wounds bled in his heart today...but yet he will rise again tomorrow to fight with this world...only...for you. This occurrence he accounts himself responsible for, was never his fault...the guilt he's smothering himself in, he doesn't deserve it...but because he was the one to have promised you his protection...he will take upon every blame on himself...just...for you.
"Woh chehra...joh hamesha smile karta tha...joh...joh mujhe smile karaata tha...aaj woh hi chehra...aaj usi chehre se smile gaayb hai aur woh bhi...meri waje se." He doesn't only smile because of you Nandini...he only smiles for you. He doesn't only weep with you Nandini...he only sobs for you. Every time his eyes witness the physical, emotional and psychological trauma of your state...he can't control his disgust-filled anger for himself. His heart knows no other emotions other than the pain he feels upon glancing at your wounds, the bliss he feels when you smile and the relief he feels when you breathe. His heart beats...only for you. His eyes water...only for you. He lives on...only for you..
Even his friends know that it's not about him anymore...it's about you. His piece of mind has vanished today...because his mind is frantically worrying...for you. With every ticking minute, he seems to be losing control of his own senses because today they are all drowning in guilt...for you. On this wide, awake night, his heart seems to be sinking into a deep coma because his heartbeat is shrieking in anguish...for you.
Your presence is what completes his day. In your absence, his eyes restlessly wander every corner of the room, just to search...for you. His mind seems to be a circus of thoughts when you're nowhere to be found around him. In your absence...his thoughts only wander of endless how's. How to make you feel better? How to heal your aching wounds? How to bring a smile on your face again? How to shine for you so no longer you fear the dark night? How to delete the haunting memories that have made a home for themselves in a deep corner of your heart? How to wipe those tears which you are holding back in your eyes? How to teach you to breathe again like you had once taught him? How to teach you to live the life again that you had dreamt of living in his arms? How to dream only dreams again and not any kind of nightmares? His how's have no limits Nandini...especially when they are all just...for you...
Nandini...he's someone who would run up any day, every day, just to bring a glass of "haldi waala doodh"...for you. But he's also the one who can travel to any corner of this world, who can go to any extent of this universe only and only...for you...
Nandini...he's someone who can hide his dislike for that haldi waala doodh so effortlessly just to convince you to drink every drop of that milk because it is beneficial...for you. But he's also the one who will time after time curtain his pain, his own frown, his own sorrows because his smile will prove to be more soothing..for you...
Nandini...he's someone who can gulp another nauseating sip of that haldi waala doodh, just so maybe...just maybe he can lighten up the air...for you. "One more time...for you." But he's also the one, who promises to drink his bitter tears away and smile at every step of life, in the hope that just like you're the reason for his smile...he can become that reason too...for you...
His love is for you Nandini...His promises are for you. His heart beats only for you Nandini and his life breathes only for you.
Manik is just a name...his life's true meaning is you. We've seen him live for you...soon it will be revealed that he can kill for you...but if life ever asked him to pay a price for hurting you, never will he hesitate to prove that he can even die...for you...
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Gosh...they're just getting better day by day and I'm scared one day I will have nothing left to say about them!
Apologies again in advance to the beautiful responses I may not be able to reply to...
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