| Her Unknown Affliction |

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Posted: 9 years ago

"I say nothing, not one word, from beginning to end, and neither does he. If it were lawful for a woman to hate her husband, I would hate him as a rapist."

- Philippa Gregory

Marriage is considered to be an essential part of most cultures (if not all) and it takes two people to honor those vows and promises. At some point in the growing lives of girls, we've been told that to deny our husband the right to conjugal relationship is almost a sin.

According to the definition of marital relations, it is a relationship between two consenting adults. And yet we find so many cases of marital sexual abuse/rape.

Marital Rape is a non-consensual sex, initiated by the person to whom the victim is married. It is a form of intimate sexual and domestic violence.

By the definition itself, it is a non-consensual. Forcing a partner to take part in a sexual intercourse is not just wrong but humiliating on so many levels. Research shows that it can be more traumatizing, both emotionally and physically, than a rape by a stranger. And of course, it would be. Marital rape, though a legal concept, is too harsh a reality to accept by family members of the victim. It is always harder to accept a wrong done by one's kin and in issues such as this; it's easier to brand it as "wifely duty" and "husband's right".

In some cultures, it is considered sin to deny your husband anything. So apparently, if a wife denies a husband the right to have an intercourse, she's not an ideal wife. So we ask, what is an ideal wife? Someone who takes all the sexual abuse without a word? Never deny your husband? When he says jump, say how high? Is that the definition of an ideal wife?

Shocking as it may be to some, but marital rape is legal in India according to the The Criminal Law (Amendment) Act 2013, as long as the victim is over the age of 15. Similar law applies in Pakistan. In a country as developed and modern as Scotland, marital rape became punishable just over three decades ago in 1982. In some countries, it is not even recognized as a crime but a husband's right to sexual satisfaction.

Angel.Jot, 18shabbo, xbeyondwordsx,

thegameison, CrazyInfinities, -Moutushi-,

GulaabiAankhein., Prenatural, flirtatious.

Edited by thegameison - 9 years ago

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Frequent Posters

classyandsassy

@classyandsassy

IF-Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

It is not rocket science, to fathom what is considered to be the purpose of the lot of female's life. It is one thing to know and be proud of the fact we are creators of humanity, that we can bear children is the fact that lies at the very basis of our kind's, well, everything. But it is a different thing to behave, all of our lives; as though there is nothing else we'd rather be doing, as if a woman has no other role to play in life to be someone's wife who bears him children.

Your average South Asian household, irrespective of community, religion and country, at least at some point instructs its daughter(s) to understand full well that they have responsibilities' and that besides those domestic duties that she would be performing in her husband's home, her real' home she has no identity, not one that counts at least.

Now, let us assume that your average daughter from your regular household grows up with those exact values. She spends a third of her life thinking that marriage is the ultimate goal of her life and to satisfy her husband is her life's work. In extension, his family, his family's extended family, so and so forth but also, all of his whims and fantasies.

So, marital rape, is that even a thing?

Yes, to answer the question, marital rape is a legitimate concept.

It is unheard of but given the background of a woman's psychological bent of mind that we just gave to you, we are assuming you're not surprised.

How would a woman know that her body is being violated if it is her duty to satisfy her husband's needs and make him a happy man? Even if she knows that she's being hurt, that her affliction is being caused by her husband, who'd believe her, including herself?

Again, it is not rocket science to figure that the woman in question does not identify herself as a subject that has a personal identity but an object which just there to serve various people to whom she is related. More particularly, even after marriage, to a man, the man, she is still pretty much a sexual object.

Edited by -Moutushi- - 9 years ago

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Zoah

@xbeyondwordsx

IF-Veteran Member

+ 5

Posted: 9 years ago

The cognitive and behavioral aspects of Self are as follows and pray, understand them from the viewpoint of a woman who is lawfully raped.

a. Self Esteem:

The value judgment of a person about him/herself is called self esteem. Now, we keep repeating this like a broken record but it is no rocket science to know full well that a lot of women have a poor, poor value judgment of who they are because

They are not brought up to appreciate the awesomeness they are.

They are socially obligated to behave like they are mute and it is the safer way around.

b. Self Efficacy:

People differ in the extent to which they believe that their life outcomes are controlled by luck or fate or other situational factors. When she is hurt in that manner by the one man she was counting on, the only one that counts, not only in the opinion of her Most Modern Society in the World but also in her own, she tends to think it's her fault.

She overcompensates, tries to make him happy even after he uses and abuses her. She blames her fate for what he's like. When he hits her and forcefully makes sexual contact with her like he is the owner of her, she thinks maybe it was her fate to end up with a man like that.

Inevitably, she spends more time hoping he would change. Self efficacy and fear are inversely proportionate and for that very reason, she lives her life in fear until it breaks her.

c. Self Regulation:

It is our ability to organize and monitor our own behavior. Women in such quasi-primitive societies are actually pretty good at that. We promise that this would be the last time. But it is no rocket science to know why.

Still, let us just say that she is dutiful and disciplined and she has no idea how productively she can use her skills and her strength elsewhere, some place she is rewarded, some place she feels good about her existence.

Our culture, for men and women indiscriminately sets the foundation of Self. In Western cultures, this orientation is individualistic. So, they focus on their careers and their hobbies and their skills,etc. But here, it is collectivist. The burden of caring and nurturing and thinking about what Buaji and Phuphi think about the evening tea is still for women to worry about even after how technological and modern our civilization has become.

The possible psychological damages to an already damaged psychology post such as sexual abuse is the development of what Dr. Sigmund Freud termed defense mechanisms.

A defense mechanism is someone trying to distort the reality to reduce their anxiety.

Some of them relevant to this topic are:

Denial: She refuses to accept what has happened.

Reaction Formation: She makes herself believe that the anxiety she is feeling is not because her husband raped her but because of something else.

Rationalization: She believes that he did not rape her. He just does not think he was being forceful and will understand some day.

This is about what she really feels. Honestly, we cannot even begin to fathom. This is a metaphorical drop in an ocean of fear, distress, conflict, frustration and more unimaginable horrors to deal with, all at once, all without a seeming cause.

Because how can a man having sex with his wife be a rapist?

Edited by xbeyondwordsx - 9 years ago

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Arpita

@unitatoxo.

IF-Rockerz

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

So can we stop marital rapes?

Men have always dominated the world, in every single field. Women were never given equal rights. They were supposed to be submissive to their husbands, sensitive and child bearers. Now it's not the same. Women, now, compete with men and prove than they are not equal, but a lot better than them. You know why this happened?

Because people protested, talked, debated and this changed the mindset of people and in the end, women were considered equal. Not just in the constitution, but also in theminds of people.

We talked about equals rights of women in jobs, we talked about the clothes women should wear but did we ever talk about women's right to have a choice to have sex or not?

no, right?

This is the reason marital rapes still exists.

Yes, a woman is allowed to say "no". To be dutiful does not mean to be submissive, she is not supposed to be submissive.

Till the day, every single person intuitively feels that along with the husband, it is a wife's choice too to have sex, marital rapes will not stop.

But can we prevent them in some measures?

Back in the history, women were supposed to be in the kitchen and take care of the family and the men were supposed to earn for the family. People debated, protested and today, is it the same anymore?

The answer to the question is the same

Talk about "it". Talk about sex.

Don't shy away, the thoughts of people have changed the world in many ways, it has always made the world a better place to live in. If we talk about it, we will educate many women about their right to say 'no'

Educating women about their rights of sexuality and empowering them is the need of the hour. It will help women to fight for their right, their right to say no'. This sexuality education can also be given to children in schools which will make them intuitively feel that marital rapes are wrong from the beginning.

Sex education aims to reduce the risks of potentially negative outcomes from sexual behavior, such as unwanted or unplanned pregnancies and infection with sexually transmitted diseases including HIV.

In many cases of Child harassment, the child doesn't know what is being done to his/her body because, he/she does not know about their own body and this happens because, we think a child should get to know about his or her body only when they reach puberty.

Sex Education should start early. Not after the child reaching puberty, or left to learn by themselves. But before. During early ages, the child can be taught how the human body grows, what changes it takes place. In pre-teenage years, children can be taught what other changes a human body other goes during puberty. Education about contraception and birth control should be given to children when they reach puberty as it is the best time they need it!

United Nations Population Fund's Comprehensive Sexuality Education

It focuses on women and young people, because these are the groups whose rights often go unfulfilled. Understanding local cultural complexities is crucial to the success of their work because many of the issues it deals with are regarding sexual and reproductive health and rights which are are sensitive.

Countries, Organizations and individuals are taking a step forward in educating people about safe sex. The world is progressing in this field, not as fast as it is in technology, but there will come a time, when every school has a sex education class, when every one will understand that sex isn't bad, practicing unsafe sex is.