equ. of intimacy & fidelity in marriage

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Posted: 13 years ago

hey hi all

i am himali and this is my first post on debate mansion..i am hoping for good welcome and response to this one.LOL

and thanks to a friend of mine(i cant disclose the name sorryCry) for introducing this section of forum to me where discussions are held not only about tv serials but any issue on this planet earth.

my point of debate today is

equation of intimacy and fidelity in marriage...

here is one incidence....from a popular serial kasam se...

jai walia...in his early 40s got intimate with his sister-in-law pia.

both of them are in turmoil of emotions...as they are facing crisis in their marital life. pia once upon a time was jai's love interest..who ditched him at the altar....

after having constant troubles in her marriage, pia is once again falling for jai....who has eyes for noone except his wife bani who is happened to be pia's elder sister.

so after this happened there were thousands of posts bashing up jai(i was one of them and though i am ashamed of this,my warning levels are raised for it...LOL) for causing infidelity to his pativrata patni..bani

here comes my question now...

what if jai didnot have sex with pia but harboured feelings for her...wouldnt it then be called infidelity or breach of marriage...????

just because they got intimated does that mean they are guilty????

is physical intimacy is the only criteria set for fidelity in marriage??is there anything called emotional infidelity...?? which according to me is more painful...

(i am assuming majority of girls so guys forgive meLOLi would love to know your point of views as well)

if a husband is physically loyal to his wife but he is having an affair without straying physically...(platonic as they call it) would you consider this man loyal to his wife....???

if this particular husband is not satisfied with his marriage...which can be justified by his wife's errants action.....and thus has desire for other woman's company would then your decision be the same to call him unloyal????

if this man indulged in one night stand with another woman...in the wrong state of mind where he didnt know what he was doing...but he is terribly sorry for it next morning as he can not think about anybody except his wife....will he be still called loyal??

would u be able to forgive him and restore the same faith in him for rest of ur life???? 

if all these questions are related to wife instead of husband....will your point of view be the same....????(this one is surely for guys)

do u think men are more prone to such affairs...(brickbats welcomed from all guTongueys) or is it a prejudice created by TV when it comes to reality..???

waiting for ur response 

thanks my friendSmile once again....

ps: to mods...if you find the content objectionable or unappropriate please delete itSmile  )

 

Edited by himali_kokate - 13 years ago
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Posted: 13 years ago

equation of intimacy and fidelity in marriage...

 

is physical intimacy is the only criteria set for fidelity in marriage??is there anything called emotional infidelity...?? which according to me is more painful...

Physical Infidelity leads to emotional infedility and emotional infedility leads to Physical infidelity .So both are dangerous!!!!

if a husband is physically loyal to his wife but he is having an affair without straying physically...(platonic as they call it) would you consider this man loyal to his wife....???

So many people belong to this category.But we need to assure our people are not of this category!!!

 

if this particular husband is not satisfied with his marriage...which can be justified by his wife's errants action.....and thus has desire for other woman's company would then your decision be the same to call him unloyal????

Any situation is relative.If we see from different frame of reference we may not call that person unloyal but when it comes to our case we definitely call that person unloyal!!!

if this man indulged in one night stand with another woman...in the wrong state of mind where he didnt know what he was doing...but he is terribly sorry for it next morning as he can not think about anybody except his wife....will he be still called loyal??

Just filmy!!!!! In real life this type of person will be definitely punished severely and no one will respect him (if at all people know about his acts)

would u be able to forgive him and restore the same faith in him for rest of ur life???? 

Definitely No!

 

Cheers,

Mythili

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Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by himali_kokate


what if jai didnot have sex with pia but harboured feelings for her...wouldnt it then be called infidelity or breach of marriage...????

Would definately be called infidelity? It doesn't matter if the relationship is physically involved or emotionally involved, in my eyes it will still be titled as "INFIDELITY" 

just because they got intimated does that mean they are guilty????

They should be guilty is they know what they did was wrong. They went ahead with the act after knowing that the other partner is already married. Not only that but as worse as, Pia was once pregnant as so was Bani (Jai's wife).

is physical intimacy is the only criteria set for fidelity in marriage??is there anything called emotional infidelity...?? which according to you is more painful...

There is truly two kinds of fidelity. With the physical part, the emotional side does also exist. I would personally say that emotional fidelity is more painful. Like the the case of Kasamh Se, physical intimacy can happen when a person is not in his full senses. And then later when he wakes up the next morning, he is as guilty that he would suicide if that was a solution.

But in the emotional case, people are well in their senses and know exactly what they are doing. In other words, it is mostly purposeful. And if the other partner gets to know about their husband's or wife's act, they would be the most disgusted as well as very heart-broken.  

if a husband is physically loyal to his wife but he is having an affair without straying physically...(platonic as they call it) would you consider this man loyal to his wife....???

Never...loyalty includes a physical and emotional one. Half and half are not considered loyal at all.

if this particular husband is not satisfied with his marriage...which can be justified by his wife's errants action.....and thus has desire for other woman's company would then your decision be the same to call him unloyal????

Yes, because no matter what, he is tied in the promise of marriage. Until and unless they don't get a divorce, the husband has no right to have any kind of an affair with another woman.

if this man indulged in one night stand with another woman...in the wrong state of mind where he didnt know what he was doing...but he is terribly sorry for it next morning as he can not think about anybody except his wife....will he be still called loyal??

Yes, because he had no purposeful intention in doing what he did the night before. It was rather an accident or even a plan of the other partner. It is quite possible that the other one had placed a drug intentionally in the husband's drink. 

would u be able to forgive him and restore the same faith in him for rest of ur life???? 

It's true that after that incidence, I would not have faith in my husband. Maybe in the future, the same act could occur but this time he held the intimacy on purpose. But in defense, he might again say that someone added a drug in his medicine. I would certainly not like it if this kind of act was happening very frequently...and would create some doubts in my mind.

if all these questions are related to wife instead of husband....will your point of view be the same....????(this one is surely for guys)

Yes, because both are human beings. Gender does not make a difference for me.

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Posted: 13 years ago
Originally posted by himali_kokate


hey hi all

i am himali and this is my first post on debate mansion..i am hoping for good welcome and response to this one.LOL

and thanks to a friend of mine(i cant disclose the name sorryCry) for introducing this section of forum to me where discussions are held not only about tv serials but any issue on this planet earth.

my point of debate today is

equation of intimacy and fidelity in marriage...

here is one incidence....from a popular serial kasam se...

jai walia...in his early 40s got intimate with his sister-in-law pia.

both of them are in turmoil of emotions...as they are facing crisis in their marital life. pia once upon a time was jai's love interest..who ditched him at the altar....

after having constant troubles in her marriage, pia is once again falling for jai....who has eyes for noone except his wife bani who is happened to be pia's elder sister.

so after this happened there were thousands of posts bashing up jai(i was one of them and though i am ashamed of this,my warning levels are raised for it...LOL) for causing infidelity to his pativrata patni..bani

here comes my question now...

what if jai didnot have sex with pia but harboured feelings for her...wouldnt it then be called infidelity or breach of marriage...????

deffo...that is called infidelity...i think marriage means much more than just intimacy.. you have emotinal attachment which leads to physical closeness. in fact  emotional security is more important so if husband.(for that matter any partner) has feelings for some one else..it is infidelity.

just because they got intimated does that mean they are guilty????

it depends a lot on the circumstances...sometimes physical closeness is termed as support in needy times.(sorry i am doc..cant keep that psycho theory off) when you touch someone..u pass on ur energy to that person and thus support him/her...now this support could lead to final act which depends upon will power of people involved.

is physical intimacy is the only criteria set for fidelity in marriage??is there anything called emotional infidelity...?? which according to me is more painful...

no...there is no different types in infidelities....an infidelity is an infidely..both are equally painful.

(i am assuming majority of girls so guys forgive meLOLi would love to know your point of views as well)

if a husband is physically loyal to his wife but he is having an affair without straying physically...(platonic as they call it) would you consider this man loyal to his wife....???

nope i would still refer him as unloyal.

if this particular husband is not satisfied with his marriage...which can be justified by his wife's errants action.....and thus has desire for other woman's company would then your decision be the same to call him unloyal????

tottering marriage could not be the reason to stray..there is nothing that can justify infidelity.

marriage like a cart..it has two wheels. if one wheel isnt working the other do get draged with it. so its better that you get seperate and then think about other person.

if this man indulged in one night stand with another woman...in the wrong state of mind where he didnt know what he was doing...but he is terribly sorry for it next morning as he can not think about anybody except his wife....will he be still called loyal??

its too filmy....

would u be able to forgive him and restore the same faith in him for rest of ur life???? 

its human to err. so i think i would forgive my partner for this for once but that would be the first and last time..(dont u take it seriously himaLOL)

if all these questions are related to wife instead of husband....will your point of view be the same....????(this one is surely for guys)

gender does not matter..its a unisex issue.

do u think men are more prone to such affairs...(brickbats welcomed from all guTongueys) or is it a prejudice created by TV when it comes to reality..???

being a man i would say no...but kinda cases i deal with everyday..i have to say yes..

waiting for ur response 

thanks my friendSmile once again....

ps: to mods...if you find the content objectionable or unappropriate please delete itSmile  )

 

nice post dear

do keep them coming..

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Posted: 13 years ago
Here are the answers from a 2yr married woman with an 8 month old baby.  And these are my views for what they are worth: btw I am silent member on Kasam Se forum and you guys do a lovely job out there and Himali your updates are nicely done ( since moving to us from Canada I dont get Zee tv so I religiously read all the updates!)

what if jai didnot have sex with pia but harboured feelings for her...wouldnt it then be called infidelity or breach of marriage...????

Definately it is infidelity.  My personal gauage of what is appropriate behaviour with a person of the opposite sex is if my husband was standing next to me would I change the way I was being or would i be embarassed,  if the answer is yes then I am not being true to my relationship. 


just because they got intimated does that mean they are guilty????

Yes they are.  A marriage is only as good as the sanctity of the vow of exclusivity and if you dont follow it then you have to live with the consequences one of which is guilt.  A marriage may survive infidelity that is a different issue but that does not negate the wrong doing and breach of contract of the partner who cheats.


if a husband is physically loyal to his wife but he is having an affair without straying physically...(platonic as they call it) would you consider this man loyal to his wife....???

Absolutely not!  As I mentioned above, the foundation of marriage is that your partner is not only your exclusive partner for physical intimacy but also for emotional intimacy.  You must also be each other's best friend, confidante and anchor.  If you choose to place this trust in someoneelse your are cheating your partner of the rights and expectations.


if this particular husband is not satisfied with his marriage...which can be justified by his wife's errants action.....and thus has desire for other woman's company would then your decision be the same to call him unloyal????

Yes!  Those are all grounds for a bad marriage bit again doesnt negate the breach of contact.  If your marriage doesnt meets your goals work towards improving it or get a divorece or live with it but it doesnt give you the right to look outside to fulfill those needs that are not met.


would u be able to forgive him and restore the same faith in him for rest of ur life????

Im my opinion I dont think i would but one casn only answer this question when we experience it.  We can intellectualise many things but matters of the heart dont follow intellectuality.

if all these questions are related to wife instead of husband....will your point of view be the same....????(this one is surely for guys)

Not a guy but yes!

do u think men are more prone to such affairs...(brickbats welcomed from all guTongueys) or is it a prejudice created by TV when it comes to reality..???

This prejudice is created by Indian society and TV as in the west where there is no more of a taboo for women as men, they find the ratios to be 50-50.  However I tend to think women cheat more for emotional fulfillment rather that just physical needs.



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Posted: 13 years ago
Originally posted by shikara


Here are the answers from a 2yr married woman with an 8 month old baby.  And these are my views for what they are worth: btw I am silent member on Kasam Se forum and you guys do a lovely job out there and Himali your updates are nicely done ( since moving to us from Canada I dont get Zee tv so I religiously read all the updates!)

what if jai didnot have sex with pia but harboured feelings for her...wouldnt it then be called infidelity or breach of marriage...????

Definately it is infidelity.  My personal gauage of what is appropriate behaviour with a person of the opposite sex is if my husband was standing next to me would I change the way I was being or would i be embarassed,  if the answer is yes then I am not being true to my relationship. 


just because they got intimated does that mean they are guilty????

Yes they are.  A marriage is only as good as the sanctity of the vow of exclusivity and if you dont follow it then you have to live with the consequences one of which is guilt.  A marriage may survive infidelity that is a different issue but that does not negate the wrong doing and breach of contract of the partner who cheats.


if a husband is physically loyal to his wife but he is having an affair without straying physically...(platonic as they call it) would you consider this man loyal to his wife....???

Absolutely not!  As I mentioned above, the foundation of marriage is that your partner is not only your exclusive partner for physical intimacy but also for emotional intimacy.  You must also be each other's best friend, confidante and anchor.  If you choose to place this trust in someoneelse your are cheating your partner of the rights and expectations.


if this particular husband is not satisfied with his marriage...which can be justified by his wife's errants action.....and thus has desire for other woman's company would then your decision be the same to call him unloyal????

Yes!  Those are all grounds for a bad marriage bit again doesnt negate the breach of contact.  If your marriage doesnt meets your goals work towards improving it or get a divorece or live with it but it doesnt give you the right to look outside to fulfill those needs that are not met.


would u be able to forgive him and restore the same faith in him for rest of ur life????

Im my opinion I dont think i would but one casn only answer this question when we experience it.  We can intellectualise many things but matters of the heart dont follow intellectuality.

if all these questions are related to wife instead of husband....will your point of view be the same....????(this one is surely for guys)

Not a guy but yes!

do u think men are more prone to such affairs...(brickbats welcomed from all guTongueys) or is it a prejudice created by TV when it comes to reality..???

This prejudice is created by Indian society and TV as in the west where there is no more of a taboo for women as men, they find the ratios to be 50-50.  However I tend to think women cheat more for emotional fulfillment rather that just physical needs.



thank you so much for the words of appreciation....and i value your opinion...as it is coming from a person who has seen world better than me....Smile

and i completely agree that women cheat more for emotional fullfilment than just physical needs...u have captured women's psychology in few words and i couldnt have done better. 

thank you so muchSmile

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Posted: 13 years ago
First of all, Welcome to Debate Mansion. Smile

Like Abhijit said marriage requires fedility of mind, body and soul. However, this is not always possible. As being a human even after commitment to marriage one can attract to other person. The key however is "control". Sometimes you do get attracted to someone and unknowingly start liking that person too. However, commiting to this opposite person and getting into any kind of relationship despite of already being committed to marriage is treacherous. We had this debate long time ago and Rumi and Minnie had very good arguments. Topic was "Is Loving Someone Else A Sin"? Let me dig that post and bring it to first page.

Also, Physical relation for lot of people is more than just a "tissue". for "some" (not all-I dont mean to generalize here) once you are one with soul you can get intimate physically, specially in India. So if that man or woman get physical with other person despite being married it is lot more torturing to their spouse.Edited by sowmyaa - 13 years ago
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Posted: 13 years ago
thanks for replying and welcoming me to debate mansion sowmyyaji
i know i am going to learn a lot from all of u
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