Something i wrote when i was feeling something to write 😆
Just a description of him and how his life is without her, his Sanam.💔
"...Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow
Heal me from all
this sorrow
As I let you go I
will find my way when I see your eyes
Now I'm living in
your afterglow
Here I am, lost in
the ashes of time, but who wants tomorrow?
In between the
longing to hold you again
I'm caught in your
shadow, I'm losing control
My mind drifts
away, I only have today
Bathed
in blue, the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses,
It's you and the roses,
It's you who is closest"
-INXS: "Afterglow"
I don't see her anymore beside me, but I feel she is. I try to touch her, call her, but I can't, I am just not able to. Slowly, a weird blurry view starts forming in front of my eyes, whenever I think of her. I realise something is blocking my view of her, I blink my eyes a few times, it still looks blurry.
I try to see it more clearly, frustrated at my condition once again. I suddenly become desperate to see her, touch her, call her, hold her, but I can't. I try to lift up my hands to hold her back, from not going away from me, but I am not able to. The blurry view starts increasing as it forms an outline, a stinging outline of her presence, her view. The stinging sensation makes me want to call her, but I can't.
My voice starts to get heavier with the each scream I yell. I realise it was just a whisper. I try to make my sound to reach to her, but I can't. My voice dries back but I realise I was still shouting, or I was whispering? The whispers have suddenly started sounding lower as my breath starts to hitch whenever I try to breathe. I am suddenly not able to breathe, when I realise I have started sobbing. A silent sobbing along with the calls of her name.
I realise my hands and legs have suddenly started trembling and shivering. The view slowly dims in front of my eyes as I feel something running down from my eyes to my cheeks, and I realise I have been crying. I try to stop the view from not getting dimmer, as I try to blink back my stinging eyes. But it just doesn't happen, the view diminishes but my tears don't. They keep falling. I curse those tears to stop, but they don't. I curse them, blame them for not having her in front of me just for a few more seconds. But they won't listen, stupid tears. Stupid, arrogant tears.
They won't just stop, and I realise I gave into them, as I finally burst out crying with all that has been in my heart. I keep calling out for her to come back though, in the hope that she would listen once. Her face starts appearing again within my tears stung eyes and I start crying out even louder.
After a life challenging battle against these stupid tears, after making my eyes heavy, after making my face wet, those tears have finally dried out. I wipe them from the back of my hands as I felt my lips trembling with the after effects. I close my eyes finally, as I try to calm after a life saving battle. I realise she is there again.
She is there again, looking as breathtaking as ever with that ever so tender smile and that sparkling glint in her eyes. My hands slowly start to drop on my sides as I begin to lose myself in her presence and her feel, with me, in me. I try to close my eyes shut even more in the hope of not losing her sight this time. I suddenly feel more conscious, of not opening my eyes just to have her with me, for this time at least. I realise my breathing has became calm once again and the racing heart has started beating. It almost beats with a rhythm.
I realise I have been holding my breath just to not to lose her once again. She is with me after all, she was always with me, she will be with me always. I realise my lips have suddenly started twisting into a slow curve as she smiled at me. But then I saw her eyes glistened with tears as the she started going away from me. I couldn't bear the pain, nor stop the pain. And just like every time, those stupid tears make their way back.
Strangely, I don't scream this time, I don't yell, I don't call out for her, I don't reach out for her, I don't have erratic heartbeats, I don't have heavy breathing. I suddenly feel...nothing. I feel almost, numb. I don't even feel my eyes getting wet. I just feel nothing. I feel blank. I just keep staring at particularly nowhere. I feel the walls closing on me, suddenly. I feel tired, lost and forlorn.
I clutch the Taveez she gave to me, closer to me. She is inside me, around me, everywhere. I don't feel anything but her. i don't see anything but her. I don't breathe anything but her. I open my eyes and suddenly found enlightenment. A new aura surrounded me as my hands reached up to pray for her to come back.
💔
Thats all! Nothing extraordinary, but his hurt and pain is too much and its urging me to write 💔
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