*From To Sathish* - Thread 3 - Page 119

   Jannal oram 101

When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching,they are your family.


Time passes by so quickly when you are with someone you love,someone with whom you are comfortable,someone with whom you can be yourself without pretending to be anything or anyone else.

Jeeva had her head laid on his left part of his chest and the comfort of his arm around her shoulders and the warmth of his body and the strong,steady heartbeat slowly sang her to sleep and raman with a smile looked down at her and realised his lady was fast asleep and also gently snoring.

It was the most beautiful sight and sound that he had ever seen and heard and he realised that it was a privilige to be able to give so much comfort and love to another human being and that too to the woman he loved.

The chill air slowly lifted several strands of hair and a few tickled his nostrils when he gently placed his lips on her head and kissed it and sensing the kiss,jeeva opened her eye and realised that she had fallen asleep and still in his arm,she looked up at him and raman softly whispered ' i love you jeeva and you looked so peaceful and beautiful when you are fast asleep.'

Reaching with her left hand,she gently felt his cheeks and the evening stubble that had laid a carpet of green on them and then he bent his head and covered her lips with his and softly kissed her and the chill of the sea air and the pleasure of his lips made her shiver with emotions and she just drowned herself in his passion.

They slowly made their way across the cool,soft sand and reached the car and raman held up his hand indicating for her to stop and then opening the passenger door said ' get in without placing your feet on the mat' and jeeva nodding and going along with his wish,was taken aback when he reached to the back seat and taking out a hand towel,softly wiped her feet and jeeva was left wanting and thirsting more of his touch,his hands on her body,even if it was only her feet or toes.

With passion and the devil clouding her eyes,she ran her hands throught his head ' mister,do you think we can do what is popularly called a quickie,right here,right now?' and raman whistling ' whaat,jeeva,have you gone mad?'

She nodded ' yes sir,totally mad and totally horny for you?' and seeing his shocked expression ' what do you want a woman who is nearly touching 30 to do and how long can she be expected to hold on to her emotions and passions.'

Taking the still kneeling raman's face in her hands,she kissed him and then playfully gently bit the tip of his nose ' don't look so shocked and scandalised for you are the one who is responsible for all of this.I was living my life quietly and peacefully and then you come in and do all that you have done and now i am totally lost and clueless with what is happening to my body.'

Raman nodded and then got up and waited for jeeva to take her legs in and then closing the door,walked around the car and wiping his feet with the same cloth,put on his shoes and then sighed loudly.

As usual,many of the lights in the marina beach had gone to sleep or had passed away along time ago,maybe wishing the best for most of the lovers,couples who came there to talk love,make love and just love.

Ramn looked at her and then slowly leaned towards her and with a bold smile took off the edge of the saree that lay like colorful rainbow on jeeva's left shoulder and lay bare her full and swollen breasts and jeeva totally mesmerised and lost looked at him and raman slowly cupped her breast and it was just too much for her and moaning loudly and she grabbed his hand fiercely and pressed it even harder against her breast.

Raman looked at her with a boldness in his eyes and hands that jeeva had never seen or felt before and she watched as he slowly slid his hand under her saree and began to slide it up and up and then she closed her eyes and just let her man and lover do what he wanted to do but because she so desperately wanted him to do.

As his fingers closed on her,jeeva's body racked again and again as wave after waves of the most incredible pleasure swept up all over her body and she lost track of all time but for his lips around her nipples and his hand between her legs.


Much,much later,they were driving back towards home,towards saidapet and leaning back on the door,she kept staring at him unabashedly and he looked at her and flashing a smile ' a penny or should a rupee for your thoughts sweetie' and jeeva 'i did not know that an orgasm could be so beautiful,great and mind blowing and really did not know that your fingers could do so much.'

Raman looked at her ' you are my girl and as your man,i am obliged to oblige you in all ways,ma'am.'

Halting his car near their homes,Raman got out and although jeeva protested saying that it was okay and that she would walk home,he told her that he wanted to be with her before going back home and spending the whole night away from her in loneliness.

It was only 8.30 p.m or so and the streetswere brightly lit and still slightly crowded before night would beckon everyone back into their beds and into her arms and as raman and jeeva walked chatting,it slowly began.

People stopped,people stared,people turned and stared at both of them and jeeva with a smile ' has some video of both of us gone viral on social platforms' and raman shook his head,though he knew that the wedding photos and news must have gone viral and preferring not to talk about it,walked on with his head bent low and soon they reached jeeva's home and found all their parents standing in the entrance chatting away happily.

http://tamil.eenaduindia.com/Entertainment/KollyWood/2017/10/30114306/Actor-Sathish-kumar-to-play-a-MGR-role-in-MGR-biopic.vpf

                     Gems and nuggets from my past posts

One day I decided to quit...

I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

"God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.

I gave them light.

I gave them water.

The fern quickly grew from the earth.

Its brilliant green covered the floor.

Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.

And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said."In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.

But I would not quit.

In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit." He said.

"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and
 
insignificant...But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.

I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots".

"I would not quit on the bamboo.

I will never quit on you."

"Don't compare yourself to others."

He said.

"The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern.

Yet they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come", God said to me.

"You will rise high"

"How high should I rise?"

I asked."How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned."Yes." He said, "Give Me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest and brought back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the
scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead
for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.*

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side
of the road. It looked like fine marble, at the top of a long hill, it
was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.*

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch
that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate
looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as
h*e got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'*

'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered. 'Wow! Would you happen to
have some water?' the man asked.*

Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought
right up.? The man gestured, and the gate began to open.*

'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the
traveler asked.*

'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'*


The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and
continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he
came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it
had never been closed. There was no fence.*

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree
and reading a book.*

'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'*

'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'*

'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.*


'There should be a bowl by the pump.'*

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned
hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then
he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was
standing by the tree.

'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.*


'This is Heaven,' he answered.*

'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road
said that was Heaven, too?'*

'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope.
That's hell.'

Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'*


'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave
their best friends behind.'*




Remember that prayer "Lord, please let me be half the person my dog
 believes I am"?*

     Jannal oram 102
 


"When you're young, you say what you feel.
When you're adult, you speak what you think.
When you grow old, you listen to what nature says. ? Toba Beta

Jeeva looked at raman's parents ' hello,what a pleasant surprise? when did you get here? why are you standing here outside near the gate? please come in.'

Mani looked at shaktivel ' shakti sir,that is my child,questions and answers like bullets out of a machine gun?' and turning to jeeva ' they came sometime back and in fact they were just leaving when you and raman arrived.'

Kamakshi exploding with happiness,pride and excitement grabbed raman by his right hand and then remembering something,looked at him ' please don't move and i will be back in one second' and ran into the house and came back holding something.

Then she looked towards the east where the temple tower's gopuram shone high over their compound wall and gently moved raman and made him stand and face in that direction and was about to move when,valliammai stopped her ' can i have some of that rock salt,please' and kamakshi poured some salt into valliammai's hands and then bent up and down three time and took the drishti away and asked raman to spit into the salt that lay in her now open palm and raman not knowing how to respond to this ' Please,how can i spit into your palm,sorry but i am not comfortable with that.'

Kamakshi looked at him patiently and with wise eyes ' raman,you will soon be my son-in-law and yet we already treat you more than that and like our very own son.so,now you can spit boldly and without feeling uncomfortable for i am also as good as your mother.'

Raman moved with these words and show of emotion,gently bent his head and spat but only pretended to do so and that seemed to be enough for kamakshi and then valliammai did the same thing to jeeva and after jeeva had gently spat into the salt in her future mother-in-laws palm,valliammai threw the salt with a prayer and told raman ' all the good that is happening in your life is because of the arrival of jeeva.'

Jeeva looked at her dad manigandan ' mr.mani,what is going on and why is your pondatti doing all this drishti rituals?'

Kamakshi excitedly ' they showed raman on tv just now and all the other tamil tv channels are carrying that particular news clip of him and vijaya bhaskar.'

Jeeva confused ' which vijaya bhaskar,you mean the minister's son.But why are they showing raman with him?' and as she turned to raman,it suddenly hit jeeva and she understood why people had been staring at them,smiling at them with affection as they both had walked towards her home.

Raman ' jeeva madam.Its no big deal.Me and mr.vijaya bhaskar went to college together and we happened to meet each other today morning at the wedding me and my parents had gone to.That's all and there is nothing more to add to it.'

If raman thought that these words would put an end to the matter,then he thought wrong for his dad with a smile looked at all of them ' if my son says that's all and that's it.Then,what it means is that there is really a great story behind that and it also means that he will talk about it only when the time comes.'

Kamakshi looking with love and hero worship filling her eyes and lips,told jeeva ' raman looked so handsome in a traditional veshti and shirt and just stood out among the crowd,shining with both his parents and for a second i thought i was seeing lord muruga with shiva and parvati.'

Raman groaning in frustration ' aiyoo,aiyoo,amma podhum please, ithu konjam too mucha ille.'

Jeeva boldly taking his hands and kissing it ' advocate sir,when it comes to you,nothing is too much boss.'

Then playfully nudging him and looking at his parents ' excuse me,if your son becomes too famous,i hope you and him both will not start to have second thoughts about our marriage.'

Shaktivel ' jeeva,all this fame,name,money will come and go.But love,friendship,family will always remain faithful and eternal.'

Throwing his arm around raman ' enga iyaava pathi enakku nalla theriyum.He would rather give up his life than go back on his word.But more importantly,he would sacrifice his own life if it came to that but he would never hurt jeeva because she is more important to him than his own life and maybe even us also. .'

Raman ' appa,what is this? you are spoiling all my chances now.Imagine how many beautiful women will be coming to talk to me and take selfies with me.what am i supposed to do then?'

The moment he finished saying that,raman jumped up screaming in pain,holding his left bum and they all saw that jeeva was the reason for his sudden yell and jump for she held up a hair pin and looking angrily at raman and everyone broke into loud laughter and  even though it was dark and night,the light of their love and laughter filled the place with a golden radiance and aura.

We come,each of us marked as an angel and guardian for another and for many others and they in turn come,marked for others and for you and me.They come,these angels,with love,laughter,souls full of strength and they give it and bestow it willingly on you,me and all of us and many a time sacrifice themselves like a candle that melts itself to give light.

They come,wearing the masks of a parent,sibling,friend,spouse,lover,child,pet and sometimes a total stranger.They will come when you most need them and they will go when their work is done.

We are all angels and we are all blessed with wings to fly high in the heavens but also to carry others on our wings and in our souls.A mother carries a child in her womb for ten months and she then carries the same child in her soul until her last breath.Friends are like mothers and fathers and yet they carry us in their souls not just  because it is their duty or out of obligation but out of love,only love.

And love heals and is the best balm that mother nature has gifted us.

http://www.kollywoodtoday.net/news/sathish-kumar-act-as-mgr/

  Redemption 224


"Your faith is your conscience, and your conscience is your faith. You cannot have faith without a conscience, but you can have a conscience without faith. Man was designed to be good with or without religion, yet the challenge for many is staying good. Some people claim to be religious but have no conscience, while some people without religion are very much aware of their conscience. Therefore, a religious label does not define your character or validate your worth. In the end, all men will be judged by the amount of truth in them and the weight of their hearts. The heavier the conscience, the heavier the truth. The lighter the heart, the higher it goes. The only spiritual currency one has in the afterlife is amassed in the form of light, in that, the amount you have depends on the weight of your words and deeds in the living. Conscience is everything. Conscience is what connects us to the truth and light of the highest power source of all. God. The cosmic heart of the universe. Suzy Kassem


Deep inside the bowels of the parliament building,Gen.veer singh stood staring at the phone and felt the cold coils of an unknown fear slowly creeping and making its way into his soul.Overcome with the difficult and confusing situation,he suddenly collapsed into a chair nearby and major.param for the first time saw age,advancing old age and its frail but vice like grip reflect on his boss's face.

Major.param had never seen his superior in this weakened state and realised that he never wanted to see him thus for it brought out the fear and the complicated jobs and lives they all lived.

Throwing caution and protocol into the wind,Major.param opened a small cupboard and brought out a half full bottle of johnny walker whiskey and poured a rather generous amount into a glass and handed it to gen.veer who  glanced it and then looked up at major.param and nodded and accepted it with grace and class.

Major.param sat down next to his boss and remained quiet,waited for the general to gather back his strength and energy.Both men were totally devoted to India and had seen death,dealt with death most of their adult lives and had both meted out death by their own hands and now they sat in grim silence as the spectre of tragedy unfolded  faraway in Shikarpur and they were lost,clueless and totally unable to go to the rescue of their hero,friend and comrade and who needed them now in that instant,more than ever.

General veer singh downed his drink and quickly walked out of the door and major.param did the same and ran after the marching bull of a boss and caught up with him.

Gen.veer singh was barking out orders and Major.param heard him command " me and the major will reach the helipad in twenty minutes and i want five of the ALPHA team commandos to be prepared and aboard the helicopter when we arrive.We don't have a second to waste for not one but several lives are at stake and time is running out."

Major.param jumped into their all black toyota innova and fired up the engine and Gen.veer getting in pointed to the roof and swirled his fingers and major.param with a quick nod switched on the blue beacon lights and it instantly started twirling like a ballerina yelling 'whooo,whooo,whooo' and they were off headed in the direction of the army emergency helipad.


The traffic was slightly lighter at 10.00 pm and they made quick progress towards the helipad and both his eyes totally focused on the road ahead of him.Major.param asked Gen.veer " sir,permission to speak freely" and Gen.veer nodded " you may Param and i know what you are going to ask.Yet,ask them for i owe you the answers for one day it will be you that will suceed me."

Major.param " sir,this is a very delicate situation and of totally an unknown quantity and yet here you are with me and if my assumptions is right,you will be flying out to rescue rudran from the forests of Shikarpur."

" Correct param " and then looking pointedly at his subordinate " is that all major and is that the extent of your curiosity."

Major.param " no sir and i will ask the only question and the most important one at this moment and that is,why are you getting involved personally in this rescue operation when we don't for sure if Rudran is alive or not.Or worse,he has been killed by some other unknown enemy and most probably they are lying in wait for us too."

Gen.veer singh with a hint of irritation in his voice " get to the point soldier" and Major.param ' sir,if you are captured of should you fall into the hands of some unknown enemy,then imagine the danger to this nation for you single handedly know most of our defence and intelligence movements and you will be a great pawn in the hands of the enemy and we know by experience that they can spring out from the shadows at any given opportunity and it could be right now and we probably are heading into their hands."


Gen.veer singh laughed loudly " Major.param,are you carrying your potassium cyanide capsule as per our rules of engagement?" and major.param taking the hint,hurriedly " sir,i sincerely hope no such radical situation arises for any of us.But my question still stands and that is why are we risking so much of our secret organisation by going to rudran's rescue when you know yourself that he would not permit such open engagement of our covert and  valuable resources."

Gen.veer singh looked at his digital watch and saw that it they had another few minutes to reach the helipad and turning to the major " param,rudy is just not another secret agent,not just another army man or cop but more than all that.As for me and for many others,he represents the very soul of this great nation and is the first and last boundary that protects us from some of the most deadly attacks that have been planned against India."

Sighing sadly,Gen.veer singh with a shake of his head,indicated to param the world that lay outside their car " Major,nearly hundred percent of the population of this country have no clue as to what is going in the borders of this nation and what all deadly plans are being made by dangerous terrorists and criminals across the borders in their safe havens in pakistan,bangladesh and china.But we know and we take initiatives to stop them from even carrying out these deadly attacks and the past few years we have been largely successful because of Rudran and only because of his strategies.And that is strike first,strike hard and destroy the enemy with one mighty stroke."


Gen.veer singh then suddenly fell silent and major.param noticing the older man's distress " sir,you were about to say something very important " and Gen.veer singh " major param,remember that time when you took a few weeks off to be with your ailing dad who later passed away" and param " yes sir,that was back in 2013,march 2013 to be correct and what of that sir?"

Gen.Veer singh " you came back after nearly a month and then one day asked me the truth about a rumor that had been circulating and it concerned an attack on the prime minister who had been secretly attending a wedding of a son of his very close,childhood friend."


Major.param nodded " yes sir,i do very well remember asking you about the rumor and i also very clearly remember that you brushed it away as a baseless rumor.What about it sir?"

Gen.veer singh " the attack did happen and if rudran had not been there along with the prime minister and his security team,then the worst would have happened.It was only rudran who made the difference when he single handedly killed,hunted down nearly thirty highly trained Al-qaeda terrorists and saved not only the prime minister but also many of the commandos who were hurt very badly."

Major.param's eye brows furrowed and joined hands in confusion 'But how is this possible and how is that it is not in the records and how is that i was not briefed about it?"

Then as realisation came to him,major.param quickly glanced at Gen.veer singh who nodded " yes,it also struck all of us as to how it came about that the terrorists had knowledge about the prime ministers schedule which only a selected few knew beforehand."

major.param ' bloody hell,that means that there was someone inside our group,a mole,traitor."

Gen.veer cursed under his breath and the curses were really bad and foul and turning to Major.param ' do you remember agent shailander varma who died suddenly due to a cardiac arrest?" and param replied " yes sir,very sad sir and he was just 44 or 45 and sadly left behind a wife and a teenage daughter."

" No major.He did not die of a cardiac arrest but committed suicide by swallowing his cyanide capsule."

" Crap.so he was the mole and rudran made him swallow the pill.Right sir."

Gen.veer singh shook his head " sorry param.But rudran was too late to stop him from killing himself."

Major.param totally confused " but why sir? Shailander was a great man,totally devoted and utterly committed in his goal of protecting and defending this nation.He was also well experienced and had no need for money and also had no vices with which the enemy sould have tempted him and turned him into a double agent."

" correct.But he had a teenage daughter and the terrorists had kidnapped her and sent nude pics of her to him and threatened to kill her after doing all sick kind of things to her if he did not supply them with the information they wanted from him.And with no other course of action to take,he gave them them the timings of the prime ministers secret wedding trip to mussoorie."

They reached the highly guarded gates of the army's emergency helipad and after indentifying themselves in the camera and also flashing their credentials,they entered the secure site from where they were going to take off in hopes of rescuing and bringing back rudran.

Gen.veer singh and major.param quickly walked towards the already ready helicopter which had its blades whirring furiously,as if it was begging the human pilot to set it free from its earthly roots and anchor.

The five commandos stood in perfect attention and smartly saluted their boss and also major.param and the general returned their salutes and asked them to get in and strap themselves to their seat and wait for him to explain what their mission was.

Major.param gently held Gen.veer singhs right arm,who turned to param with a twinkle " yes,i know again what your burning question is and i too have been asking myself the same question all these years.

How did Rudran know that an attack was going to take place and how did he single handedly defend the prime minister and then manage to kill all of the deadly terrorists?"

Tapping major.param's cheek " well soldier,i will tell you that on our way to shikarpur.Come lets go get our hero and importantly our friend back from the dangerous position he is in."

The helicopter whirred and then smoothly took off and headed in a westerly direction and Gen.veer looked at major.param ' you heard that strange voice on the phone.What does your mind tell you and more importantly what does your heart tell you about that stranger who spoke to us?"

Major.param without any hesitation " sir,that voice sounded very different but in my heart,i know that it was Rudy and that he was in some terrible and dangerous situation."

Gen.Veer singh shook his head and then quickly dialed a number and heard what was said and then ending that call,dialled another number which had been obviously given to him just that moment.

" DGP Maninder,this is     Gen.veer singh " and immediately the man on the other side replied " sir,how can i help you sir?"

Gen.veer softly " DGP Maninder,i am requesting to stand down and not send anyone into the forest in search of the people who were responsible for the death and destruction of the villa and the minister's son."

DGP Maninder totally taken aback and confused " sir,i don't understand your request for i just got off the phone with the minister himself who ordered me to go to any extent and arrest those who were behind this crime and also told me to contact him if there was any sort of interference."

Gen.veer singh smiling " DGP Maninder,i am making this strange request not to help the people who are behind the crime but to save your men who have entered the forest hunting them.The people your men are hunting are highly equipped and well trained and all i am asking you is to hold back until the situation becomes clearer.I am right now on route to the other side of shikarpur forest and will flank who ever comes out from there and i think it is best to share information and co-ordinate our resources."

DGP Maninder was about to reply,when his wireless squawked and pressing a button " yes,what is the situation?"


The voice spoke " sir,it is not one leopard sir but two of them for we can see two sets of green eyes glowing in the dark and frankly speaking sir,the man are slightly worried for one of the leopards must be a huge one for its green eyes are standing six feet above the ground."

DGP Maninder angrily " you idiot,where do you think you are,in Jurassic park? that set of green eyes must be of a leopard which is most probably standing on a low branch.stop blabbering  like a child and get the job done and quickly."

But if he thought he would get a reply,DGP Maninder was mistaken for only loud screams,roars and growls came in through the speaker of the wireless set that he held close to his ear.


    The boy who went into light and came back as dark.

                            Bridge of tears on a bed of fears                       

Love,lovers love and loving it all
they lay as lovers,laid as lovers
made love as new bloom flowers
under sun,moon,stars and starless skies
they lay in youth and hormones
now years lay between then as a gulf
where once they drifted to sleep
with eyes full of each other
with lips full of smiles only for the other
now they facing opposites and they too had become opposites
time,marriage and children consumed them
and now they were strangers across the room
and strangers next to each other in their own bed

each drifted off to sleep with sadness slipping
out as tears leaving stains on the pillow
and in the dark,the stains mingled with dark
and sand alone like a lost and lonely lark
that had missed its time to fly off to summer lands
and now pitifully cried for help,a guide to take it back home


they lay with their tears and fears in the dark
and they lay now strangers not knowing
how to bridge the chasm that lay between them
and it would take blind faith and pure love to do that


He woke up early and she woke up much later
so she did not see his tears that soon dried up
and he never saw her tears for he was always far away

but the bridge came to be as the abyss lay exposed
when she woke minutes after he woke and was in the bathroom

she switched on the lights
and under the lights she switched on her sights
and she saw his tears as stains on his pillow
and she saw tears on her pillow

she stood as love bloomed,blossomed and opened again
with youth,with wisdom,with truth

she realised that they cried alone
and they had been crying for each other

and opening the door she opened their hearts
and she entered into the bathroom and entered into his soul
and they were one again,once again
for no more words were needed for their tears were more than enough Edited by deepak_satish - 6 years ago

Like always,i place my hands on the lands of alphabets on the keyboard and as most days,dreams,memories,hate,pain and tears flash on and off and begin to sing to me,wailing " please satish,let me out for i need to breathe" and so a poem,a thought spreads its wings and beating them,testing them escape from the bonds of my soul.

Spent,soul bared with its doors open,i soon take a deep breath and stitching myself sigh and think " will that do for today " and rise and go my way.

                                     Jannal oram 103

"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. Kahlil Gibran

Raman and his parents wished,bade goodnight and goodbyes and exited the compound and he was the last to exit and his hand still lay on the gate and jeeva using the gate as a pretext walked quickly towards him and their hands,souls touched and although their lips said goodbye,their souls remained rooted,bleeding tears of pain and  jeeva suddenly felt a pang of pain in her chest and her eyes reflected the pain and the wondering about it and raman's fingers clasped harder before leaving and in the dark,she heard him whisper " it is the same pain i am feeling baby.It is love,only love and it shows how much we love each other.Good night and i will see you in my dreams."

Jeeva stood watching his form slowly mingle with darkness and vanish out of sight as he turned the corner and she stood rooted to the spot holding the gate not wanting to lose the warmth of his touch as if it was the last warmth she would ever feel again before freezing to cold,cold loss and loneliness.


Manigandan softly pecked his wife kamakshi on her cheek and said " go throw your arms around her and hopefully it will make her feel slightly better.

Kamaskhi shook her head ' no,i know the feeling and nothing anyone can do will ease the pain that she is feeling right now.But,yes,maybe it will relieve her pain,just a wee bit."

Looking at him ' join me a few minutes later and it will be better if both of us encircle her in our love for her" and the walked towards her and gently took her elder daughter in her arms and jeeva let herself go in the familiar embrace of her mother and then her fathers frail but strong and tender arms embraced them both and jeeva looked up at both of them ' i am sorry that i am creating such a scene and being so dramatic for after all i am going to see him again tomorrow and again and again for all my life.But seeing him walk away and seeing his back turned to me scares and hurts me so badly for he is everything to me now and i don't want to be away from him even for a split second."

Mani gently wiped the tears away from his life,his soul for that was what jeeva was to him " jeeva,then just get married to him sweetheart and spare all this pain you are going through for my heart breaks seeing you like this."

Jeeva her head buried in kamakshi's shoulder,hearing this,lifted it slightly and staring into her dads eyes " never.not until suja is settled in a good job,married and is safe and then i will marry and even that will come after i see that both of you are also settled and with no worries."

Mani was about to reply to her and then thinking that more than his reply,more than his thoughts,what was important to his child was her parents support and understanding,nodded " okay jeeva."

She looked at them both " why does it hurt so badly amma? why do i feel so lost even though you both are here with me? i don't know what is happening to my mind and even my body sometimes does weird things and i don't know how to control it?"

Kamakshi kissed her face " It will be okay sweetheart and it is perfectly normal what you are feeling and it is not normal and abnormal if you don't feel all that you feel for raman and he frankly deserves every bit of your love.Just imagine that poor soul and what he must be going through."

Jeeva wiping her tears,looked at both of them " that guy might feel it but he will never show it and sometimes i think he is some kind of alien."

Manigandan gently twisted her right ear and jeeva squealed in pain " those are the people who feel a lot more than what you and others feel and they stay quiet,calm although they cry as much as you do and feel more pain than you do but remain like the still waters of a deep lake and remember the famous proverb 'still waters run deep' and keep it all locked and stored inside.

Jeeva turning to kamakshi " amma,when is suja coming back from her medical camp internship training and kamakshi replied " in a couple of days baby.I think they will finish in Madurai last and they will board the night train and will arrive back in chennai by the weekend."

The old and the young walked back into the house although all three knew that her soul,her spirit stood near the gate waiting for him to come back and to take her in his arms and breathe into her with his lips and kisses.


No I can't forget this evening or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile, but in your eyes
Your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows

No I can't forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it's only fair that I should let you know
What you should know

I can't live
If living is without you
I can't live
If living is without you


                      Mariah carey-without you