Software Symphony 9 Book Shelf Analogy on 144 - Page 117

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Posted: 7 years ago
okay I posted that because of the previous update. Basically they fought over one of their differences  having kids.. Did it help them in any way ? Did they become closer ? Did they come to know more about each other due to that ? May be Nish might show like that later...But for now, my answer to all of the above is a NO...
The thing I feel here is that -- They both know very well about their difference of opinions/status etc...Both of them are clearly aware of it...He knows that she doesnt want kids...she knows he hates malcha marg, excelsior and his dad and wants to settle in paris...

So the only thing they dont seem to know is that they both are soo emotionally invested in this relationship that both want it to work...The thing here would then be that if they come to know it, will they start thinking together and will it solve their problems?? 

The only advantage of fights here is their make up after the fight...Will it indicate them that both want to be with each other irrespective of all their differences? We have to wait for Nish to answer this in her upcoming chapters...
Posted: 7 years ago
Originally posted by nividances


Originally posted by swathi1990


Hey Nish
Feel free to skip reading my posts..But today my mind is just filled with II and R&B for some reason and I am going to rant about everything...

Lets say they start communicating--Just like everyone here wishes...Will that solve all the problems?? He wants to go to paris,she doesn't...He wants kids, she doesn't...He is totally that ultra-rich guy brought up like that and she is still the middle class girl who wants to remain like that... So even if they discuss/communicate all this, wat is the use??? These two are individuals who does not easily give up their stand...and they are OPPOSITES in everything as you pointed out...makes me think that unless they are ready to adjust with each other, nothing can be done...no amount of communication/fighting in their case will help


You're right. Them fighting with each other will not eliminate their differences. Communication won't solve all the problems either, but it will definitely pull the issues and opinions out into the limelight. They will continue to remain opposites in everything I think; their life experiences and the differing backgrounds that they come from will always be at crossroads with one another. 

As for them being ready to adjust with each other? Well, whether all this fighting or communication will be beneficial for their "adjusting with each other" depends on how you define the word "adjustment." I think that adjustment in a marriage is not necessarily about thinking alike, but about thinking together. In order for them to think together, I would say that they need to fight and communicate. Smile


Nivi for such a young person you speak very wisely. I say that very graciously, Yes Swathi Nivi is right... MOST marriage there is not 100% harmony... movies and books WANT you to believe there WILL BE

WILL BE, and THERE IS mein bahut faraq hai. My Amma will talk of a couple that live sin my parents complex, that have been married over 40 years as "Oh! They have not had ONE fight"

She is part of my Mom's kitty (monthly women's whatever group), In my Mom's 6 decades in this world she says thats the only couple that hasnt fought even once, AS THAT AUNTY CLAIMS

So u can imagine...
No marriage is 100% compatible kanna, NOT ONE... IT SEEMS like it during courtship
Even if it is, the compatibility takes a solid beating after kids come into the picture or when u have to care for a ailing parent or  face job loss or face terminal illness. Even when there is no problem, and there is all the wealth u could spend in 7 lifetimes there is fidelity issues, or career ambitions or political ambitions.

Clintons
Kennedys

Like someone famous once said "Most couples are divorced they just dont know it"LOL
So anyway jokes apart, its about HOW you deal with the incompatibility, its not about how to GET RID of it



Posted: 7 years ago
Originally posted by Nisha0604


Originally posted by nividances


I don't know if this is a comment, review, summary, analysis...I seriously don't know what it is. Confused I guess at best it's a hodge podge of things that I have thought of while reading this story, but never took the time out to pen into actual words and coherent sentences.  Smile

I had written a whole essay about Subbu embedded in a broader context of looking at literature (and life) from the perspective of the so-called "antagonist." It seems that those words were destined to go into some sort of virtual black hole because the response was lost/deleted twice...even when I made the smart move of typing everything on a word document. You may find it to be unbelievable, but my laptop crashed while I was in the middle of trying to remember and rewrite the lost response and I LOST the already lost response yet again...AutoRecover failed me too.  #Facepalm #Headdesk #TechnologyHatesMe Unhappy That analysis is just not meant to be published Nisha. You will never see it...I'm sorry. Perhaps talking about Subbu is a jinx for me so I'm going to talk about II and R&B instead. TongueLOL

As intriguing as the pre-marriage "relationship" between a lanky nomadic Punjabi venture capitalist translocated from Malcha Marg to Paris and a feisty, talkative, ambitious, IIM-educated Iyer carnatic singer from RK Puram was, the post-marriage equation between the two is even more engaging to explore. 

In almost every sense, the two are opposites. You have to beg her to stop talking; you have to beg him to speak just a few words. She is the daughter of a typical middle class Iyer household; he is the son of an atypical excessively affluent Punjabi household. Her interactions with "boys" can perhaps be tallied on the fingers of one hand; his "interactions" will require the fingers of more than a few hands. She has such a strong bond with her father; he has cut his father out of his life almost completely. She is less aware of his inner feelings but tries to probe him constantly; he is able to sense her distress but doesn't continually question. She is shy about physical intimacy to a certain extent; he is unabashedly explicit about this topic.

As different as they are, the one major commonality that they share is what has brought them together and made this union possible. They both carry with them their respective mother's blessings and wishes. This is not the sole force that united them, as we cannot discount the intense attraction they share, but it cannot be denied that destiny was certainly beckoned to work some magic by the prayers of the two mothers.

Coming to their individual "expectations" from the relationship, I find it interesting that the conservatively raised middle class Iyer is on the fence about the marriage lasting (she has her own valid reasons that I will save to speak about in a future post), while the nomadic Punjabi "playboy" has few, if any, doubts about the marriage's survival. How beautifully ironic the situation is. This dichotomy of expectations is one of the vulnerabilities of this relationship; the second is their inability to properly communicate. Humans by nature are too complicated to be understood fully but communication certainly helps to dissipate the enigmatic complexity of the human mind. The ultimate truth, without a doubt, in their relationship is that he will never know all there is to know about her, just as she will never know all there is to know about him. Whether this will be the hamartia of their relationship or serve as the force that pushes them together is something that remains to be seen.

Setting the relationship on the back burner, let's focus now on R&B specifically. I would like to put forth a quote by JK Rowling in his honor. "Indifference...often do[es] much more damage than outright dislike." He cares for his wife; we, as readers, have seen enough glimpses into his thoughts to infer that. However, his aversion to verbal communication, in the context of the narrative, is often assumed to be indifference by people such as Appa and sometimes even II. His wife is beginning to see his caring nature through his "Enough II" as well as his subtle actions of dealing with Subbu, handing over his phone to her, and so forth, but his silence and unwillingness to communicate is what will cause the biggest problems between them. More often than not, couples want to avoid fighting, but from what we have seen transpire between II-R&B already, their verbal duels tend to push them closer together, as that is one of the only times R&B's complete thoughts come out in the open. Similarly, it is mainly during their verbal duels that II lets her guard down and speaks without a filter. Something I have noted is that although she chatters paragraph-long responses to the simplest questions, II has a tendency to filter her words when it comes to her emotions and inner thoughts.

In the last few chapters, we have begun to see small progressions in their relationship and emotional understanding of each other, but there are still many cans of worms left to be opened as of yet. They have become one physically, but they have yet to open up to each other and become one in the truest sense...emotionally that is.

I will end with the following because I think it fits II-R&B to the tee. "Don't worry when I fight with you, worry when I stop because it means there's nothing left to fight for."



NIVI

What a lovely summary, you have captured these two characters like no other. I am not as well read as you are or as MANY of my readers are, I like to be but am not. But such a intelligent analysis of the story requires a standing ovation. I mean Oscar contenders vie for such analysis I get it for a story that has no basis that is just penned from the heart?


You are immensely talented I cannot tell you how impressed I am

BLUE is it!! Totally completely it, about the two people... I did not spend months or days coming up with them you all know how I started to write... I had a 100 ft view of him and her and as I circle over them, one foot up, its EXACTLY like how you have described them

Her despair at not fulfilling Appa's expectations and in a certain sense betraying her own beliefs and ethics by marrying into a family that may be "corrupt" may seem like a trivial issue but for her its big.

Iyers live by their principles, I know of Iyers that write to Letters to the Editor every day, I know of Iyers that will protest any and every form of corruption and misdeed... Iyers dont have a monopoly over it but since II is an Iyer  she typifies such principles...

Yes I read on Good Quotes or some site "Love me, or hate me but please dont be indifferent to me"


Yep indifference is the most painful thing in any relationship. It lacks the word called PASSION

Yes, he is argumentative and combative when wants to win an argument when it comes to emotional matters he would rather sit back and let things happen. She is that way too she talks endlessly about mundane things but does not have the courage to ask him "Does this marraige come with an "Use By date?"

Very very well written. I cant add any more I cant write as well as you

Congratulations for elevating my random pastime into something tremendously superior!!


Kahaan tum meri taarif kar rahi ho Nish? Maine toh bas summary di hai...YOU have created the masterpiece that allowed me to write this. Analyze karna koi badi baat nahi hai...I've been doing it for literature classes since 6th grade; they hold your hand and teach you to do it until you get it right. But they don't teach you to write what you have managed to compose...you are selling your talent short by terming the brilliance of this story as your "random pastime."

@bold: I will have to ferociously disagree with that. 
Posted: 7 years ago
Originally posted by swathi1990


okay I posted that because of the previous update. Basically they fought over one of their differences  having kids.. Did it help them in any way ? Did they become closer ? Did they come to know more about each other due to that ? May be Nish might show like that later...But for now, my answer to all of the above is a NO...
The thing I feel here is that -- They both know very well about their difference of opinions/status etc...Both of them are clearly aware of it...He knows that she doesnt want kids...she knows he hates malcha marg, excelsior and his dad and wants to settle in paris...

So the only thing they dont seem to know is that they both are soo emotionally invested in this relationship that both want it to work...The thing here would then be that if they come to know it, will they start thinking together and will it solve their problems?? 

The only advantage of fights here is their make up after the fight...Will it indicate them that both want to be with each other irrespective of all their differences? We have to wait for Nish to answer this in her upcoming chapters...


Swathi
THAT has been the goal of this story you know, WILL THEY want to live together despite the scandal, the class differences, their toxic egos, his desire to return to Paris, her unwillingness to start a family, his past affairs, her Appa, her career ambitions, his indifference towards his Dad's business and feelings.

If one or some or ALL of the above matter
They will part ways
Posted: 7 years ago
Originally posted by Nisha0604



Nivi for such a young person you speak very wisely. I say that very graciously, Yes Swathi Nivi is right... MOST marriage there is not 100% harmony... movies and books WANT you to believe there WILL BE

WILL BE, and THERE IS mein bahut faraq hai. My Amma will talk of a couple that live sin my parents complex, that have been married over 40 years as "Oh! They have not had ONE fight"

She is part of my Mom's kitty (monthly women's whatever group), In my Mom's 6 decades in this world she says thats the only couple that hasnt fought even once, AS THAT AUNTY CLAIMS

So u can imagine...
No marriage is 100% compatible kanna, NOT ONE... IT SEEMS like it during courtship
Even if it is, the compatibility takes a solid beating after kids come into the picture or when u have to care for a ailing parent or  face job loss or face terminal illness. Even when there is no problem, and there is all the wealth u could spend in 7 lifetimes there is fidelity issues, or career ambitions or political ambitions.

Clintons
Kennedys

Like someone famous once said "Most couples are divorced they just dont know it"LOL
So anyway jokes apart, its about HOW you deal with the incompatibility, its not about how to GET RID of it


You could think of me as a 40 year old in a 24 year old's body TongueROFL
Par yeh baatein samajhna alag baat hai...real life mein apply karna utna hi mushkil. 

@bold: What perfect advice Clap...I am adding it to my collection of inspirational quotes. Smile
Posted: 7 years ago
Originally posted by Nisha0604


Originally posted by swathi1990


okay I posted that because of the previous update. Basically they fought over one of their differences  having kids.. Did it help them in any way ? Did they become closer ? Did they come to know more about each other due to that ? May be Nish might show like that later...But for now, my answer to all of the above is a NO...
The thing I feel here is that -- They both know very well about their difference of opinions/status etc...Both of them are clearly aware of it...He knows that she doesnt want kids...she knows he hates malcha marg, excelsior and his dad and wants to settle in paris...

So the only thing they dont seem to know is that they both are soo emotionally invested in this relationship that both want it to work...The thing here would then be that if they come to know it, will they start thinking together and will it solve their problems?? 

The only advantage of fights here is their make up after the fight...Will it indicate them that both want to be with each other irrespective of all their differences? We have to wait for Nish to answer this in her upcoming chapters...


Swathi
THAT has been the goal of this story you know, WILL THEY want to live together despite the scandal, the class differences, their toxic egos, his desire to return to Paris, her unwillingness to start a family, his past affairs, her Appa, her career ambitions, his indifference towards his Dad's business and feelings.

If one or some or ALL of the above matter
They will part ways

Totally Agree Nish !! But I was thinking that may be verbal communication is not the only way for them to find out that they like each other sooo much... That too in their case, seeing that they totally are opposites, it seems like working in reverse here...Whereas a small gesture of him for example - the subbu incident conveyed more...and I tend to like those gestures more compared to the explicit fights...

However I agree being two strong individuals, fights are bound to happen LOL 
Posted: 7 years ago
IF THEY PART WAYS...I swear I'll lose hope in everything good n positive that I'm told to think of life... Its a story... Please do not part them... I have seen enough reality... Atleast fiction should be catering to popular belief...that of "MOSTLY Happily Ever After"!! All I have to say is reality mei shaadi tak baat hi nahi pahunchti hai... You feel frustrated of the non/miscommunication... You feel sick of that feeling that possibly am just an "interaction" in his life n then your selfrespect/ego(some will call it ego, some as selfrespect) ... N you do what II did... Be aloof, cut ties... Wallow for that heartache n loss of trust... But trust once broken/or thought of as broken is hard to build... You either are disillusioned or try make do with rebuilding of what is left of  life n your feelings Edited by harshita27 - 7 years ago
Posted: 7 years ago
great discussions ..Nisha will we get another update tonite?


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