Originally posted by: ChaiBiskoot
OS: I See You
He stood in front of the mirror.Since the past few weeks he had
started to stare at his reflection for a long time. Parth Kashyap - the boy who
knew endurance and allowed only a string of sweet words to drop from his mouth
was disappearing slowly. Woah, what a description girl. It actually describes Parth right down to a T.. and endurance is such a beautiful word to use. His forehead was set in a frown while his lips had lost
their their curve. Already you have my heart breaking for Parth and all the pain he's been through. I like the way you've started this, i can already tell that it's going to be a very emotional OS and in my opinion those are the best kind. Instead they were pressed tightly ready to snarl at the sight
of her. He had morphed from the boy next door into a beast. Perfect description once again... Especially the beast part 😆 The transformation
was unsettling and he averted his eyes from the mirror. Ok this is a first. I've read plenty of OS's but this is the first time that I've read about Parth not liking the kind of person he has turned into. This is the point where I fell in love with your OS. Because of it's uniqueness and freshness. But mainly because you managed to portray Parth in a way that causes me to feel sympathetic towards him, that causes me to understand why he is the way he is, that causes me to actually forgive him for everything he's done to Vidushi (which was something I thought would NEVER happen).
He threw the bag on his back and walked into the study room.On
reaching the room he clutched the door handle tightly before closing his eyes
momentarily.Its only a matter of few days.I won't have to bear with her
anymore after that. I really wanted to hate Parth for this comment... but after your beautiful and emotional explanation of his character in the paragraph above, I just couldn't find it in my heart to hate him. You've turned me into a Parth lover once again. Convincing himself that he can get through this
distressful night he stepped in.
Her head shot up at the sight of him.She smiled brightly and waved at
him.Not expecting a response she dipped her head towards her phone placed in
her hand. My heart breaks for her for the millionth time. How can one girl endure so much rejection from one guy, yet still be willing to go to the moon and beyond just for the sake of his happiness? Her disappointment was obvious to Parth but he simply chose to
maintain his cold demeanour and took his seat next to her. I LOVE the way you mentioned how Parth notices Vidushi's disappointment. I've always hated the way he can be so oblivious towards her feelings and treat her like she is incapable of being broken when in reality she is just as vulnerable as him. This may have been a little out of character here (or maybe I've just never noticed Parth care so much on the show) but it makes Parth even more lovable in the OS.
"I bet you haven't started working on the project.Cuddling your
phone like always?" he said plainly.She quickly pressed the lock button
and kept the phone aside.
"I was waiting for you. Didn't quite know " -she paused for a
while before adding "where to start."She smiled again and was met by
his cold gaze. As usual, fighter Vidushi is unfazed by his taunts. I respect this girl so much! She seems much softer in your OS than on the show, but I think that's because the CV's have failed to explore her character to it's full potential. Hopefully they will read this one day and see how they SHOULD be portraying Vidushi.
"Yeah?You seem to know everything else apart from studies.Don't
you?".She knew his question was supposed to be demeaning but she dodged it
by saying ," Well you got good teaching skills.Might as well help someone
out".He snorted and turned his face away.
Vidushi continued to stare at him and miraculously hoped for a genuine
smile from him.Or atleast an acknowledgement of her presence in his life. The whole world's patience and determination is placed in this girl! I really love the way you put your words together to create such beautiful sentences. A lot of your sentences are fairly short/medium length but they pack a really strong punch. Especially the very first sentence here. It felt like I was experiencing Vidushi's emotions while reading. Before
she could let her thoughts trail further he spoke loudly.
"Pass me the book and dump
your phone somewhere.I ain't gonna spend an entire night here."
This time she looked sharply at him but her voice was soft. "I
will but in the end we have to talk-she stopped mid sentence when his head
whipped around so fast that her words were caught in her throat.Inhaling a
breath she continued ," about your condition". Again, another beautiful presentation of Vidushi's character. She can be forceful and confident, while continuing to maintain that sincerity in her voice. I like how you made her words catch in her throat to show how affected she is by Parth.
With that he stood up not bothering to spare her another glance and
took a step forward when her fingers wrapped around his wrist. This was such a romantic gesture. After all the emotional stuff that was happening before, this held almost the same amount of romance as a kiss would, so well done on this!
She was expecting a nasty reply when she put forward her condition but
his behavior caught her off guard. Parth wasn't the one to escape.He was the
one who threatened. But she brings out a side of him that scares him. He's not used to anyone caring so much for him that he's afraid to let her him and see who he truly is. He's afraid to open up because he's scared she'll turn away too. Oh man I'm loving this OS more and more by the second.
"Wait", she spoke hastily.
To say he was annoyed would be an understatement.His eyes were blazing
when he spoke angrily "Don't you get it?I am not here to TALK.You want to know
my problem just so you can use this to your advantage someday. Right?".He
chuckled humorlessly in the end and her grip on his hand grew tighter. Once again, I feel as though I should be hating Parth's behaviour right now, but I can't because i can understand his vulnerability. If this was on the show I would have felt angry and upset, but reading it in this context, in the environment you created throughout the OS.. I just feel sad and sympathetic! He raised his eyes
towards hers and was surprised to see the softness she held in her
own.Flinching at her stubbornness he gave her a questioning look. Cuteness beyond words. The description of the way he saw the softness in her eyes was spot on and the battle between their eyes was almost romantic.
"I am not the one who plays around with things like that".Her voice
held strength. A strength that got his brain spinning with new questions. LOVED THESE LAST TWO LINES! Her eyes held a strength... WHAT?? Where did you learn to write something so MAJESTIC as that?? And then the next line was even better than the first! The strength in her eyes caused his brain to spin with questions... This is taking exceptional writing to a whole new level. "So you
have to speak.Because you may not love me but I do. That's enough of an
explanation". Not even going to try and describe this... the confession of her love says it all!
She released her hand and continued to look at him.
The impact of her words and straight face sent him in a tizzy.It
wasn't the first time she had confessed her feelings .On previous occasions he
had simply taunted her and debunked her claims.But in this particular moment
her love seemed genuine.He attempted to say
a quick retort but all he managed to do was to take a seat quietly beside
her. beautiful, beautiful, BEAUTIFUL! I'm running out of adjectives to describe your work so please bear with me. I adored the effect that Vids' words had on Parth, and what I adored even more was the way you wrote that down. Absolutely loved the way he couldn't form any words and simply sat down beside her. That move itself was a new step in their relationship,
She knew she had went straight for the kill.He should have simply
stormed off the room barking some disheartening things to her.For a second
Vidushi was baffled by her inner voice finding its way out so easily.It was the
second time that night when he had
surprised her. And the second time he's surprised me also.
"Lets study",he said softly and opened the book. Parth's talking softly to Vidushi?? Up until a few days back I thought that would never happen. But then we got that beautiful scene where Vidushi asks "Why didn't you tell me you love me" and Parth's voice is so quiet when responding. Watching that scene and reading this part gave me the exact same feelings of hope!
She realized he was avoiding looking at her.They studied for another
hour and neither of them brought the dreaded topic on their lips.Needless to
say none of them could concentrate. Really nice use of word here, like I said before, simple sentences which hold an intense impact. 👍🏼 There he was battering his mind with
questions for which he desperately needed the answers.Her declaration continued
to shake him and he searched for ways to dodge the personal talk she would
bring up soon. But a part of him ached to speak his heart out to her.To tell
her the pain he was going through.To let her know how badly he wanted someone
to hold her.To yell at her saying her voice and support soothed his wracked
nerves. WHAT DID I JUST READ??? Neha you are a much more talented writer than I have given you credit for! My respect for you has grown so so so much more through this one paragraph. I never thought that I would favor Parth in anyway, show or writing or anything. This one paragraph, however, has changed all that. Showing Parth's internal battle with his emotions was absolute perfection. I LOVED the line "but a part of him ached to speak his heart out to her". That line changed my perspective on Parth completely. We always see one side of his character on the show, but you've shown a completely different side of Parth here. It's difficult to think that this Parth is the same Parth that we see daily on television. My heart ached for Parth when reading the line "to tell her the pain he was going through". I want to say so much more about how I felt reading this, but I'm at a loss for words.
Vidushi shifted in her place after they had finished with the final
chapter.She gulped before saying,"Il just be back".Parth nodded.
Vidushi moved out of the room and he kept staring at
her.This night was indeed going to be long.He sighed and gathered the stationary
and books spilled across the floor. No hate, no rude comments, nothing of that sort. All this showed to me was how tired Parth is, not physical tired, but tired mentally in the sense that he's gone through so much in his life, and now he just needs a break. I got all that out of only 3 sentences... where have you been hiding all this talent?
The phone buzzed.
Vidushi threw her back against the wall and closed her eyes.She was
spent.Enervated from the mental agony she was going through. Both Parth and Vidushi are going through the same thing. It's "agonizing" to watch them both deal with so much hurt and pain, because it's so obvious that, if he would only let her, she could take away all his pain... and he could do the same for her. She wanted a minute
to gather herself before she could broach the subject of his disease.Her heart
felt at ease when she saw him grow soft during the entire time they studied. Vidushi is such a romantic and no matter how "bad" of a person she may be, her love for Parth overrules everything else and shows just how much of angel she truly is. But
now it raced like a prey on a run.She let out a deep breath and walked back in.
His eyes darted towards her phone when it flashed a white light and
vibrated against the floor.He had noticed her swiftly hit the lock button and
push it away when he remarked "Cuddling with your phone like always?".For the
entire length of the time she hadn't touched it or even glanced at it.This is unusual ,he mused because
vidushi had a habit of using it almost every minute of her existence.before he
could ponder over it they were caught up in conversations and their thoughts. Only thing I didn't really get in the OS was this part, because you said that she's walked back inside and then all this happens and that's all fine. But then in the next paragraph you say that Vidushi is still outside and that's how Parth can check her phone 😕 So does she go back outside again, or did she not come inside?
Going against his rules he cradled her phone in his hands .He knew
this was wrong.But a strange feeling gripped him begging him to find out why
she hadn't used her phone. She was still outside and he knew he had to be
fast.He swiped the screen and to his surprise saw an open page that read best
neurologist in delhi ' in the search box.His heart skipped a beat when he
opened another tab to see a hospital website appointments page. "His heart skipped a beat" my heart skipped a beat reading that his heart skipped a beat 😆 In all seriousness though this was really really touching. The way that his eyes are finally opened to the fact that Vidushi's acting because she genuinely cares for him, not because she has a ulterior motive. He shut his eyes
to disperse the image that he just saw.She couldn't be doing this for him.With
shaking hands he looked back at the phone.There was a message. His hands are shaking, and for once it's not because of his disease. His vulnerability is shown beautifully here again through the way his hands shake. I'm loving Parth more and more!
Appointment confirmed for Parth Kash-.He had to enter a password to
view the whole message.But the four words were enough to set his body
shaking. He seems so strong all the time, even when he's upset or sad. This is a complete change in his character. Once again beautiful exploration of his vulnerability. He heard her footsteps and hurriedly placed her phone in the spot she
had left it.He composed himself before she could sense something wrong or catch
his sneaky act.
Vidushi took her seat beside him and smiled. "Parth -".Even before she
could choose her words he had cut her off.
"Yeah I will let you know everything".She was shocked to hear him say
that.Without any effort from her side he had relented easily.She shook her head
and looked into his eyes hoping to understand the shift in his attitude.Her
breathing became shallow and she rubbed her sweaty hands against her jeans.He
was going to finally take that step. WOAH!! That was such a delicate moment right there. The very last sentence and the very first sentence are so beautiful themselves. The way he doesn't hesitate to trust her had me in shivers, and then the last line about him finally taking that step brought about a whole new sense of hope! And Vidushi's reaction to his words... the way her breathing becomes shallow and she gets sweaty palms. It's so realistic and it doesn't really seem like the perfect thing to happen in that moment, but Vidarth aren't a "perfect" couple... they're dysfunctional and more importantly very REAL! And that's what I loved about this scene, it was real right down to the last full stop!
Parth stood in front of the mirror again.But this time his altered
refelection didn't stare back at him.It was replaced by a girl.She smiled at
him , her red lips never losing their curl.The moment had come to smile back at
the image. AAAHHH!!! This was the best part of the OS!! I read it, then screamed because it was so... I can't even explain it. Ok, so the first part that I absolutely loved about this is the way you referenced to Vidushi being Parth's mirror. That thought itself is worthy of an award!!! Then the way you said that she smiled at it, that was absolutely blush worthy there, because it just so CUTE! But then it gets better because the last line is the best ending I have ever read! "The moment had come to smile back at the image" so many emotions rushed through me while reading this. Firstly, relief that Parth had finally come to his senses, secondly excitement because this signifies the beginning of a new chapter in their relationship, and lastly, hope because with Vidushi's help, Parth can fix his broken heart back together again. This last paragraph was so amazing that even if you had written it as an OS separately, I would have loved it just as much as I love this whole OS!
Neha, you're slowly become one of my favourite writers on the forum and that says a lot because this is only your first OS on Vidarth. I think you were born to write and I really hope you continue to use your talents on Vidarth (maybe even write a FF 😉)
I hope you enjoy reading my comment.
- Rae
A/N: So guys this is Neha .. u can call me chai or biskoot if u like 😆 My obsession with Vidarth started some days back and it intensified after i joined their DT. I itched to write something on them and here it is.Please give your reviews 😃
comment:
p_commentcount