Ashlok OS-Confession

               Ashlok OS-Confession

Have you ever been in love?astha asked shlok,looking deeply into his eyes...

But he shifted his gaze, scared if she saw through him and realize the irony of her question...

But as she kept on repeating her question...he blurted out ...'' it depends''... in trying to come up with a decent answer quickly for he knew she will keep bothering him...


That depends???but on what shlok?...she didn't disappoint him...

He tried his level best but his mouth was dry hence all he managed was a shrug...

Astha kept looking at him, expecting a sensible answer from him...but after a while he gave up and trying to keep his voice as normal as possible,he said...

''I guess I haven't been in love yet''... followed by a smile to make it look genuine...

She smiled back and said...''Too bad...You don't know what you are missing shlok''...

Though his face was expressionless after a failed attempt of a smirk, he was trying really hard to subdue the searing pain that was inside...

He  didn't know what he was missing but he was sure as hell that he was going to miss her every single day for the rest of his life...

She blissfully continued rambling about her being in love with an amazing guy while he sat helplessly, as all the time he spent with her flashed in front of his eyes...


Astha and shlok have been best friends for the past four years, right from the start of their college life...

They met through a common friend and since then there was no looking back...

 What started off as a friendly chat grew into endless conversations lasting for hours...

Their friends were suspicious about them being a couple but they vehemently denied all the allegations, and they did so truthfully...

It seem that they were in love, because the only time they spent apart was while sleeping in their respective homes... It took them a while to convince their parents the same thing but once their parents understood the depth of their friendship, they weren't worried anymore...above all, astha and shlok never thought about being a couple because they never felt the need...

But then two years back, when astha went on a date with a class friend, shlok realized for the first time she was more than his best friend...though she got a lot of attention from the opposite gender, she never reciprocated any of them...


Shlok was sure that if he tried he would be rejected as well...however when astha told him that she thought karan was cute and was thinking of going out with him, he felt an unexplainable feeling of deep anger and jealousy against karan that could barely be suppressed...death would have certainly felt better than what shlok went through during their date which lasted 2 hours,15 minutes and 30 seconds...

The only consolation was that she found him to be too flashy and pretentious...and when shlok inquired how she knew about him pretending...astha simply replied, "I just know because you never behaved like that when you are with me''...

Since that day of revelation, there was no count of the sleepless nights that he had spent thinking about the possibility of him and Astha being together...

The optimism in him wanted to believe it while the pessimist part of him contradicted stating she just wanted to be friends with him and nothing more...

After thinking long and hard about the consequences, he decided to refrain from telling her about his  feelings because too much was at stake...he simply couldn't risk losing her from his life...


Two months passed...they still met, talked and hung around but never once did he give her an inkling of the unconditional love he felt for her...he vowed not to tell her how he felt about her, but it was easy being said than done...

When he was with her, he wished he could be away from her, and when he was not, every moment passed with him yearning more for her...his life become a living hell...

It went on till he could not take it any longer...and then, astha brought it to an abrupt end with a surprising and shocking news that she was going abroad for two years for further studies...

She told shlok she had been planning it for a while but didn't let anybody know because she wasn't sure she'd be able to make it...


After a month, he went to drop her at the airport...before departing she hugged him once but it was not the usual quick hugs that he  got when she was super happy or excited about something or when she was simply feeling low...

She held him a bit longer and when she finally let him go, he thought he saw a tear escape her twinkling eyes...

For the first time he felt may be she loves him too and he was jubilant but it didn't last long as she said..."Shlok I am really gonna miss my best friend"...

He figured out he was wrong again, the pessimist in him mocking him at his stupidity and then she left while he stood there watching her till she was no longer visible...


With astha gone,shlok felt vulnerable and handicapped...the only thing that kept him sane was the anticipation of seeing her and chatting with her on skype...

Right from that first day, not a single day gone by with them not chatting on skype...she gave him a detailed description of the life in America while he listed out the details of the things that she was missing in India...

Then after some months one day when she told him...she had fallen in love with a guy...he somehow managed to keep up a smiling face and feigning illness...he logged out and deleted his skype account...

He felt heavy yet empty, dead yet alive, wounded yet numb...the feeling of losing that one girl, whom he loved more than anything else, to some other guy,was not expressable...he felt the very existence of his life was futile...all the small things in life that made it joyful suddenly seemed trivial and dull...

He didn't know how he survived through that time which was by far the worst time of his existence...but time does move on and with her course complete, astha was back...

When he went to receive her at the airport, he had it all planned...he would slowly move out of her life...but when he saw her at the exit, the very first glimpse of her was all it took to forget all his plans and just live in the moment and gape at her like an ardent devotee would if a Goddess appears before him...


Astha saw him, came to him, hugged him, cried in his arms, accused him of not being a good friend, hit him on his arm, called him names, hit him again, while he stood there, basking in her presence...

After a long time..when he couldn't manage an explanation, he apologized to her saying he was tied up in work, although astha didn't believe him...


Two days later, they were sitting at their favorite spot, his building terrace...it was here that all the talks began, all the secrets were shared, and all the confessions were made...

He was still in deep thoughts when she smacked the back of his head...

Whats your problem astha...he responded...

Its the third time I asked you something and you are just sitting here like a statue...she retorted while glaring at him...

Exasperated...he asked her...What is it?...

She asked him again..You never asked about the guy I am in love with...

He realized she was right, but he was too stubborn to admit it so he just replied...''What's there to ask about him? I am sure he's a good guy and judging by your taste, he would certainly not be pretentious''...

She had realized the tension between them was too much and hence tried to make light of the situation...

Astha:''I don't know, my guy seems to be quite pretentious too...at times I think he really loves me but then sometimes it seems he doesn't care a bit about me''...

He was surprised and enraged on hearing what she said..he looked into her eyes and said... "If you think even for one second that he doesn't care about you then don't be with him. I've known you since the past six seven years and you are the best person I have in my life and that includes my parents and siblings as well. You are kind, caring, smart, beautiful, God you are beautiful! A person like you should be revered and if that idiot doesn't realize this then he is not worthy of being loved by you''...

He was panting by the time he was finished and she just stared at him in bewilderment, her eyes wet...

A couple of minutes had passed when she whispered "Would you speak to him and tell him what you told me now''...

"Of course I would...Give me his number... I'll speak to him right away''... shlok assured her...

She scrolled through her contacts while he was preparing himself to give that bas*ard a piece of  mind... she handed over her mobile saying "I have dialled his number..."

"It's ringing" shlok told her...

Suddenly he felt his  phone vibrating in his pocket... he took it out to see who was calling at such a tense moment, and froze...It showed astha's number...

He blinked a couple of times, refusing to believe what he was seeing...he was seeing things for sure,he thought and disconnected the call from astha's mobile...

His mobile stopped ringing as well...he tried his best, but a tear silently escaped his eye...he looked up to see her teary eyes intently looking at him...

She mocked him, "What's the matter? Too scared to speak to him?"...

"Astha I...err...I ...I"he stammered like an imbecile...

She closed her eyes and whispered "I have always loved you shlok, I just realized it when I was leaving for america...Right from the first day, the only thing I looked forward to was the day when I could be with you again... I used to be awake all night just to chat with you on skype...I had almost blurted out my feelings in front of you that day but you just logged off skype and never came online after that day...

You have no idea how hard my life was without your presence..I spent every moment craving for your company, your caring, your hugs, your stupid smile and cried myself to sleep every night...

When I saw you at the airport after what seemed like an eternity, I felt I was breathing again after a long time... I don't know if you love me and if you don't its fine shlok, it really is...We could still be the best of friends...In fact I would never min..." she didn't complete the sentence when shlok took her in his arms...

She cried in his arms as he confessed to her everything that he had been going through since the past two years... he told her again and again how much he loved her and begged for her forgiveness for not letting her know about his feelings...

After his confession they sat there for a long time in a comforting embrace...

He had never felt so peaceful and contented... he was clueless about what was going to happen next but he knew for sure he would never ever let go of her...

He vowed to spend the rest of his life giving her all the happiness in the world and to never hurt her again...but that was all for later...as for that time he just wanted the moment to last forever with his astha, snug and safe in his arms...

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