OS- Now We are Even-Karna and Draupadi

OS-Now We Are Even

       Draupadi sat on the lush green grass at the gardens of Heaven, reminiscing memories of older times - those times of joy, misery, excitement, and pain that she had spent on earth as a mortal. She remembered the day she had met Parth for the first time. Those few minutes of privacy between them in that short walk to the potter's hut were the best moments of her life. A tear escaped her eyes at the thought of what followed, which she wiped off immediately.

            They say, Heaven is the ultimate abode of all living beings, where every soul eventually finds peace. But did she? Like always, here too, she stood as an exception, shrouded by the same old gloominess and anxiety that had haunted her throughout her mortal days. Was it her unquenched longing for Parth? Or was it something else?  She just didn't know.

            Though deep in her thoughts, through the corner of her eyes she noticed a shadowy figure approaching her. She couldn't make out who it was, but from the silhouette, it appeared to be a man ----- a tall, well-built man, who seemed to bear the physique of a great warrior.

              A smile appeared on her face. I know it is you!  An exhilarating sense of unending happiness stole through her. After a long time, she would meet the man she had loved all her life, but couldn't get all to herself; the man, for whom she could not cross the gates of Heaven with her mortal figure; the man who had won her heart, the very moment she had set her eyes on him.  "Parth," she called out to him.

            The silhouette gradually turned into a clear figure, and a grey shadow replaced the smile on Panchali's face.

          "Drupad Kumari!" came a voice marred with displeasure.

          "Angraj!" Draupadi replied, with equal resentment.

        She had never been able to forgive Angraj Karna for his misgivings, not even after hearing about his true lineage. "She is a wh**e...nothing but a wh**e!!" Those cruel words still rang in her ears and the very thought of those unforgettable peals of laughter made her shudder. She turned her face away from him.

          "Seems like your Parth has abandoned you," mocked Karna.

        Draupadi felt disgusted. "Ya...just like your mother abandoned you," she hit back with equal aggression, knowing that it would hurt him immensely. 

          Karna's face muscles tightened at those words. "My abandonment was no fault of mine. But Parth abandoned you, because of YOUR mistakes," he retorted.

       Draupadi felt like someone had pierced a sword through her heart. A tear of insult oozed out of the corner of her eye. "One who has  always hated everyone: the society, his own brothers, his mother, Bhishm Pitamaha, doesn't have the right to speak of such things. Have you forgotten how you pierced people with your words..." Karna looked satisfied to have hurt her. "Why have you come here Angraj, to insult me, again? What do you know about me and Parth?"

         "Love? Ha...Coming from the woman who slept with FIVE men. Do YOU know what love is? And my words were bitter? Oh yes! Your words were like the nectar...so soothing and caring. You massaged everyone with your nourishing words of rejection and curse. You were indeed an extraordinary woman. How many women have the capacity to satisfy FIVE men at once?" Sarcasm oozing out of every word as he spoke.

        Draupadi took time to take in those sharp words. Why has he come here? To disrupt my peace!  "It seems to me that you have never understood the essence of women all your life," she said after a  pause. Suddenly, her tone had softened, much to her own surprise. "I may have had five husbands, but my heart always pined for one. I loved all five, but I was in love with only one... only ONE man , Angraj, though he too never quite understood."  Draupadi stopped, as her voice started choking, and looked straight into the distance, as if waiting for that one man to come. Karna knew which "one man", she was speaking of.

      "This is what you deserved. You insulted me, and thus this is exactly what you deserved," said Karna aloud.

       "Right. A woman has no right to choose her partner. She has no right to express her feelings.  And if she ever does it, then she deserves to be unhappy! She deserves to be molested in public! Isn't it?  You know what, Angraj? It was NOT easy to be dragged like that. It was NOT easy to be called names, and then get disrobed in front of so many men. It was not easy for me, when you all laughed at seeing my helplessness," Draupadi said in a loud, teary tone.

        "IT WAS NOT EASY TO BE INVITED AND THEN INSULTED, DRUPADKUMARI. IT WAS NOT EASY FOR ME TO BE REJECTED BY A WOMAN IN FRONT OF SO MANY PEOPLE. IT WAS NOT EASY FOR ME EITHER WHEN ALL THE KINGS LAUGHED AT ME, AFTER BEING REJECTED. DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE, OR IS MY INSULT OKAY, BECAUSE I AM A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!" Karna yelled at her with utter disgust, but slowly his tone softened.

             Draupadi sat still, stunned by this outburst. A moment of silence passed, and Karna sat down on the lawn at a distance from her, with an expression of resentment on his face. Draupadi had never thought it this way. The insults meted out to her and the Pandavas loomed so large in her life that it never occurred to her how her words at the Swamvar had hurt Karna immensely.  

        "I did you a favour Angraj," she said slowly after some time.

        "No Angraj. Unknowingly, I had done a favour to you. Think about it. I was born to destroy the Kurus and you were the best friend of the Kuru prince. Destiny would have caught up with us eventually.  Whom would you have chosen then: your wife or your best friend? Tell me, whom would you have abandoned: your life-partner or the friend who had extended his hand for friendship, when everyone had abandoned you?"

***

             Karna subsided in an aggrieved silence at Draupadi's words. Wasn't she right? He had blamed her in his heart for the rejection, but did he ever reflect on the consequences, if she had not rejected him?  Before going to her Swamvar, did he not hear rumours of the heavenly prophecies regarding the destruction of the Kuru clan at the birth of the fire-princess?

         "My manner was wrong, I admit. I should have not spoken a word. I should have, instead, gestured at my father to do the talking. I understand...but," Draupadi's voice started choking again. "I deserved to get overlooked by the man I loved so much! Only a heartless person can utter such venomous words," she fell silent again, unable to bear the thought.

         "Maybe he was angry, that you did not speak up, when his brother declared you to be the wife of all 5," said Karna, in a softened tone. For the first time, he spoke something in defense of Arjun, and this very thought surprised him just as much as it surprised her.

          "I know he was upset. But how could I say anything? He remained quiet. What could a young bride say when her groom was willing to give up? What if he had refused to marry me after my protest? Where would I have gone? Back into fire?" asked Draupadi, in an irritated tone.

       "Fire would have been a better option than the life you lead, Drupadkumari," answered Karna.

      "So, you do acknowledge, that I had suffered a lot," taunted Draupadi.

       Karna remained silent and Draupadi let out a sigh.

        "I still remember the day I came to know of his marriage with other women from Manipur and the Nagas. I was shattered within, but consoled myself with the thought that those other women would stay in their own places, and he would come back to me eventually. One day, he returned to Indraprastha after completion of his 12 year exile.  

      "I was overjoyed and rushed to the terrace to see him coming. But my heart stopped for a moment, when I saw him with a young, lovely woman, both with garlands of flowers round their neck. Everyone was welcoming them with a warm hug and flowers, and it seemed like I didn't even exist. I had expected that after 12 years of separation, his eyes would search for me, and I would surprise him. But I was the one, who was taken aback at his indifference, and at his eye-locks and blushes that he was sharing with his new bride. He seemed to be immensely in love with her. I knew, the good times were gone.

            Karna listened with disinterest. Why is Drupadkumari talking of such private moments with ME? Were they not strangers and enemies all their lives? Then what changed now, that they were having this conversation sitting on a lawn?

         "He did come to my chamber later to coax me, she continued. "But somehow, I felt the distance. Strangely, he sent his new bride into my chamber to appease me."

        "And you must have massaged her with your nourishing' words too," taunted Karna again.

      "No Angraj. I could never hate Subhadra. Never. That girl just melted my heart with her very presence. Perhaps, under normal circumstances, I should have felt jealous. But I just couldn't. That girl had an aura, a charm, just like Govind himself that forced me to love her like a sister. I may have felt bad at the thought of having to share Parth, but I could never make myself hate Subhadra either. She ruled his heart, and hence ruled mine too."

       "You should not have had such grievances, Drupadkumari. You had 5 husbands yourself. Why would you feel bad then, at the thought of your husband marrying again?" asked Karna in an irritated tone.

      "You would never understand Angraj. You know why? Because you never had to share your wives with any other man. Did you not have more than one wife yourself?  Would you have tolerated, if your first wife had fallen in love with another man?"

     Karna became serious again. He clenched his teeth at the thought of sharing Vrushali with any other man. How could she even utter such words?

           "Curse me all you want, but the truth doesn't change. Both men and women feel the same insecurity about the matters of the heart. I felt immensely hurt when I watched him, walking hand in hand with Subhadra in the gardens, or teaching her how to use a bow by embracing her from behind. He never did such things with me," sighed Draupadi.

         "Men can marry many times, but women cannot. That's the norm," said Karna in a firm tone.

          "Wasn't following Caste System the accepted norm too? Then why did you fight it so much? Who makes such norms, Angraj?' replied Draupadi.

            Karna was silenced as this remark as he had no answer to this.    

           "Angraj", she sighed, "No wife wants to share her husband, not even a woman like me. And the pain is always greater for the first wives. I cut a slack for my other husbands, but with Parth? No, I couldn't. His affairs with other women made me numb.'" Tears welled up in her eyes again.

               Karna remained silent all this while, as he got immersed in his own deep thoughts. Did Vrushali feel the same, when I married Supriya? She had never ever expressed any grief, when he brought Supriya home. Instead she had welcomed Supriya with grace, and treated her like a sister. Did she feel the same numbness like Drupadkumari?

                    "So, men will never understand my pain Angraj." His chain of thoughts were interrupted by Draupadi's words. "Due to the sharing, none of them, except Bhima, opened themselves to me, like they did to their other wives. Parth too, despite his initial attraction, gradually distanced himself from me, on purpose, and eventually found solace with Subhadra."

               Karna listened and understood what Draupadi was trying to imply. "Did you ever feel bad for Hidimba, first wife of the man who loved you more?" asked Karna, with sarcasm in his tone.

       This time, Draupadi subsided into silence as she had no answer to this question.

      "Wasn't Hidimba's position same as yours? Second fiddle, unloved by her true love? Did you ever consider that poor woman? Was she not worthy of love because she was a Rakshashi?"

          "You are right Angraj. We all were connected by destiny in such a way, that only one of us could be happy at a time. One person should be committed to only person in one lifetime. No jealousy, no sharing, only loyalty...They say that love is infinite, but I don't agree. Love can be shared with many people in various forms. But the love that exists between a man and wife, should not be shared with anyone. Or else, someone will always be left alone like Hidimba. I, too, could never love Bhimasena, the way he loved me," said Draupadi with regret in her tone.

             Karna was immersed in thoughts of his wives on hearing this. Is it really true that love cannot shared?  He did love all his wives immensely and never differentiated between them. Then how can love not be shared? As Karna was fighting with his inner conflicts, a scene suddenly flashed in front of his eyes.

 It was a moonlit night. He woke up from his sleep, due to a nightmare and leaving a pregnant Supriya sleeping peacefully, he walked to the terrace to get some fresh air. Calmly looking up at the sky, he was taking in the pleasant midnight breeze, when suddenly he heard the sobbing of a woman. "Who is it?" There came no reply, except a clinking noise of anklets. He rushed to see who it was, only to discover the retreating back of a woman walking hurriedly away to avoid her husband. Vrushali didn't want him to see her tears.

        Karna came back to the present, as he heard the sniffing noise, coming from the woman next to him.

***

                     Draupadi rubbed her tears away, and chose to remain silent this time.

               What am I doing? Sharing my feelings with the man, who ordered my disrobing? I so hated him! Suddenly, she felt ashamed and embarrassed at her own friendly conduct towards her enemy and turned her face away in regret and discomfort.

         "My mother had indeed ruined the lives of us both, Drupadkumari," said Karna, after a long awkward silence.  "She reduced my status from a Kshatriya to a Suta, for which I had to pay all my life. And I have heard that it was her order, for which you were shared." Karna spoke in a soft, empathetic tone for the first time, at last brushing away the evident awkwardness that he was feeling all this while.

            Draupadi chose to remain quiet. No, I'll not speak more to him. But soon, she let go off her customary unease of talking to male stranger that held no meaning as per the laws of Heaven. "I know why she abandoned you. Being a woman, I understand her decision. Our society is very judgmental, when it comes to women, Angraj.

           "Are you saying, she was right in abandoning an innocent child?" retorted Karna.

          "No Angraj.  Your anger is well-founded. She abandoned you, loved her other off springs more while never acknowledging you as her son. I don't dismiss her manipulation. Years later, I realized that the sharing was a part of her plan too. She knew all her sons desired me. So to avoid discord, she sacrificed me as a bait. Maybe, Parth too had sensed her inner thoughts, for which he remained silent that day, at the potter's hut and let his elder brother take over," said Draupadi with a sombre expression.

       "I might have pardoned her for abandoning me. But I can never forgive her for the game she played on the eve of war. She acknowledged my presence only when she needed me. Not before. Why else would she remain silent, even after Maharaj Pandu's death? What was she scared of losing?"

           "Honour. She was scared of losing honour. It takes years to build a reputation, but only a moment to ruin it completely.  Perhaps, you should know that she was happy to see you getting crowned as Angraj," said Draupadi with a blank expression.

***

             Karna felt a pang inside his belly.

      "She once told me, after the war," continued Draupadi, "About how happy she was to see you getting crowned as the King. I know, that she let you down, but she was not remorseless as you believe."

     "Why are you telling me all this?" said Karna, in bewilderment.

      "To clear your misconceptions," said Draupadi.

       "So, you didn't hate her? After she ruined your life by getting you shared?"

       Draupadi smiled. "I did. I hated her like anything, when I saw Parth drifting away from me. But my despise gave way to sympathy and empathy, when I learnt about her urge to her sons to fight the war for my sake, knowing well that another son of hers would die in the process. There is always more than what meets the eyes.

        "A woman who lost her husband at such a young age, who had almost lost her son to poisoning conspiracy, who had the guilt of abandoning a child - was she any less unhappy than me or Mata Gandhari? Maharaj Pandu married Mata Madri, when she was unable to conceive, and died in the arms of his younger, prettier wife. Is there anything more depressing for the first consort?"

          Once again, the mention of the first wives' agony shook Karna to the core. Vrushali's face flashed in front of his eyes.

         "Mata Kunti was a victim of circumstances, Angraj," said Draupadi.

          "Wasn't Duryodhan the same? Have you ever considered that?" retorted Karna.

         Irritation reflected on Draupadi's face at the mention of the eldest Kaurava.

       "I know he did some horrible things to your husbands," continued Karna, "But that man was a saviour for me."

        "Right, He only saved those, whom he knew he would need later," retorted Draupadi.

        "Really? It takes a lot of courage to accept friendship from a man of low birth. It's very difficult to go against norms. Why, you did it yourself, didn't you?" pointed out Karna.

          She remained silent.

       "Duryodhan grew up believing that he would be the King. But before his dream could be realized, 5 cousins popped out of nowhere, threatening to snatch away what he always wanted for himself. Do you even know what that feels like? On top of that, your passionate husband Bhima used to almost rag them to death. Frustrated with the shattering of his dreams, and your husband's torture, he decided to poison him. His manner to acquire the throne was perhaps wrong, Drupadkumari. But his feelings were not. He genuinely wanted to be the King, and serve the world. He loved his parents, wives, children and friends immensely. It's only your husbands, who brought out the worst in him, and he did things, that eventually paved way for his doom. But despite cheating all his life, he DID NOT cheat in the war. He fought like a true warrior, and died like a true hero. He died, in the battle-field, whereas your husbands died amidst frost.

         "He never insulted people for their caste, or birth. Or, at least I have never seen it. This broad-mindedness was never shown by you or your husbands," reminded Karna.

         Draupadi listened. "I apologize Angraj," she said in a low tone after a pause, "I apologize for my behaviour that day. I was young and impulsive. I did not realize that one sentence of mine will cause me so much pain in the future. However, I have still not forgiven you, nor have I forgotten those words of dishonour. How could you ask for disrobing of a middle-aged mother of 5?" Draupadi felt disgusted again at his presence.

       Karna fell silent, but did not utter a single word of apology.

       "My husbands may have made a lot of mistakes, but, they too, never called a woman "unchaste" or enjoyed watching her getting naked in public. You and your friend did that. How would you have felt, if one of your wives were in my place?" asked Draupadi rebelliously.

        "I would have never staked my wife," retorted Karna.

        "Hmm. Kindly don't give excuse to justify your deeds. What you people did was far worse, in my eyes.  SO, I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING AGAINST MY HUSBANDS."

         Karna felt amazed at what he just heard. How could she? One of her husbands staked her, and others watched her getting insulted silently. Yet she's defending her husbands? After they let her down? This amazement reminded him of Vrushali again. After the Vastraharan incident, Vrushali had not talked to him for days. She was disappointed to know that her lord had insulted another woman. Yet, when one of their neighbours had taunted her for Karna's deeds at the Dyut Sabha, he had heard her firmly replying, "I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING AGAINST MY HUSBAND." Women are indeed such enigmatic creatures, he thought. So simple, yet so complicated.  So delicate, yet so firm. 

      "I came here to look for Vrushali," Karna lied.

     "What?" asked Draupadi, as she seemed to be brought out of her own thoughts of Parth.

      "You asked me a while ago, whether I came here to insult you or not. I actually came here, to look for Vrushali." He paused for a moment. "You were right Drupadkumari. Every woman has the right to decide, every woman has the right to express her feelings, and every woman has the right to be loved exclusively."

 ***

          A cool breeze blew past, calming down the anxiety that Draupadi was feeling within all along. The gloominess had surreptitiously slipped away! Yes, that longing for Parth remained, which she knew, would get fulfilled in another lifetime. But that dismal feeling was absolutely gone! "But how?" she asked herself, only to realize the very next moment.

       She had finally owned up her mistake and apologized to the man, she had insulted once at the age of 14. She had acknowledged that Duryodhan and his brothers, despite their heinous mistakes were not evil from the beginning. She had understood that her husbands had made mistakes too, but she had forgiven them long back. Yes, it was this lack of understanding, apology and neutrality on her part, that had kept her restless all this while. But now that she had owned up, and acknowledged the truth, she felt free. Slowly, she stood up, straightened her hair and plodded towards the mist from which Karna's silhouette had appeared. As she walked forward, she heard Karna's voice from behind, "I had realized my mistake long back Drupadkumari. I never apologized to you, but I had repented long back."

         Draupadi smiled. His voice had never been more genuine. But her smile was for something else. When news of that infamous offer reached her zenana post war, she had felt extremely hurt at being objectified behind her back. Angrily, she had accused Govind right away for using her as a bait to win over Angraj Karna, like she was some petty object. But today, at last, she realized that Govind had not let her down. "One day, when your life shall end, and you shall trudge through the gardens of Heaven, you will know Panchali, why your Sakha did what he did." Yes, indeed, now she knew why.

        "Now we are even," she said without turning back, and walked towards the mist to finally get united with her Parth.

***

         Karna stared at her retreating form, and felt amazed. Am I in a trance or did I just have a conversation with my enemy? Smiling, he acknowledged that he had misunderstood this woman all his life, as the intensity of Draupadi's words sank in. Today, he had had one of the greatest lessons, one which his accursed life could not teach him.  He had mastered the art of warfare, he had learnt to be a loyal friend, and a loving father, he had loved all his wives, and also learned the greatness of being a 'Daanveer'. But did he ever know, what lurks within the inner recesses of a woman's heart? All his life, he had disliked his biological mother, but did he ever realize that she was no happy woman either? How easily, he had labelled Drupadkumari a courtesan, but did he know how she pined for Arjun secretly? And how first wives...

         This very thought again gave him a pang.  Vrushali's love weighed down on his heart like never before. It is not like he didn't try to do justice to all his wives, but like Drupadkumari said,' First wives always suffer the most.' Hidimba, Drupadkumari, Raj Mata Kunti, and Vrushali too...

        Draupadi's words regarding the agony of women in various situations gradually sank in. Karna's mind was now flooded with memories of his first wife, her talents, her beautiful, sad poems, which she read out to him occasionally. But, why were all her poems so sad and heart-wrenching? That was an answer he had never found. The verses were all blurred somewhere in his memory now; he tried hard to remember them, and after some effort, two lines echoed in his head, as he watched Draupadi's shadowy figure fading away...

                 As the Sun sets in the West, reddening the sky with its ray,

                One day along with it, I too shall fade away...

       A lone tear seeped from beneath Karna's right eyelid, as the reason behind the sombre themes of Vrushali's poems dawned on him, and he fell in love with her, all over again.

Nice one amrita and I must say a brave attempt..👏