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5. Eyes
If one tries hard enough then it becomes easy to read what's being said through the eyes.
She had been doing it all her life, not going by the words uttered but focusing more on the eyes of the speaker. And it had never been pleasant on her. Sometimes she thought the imagined the disdain in them, sometimes she wished she had imagined what she read there. For her it were the eyes which caused her the most uneasiness growing up. The eyes which shut her off before she could even muster the courage to speak.
It had been a while since she had shut off reading these eyes. Today, it was all coming back.
Panchi walked through the corridors of ICC, trying her best to show that nothing even remotely publicly humiliating had happened to her. There was constant chatter around her, whispered conversations and pointed fingers whenever she passed a group of three or more students. She tried her best to ignore them all. Honestly, she couldn't blame them. The students had gotten a new topic to discuss in her shape. For once, some student had dared stay away from the whole Chillars and Dhakkans war and she had been dunked with dirty water in front of the whole college as an applause to her performance. Tears stung her eyes as the visual of her standing in front on the stage in front of crowd which had gone unceremoniously silent seeing her drenched with muddy water flashed on the screen on her mind; tears which she blinked away rapidly.
Though her ears had shut off the gossip floating around her, she couldn't block the eyes which looked at her. Eyes full of pity and amusement, sympathy and disdain, silent acknowledgement and complete strangeness; there was so much she could read in all the eyes.
"Kal raat uss fresher ne kya kamaal ka perform kiya!"
One strange voice made her stop in her tracks. Someone was saying something, actually saying it.
"Haan yaar...too bad uske uper kachra gir gaya." Another voice responded.
"Who do you think is responsible for it?" First voice asked, dipped in curiosity.
"Probably the Dhakkans. Dekha nahin tha, ussne race mein uss Chillar ka saath diya tha. Ye independent performer tou sab ek natak tha. Zaroor kal bhi wo Chillars ko represent kar rahi thi." A third voice said wisely and she didn't stop to listen how it was responded.
It had taken her all the strength she had to walk up to the stage and defy something. And it taken a mere gossip to ruin it all. She didn't even know what to blame anymore; the established system of this college or the courage which had taken too long for her to gather. Suddenly tired, she stopped and leaned against the pillar near the corridor leading to her class room, glad that students were far too caught up in things that actually mattered to them to notice her.
Ranveer saw her back from a distance, standing alone near the pillar. A rush of relief spread within her, followed by the instinctive worry for her that he had been carrying around for quite some time. A lot of things had happened during the chaos after the show; things which had made him forget to check on her. In his defense, he could be excused of it. With the full head on fight between the Chillars and Dhakkans where he participated fully and didn't miss a chance to land a blow on KD or anyone who stepped in his way and the reappearance of Jaitley sir who witnessed his Jokers at their worst yet again, he could be excused for not checking up on her.
No, in the depths of his heart he knew just how inexcusable his action was. Late or not, he should've called her. Should've followed her. Should've checked up on her. It was one moment where she must have needed her best friend more than anyone else and he hadn't been there. And now, his feet felt heavy. He couldn't take a few steps towards her and talk to her.
"Ranveer...are you okay?" Kiya's touch on his shoulder brought him back to his senses. He still kept looking at Panchi. On cue, she turned around and their eyes met.
He saw her look at the pair of them for a second before turning her face away. It was the thought of him missing this chance and never getting it back which made him move and reach her in a few strides.
"Moti...you okay?" Not the best conversation opener in these cases, he knew. The look on her face affirmed it.
"Tum batao mujhe Ranveer, mujhe kaisa hona chaiye?"
"Look, I meant to call. Per itni raat hogayi thi and main kal raat bohat tension mein tha. Ye fight aur phir Jaitley sir-"
"Honestly Ranveer, mujhe ais waqt koi excuse or explanation nahin chaiye. Jo mere saath hona tha wo kal raat ko tum already kar chuke ho." She shrugged and moved passed him. He grabbed her hand and pulled her back, forcing her to look at him.
"Kya kar chuka hoon main?" Perplexed, he sought the answer.
"Do you honestly don't know that?"
"Panchi, tum ye soch bhi kaise sakti ho ke kal raat tumhare saath jo hua usmein mera haath tha! Aisi cheap harkat koi stupid Chillar hi kar sakta hai!" The shock which he felt came across as suppresed anger. She only smiled humorlessly at him.
"Nahin Ranveer, main nahin soch sakti ke tum kabhi mere saath aisa kar sakte ho. Lekin tum ne tou socha na, doubt kiya mujhe. Tumhe tou yehi laga ke main tumein show wali harkat ke liye blame kar rahi hoon...ye khayal tou tumhare dimag mein aaya hi nahin hoga ke shayad main ais baare mein baat kar rahi thi ke kal raat tum ne mujhe akela chod diya."
There was no hurt in her voice, no anger. She said it in a matter of fact tone, with a smile which had no place in this conversation. Stunned, he let go of her hand. She looked away and wiped the corner of her eye, undoubtedly to remove the traces of wetness from there.
"Kya bann gaye ho tum Ranveer? Apne inn new friends ke saath reh kar, tum mujhe bhi inn ki tarah treat kar rahe ho. Jaise main koi selfish, manipulating insaan hoon jo har kisi ko doubt ki nazar se dekhte hain. Ye sochte ho tum mere baare mein? Frankly, kal raat wale incident se mujhe itna dukh nahin hua jitna tumhari ais assumption se hua hai."
He let her speak, let the reality of her words sink in. Because she didn't raise her voice or accuse him of anything. She said it simply and truthfully. Trust Panchi to always know how to say what to say. He didn't answer her and she didn't wait for him. She walked away from there, not sparing him another glance.
There were some bruises on his knuckles from last night, a stinging pain on the side of his face where he had been punched and a body sore from all the beating which he had gotten and given in equal measure when his adrenaline had been pumping strong last night. In that moment, he felt no pain from any of those. If she had stayed and seen his eyes, she would've seen the hurt there. Hurt which he had to blink back before it rolled down his cheek.
She had been doing it all her life, not going by the words uttered but focusing more on the eyes of the speaker. And it had never been pleasant on her. Sometimes she thought the imagined the disdain in them, sometimes she wished she had imagined what she read there. For her it were the eyes which caused her the most uneasiness growing up. The eyes which shut her off before she could even muster the courage to speak.
It had been a while since she had shut off reading these eyes. Today, it was all coming back.
Panchi walked through the corridors of ICC, trying her best to show that nothing even remotely publicly humiliating had happened to her. There was constant chatter around her, whispered conversations and pointed fingers whenever she passed a group of three or more students. She tried her best to ignore them all. Honestly, she couldn't blame them. The students had gotten a new topic to discuss in her shape. For once, some student had dared stay away from the whole Chillars and Dhakkans war and she had been dunked with dirty water in front of the whole college as an applause to her performance. Tears stung her eyes as the visual of her standing in front on the stage in front of crowd which had gone unceremoniously silent seeing her drenched with muddy water flashed on the screen on her mind; tears which she blinked away rapidly.
Though her ears had shut off the gossip floating around her, she couldn't block the eyes which looked at her. Eyes full of pity and amusement, sympathy and disdain, silent acknowledgement and complete strangeness; there was so much she could read in all the eyes.
"Kal raat uss fresher ne kya kamaal ka perform kiya!"
One strange voice made her stop in her tracks. Someone was saying something, actually saying it.
"Haan yaar...too bad uske uper kachra gir gaya." Another voice responded.
"Who do you think is responsible for it?" First voice asked, dipped in curiosity.
"Probably the Dhakkans. Dekha nahin tha, ussne race mein uss Chillar ka saath diya tha. Ye independent performer tou sab ek natak tha. Zaroor kal bhi wo Chillars ko represent kar rahi thi." A third voice said wisely and she didn't stop to listen how it was responded.
It had taken her all the strength she had to walk up to the stage and defy something. And it taken a mere gossip to ruin it all. She didn't even know what to blame anymore; the established system of this college or the courage which had taken too long for her to gather. Suddenly tired, she stopped and leaned against the pillar near the corridor leading to her class room, glad that students were far too caught up in things that actually mattered to them to notice her.
Ranveer saw her back from a distance, standing alone near the pillar. A rush of relief spread within her, followed by the instinctive worry for her that he had been carrying around for quite some time. A lot of things had happened during the chaos after the show; things which had made him forget to check on her. In his defense, he could be excused of it. With the full head on fight between the Chillars and Dhakkans where he participated fully and didn't miss a chance to land a blow on KD or anyone who stepped in his way and the reappearance of Jaitley sir who witnessed his Jokers at their worst yet again, he could be excused for not checking up on her.
No, in the depths of his heart he knew just how inexcusable his action was. Late or not, he should've called her. Should've followed her. Should've checked up on her. It was one moment where she must have needed her best friend more than anyone else and he hadn't been there. And now, his feet felt heavy. He couldn't take a few steps towards her and talk to her.
"Ranveer...are you okay?" Kiya's touch on his shoulder brought him back to his senses. He still kept looking at Panchi. On cue, she turned around and their eyes met.
He saw her look at the pair of them for a second before turning her face away. It was the thought of him missing this chance and never getting it back which made him move and reach her in a few strides.
"Moti...you okay?" Not the best conversation opener in these cases, he knew. The look on her face affirmed it.
"Tum batao mujhe Ranveer, mujhe kaisa hona chaiye?"
"Look, I meant to call. Per itni raat hogayi thi and main kal raat bohat tension mein tha. Ye fight aur phir Jaitley sir-"
"Honestly Ranveer, mujhe ais waqt koi excuse or explanation nahin chaiye. Jo mere saath hona tha wo kal raat ko tum already kar chuke ho." She shrugged and moved passed him. He grabbed her hand and pulled her back, forcing her to look at him.
"Kya kar chuka hoon main?" Perplexed, he sought the answer.
"Do you honestly don't know that?"
"Panchi, tum ye soch bhi kaise sakti ho ke kal raat tumhare saath jo hua usmein mera haath tha! Aisi cheap harkat koi stupid Chillar hi kar sakta hai!" The shock which he felt came across as suppresed anger. She only smiled humorlessly at him.
"Nahin Ranveer, main nahin soch sakti ke tum kabhi mere saath aisa kar sakte ho. Lekin tum ne tou socha na, doubt kiya mujhe. Tumhe tou yehi laga ke main tumein show wali harkat ke liye blame kar rahi hoon...ye khayal tou tumhare dimag mein aaya hi nahin hoga ke shayad main ais baare mein baat kar rahi thi ke kal raat tum ne mujhe akela chod diya."
There was no hurt in her voice, no anger. She said it in a matter of fact tone, with a smile which had no place in this conversation. Stunned, he let go of her hand. She looked away and wiped the corner of her eye, undoubtedly to remove the traces of wetness from there.
"Kya bann gaye ho tum Ranveer? Apne inn new friends ke saath reh kar, tum mujhe bhi inn ki tarah treat kar rahe ho. Jaise main koi selfish, manipulating insaan hoon jo har kisi ko doubt ki nazar se dekhte hain. Ye sochte ho tum mere baare mein? Frankly, kal raat wale incident se mujhe itna dukh nahin hua jitna tumhari ais assumption se hua hai."
He let her speak, let the reality of her words sink in. Because she didn't raise her voice or accuse him of anything. She said it simply and truthfully. Trust Panchi to always know how to say what to say. He didn't answer her and she didn't wait for him. She walked away from there, not sparing him another glance.
There were some bruises on his knuckles from last night, a stinging pain on the side of his face where he had been punched and a body sore from all the beating which he had gotten and given in equal measure when his adrenaline had been pumping strong last night. In that moment, he felt no pain from any of those. If she had stayed and seen his eyes, she would've seen the hurt there. Hurt which he had to blink back before it rolled down his cheek.
_______
I was debating whether to put Avi and Rukmini in this one or not. I decided against it else it would've been too long. So they will come in next chapter.
Also, good news. I kind of have a scene in my head about how RaHi's first kiss is going to be in this FF. But since it's far in the future at the moment, I can't guarantee if I will write it exactly like that or not. Partly cuz it might not fit in the narrative then and partly cuz I might forget it xD
Yeah, I am planning on putting loads of kisses and stuff here.
love,
Mais.
Also, good news. I kind of have a scene in my head about how RaHi's first kiss is going to be in this FF. But since it's far in the future at the moment, I can't guarantee if I will write it exactly like that or not. Partly cuz it might not fit in the narrative then and partly cuz I might forget it xD
Yeah, I am planning on putting loads of kisses and stuff here.
love,
Mais.
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