Erased...

One is born with an identity... and as the years pass, each person around her, each color around her add up to her identity... the relationships she has... the shelter she grew up among... moulds her in to be who she is...she is who she is because of her upbringing...
Human beings are social creatures...they are bonded to the people around them..her identity as a daughter, a sister, a friend, a wife and a daughter in law defines who she is...

And when that identity is erased...what is left... a desert which does not have any mark, any individuality to differentiate one square of barren land filled with coarse sand from the next... wasn't that what Rudra told her?

She has already lost her newly bonded in-laws... she is no longer the daughter in law of any body in this world...
She has already lost her few hours old husband...she is no longer a wife...widowed before she even knew what it was like to be a wife...

They are relationships one build once they are old enough to know... they affect her...but they do not define who she is yet...simply because she hasn't had any time to be either..

As Rudra drags her... showing her dreams of freedom.. the warmth of her mamisa...her frozen heart is thawed... her earlier expressionless eyes look wounded, seeking for comfort of the loved arms that would embrace her... give her chilled bones some warmth...

And when she is at the lowest in her life she runs to that maternal warmth...the familiar comfort...seeking solace in a day where she is just one single hair away from shattering...only to  be spurned asking 'who are u?'

She looks desolate..she stares incredulous...because unless she is Paro, her mamisa's only niece, who is she? where does she belong?

And she cannot comprehend and her wounded eyes lock on the familiar face as her hands had many a times hugged her, fed her...loved her...


Amongst this chaos as she tries to word her pleadings one more person who has influenced her entire life comes in...
And coming he gives her shade...a blessing.. and she soaks it in utter relief... this nightmare seems to leave her.. she closes her eyes in sheer relief...feeling the reassuring hand on her head...


And yet.. before she had taken more than one breath of relief... it is broken in to smithereens...as one more person asks 'who is she?'
She looks at another protector... who breaks her entire world as he says, 'who is she? no one in this village knows who she is?'
She stares at the hundreds of faces that watched her grow up...faces she played with.. faces that smiled at her... faces that were so familiar that they were a part of the very fabric of her life... yet no one knows her...

She hadn't been given away as a bride that very morning, which already seems as if eons away...they say someone else got married...
they say, she does not exist...


And as she turns once again towards that one person...who with her hands brought her up and pleads one more time, with the name of the relationship that mattered more than any other in her little world.. 'mamisa...'

But before she could plead she is dragged away.. she escapes and runs across the distance and clings to that maternal warmth... she begs...not to disown her..she begs...
"mamisa aise mat bol..ki humne nahi jaanthi hu, mat bolo mamisa..mein haath jordu..mujhe pehechanlo mamisa..manne nahi jaana hai..maamisa...maamisa..maamisa manne bohot dar lagraha hai. manne yaha rehene do maamisa..manne nahi jaana hai maamisa... manne yaha rok lo maamisa..manne nahi jaan na hai.. manne nahi jaana hai.. manne nahi jaana hai.." she pleads as in a fervent prayer.. the words flow from her soul...


And two words...changes her whole life... 'maafi bayisa...' and her choked pleadings stop as she for the first time seems to comprehend that it is final...



and before she absorbs that shock.. she is flung away...and is once again denounced as no one of acquaintance... no identity...
And she stares silently...finally letting the blows fall on her battered soul once again...



And this time as she is taken away from everything familiar, everything and everyone that made her who she is...she is silent.. lifeless...as her entire world has denounced her.as memories of happier times, when she was cocooned in warm arms, tender love flashes in front of her eyes.. the very things that made her who she is..and she grieves...


and yet...for grief to exist.. a person should exist... so what if the person herself no longer exists?



She stares in to nothingness as a silent tear trickles down her cheek... too numb to feel...too hurt to still feel it..



she is back where she was..in the dark cold room that was her prison...and now the only reality that exists for her..
she holds out her hands...waiting for the handcuffs to be put..


because.. Paro has ceased to exist. no past.. no present and no future...erased...
Edited by princessunara - 10 years ago

RES!


Edited by Oyster - 10 years ago

Nice post. Truly heart breaking

Originally posted by: Oyster

RES!

-------

Dammit.. today's my lucky day it seems. This is my second first comment on a thread in my IF history.

BTW Sunara, I always click on "Like" first and then read your comment. But I can't read it now cuz it's past 4:00AM. So I need to get some sleep before I can fully concentrate and write a fair response to your profound post.

Sonya, its 5.45 am here :p ., am about to sleep too.., jsut had to write it before i could sleep..cz tomorrow am not at all near a laptop all day long..n without getting this out of my head i would have been through hell staying till night time.. so take ur time..

will read everything once i wake up :)

👏Awesome Princess  👏👏👏
Edited by AKAD - 10 years ago

Sunara! We did it again had the same thoughts - though your way if putting it was so detailed and passionate that I cried again reading it and seeing the caps 

😭 👏 👏 👏Edited by jaya100 - 10 years ago

Originally posted by: Arnav1Khushi

Nice post. Truly heart breaking

thank u!

@others: will reply along the way. gotta run :)

👏 Fantastic post , beautifully written 

Erased...so apt.  what a curse it must be to live and yet not be... because you are denied your very essence, in totality, by everyone that you have ever known.  So utterly harrowing, and surreal - like walking into a parallel universe.  <shudder>

How will she face the enormity of what hit her?  How will she deal with this terrible emptiness? 

Yet, somehow she will... and as someone said above, will rise again, transformed, and in the process truly find herself.

Waiting to see her journey and her transformation...but it was heartbreaking.  this pure, innocent soul hit rock bottom for no fault of her own
Edited by Dazee - 10 years ago