A/N : This is going to be a long update. Around 3000 words.
But before you begin it, I would like to dedicate this chapter to one my readers here. 😳
A reader who is always here, lurking in shadows, 😉 stalking the thread, sometimes threatening me to update soon 😆
Not to mention always commenting, here as well as on my FB Updates. 😳
Yeah, it's you Aasma. I dedicate this chapter to one of my many ardent readers, Aasma Ali. Love you a lot for making me feel this story is good enough and needs to be updated regularly. ⭐️
Chapter 12: Too Late?
"I am so sorry, Khushi" He said, hiding his face in her neck and Khushi could only stand in shock as she felt sobs rocking his body. He was crying. She could still hear him repeating he was sorry. Over and over again. His body shivered and his hold on her tightened with every passing second.
While his tears soaked her sari, Khushi stood unable to move or speak.
"I am sorry, Khushi. What have I done? It was my mistake. I didn't trust you. I am so sorry" Arnav poured the words, still engulfing her in his arms and his head hiding in the crook of her neck.
His hold on her body was tight as if he feared she would vanish in the thin air as soon as he let her go.
Khushi, on the other hand, felt stupefied. She was unable to comprehend what he was saying through his sobs. It took her some time to process his words. He was sorry? For not trusting her? Finally! After weeks and months of insults and hurt that he inflicted on her, he was finally sorry. So much so that he was crying.
Yet, Khushi failed to respond to his words. She stood motionless and waited for his apologies to get over.
It took minutes for Arnav to stop before he realized she hadn't spoken a word. He took a step back to look at her and found her face empty.
There was no anger or hatred. Nothing.
"Khushi. Please say something. Anything! Please, don't be silent. Please" Arnav said, reaching for her hands and taking them in his own. He looked at her earnestly, waiting for any response.
Khushi finally moved. She stepped back, pulling her hands from his. The loss of her touch sent a wave of fear down Arnav's spine. He didn't want to lose her.
"How?" Khushi uttered the word in a barely audible voice. She wanted to know what made him finally believe her. What made him know the truth, when each of her attempts to make him see the same truth gone down the drain.
Arnav understood what she was asking and he knew he had to tell her. She deserved to know. So, he gathered his wits for a minute and spoke in low voice.
"Last night..Last night your words wrenched me. After you said that Shyam tried to...force...himself on you, it..it broke something in me. I realized for the first time that so far I have judged everything from what he told me, from how he acted. I realised that the foundation of my self-constructed beliefs was shaking. That, maybe..there is a chance..there is a chance that there are things I might not know. And that thought scared me. I realized what if I have been wrong? What if..what if I lose you..and I couldn't stop the tears. I was so scared of the possibility, Khushi, that I could be wrong. So, I left. I couldn't bear to be around you, to see how broken you were. And I didn't want you to see that I was breaking too. I had to leave" Arnav said, not meeting her eyes. He didn't want to see the hate on her face. But, she didn't respond even as seconds ticked by. He looked at her to see the same emptiness on her face. The only proof that she heard him was her fingers which were clenched into a fist.
It was evident that she wanted to hear more. So, Arnav continued.
"After I left here, I drove maniacally on the roads. I didn't know where I was going. I was too engrossed with my thoughts to care. I only stopped when my phone rang. It was my..PI. I had hired an investigator for looking into Shyam's activities. I wanted info on his past to further incriminate him. He told me that he had found some new information that he wanted to share in person. So, I went to him. And..he handed me Shyam's phone records, travel details, bank statements and a lot of other things. Through them, I got to know, that a year back, he had been to Lucknow. It was around the same time when AR fashion show was held. He had been staying in some local hotel. The documents also revealed about his return to Delhi and his stay...in..in your house. His engagement with...you and everything you had told me about. But still there were a lot of gaps and unanswered questions. So...I called Payal and asked her to meet me. She refused initially but I had to tell her that I know about Shyam and you. That made her agree to come and meet me outside" Arnav explained everything and Khushi finally blinked.
"It was you Jeeji had gone to meet?" She asked in surprise. Arnav looked away for a second.
"Yes. She met with me and I forced her to tell me everything. She told me how Shyam entered in your lives and then in your house. She told me that he had met you in Lucknow and how he saved you from some local goons" Arnav said, taking a pause to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. Now he knew that everything that ruined Khushi's life was directly and indirectly initiated by him. If only he hadn't released those clips to media, Khushi would have been safe in Lucknow. She never would have moved to Delhi. She would have met him again. She simply would have been a faint memory of the girl in Lucknow who had fallen off the ramp and in his arms. He still would have been ASR she would still have been the full-of-life Khushi Kumari Gupta.
Shrugging off those thoughts, Arnav spoke again.
"Payal also told me that you were never ready for the engagement with Shyam but Buaji forced you and you had to agree" He said, his voice too low.
"Sab to tumhari engagement se bahot khush lag rahe hain, par tumhe dekh kar to aisa lagta hai jaise tumhe abhi abhi pata chala hai ki ladki ameer nahi hai"
The memory of those taunts swarmed to him and he recalled how he had never let go of any opportunity to taunt her and hurt her with his words.
"Kahin aisa na ho ki jise tumne raees samajh kar phasaya hai, iss bracelet ki tarah sasta ho"
"I am sorry, Khushi. I am sorry about everything I ever said to you. I am sorry for every hurtful word I told you, for every single gesture that pained you" He said, his throat choking and his voice breaking. He tried again to step towards her, to hug her again but Khushi stepped back. She raised a palm before him, gesturing him to stay away.
Arnav's face crumpled.
"Don't" She said and Arnav could see that she meant it. He could see that she was depriving him of the right to touch her. The knowledge made his heart constrict. He watched as her lips moved to form a question.
"I just want to know one thing, Arnavji?" She said and turned away from him.
"Anything Khushi" His voice came out shaky and desperate. She didn't speak for a few seconds. But, then she turned towards him and looked straight at him.
"You believed everything those investigators told you. You believed what Jeeji told you. You believed everything that Shyam told you. Then why? Why for once you couldn't believe me? You believed everyone but me! Why, Arnavji? Why?"
The words sliced Arnav from within. More so because Khushi was right. He had placed her below everyone. And he had no answer to her question. How can he explain her why he couldn't believe her? All the reasons that once seemed so strong were mere cobwebs now. He had no answer. But, he didn't want to lose her.
So, he did the only thing that was left. He begged her and hoped she would forgive him.
"I am sorry, Khushi. More than I can ever express in words. I should have believed you. But..I didn't. I cannot bring back the time. I cannot undo my mistake. I wish I could. I wish I could undo all the pain and damage that I caused on you..but I can't. And I am sorry, Khu.." His heart stopped for a second when he watched Khushi walking past him. She wasn't listening. She didn't care. She was going.
No! This cannot happen. He cannot let her go.
He rushed after her and caught her hand before she could reach the door.
"Please, Khushi! Please don't walk away from me. I cannot live without you. I need you. I love you. Without you, I will die" He grabbed her hand in his palms.
"I too have been dying Arnavji, every day, every minute, bit by bit. All these past months, whenever you would return back home, I had this faint hope in my heart that you would come and hug me and say I love you, Khushi. That you would say 'I am sorry for ruining your dreams, for not respecting your love' but you never did. Instead, every day you threw more and more hateful words at me. And finally you killed the last ounce of hope in me, when...when you asked me to sleep with you to prove that I am innocent. It felt like I am piece of meat that Shyam and you want to..."
"No..Khushi, Never! Don't say that" Arnav cut in, letting her hand go. Her words singed his veins. She was comparing him to Shyam? That vile bas***d who tried to molest her? Did she really think so low of him? Did he really went too far? Arnav tried to suppress but a tear drop escaped his eye. The pain from her words was too overwhelming and consuming. He was not Shyam. He would never...never try to hurt her like that. But wasn't she right? He had hurt her in every other possible way. Arnav couldn't speak, his throat clogged by emotions. He deserved her hate and disgust.
And through his hazy vision, he watched her walk out of the room. He couldn't stop her this time. So, he watched as she left his standing there.
"Kyu koi paas hai, door hai kyu koi
Jaane na koi yahan pe
Aa raha paas ya door main ja raha
Jaanu na main hoon kahan pe"
~~***~~
"Stop crying, Jeeji! You had scared me to death" Khushi said, hugging Payal in her room.
"But Khushi...I..I shouldn't have told Arnavji. I have ruined your married life. Even mine too. Now when Akashji would get to know about this he won't forgive me. He has always been so caring and truthful to me but I never returned the sincerity. I never told him the truth, I kept secrets. Akashji would be really hurt. He would hate me" Payal cried on Khushi's shoulder.
"No, Jeeji. If Akashji loves you he would understand you. He will forgive you" Khushi said, trying to console her sister.
"You think he will?" Payal asked, her sobs slowing down.
"He will, Jeeji. He loves you a lot and I am sure his love for you would help him see through all these things" Khushi said with an encouraging smile. She knew Akash was not Arnav and would at least hear Payal if and when she decides to talk to him about it.
"I really hope so, Khushi. I don't know what I would do without him" Payal said hugging her younger sister and Khushi hugged her back.
"What about Arnavji, Khushi? Is he angry with you? Did you talk to him? When I went to see him he told me that he knew Shyam lived in our house and was engaged to you. He wanted to know the details. And he was acting very strange, you know? He looked very upset" Payal told Khushi.
"He is fine, Jeeji" Khushi replied, looking away.
"Are you sure, Khushi? Don't lie to me, okay? What did he say to you? He must have been angry that you didn't tell him these things beforehand. Was he shouting? We all know how angry he can get" Payal continued probing Khushi who tried her best to not cry. For months, she had kept everything to herself. Should she tell Payal?
"Khushi? Tell me! What happened between you two? He still loves you, right? Is everything okay between you two?" Payal held Khushi's face in her hands and asked in a worried voice.
Khushi tried her best but the tears finally found their way out. She was tired of keeping everything in. So, she started sobbing and hugged Payal.
"Khushi? Please tell me what is going on! How did Arnavji find out about Shyam? Why did he call me to meet him? Did Shyam..?"
"I told him, Jeeji. I told him everything when we were coming back to Shantivan after staying at Buaji's house. But, he didn't believe me. He already knew..." With that, Khushi narrated everything to Payal. She began with how she went to meet Shyam on the terrace and Arnav saw her there with him and mistook the situation. She also told Payal about how he forced her to marry him and everything that followed thereafter.
Payal was stunned to hear everything that Khushi had to bear for months. And all for her sake! She couldn't help her own tears.
"Why didn't you ever tell me, Khushi? Arnavji made you suffer so much because of his own misunderstanding. It is his fault. He should have asked you after he saw you with Shyam. This is so wrong. What he did to you..it is so cruel. And here I was worried if he would be able to forgive you for withholding the truth from him. Why, Khushi? Why did you bear all this? Why didn't you bring him to me when he refused to believe you? I would have told him everything that I told him today. I would have made him see the truth" Payal went on.
Khushi gave a pained smile to her sister.
"You think he would have believed you, Jeeji? He wouldn't have. He didn't even believe me. He believed that disgusting man instead. He was blinded by the overwhelming sense of protectiveness for his sister. He was blinded by the hurt that he thought I had caused him. At that time, I don't think he would have listened to anyone" Khushi said, reliving the moment at the airport when she so desperately tried to stop him.
"What do you mean by was, Khushi? Does he believe you now?" Payal asked.
"He says he does" Khushi answered in a blank voice.
"And?" Payal asked, aware that there was more.
"And he wants me to forgive him. He wants me to forget those months in the blink of an eye when he had done every possible thing to trample my self-respect, my dignity. The things he said to repeatedly demean me, insult me. He didn't even believe me when I told him that I loved him. He thinks that I don't have a character" Khushi recalled the sharp words that had crushed her spirit. He had tried to break her in every possible way.
More tears streamed down her face as she recalled all the horrible words he had said to her.
"Khushi, don't cry. I can't see you crying. I will talk to Arnavji. I will ask him how he could do all this to you" Payal said, her face angry and determined.
"No, Jeeji. There is no use of discussing things anymore. What he did is already done. Nothing can undo all of this. Not you, not him, not I. These months will forever stay with me. They have taught me a lot" Khushi said, wiping her tears.
"But Khushi.." Payal tried to speak.
"No, Jeeji. Please. If you love me you will not talk to him about anything. And please don't tell Amma and Buaji about all this. Things are getting better now. Pretty soon, everything will be okay. This is my only request to you" Khushi said, her hands joined before Payal who nodded witth tears in her eyes.
~~***~~
Arnav stood in the poolside, reflecting upon his words and actions.
He knew that there was no coming back from the place where he has led his relationship with Khushi. She hates him and for good reasons. He also knew that he did not deserve her forgiveness yet his hopeful heart wanted nothing more than for Khushi to forgive him. He has ruined enough. He wanted all the pain to stop now. But, things were out of his hand now.
He didn't know what to say or what to do to get his Khushi back! Because, he needs her. He loves her. Without her forgiveness and love, he could not imagine any life.
Still struggling with his emotions, he felt Khushi walk into the room.
He didn't turn to look at her but a sad smile reached his face. It was strange how he could always sense her presence. Such was the connection between their hearts. And he destroyed it all. He didn't trust her. He didn't trust the love he often saw in her eyes. Why? Why did he make such a mistake? What do I do now? He thought.
As he kept standing, he heard Khushi opening the wardrobe. From the corner of his eyes, he tried to see what she was doing.
His heart started beating too fast when he realized she had a suitcase open on the bed and she was dumping her clothes in it.
His palms started sweating he could hear his heartbeats thumping loudly.
She is leaving him. She is going. He turned towards and watched her placing her other belongings in the back. He wanted to shout, scream, beg her to stop but there was no voice left in his throat.
She looked at him once and went back to doing what she was doing. she knew he was watching and she didn't care.
Arnav couldn't find his voice even as he watched the room being robbed of everything that belonged to her. Within minutes, it looked as empty and colourless as it had always been. As if she never lived here. As if they didn't live together in this room.
Seeing the life being drained out of his room, Arnav felt his heart cracking a little. Should he beg her to stop? Will she even listen to him? She is already pretending he doesn't exist in the room. The loud noise of zipper closing resounded in the silent room.
"Where are you going, Khushi?" The words tumbled out of his mouth, his voice hoarse.
"Seeing that I don't exist for you, I didn't think you would care to ask" She replied in a flat voice, reminding him of the day when both of them had stood in this very room and he had told her that she doesn't exist for him.
It was the time when Lavanya lived in the house with them and he had gotten angry about what Lavanya had been wearing. Arnav was not surprised that Khushi still remembered those words he had so harshly directed at her.
He realized he didn't needed this Shyam fiasco to break Khushi's heart. He has done it since the day he met her. And never apologized. Did he even deserve her? Ever?
There were numerous times when he made it his business to tell her that she meant nothing to him. Thinking about those times, Arnav felt shame hit in waves.
"Khushi..I am.." He began.
"sorry. I know" She cut in.
"I know are very sorry, Arnavji. And I am sorry too. I am sorry for constantly being around you when you clearly didn't want me to be. I am sorry for caring about you when you clearly didn't need me to. I am sorry for loving you when you clearly hated me all this time . But most of all, Arnavji, I am sorry for making you marry me, the girl you detested" Khushi answered, her voice dripping with seriousness.
"No, Khushi.. That's not tru.." He started but Khushi had already picked up the suitcase and started dragging it out of the room.
"Khushi..! Where are you going? Stop! Listen to me! Don't leave me. Please. Without you, I am nothing. Without you, I'd die, Khushi. Agar tum chali jaogi to meri saanse ruk jaayengi Khushi (if you leave me, my heartbeats will stop)" Arnav begged after her but Khushi didn't stop.
Arnav kept following after her asking her to stop.
Hearing voices on the stairs, finally Payal stepped out of her room and noticed what was going on.
She hurried to Khushi.
"Khushi? Where are you going with this bag?" Payal asked Khushi once she met her in the middle of the stairs. But Khushi didn't answer.
She kept dragging her bag down the stairs.
"Khushi..Don't go" Arnav called after her, reaching to her side.
Payal noticed the desperation on Arnav's face and the indifference on Khushi's face.
She stepped between Khushi and Arnav and faced the former.
"Khushi, what do you think you're doing? You suddenly can't leave like this. What will we say to Naniji, Anjali Di and Maaji? What will we say to Amma-Babuji?" Payal said. Khushi had asked her not to tell about this matter to anyone but if she left like this everyone would know something was wrong.
"Khushi...talk to m.." Payal continued but stopped when she saw Khushi moving towards the guest-room.
Arnav who was looking desperate also realized what Khushi was doing. She was not leaving the house. She was leaving his room, leaving him. He didn't know if he should celebrate or break down!
"Khushi? You're going to stay here?" Payal intervened again as Khushi pushed open the door.
"Yes, Jeeji" Khushi finally spoke, entering in and placing the bag onto the bed.
Payal still stood at the door and watched as Arnav walked towards them.
It looked as if he wanted to say something.
"Don't" Khushi's voice stopped Arnav's tracks who was about to step into the room where Khushi stood.
"I know this is your house, Arnavji and I have no right to stop you from coming in. But, consider this my only request from you. Please do not enter in this room. Please stay away. I beg you, Arnavji" Khushi finally addressed Arnav who looked shocked and utterly hurt.
Khushi did her best to not care.
"But Khushi, how long you can live here? What would you tell the family?" Payal broke the silence.
"I don't know, Jeeji. I don't know anything right now. All I know is that I cannot live with a man who accuses her wife of sleeping with another man. A man who asks her wife to prove her innocence by sleepi..."
"Stop, Khushi. I don't want to hear. Do what you think is good" Payal cut in, noticing the tears filling in Arnav's eyes. She had never seen Arnav Singh Raizada look so breakable. She could see he was in pain by Khushi's words and actions but she also knew that he deserved it for everything he did to her sister.
So, she didn't say anything to him. She looked at Khushi one last time and left them alone.
After Payal was gone, Arnav tried to find his voice, to say something, anything.
"Don't worry, Arnavji. I won't stay here for too long. I would leave once the marriage contract gets over. I promise you" Khushi said and Arnav felt the pain as if someone had gutted him with hot knife.
He quickly turned away from her, his vision already blurred by the tears in them. As he walked away with all his hopes crushed, Khushi finally closed the door of the room.
She slid against it onto the ground and let her own tears flow.
"Ye dooriyaan, in raahon ki dooriyan
Nigahon ki dooriyan, humraho ki dooriyan"
____________________________________________________________
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