Our Love-- A Bless or A Curse| NOTE Pg 150 - Page 80

Chapter 6

Sometimes , what we see , what we hear might be hoax.

I was lying lazily on the hospital bed . Destructions after a major earthquake was still persisting. No one can do a rescue operation to get my broken heart out of the debris and put it back perfectly in its place. I wanted to cry loud , but how long can I do that ? I have to recollect myself from the debris. Attempting suicide is an offensive crime , and more than a crime , it's a murder , it's murder of many hopes , many smiles , many hearts.

The horror of emptiness in one's life , after death , cant be realized unless and until you go through it . All mighty showed ,me the truth of life in these days. I couldn't look into my parent's eyes . They were petrified to see me half dead . I cant look into the swollen eyes of my sister , who loved me like her daughter . If I would have been successful to kill myself then , after me , many people would have been lying dead with breathes only.

I was absorbed in my thoughts , so very much , I was not even aware of the click sound of the door lock , which opened , and some one came inside. I realized his presence when , he placed his cold hand on mine. I looked up to his face , my husband , he smiled at me.

Seeing him , anger , raged through my blood , a wounded Mother and Wife both came alive suddenly. I slid out my hand from his grip and cocked my face aside. Ram looked down and opened his mouth to say something . But I didn't give him a chance to say a single word. I asked him to go away from there. Ram wanted me to calm down and listen to him carefully , but I like an arrogant kid , I protested and wanted him to go away from me.

Priya just once listen to me , I can explain every little thing to you ?' ram pleaded .

Looking into his eyes , I asked him only one question , ram what you would have done if you were in my place ?'

Ram knew that he has no reply . But he tried to defend himself . He tried to speak out but my anger didn't allow him to speak . I didn't want him to charge in the middle of the hospital but his repetitive request and tries to prove himself innocent took my last penny of patience from me.

Ram you killed my baby , you dumped me like anything , and you want me to hear to you ?' I shouted . I looked into his eyes . I know , I was raging with anger . It was reflected on my face , I believe . Ram looked at me , he stood up and tried to sit on the patient's bed . I protested asking him to stay away from me. I even kept him refrain from touching me.

Priya , just listen to me once . I have a valid reason to agree with Monisha aunty and terminate this pregnancy . just once listen to me , and tell me one thing , Kya wo baccha mera nahi tha?' ram asked .

who knows Ram ? you might have thought that if a child comes between us , then you would have to give more time to me , than Maria .' I shouted once again .

maria ?' he sounded surprised as I took his ex - girl friend's name , where from Maria came between all this ?'

don't behave like you know nothing Ram ? let me guess , you are trying to hide your affair from me ? or should I say , I came between you and your girl friend.' I said again. Before I could react more he shouted this time ... stop it'

what you are saying priya ? are you mad ? I am having affair , a girl friend ?' he shouted louder.

I was not in a mood to leave him this time . I don't want to give up infront of my control freak husband , I was ready to confront him with all what I saw. I said him about my visit to Maria's place , when I followed him few days back . I said him about the register and the entries that he made while visiting Maria. Ram looked down he looked for a answer .

searching for an answer Mr.Kapoor?' I asked , Ram didn't replied me . He looked down . I asked again if he is searching an answer or he is building an answer in his mind.

priya you were stalking me ?' he asked , it made me angry even more . The thought of being controlled by a control freak husband made me upset . I wanted to throw him out of that room , I want to shut at him like a mad . But somewhere ,my health was giving up . I was losing my voice. I coughed as the tension build more intense in my head. My vision was blur as tears flooded my eyes. Drop , a tear lone tear drop escaped my eyes.

Priya , how can you think like , I am with Maria . And we are husband wife priya , trust and faith is the base of our relation.' He said .

I smiled , trust , you want me to trust you Ram , who has murdered my child , who was seeing his ex girl friend , neglecting his pregnant wife. Why should you give priority to your Wife , my pregnancy was an obstacle for you , a binding on you . But ram , you could have told me ..' I was intervened by my husband , Stop it Priya , it was not only your Child , it was mine too . I was the father.'

so you really remember , that you are the father . I was thinking , if you were having a thought that it was someone else's baby.' I said .

PRIYAAA Mind your Tongue...' he shouted as loud as you can .

don't shout just don't do you get that .' I shouted back . My health detoriated , I coughed as I struggled to breath . I saw Ram closing near to me. I kept myself away from him , and warned him to keep away from me.

Our shouts were enough to make the nurse aware and curios at the same time . One nurse came inside to check my vital signs , and she asked me not to shout , while I could feel other nurses and care takers to peep into the room. I controlled my anger and asked the nurse for privacy. She left after she was done with her duties. I could heard her scolding to the other over enthusiastic nurses , who were peeping into my room.

Ram , I really don't want to talk with you . I knew it very well that you are the one who wanted to abort this baby . and you have successfully done it. What do you think Mr.Kapoor , if you wouldn't have given your name to my child then it would spent its life in vein . let me tell you , you were wrong . very wrong Priya Sharma can bring up her child alone. You could have told me once only once , just a single time . I would have walked away from your life , making you a free bird . But why you murdered my Child ? why ?' I broke into tears as I finished .

hell priya how could you even think about that priya , I love you , I loved my child . Just listen to me once priya.' He tried to hold me in his arms , I repelled . He stepped back , okay , okay , I will not touch you , but please listen to me once , just once give me a single chance to prove baby , please I beg.'

why? Ram why? So that you can fool me with another reason ! what ever it was Ram , didn't I have the right to know it , once just once . didn't I have a right to make a decision . It was inside me , I was connecting with our baby ram , you will never be able to understand my pain . I am a mother Ram . It was inside me ... it was growing slowly inside me , More than it , the hopes , the love was growing more immensely inside me . You not only killed my child Ram , you killed me . the mother inside me . I hate you ram , I hate you .' I said as I cried .

He didn't replied , with his heads down to the floor , he stood there . I didn't looked at him . after a long pause , he said I did it for me , yes I did it for my sake . I did it for my self . I did it because I am selfish. I did it because I loved someone more than it . I did it because I wanted to live . I did it because ...' He looked at me , I was seeing him surprisingly as he was saying all those phrases to me . for the last time he looked up and said , I did it because I loved my Life more than anything .'

I smiled faintly and added , but by killing me. Isse accha hota maar hi dete mujhe.'

I wish , to God priya , I don't have to see that day , before seeing you dead , I will kill myself .I am your culprit . I will wait for you and your Love for me back to me priya . I will wait , if it turns out to be a life time wait I will wait , but I loved only one person in my life that's you . what ever I did , or I will be doing is only for a reason , that I can say only.' Ram looked at me as he finished , I cocked my head to the other side . I heard his footsteps vanishing from the hospital room .

My sister came to me with my clothes , she asked me about Ram , whom she saw sitting out side the cabin in the lobby . I informed her about his visit to me . It does not took minutes for her to understand that we had a fight . Without asking me anything more about Ram , she asked me to get dressed in my clothes as doctors have discharged me . I obeyed. After an hour almost , when all the proceedings were made I was finally set to get back to home. A medical help , helped to climb a wheel chair , and she wheeled me to the lift. When I came outside my eyes met Ram's , he was standing with Monisha Aunty . My sister asked the help to wheel me to the lift .

Ram dashed to me , but this time before he could get hold of me , My sister stood as a wall between us. In a vey low voice , my sister said Mr.Ram it's better for you to keep yourself away from my sister. I have already said you , if I found my sister to cry , I will never forgive you and this time , she tried to kill herself .' I looked up to see my sister . I could she her eyes red in anger, where as I saw Ram stepping back from me with his eyes fixed on the ground.

The lift arrived with the beep voice , the lady wheeled me into the lift . I saw him for the very last time so closely . The lift door closed , making him invisible.

Days ... Passed away ...

We were in the 20^th day of our separation. The day when I came from hospital . Ram followed us . He wanted to talk with me. But my sister , didn't allowed him to get into the apartment , and slowly she made sure that The Ram Kapoor couldn't step into our building too. But he never left that place. He stood just below the window of my room , when ever I used to look down I used to find him pleading to me .

That day was not an exception, the first monsoon of our life , just came few days earlier . we had made many plans about the monsoon , we planned to visit few places together , but the fate played so badly with us , we stand apart now . I hoped , the pain that I was going through , he was also going through the same. I couldn't think more , I was pale . I was still in trauma , pain . I didn't even know when was the last time I stepped out of that bloody room .

Once Neha came over with Vikram . She was trying to defend Ram and asked me to give him a chance to speak atleast . I end up fighting with her. I literary pushed her out of the room and asked her to take side of her new friend. She pleaded me to listen to me once but for me every person who wants me to talk with ram , is a culprit.

I was taken out of my thoughts as my sister , placed her hand on my shoulder . I sighed and stood up . Slipping my feet in the slippers I walked to the bed and settled myself .

Di handed me the medicine , I took it like an obedient girl , she directed me to lie down . I did . tucking me properly under the duvet she placed a kiss on my head , and said " sleep we have to see the doctor this evening ... and I will see him too.."

" let it be Di , let him there .. how long he will .. one day he will give up and will go ..." I said , as I coughed .

" he will not this is 15^th day he is still there , now he will not give up Priya .. and I will not forgive him for what he had did with you .. if he had a real reason why didn't he informed you ..." my di frowned ...

I turned my back to di , hiding my tears I said , " di .. I really don't want to talk about it di ... please ..."

" I warned him ... once priya , that there should be no tears in your eyes due to him , and what he said he will not ... and what he did , he shattered you into pieces ."

" please di ...let me sleep ..." I wanted to say " leave me alone" but I couldn't say that , di is the only support , with whom I can share anything , I have shared my honey moon at Goa , private beach cottage and then at Bora Bora islands .. my every bit of secret she knows so I asked her politely to get out of the room . she didn't mind , collecting the medicines , checking the lock of the closets and making sure that there is no sharp object near me , she left the room...

I remembered my last biggest fight with Ram, when he wounded my womanhood. Wounded my emotions for him...

Time rolled back to the past .. The morning , after Ram ripped my self- respect my dignity away from me.

When I opened my eyes , I was sore. I couldn't find him around. He tortured me like a beast last night. I managed to stand , though I was in immense pain. Covering myself with a sheet I walked to the washroom . As I stood under the shower . I cried. I remembered how Ram tortured me like a beast .i never thought that Ram could do that to me . I made mistake I shouldn't have behaved insanely , but what he did is it justified . I found it difficult to stand. I wrapped a bathrobe around me and walked out .

When I came out , I saw Ram standing there by the glass door. I managed to walk to the closet. Ram turned to me and asked are you okay?' I didn't answered him and continued to search for a better dress to wear. Ram again asked me the same , and my reactions were the same again. Ram caught me in his arms , and making me look at me , he frowned , like you have not learnt a lesson.'

just stay away from me' I shouted as I released myself from him . He again stepped to me . before he could get hold of mine , I said , Ram , keep away from me ! I warn you , I am not a **** Doll for you , if you want one go ahead and buy one.' Taking a saree I walked to the changing room. I can feel him following me . In seconds I was in his hold again . He caught me hard , you are again behaving and talking nonsense Priya , you better behave.'

you better behave you A** Hole .' I shouted on his face. Both of us , were taken aback . I never thought that I could use such words for him , for the person whom I loved the most . Nothing is impossible I thought , when he can behave like a beast to me , and indulge himself in a forcible *** over me.

His face winced .I was ready to face the worst , he can again do the same with me. But now I am ready to fight for my dignity . I cant let him hurt me again. I hate him for what he did to me, already. But to my surprise Ram left me and stepped back . We looked at each other intensel , as if both of us , were going to kill each other.

I walked to the Changing room, I was not feeling well . I was not in a mood to go to the office but I had to go , because I had few meetings lined up . I knew , Ram took me to the beach house and it might be possible that there is no one there other than two of us, and I wanted to avoid Ram . I called a private travel agency for a cab. They said me that in 30 minutes the cab will be there .

I waited for the cab , while Ram got ready too , for office , he asked me to come with him . but I turned a deaf ear to him. He was annoyed . But I am ready to take him on . I am not in a mood to give up to my control freak husband . I just said him , no need to show concern if you don't mind to rape your wife.'

Before ram could say anything , I warned him to stay away from me , and also said that he should not take me lightly . I am not the same person as Last night . I am well aware of the fact that I have to protect myself from my husband himself. Ram didn't said a single word to me. I sat on the living room waiting for the cab.

I came out of my thoughts .. I remember , how I behaved and made ram realize about his fault . even that time I was at kapoor Mansion , though I made his life hell , that days . I was near him , but not with him. But now , I am not even near him . It was killing me and also him I know. But how can I forgive him , for the sin that he has committed. That time , he ripped away my dignity , this time he ripped away my women being . he took away the most precious gift from me. How can I forget that.

I dug my face on the pillow and sobbed.

Next day ...

Same routine was for me . After Break fast I was sitting on my room only . Ram was still there down . I can see him . but I cant forgive him. I heard a knock on my door. Without looking at it I said Khula hai' I don't know who walked into the room , as I was looking up to the sky , and my vision was blur too due to over crowded Tears.

beta.' The voice moved me , I looked to the person. She smiled and asked , how are you?' This is it . now I cant hold my tears , I hugged my Mother in law and cried . She caressed my head but didn't asked me to hold back my tears. After a long 10-15 minutes , I looked at her , I was missing my breathes . I looked up to her .

beta , I know through what you are going right now , so I have nothing to say , neither I have the courage to ask you come back after what my son did to you , but beta , I will request you to visit Monisha once , listen to her once. You need some more medical attention . I don't know if any day you will come back to my son or not , but I wish all the happiness for you and a safe and healthy life , Visit Monisha once , if not for yourself , but for me and your Bauji .' she said .

I looked at her and nodded yes to her . She kissed my forehead and asked if I want to meet bauji . I again answered her by a nod. She walked out and came back in seconds with bau ji . Bauji loved me more than his son . he sat infront of me . he found it hard to speak. I looked at him and found him looking down to the floor , after a minute or two he said , dada baan ne ka khushi ek taraf , duniya ki sari khushiyan ek taraf. Wo khushi hi jab cheen liya gaya , mera yeh halat hai to hiss bacchi pe kya gujar rahi hogi. Bolo Krishna.'

I sobbed badly , my father in law caressed my head , sitting next to me and said , Beta , I was always so proud to call myself father of Ram Kapoor. But today I am ashamed of him . I am very ashamed of him ho sake toh mujhe maaf kar dena .' he didn't said any more and left the room. My mother in law for the last time kissed my forehead and walked behind my FIL.

That very day , evening time . After my in laws left me throttled , by their guilt feeling for what their son did to me , I can only curse myself and ram for their helplessness. I was sitting on the dine , with my father. The door bell rang once again . Few minutes back My mother in law left the place , I thought that must be her again . My father walked to the door to open it . But to my surprise it was Natasha and Rishab standing on the door steps . I stood up seeing them . My father welcomed them. I walked back to my room . With a book I sat on the bed.

After few minutes , Natasha came to me , she knocked once on the door before she entered. I can feel , that she climbed the bed and settled herself beside me . I kept the book aside .

bhabi kaisi hai app...?' she asked I didn't replied to her anything . I thought she must be there to support her brother.

bhabi I am not here to support anyone , I am here to say you something . I cant even imagine what you are going through , I can never have a idea , but Bhabi I even have had some dreams , I was waiting for the junior. You know very well that this time I was coming back in holidays but bhabi , I was coming only for you , only for the baby . I was having loads of dreams , I was so happy that some one , junior than me will come to our world who will ask for everything from me , and I will fight with junior. There will be some one who will call me bua . I was so happy Bhabi , but when I got the news , I got shattered even . and this rishab , you know how much he fought with Bhai . we are with you bhabi , we are with you ... we can do anything , but we cant see you killing yourself . please bhabi , give us back our bhabi , who always used to smile even in the toughest time . seeing whom we used to get strength . Please bhabi ..' Natasha broke into tears ...

I looked at her and then my eyes trailed to Rishab , who was even crying then. I always wished smile for them . May be they are not so young than me , but I treated them as kids to me . I caressed natasha's head. She looked at me . I smiled and asked her to stop crying. Wiping her tears I said , Natasha , I promise you I will not cry now .. I will not .' I smiled .

then promise me , what I will ask from you , you will give it to me .' she added .

what Natasha ?' I feared .

that kapoor mansion is yours too , not only of bhai's you will come back to KM with me , now !!' she said .

no natasha I will not go back there , no I will not .' I replied as I repulsed from her and stood by the balcony . My eyes trailed down and I did find him sitting on the hood of the car .

bhabi , I am not asking you to come for bhai , he did wrong with you , but maa - bauji , dadi , we , what wrong we did bhabi ? why you are punishing us . Maa bauji didn't have any courage to ask you to come back . they are ashamed of their son , and dadi she don't know how to stop crying . but bhabi I will never mind if you even throw me out of this house , but I cant see you to be so sore and selfish at the same time.' She paused for a while , bhabi , I will wait for your call . I know my bhabi is not selfish .' she said .

I could feel her leaving the room, as her footsteps muted , slowly . I turned back and her words replayed in my mind ... am I acting like a selfish person?' I asked myself.

I finally decided ...