"Get out! Get away from here and don't ever come back" Khushi woke in a cold sweat! Those words, those eyes, that raw disgust oozing out of those caramel depths, she felt it around her, piercing her, killing her! She checked the clock on the bedside table...3 am. She reached for the glass of water she kept on her table before bed every night. Trying to calm herself and go back to what she knew would only be a troubled, distressed sleep.
It had been 2 years, 2 years since that fateful night. 2 years since she lost everything but she could still feel his anger in those words. She still woke to the same nightmare every night. Those eyes haunted her...eyes that didn't ask for any explanation, eyes that didn't see her pain, eyes that only showed her the cold heartless human being that he was.
But the dreams were more frequent now. She felt she was being watched even in broad daylight. She could see parts of him when she turned the street, when she reached the gate of the school she now taught in. She thought she saw his SUV parked outside the hostel that she now called home. But how could this be. No one knew where she was. No one even knew when or why she left. She left only taking her Devi Maiyya statue and a few rupees she managed to save from the tuitions she used to give. She was lost to the people she called her own once upon a time. Lost even to those who knew her now, because no one really knew her! She didn't want anyone too...so how could he have.
Was it him? Has he come to get her? No she told herself. No!
She tried to put herself back to sleep. Tomorrow was another day of school. Another day to bring joy to the lives of poor desolate children! Joy that she herself never left. But when did she ever put her needs before that of another? Especially those that needed her. "sleep Khushi...it will be better. It has to get better!" she kept repeating this mantra hoping her mind will relax and sleep will follow.
School was hectic as usual, but Khushi put her heart and mind into it. This was the only distraction she had in life. The only thing that kept her sane! She loved those kids, kind, innocent hearts that had only seen pain, orphaned like her, abused and ill-treated. Bringing sunshine to their lives mattered even if she lived in darkness.
It was 6 pm when she found herself back at the entrance of her hostel, Kalyan Kendra in Mumbai, the furthest place she could get to that night. They took her in without much questioning seeing the state she was in and also helped her find this teaching job at a nearby school. But today when she stood there looking at the board outside the gate, something was different. She could feel the change in the air, it was as if the universe was trying to tell her something, something she was too afraid to believe in, she was scared to let herself fall again. Not now...not when she had tried so hard to regain some normalcy. But still...she felt it...
All it took was one step into the hostel lobby to get her answers. There he was! The man who had haunted her dreams for the last 2 years. The man who had destroyed a life that she built from broken pieces. The man who was the very reason she was here today.
But he wasn't that same man. He was different somehow...those eyes that spoke so much, were quiet now. But in their quietness was hidden something else. Something deeper...was it regret? No! The great mighty Arnav Singh Raizada didn't feel regret. Then why was she seeing it? Why was he here? He shouldn't be here! He can't be here!
She looked away from him and walked on, almost as if that moment didn't happen. She took two steps more before she heard him...
"Khushi!" her name was a plea from his mouth. Her heart told her to stop and turn, listen to him but her feet kept moving.
"Khushi!" he called again, louder this time... "Khushi we need to talk" those words made her stop.
She turned around to look straight at him...his eyes...they looked dejected, troubled, hurt. She wanted to reach out to him and calm him, comfort him. She began to step toward him but stopped...she couldn't do this. Not now! Not here! She turned and started walking away.
"Khushi how many times have I told you not to walk away when I'm talking to you?"
Anger this time! She could never forget this tone...this anger had become the bane of her existence. She stilled and turned around. She met his eyes again, both blazing fire and anger at each other.
He strode towards her, determined this time to get her to listen to him. He'd watched her enough for the last week, ever since Aman saw her when he was in Mumbai. That chance sighting made him drop everything in Delhi and head to Bombay. His search for her was finally over. Finally he could tell her everything that he'd wanted to tell her since the last 2 years. But she still wouldn't listen to him. He knew this wouldn't be easy but Arnav Singh Raizada never gave up and he would never give up till he made her listen to what he had at say.
He held her arm and led her towards to lift. "Which floor Khushi?" he asked looking at the lift. "You haven't managed to find that out yet?" she spat back at him, anger shining through her words.
"Don't use that tone with me Khushi. Which floor?" "3rd" she let out and pressed the call button before her could. His hand holding her arm was the only thing keeping her up. Her knees would've buckled a long time ago. But the anger she now felt building up in her gave her strength to go on. She pulled her arm away making him stare back at her, almost afraid she would run.
The lift came and she opened the gates and stepped inside waiting for him to enter. They rode the elevator in silence and walked to her room. She opened the door and entered, not waiting for him to enter before her. She put on the only lights she had in the room. Twinkling lights that adorned the top of her bed. The only reminder she had of all those she had lost, some forever and some for...?
She didn't know! Today maybe she would get her answers...today maybe she would know how long this exile would last. But she wouldn't say anything. She resolved to herself to only let him speak and then let him leave. Nothing would change no matter what he says. She would decide what to do after she'd heard him...alone! This for once, would be her decision!
She sat down on her bed waiting for him to begin. He paced her room, scanning for anything, any memories of her past life, pictures, names anything...but apart from the lights there was nothing. Seeing her here over the past week was a shock to his system. What had she become? Had she really done this to herself? Had she really given up so easily? Was it so easy for her to forget? Everyone? Everything? Them? He knew she hadn't moved on...he could see it in her walk, in the way her smile never reached her eyes, in the way her clothes had lost their chamkili-ness just like the rest of her.
Over the one week he watched her, he planned in his mind what he would say. What he would tell her, how he would say it. But now seeing her sitting here, the quiet calm, the stiffness in her posture, the submissive nature that was never the Khushi Kumari Gupta he knew...he didn't know where to begin, how to begin...
"Why didn't you tell me?" when all else failed, the mighty ASR did the one thing he knew...accused!
She sat quiet...pretending not to hear his almost whisper of a question... "why didn't you tell me?" this time it was louder but the accusation was less so.
"Tell you what?" she asked, calm even though she suspected where this was going.
"About Shyam"
"Oh?" her guess was right. "How did you find out?"
"After everything that happened between...us...I kept an eye on him. I realised he'd been stealing money off Di..."
"Huh! Money! So it finally took some money going out of your bank accounts for you to realise what a snake Shyamji was?"
"Don't call him that!" he bit out at her. "Payal told me what happened and how he had cheated your family...I threw him out...got Di a divorce from him. I couldn't put him in jail which I wanted to do but he was still Di's husband at the time so his stealing didn't count."
"When did you find out about me and Shyamji..." she stressed on the ji...a subtle reminder that he couldn't force her anymore... "Before jiji told you?"
"I saw you'll on the terrace...I heard you telling him to leave Di if she meant nothing to him... I couldn't stand there and watch you in his arms...he was Di's husband and you..."
"What does this have to do with me?" she asked, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible.
"I know the truth now Khushi...I know the truth...I know I was wrong...I believe you now" he said begging her to believe, wanting her to raise her eyes and look at him, see that he was hurting too.. see that he was sorry, even though he couldn't get himself to say it. Something's hadn't changed.
"Till when?" she asked almost a whisper... "Till when will you believe me?" she looked straight at him, at his confused bewildered look. Surely this wasn't what he was accepting.
"I asked till when will you believe me Mr. Raizada... a month? A year? Or till something happens to your precious Di again and I become an easy target?"
"Don't bring Di into this Khushi!" the anger rising in him now. She knew what his Di meant to him.
"Why not?" her voice rising slightly in anger and frustration. "Why not Mr. Raizada? Isn't this all about her? Isn't everything about her? Isn't she all that matters?"
She couldn't sit still any longer...she rose from the bed heading towards the only window in the room. He was standing at the foot of the bed, eyes on her all the time...trying his level best to control the bubbling anger in him. Why was she talking about Di like that? Couldn't she understand what he was saying? What he wasn't saying?
"Khushi it's not like that..."
"Everything is like that Mr. Raizada...it was always about your Di! What happened 2 years ago was about your Di! Your precious Di!" her anger was rising now! She finally had answers to what happened to her...of why she lost everything! She didn't know if she could stop now. She needed him to know what he had done to her because...because of his Di!
"Your Di is the reason I'm here today...your Di is the reason I don't have a family today because you were afraid I was stealing her of hers! Your Di is the reason I couldn't stay to watch my sister get married because you were afraid I was breaking her marriage! Your Di is the reason I lost everything because you didn't bother to ask me my side of the story! Your Di is the reason I'm not with the man I love today because he didn't stop to consider the truth!"
The words were out before she could stop herself...they were looking at each other now...that sudden slip of the truth that she wanted to keep hidden, coming to the fore. She had to step back, retract her steps...he didn't have to know this...he didn't have to know anything...
"Your Di is the reason for all I'm going through and have been through Mr. Raizada and you come in here and demand to speak to me and then ask me why I didn't tell you? Tell you what? Did you even ask? Did you stand there on that terrace and hear the whole thing? Or did you just jump to your own conclusions like you always do?"
He could see the hurt in her eyes now... she wasn't hiding anything now...she loved him or did she say love? He wasn't quite sure...he needed to tell her he was sorry...he needed her to understand that 2 years were hard on him too...his life was as damaged as her was...he needed her to understand him like she always did...just this once when it mattered the most. He needed her to understand...no he just needed her! And in that moment he didn't know what else to do except...
She saw as he dropped to his knees right before her...head bowed in an apology she was hoping to hear from his mouth...eyes imploring her to listen to him...to give him a chance to say what he has kept buried within him all these years...asking her forgiveness for the life he stole from her...begging her...pleading to her...silently.
She wanted to rush to him...pick him and put him back together again. She couldn't see him like this, this broken! This damaged! She could see the fight in his eyes...his Di or her...the woman he worshipped as a god...or the woman he...he what? She didn't know what she was to him...he never told her...then why? Why was he here...on his knees...in front of her?
"Khushi..." the voice was softer now...filled with regret and hurt... "Khushi... I don't deserve your forgiveness but I'm here, on my knees begging you to forgive me...I thought I was doing the right thing for Di...but I didn't realise I was doing the wrong thing by you. Khushi these two years have been hard on me and Di..."
All she could hear through this was Di and that word sickened her now...she was the same woman she tried to protect, tried to keep from harm, took her for her older sister...the same woman who was responsible for her current state...and he still thought of her first!
She moved calmly from the window, not wanting to show the hurt she felt anymore. This wasn't what she needed, she was fine without it...she needed some fresh air...she needed to breathe normally again...she needed him to leave.
She walked to the door not looking at him but knowing his eyes were on her... "Kneeling doesn't suit you Mr. Raizada! And I'd like you to leave!"
--------------------------------------------------
I don't know if I should continue this...make it a two shot...lemme know!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sabz105----- this is for you!!! :)
Part 2: Page 5 https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/topic/3502962?pn=5
Part 3: Page 10 https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/topic/3502962?pn=10
comment:
p_commentcount