1)What according to you makes for a strong base or foundation of any successful relationship ?And do you think MM fulfill that or not and to what extent and had you been in their place what would u have done differently ?
My answer:
Actually there is no set recipe for a successful relationship. It is different for different people and very dependent on each persons life experiences and expectations . Success can mean having children, financial security and a comfortable home. The personal relationship between the couple may not be integral once these needs are met, each person is relatively content and life goes on. They may get along fine, not too much intense communication, not too many disagreements but their marriage may be considered successful according to them...and everyone else! I'm sure some of us may know quite a few couples like the above.
Then there are those relationships where the couple are forever bickering, and complaining about each and every little thing! We may wonder what one or the other sees in each other, but they seem to genuinely love each other and make it work in their own way! That's just the manner in which they interact ,but at least they're interacting and manage to remain in touch with each others feelings and needs. They too consider their relationship a success, even with the bumps along the way! We may know some of these too!
Then there are the one sided relationships. Where one member totally controls the relationship, may be bossy or annoying, is in charge of the finances, doesn't pull their weight around the home or with the kids , but the other partner adores the ground they walk on! They tend to overlook all the deficiencies of the other and make excuses but again consider their relationship to be a success and wouldn't want it any other way. The rest of us just scratch our heads and wonder?! But it works for them!
So my point is it is different for each of us. It's very easy to say absolute trust and love must coexist in a successful relationship. But in reality that too is relative. You may trust your partner in some things but not others. Finance is always a major issue of trust with many couples. It doesn't mean you don't love that person, but you don't trust them implicitly to make the right financial or other decisions all the time. We are human after all, and such is the human condition. My mother adores my father, but never trusted him to look after us properly at the beach.
She never trusts him with large purchases, he tends to go overboard ! And certainly didn't like him going alone to the grocery with us, we would invariably return with a lot of unnecessary stuff that we convinced our father we absolutely had to have! You can absolutely love someone , but not trust them absolutely. Parents are the perfect example of this when it comes to their children.
For me, a successful relationship is one where both partners are really happy to be together and want to share their lives with each other. They communicate freely and interact honestly, and they're not afraid to be their true selves with each other, no matter how imperfect or flawed each may be. They accept each other unconditionally, without trying to change the other person . Somedays it's 50:50, other days it may be 70:30, but when it counts it's 100:100!!!
Now to Mohan and Megha and their unusual love story! Did they really love each other? Yes,very much so. Their journeys were different, but only because they're both very different people, both in personality ,life experiences and expectations. Not unusual in most marriages. Love is love and I refuse to engage in who loved more or better or deeper etc. That they both loved each other is enough for me. Now comes the trust issue that so many are bothered by. In real life, it's a major step for any parent to bring another partner into their family. There is bound to be some discord,it's only natural and takes time, and even with time it may never be alright. As I've said before, we really don't know what transpired in those two years before Addu disappeared. MM may have tried very thing possible, but 2 years was just not enough time. So I'm not prepared to lay blame at anyone's feet. Addu may have come around eventually, or maybe never!
Megha seemed to trust Mohan enough to have him take up the responsibility of handling difficult school matters, and supervising Addu alone. But the fact is he disappeared in Mohan's care and that is a very bitter pill for any parent to swallow. Even if it occurred with a biological parent. I've known of quite a few cases where the children actually died in one parents care, and the parents never recovered and the marriage ended. Sadly, that's the stark reality when a child is lost.It never is the same,ever.
Megha said some very hurtful things to Mohan in the immediate aftermath, at that point she was devastated and filled with guilt and shame, but hurtful nevertheless. Maybe she had lost her faith and trust in Mohan, but I think she lost faith in herself as well. Mohan left as a result , promising not to return till Addu was found . But in a sense, he too lost trust in Megha as well. He didn't trust her love enough to heal the wounds, to forgive and seek forgiveness, to be able to eventually work together and move forward with Nanhi ,as best as they could.
So,IMHO, they both made mistakes on that fateful day, and both lacked the trust and conviction to see it through. It happens all too often in real life too.
What would I have done differently? If I had been in Megha's situation, I would not have rushed into another marriage until everyone had acclimated to the new reality. Pre marital counseling should have occurred where everyone had the chance to voice all their concerns and expectations. Megha's first priority was to her children that she chose to bring into the world, and she should have taken every precaution to secure their happiness and welfare. And I'm sure Mohan may have minded but...he would have waited!
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