The Unnatural: Rise of the Army Against the Si-ah - Page 12

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ShiningStar18 thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
Lovely update!
Awesome one!
😳
AnotherAdmirer thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
Sorry guys, took rlli long..Time beat me. Sorry :)

Let's get to replies real quick so that we have an update xD Like tab aint working :(

@-vrshn- I hope the next chap clears up the confusion, till now you guys made the guesses while i introduced the four, now it's my turn to lay down the facts to you (one by one 😆 ) Naw Red is not Unnatural enough ;P

@Gayu - Siggy dabba :I Loved Arjun's TF as well, it was the best i have seen so far (i missed KSG n KW 's) 
Coming to the story, Yup it was Barun. About Darcy, i wonder - Abhinav is very different, you will see shades of him as we dwell into the story, I guess you found him Darcy-ish coz he is not what the eyes see and has a mystery element clinging. Hmm you havent gotten into his head as of yet. A few more chapters ahead let me know if you feel the same 😳 
Actually you are right, there are slight hints of these four falling for one another, i didn't want to get any hopes up...which is why i clearly mentioned they will not end up together :P Lemme share something- When i made the first draft on plot line, they were going to end up as couples but things didn't fit well as i got into the basic write-up.
Unnatural is the key word for the series, i just knew it would be the title when i got the basic idea in my head. You tell me is Black blood normal? I am not at all inspired from Twilight hehe You may find bits of inspiration from Harry potter series i guess :P Will Barun? Will Sanaya ask? ;)

@SaJanArsh-ASR - Thanks :D

@Kash-Maneet-Fan - Thanks a bunch :) 

@raspberrytorte - thanks, glad u liked it :D

@Pooja - Know abt schedules, look at me here, been so busy, couldn't update :/ It's okay you are a writers dream you know that? Surely mine :D Catching on the hints, understanding the characters so well, quite nice predictions, debating/discussing and ofcourse all ends up with me getting such lengthy lovely reviews ! 😆 😳
I had a big grin on my face when you said you Liked him, i was like 'wait till you know him' :P Don't be embarrassed abt the other He, carefully read through the list of characters haven't you? Yes isn't KaranVir the perfect example? People hate him yet love him. But i will make you hate this He-man - Er well i will try 😆
I am glad you related to San. Embarassing moments aren't they? Could write them well coz i myself have made such blunders L0L 
I would be glad if one of you guys get the main plot before i reveal it. But then it's mystery would that be fun? Hmmm guess you are right.
Regarding Abhinav's dual personality - All i will say is- You will see :P 🤣
I was worried Abhinav-Barun bit would confuse people loads, but it did went quite well, at-least everyone grasped what i wanted to put emphasis on- Black blood. Though why would you guys think i have ripped off creatures from some existing novel/tale ? 

Let me see... Barun and Abhinav belong to the clan of slaves, don't they? Bingo ⭐️
Barun needs to be trained, i'm dead sure to fight off the He who was in the summary... 
But what i'm confused now is, whether Barun has to be trained to fight with all the slaves, or does the summary wala He has some personal rivalry against Barun, maybe because Barun could be the son of the head of the slaves, and the heir to the slave clan, or whatever whatever whatever... 
You are forgetting the title of the series, check it once again ;)

Again you understood Barun so well 👏 Thank You Pooja! This journey wouldn't be the same without you ! 🤗

@Juhi- thanks :) 

@Hot_Indo_Chilly- Short but significant review, Thanks! :) Hope to answer the questions in further updates 😳

@Chhavi- Whoah! Surprised? You will soon know what and who they are :) You caught onto Madhura and Sanaya so well, am glad you understand them and like them all the same 😳 I got this idea when i was nearing the end to schooling, i had it scribbled at the back of a book, after exams while i was happily throwing away my books i remembered i had done a little piece of work at the back and kept it with me. Now i intended LL to be my last but things didn't go well. I remembered this one lil idea i had..that's all it was just an idea. Didnt even had a plot line, so i revamped the whole thing, with some good help from my sister, Two pages of simple stuff became 20 pages of Plotline. It was an exhilarating moment 😳 And this is going to be your first with unnatural stuff? I hope i make it worthy enough 😳

@Manal- That coming from you leaves a big smile on my face :) I am glad you like the main characters, and really happy that you haven't ruled out Abhinav. Yup it was Barun! :D very different, well let's then proceed to the story you have loved and adored :) Luv you too 🤗

@mishti- Sweet! Glad it wasn't so confusing the second time :P Thanks for reading and dropping by a kind review :)
 watching Arjun? I caught on this week episodes, Sana is charming as ever :) 

@arhifrvr- Good Question *nods vigorously* 😆 Jokes apart, Black blood? Healing, Feeling emotions. Human enough Or not?

@shyperson- Thanks :) 

@additive_monaya- Thanks a bunch :D I am sure you are waiting for Mohit to make an entry, aren't you? :D

@pri- Heyy! Thanks for being here, glad you are reading :) 

@Shiningstar- Thanks :) 
AnotherAdmirer thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
I sort of never mentioned - my sister has helped me loads with the theory of how the 'Slaves' are. So yeah i wouldn't take complete credit of that.
Coming to the next chap, So far i have introduced the four to you, now we dive into the story, the length of the Chaps will be long from hereon, Mostly exceeding 2,000.

Chapter length: 2,245

Chapter 4: The Talk of the Town

(Barun's point of view)

Barely awake I sat at the breakfast table with a cup of coffee in hand, after last night's practice I really needed a good sleep, something I hadn't had for quite a few days now because of travelling. Despite my continuous pleas to Abhinav to end the practice we had them whole night.  I know his motive, it's simple. He doesn't want me to get on with studies, I would be exhausted and wouldn't go to my new college, and on and on would continue for the rest of the days, that's what he thought. I had threatened him that if he wouldn't let me attend college, I would run away to be never found again.

Thankfully he agreed, apparently I was important in this whole stupid mission of his. Whatever, I don't care. Not that am heartless, I have asked him a million questions and all I get in response is his order to keep my focus on training. No amount of pleas or threats worked on him when it came to my training. What can be worse about my already devastated non-existent life? There is. Abhinav is completely unabashed about relocating me to this damn city. The city is beautiful, I don't blame it but After all that happened back at my place, I don't want to live with Abhinav, I hate him but I also owe him. This is why I am stuck here and everything aside, only Abhinav knows what's wrong with me. You see here is the thing; my body can heal itself in seconds. The words which must be crossing your mind now are Spiderman, Superman or some sort of hero. Trust me am none. Superheroes don't shamefully survive from an accident and let their friend die; Heroes don't have black as the color of their blood. Dirt if u ask me. So where were we? Yeah I can heal myself in minutes, cool right? Not. Every time I heal am left with the feeling that I just emerged from a building set on fire. It's painful. And that's not it am just gaining my powers, as per Abhinav am not supposed to bleed, sadly I do every time. I even counted once- ten to twenty times a day! All thanks to training.

I know we aren't supposed to stay here for long, Abhinav had said it would take maximum of two weeks for me to completely change. I also once heard Abhinav talk to some girl named Drashti, and it seems our stay would be a week or two at the most. I am not foolish enough to confront him regarding the matter. He would kill me on knowing that I was eavesdropping. Apparently I was supposed to mind my own business- Annoying. Abhinav wasn't even bothering to tell me the whole deal, I was supposed to act like a puppet and that so didn't go down well with me. As I said I get no answers to my questions, all that he utters is a "Later" which irks me further.

The sound of Abhinav's Chevy parking in the garage echoed around the eerily silent house. Yeah am living in the middle of a forest for god damn sake. I let annoyance take over me. I am just hoping Abhinav would drop the idea of having me in his mission if I became insufferable for him.

Abhinav entered home and stared at me with a raised eyebrow; I shrugged in response and took another sip from my cup.

"Wishing I was still in bed" Abhinav read the writings in my cup giving me a mean twisted grin.

"Stayed up this past hour" I chided. "And I will be attending college"

Abhinav rolled his eyes and pulled a chair to get seated across me. "Am not your enemy, it's not safe"

"I have lived a few days like that, before you decided to ruin whatever was left of my life" I argued. I was not giving up so easily, I was going to fight for my rights.

"Yeah ofcourse, there's no problem, Powers simply keep exploding out of you, nothing wrong, Lots of control" Note the sarcasm.

"Abhinav we have had this conversation, I will attend those classes"

"You are so adamant" he sighed.

"I am doing the training alright, I swear I will let them be my first priority" I reasoned.

"That's the problem Barun, you don't get it. All you are interested in is some stupid degree".

"Forgive me for not having my priorities right, you see I have no idea what the hell is going around and you don't seem very interested in telling me!"

Abhinav shook his head in disappointment "Why do you have to be so difficult, I said I will tell you at the right time"

And when was the right time? I held myself back from uttering the immediate response, I had already asked that a million times with no luck so far.

"I don't have to explain myself"

"Whatever" he sighed giving up "I got the paperwork done, first lecture is at 9:30. I will talk to the head before that."

"That's good"

"You know where Excel is?" he asked picking an apple from the table.

"Yeah, don't bother am not a kid" I retorted, I was starting to like being this annoying. It irked him.

"Whatever Barun" he mumbled "Just remember you will be among normal people"

That hurt really; Once upon a time I was normal too. That sounded like the opening line of a fairytale. Geez.

"I know that" I snapped "You don't have to bring it up always"

"Good!" Abhinav spoke casually taking a big bite from the apple. I hate him.

"You will take my Chevy or the bike?" he asked.

"No thanks I will take my car"

"Show Off" Abhinav jibed.

"Says a friend"

That shut him alright; I could see anger and something else invade his eyes as he uneasily placed the apple down. Don't blame him; I myself am surprised at my response.

"Are we friends?" he asked me.

I stared back at him, he was waiting for my answer. I shook my head in response.

"That came out wrong coz after what you did, Not a chance"

I left him then in grief maybe, I don't know. A nice ride in this beautiful city was a much better option than being in his vicinity.

Did I tell you? Another reason I don't want to stay with Abhinav, is because he can sense people's emotions, and that's not all, he can channel them as he wishes, as if he were a freaking remote and others were robots. Anyways you get it I hate every bit of it. Abhinav is pretty good at playing with emotions, he can switch his own as per his wish, be amiable, loving, strict, heartless. It was a game he played every day, a game he had played with me too.

I know he is being reasonable about college, but as I said I want to stay away from him...if it means college, be it. I will have to see him only during training then. Having lost my best friend was still fresh in my mind; it has been only a few days to that dreadful night, the night when everything changed for the worst and I have no intentions to let Abhinav know how I feel about the whole deal. I need some privacy damn it.

xoxox

At the gates of Excel College stood two friends waiting for the rest of their gang, it was around nine in the morning and there was no clue of any of them.

"They are late, this is so not fair" Karan Godwani complained to his sister cum best buddy.

"I know" Nia sighed, curling the tip of her hair in her fingers, then as an afterthought she said "I miss the sun mahn, been so used to it"

"Pleeasee" Karan rolled his eyes in response "Aren't you tanned enough? People are having a hard time recognizing you"

"It's in fashion Karan" Nia argued.

"Ohh here they are!" Karan exclaimed. A white Skoda drove in to the parking lot. Sanaya and Madhura grinned wide on seeing their friends wait for them at the gates.

"Sorry Sorry Sorry!" Sanaya apologized as they exchanged hugs.

"What's up?" Madhura asked grinning wide.

"Lots! We have been waiting for you guys! I have got the latest gossip!" Nia rambled on "You won't believe it guys! I can't believe it! It's the talk of the town!"

"I am dying to hear, just blurt it out now!" Sanaya gushed.

"Me and Karan saw an Audi R8 GT on our way here, can you guys believe it? Everybody is talking about it, but nobody knows who owns it! Damn this person has to be filthy rich"

"Oh that" Madhura sighed. Sanaya rolled her eyes.

"San it was an Audi R8-"

"I heard you" Sanaya beamed. "It's just we know these people, and I have seen the car"

"And-?" Karan asked surprised.

"Well it belongs to this guy Barun Sobti, who recently shifted here with his cousin Abhinav. They are our family friends"

"Whaaat?" Nia screamed "San you never told us- tell me all about them! How long will they be here? When did you meet them?" As always Nia continued to shoot out questions while Sanaya chuckled.

"We met Abhinav yesterday" Madhura began knowing well this would soon be the new gossip in excel "Barun wasn't around. They bought the old mansion and trust me that place is no way old or rusty, it's classy, posh and sophisticated. It's like a dream house! I so want a house like that to myself in future!"

Nia oohed and aahed while Karan rolled his eyes. One drawback of hanging around with these girls- they drooled a lot!

"Anyways" Madhura continued "Abhinav seemed really arrogant, I wouldn't be surprised if Barun is the same".

"Don't believe the last bit" Sanaya interrupted "Em is being biased, Abhinav was really nice "

"No San just because you are blind-" Madhura argued.

"He was damn sweet Em"

"No he is a perfect Mister Arrogant" Madhura retorted.

"Arrogant?" Nia wondered.

"I believe Em" It was Karan who spoke "Have to be- Rich, good-looking, new in town, two boys own Old mansion, place is re-invented, Owner of Audi, showing it off in the city early morning" Karan listed "Reminds me of someone" he sniggered.

"Who?" Madhura asked dubiously.

"Mr Ickyface" Karan laughed.

Sanaya and Nia shared a laugh while Madhura stood tight-lipped. "I don't know why I hang around with you guys" she sighed.

"Oh come on Em" Nia grinned pulling her into a hug, which Madhura willingly returned.

"Hey Guys!!" greeted another voice, they all turned to see their chashmish friend limp towards them, his sling bag bouncing to and fro.

"What happened Akshay?" Karan asked worried.

"I tripped" Akshay groaned folding up his jeans to see how badly he had bruised his knee.

"Had to" Sanaya grumbled throwing her hands in the air "Why on earth would you tie the laces of your sneakers?" she scolded like a mother, holding his hand and asking him to sit by a side bench, the group huddled around them. Sanaya bent down to tie Akshay's laces.

"May you have healthy blooming kids" Akshay joked placing his hand on her head.

"Shut Up" Sanaya aimed a hit at his head which he easily dodged.

"Anyways do you know about the new student?" Akshay asked. "Your year! Rich brat, some Sobti...don't know much about him, just that the entire college is excited, can you believe that?"

Akshay's dad was Excel's trustee, so trust him to have all the inside news, Sanaya and even Madhura would agree, Akshay had helped them out of sticky situations many a times.

"Whaaat?" Nia exclaimed once again. It was her habit to stress on the word whenever she heard anything shocking or surprising.

"Don't tell me he will be studying in Excel!" Madhura exclaimed.

"Bloody Hell, Abhinav didn't mention" Sanaya exclaimed.

"Why would he? He is Mr Arrogant" Madhura retorted.

"Not!" San argued.

"Abhinav? I am sure that's not his name" Akshay murmured.

"Abhinav is his brother" Sanaya said.

"In our year San!" Nia gushed.

"Tell me they have a sister" Karan added hopefully.

"Whoah! Fill me in guys" Akshay interrupted them.

"Akshay we know him, we have met his brother Abhinav...and it's Barun Sobti" Sanaya clarified "God the guy is famous before he has even set foot in Excel"

"Let's see how he turns out to be, doesn't sound good" Nia wondered.

Together they stepped inside heading to their first class.

"So why isn't Abhinav joining?" Karan asked.

"He is much older" Madhura spoke "twenty eight maybe"

Sanaya nudged Akshay "Oh someone noticed his age"

"Shut Up" Madhura laughed.  

"Okay guys Guess Abhinav's car?" Sanaya exclaimed stepping forward, turning to face them for a dramatic effect.

"Just say it!" Karan stalled waiting for it.

"A 90's Chevy! Sleek, Black with metallic exteriors. Tough"

"Wow!" Akshay whistled as he slung his arm on Sanaya's shoulder, directing her towards the classroom.

"Which class do you have?" Madhura asked Nia.

"Mr Roy" she groaned.

Madhura nodded knowingly and patted her back. "Guess we will come along to your class, ours is an hour later"

Having reached third year classroom all of them huddled together at the back seats.

---

That's that :) Introduced three new characters- Karan G. - Nia - Akshay. College track wouldn't be the main theme/BG of the series, thought you ought to know :)

Like-Comment-Share :D

Title to next chap : Not So Pleasant

Luv ZJ 🤗
Edited by TheWandmaker - 11 years ago
-happilyunknown thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
res <3🤗

-Unres-

Believe it or not i was stalking this thread and was very very happy to see that Res by you😆

Ok back to the update. Can i just mention here how cleanly you write? everything and i do mean everything is so freaking perfect that it is unbelievable..Now dont tell me that you are unnatural too?😉

KK well i loved the update but i have something to say. I hope it doesnt offend you cuz i am most definitely NOT blaming you of anything k? :) This freaking reminds me for twilight yaar.As in the controlling and sensing emotions thing by Abhinav is kinda like renesmee and they way Karan ( i think) described them as 2 rich guys, Mansion, Car etc reminded me of how the cullens were described. But despite the similarity i love it! :D

K now one thing i noticed..Time for Barun to change,..change into what? :O
And i am feeling a bit sorry for Abhinav here..They way he asked wedr they weren't friends..I have a feeling that he had something to do with the accident that Barun and his friend had. Or maybe he was the one who saved Barun from that place and explained to him about his condition..Or maybe Abhinav is someone like what you call the Vamp hunter..someone who tries to trace out unnatural things and hit jackpot with Barun...

I love Nia, Karan and Akshay esp how you called Akshay Chasmish! :D LOL Mjht!  :)

So People have are gossiping huh? Let us see the hottie now..

Next update!! BRING IT ON!! :D
Edited by -happilyunknown - 11 years ago
ProngsPadsMoony thumbnail
Posted: 11 years ago
loved the whole update zeejay right?👏
 
my name is priyanka and ya i am waiting for mohit's entry
 
when is he making entry?😳
Edited by additive_monaya - 11 years ago
kweetrockstar thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
Yayyy
Got here before a pm...
Shall comment properly later :P

Just thought to check if u'd replied to my comment, n lo, u'd updates, hurrayyy...

Thankies for the update ;)
AnotherAdmirer thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago

Originally posted by: -happilyunknown

res <3🤗

-Unres-

Believe it or not i was stalking this thread and was very very happy to see that Res by you😆
I have done that too as a reader, which is why i am overwhelmed to know that you have liked the series so much ! 😳
Ok back to the update. Can i just mention here how cleanly you write? everything and i do mean everything is so freaking perfect that it is unbelievable..Now dont tell me that you are unnatural too?😉
A Friend of mine had said once that Simple writing is the best style, Clean and Easy. That has always been my effort. Unnatural, maybe for the weird ideas i get...otherwise am normal 😆
KK well i loved the update but i have something to say. I hope it doesnt offend you cuz i am most definitely NOT blaming you of anything k? :) This freaking reminds me for twilight yaar.As in the controlling and sensing emotions thing by Abhinav is kinda like renesmee and they way Karan ( i think) described them as 2 rich guys, Mansion, Car etc reminded me of how the cullens were described. But despite the similarity i love it! :D
Nah it doesn't offend me 😳 True when you mention the basics actually, guess it's because i am aware of the inside story that i overlooked this aspect. Thanks for pointing it out though :)


K now one thing i noticed..Time for Barun to change,..change into what? :O
Er- Later! 😆  Make a guess, c'mon i know u will get it right :D
And i am feeling a bit sorry for Abhinav here..They way he asked wedr they weren't friends..I have a feeling that he had something to do with the accident that Barun and his friend had. Or maybe he was the one who saved Barun from that place and explained to him about his condition..Or maybe Abhinav is someone like what you call the Vamp hunter..someone who tries to trace out unnatural things and hit jackpot with Barun...
Very Close, you have picked on the events really well :)
I love Nia, Karan and Akshay esp how you called Akshay Chasmish! :D LOL Mjht!  :)
Glad you like them, they are supposed to catch instant liking. Yes it's the MJHT speaking. Chashmish! I adore the tag <3 Had to use it xD
So People have are gossiping huh? Let us see the hottie now..

Next update!! BRING IT ON!! :D
Will try my best to make it soon 😳

AnotherAdmirer thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago

Originally posted by: additive_monaya

loved the whole update zeejay right?👏

 
my name is priyanka and ya i am waiting for mohit's entry
 
when is he making entry?😳

 

Hey Priyanka ! 🤗 Yup it's zeejay :) 

Guess i can tell you that :) He will make his entry in Chap 6 😳
Thanks for reading :D
AnotherAdmirer thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago

Originally posted by: kweetrockstar

Yayyy
Got here before a pm...
Shall comment properly later :P

Just thought to check if u'd replied to my comment, n lo, u'd updates, hurrayyy...

Thankies for the update ;)

 

Heyy Pooja 🤗 
Needless to say i send PM's in a speed which would beat a snail 😆 
Will wait for your review, take your time :) <3
.vrshn. thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
Where did the like button go???