I wish I knew more
She walked in with a tear stained face, her beautiful face cried grief. Another bad day my poor gal had battled, "I thought". If not certain my guts knew Swayam had something to do with it. I wish I could meet him, tell him, how much in love she's with him. I knew her enough, just as much she knew herself. I had my reasons, "so did he". I saw her leaving to the rest room, she came out after a good ten minutes, freshened up. I knew she would come to me any moment and cry her heart out. But wait, she didn't, instead she played the music and started swaying to it. The music gave me her present state of mind/heart.
Kyun na Bole mose Mohan Kyun..
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWqEdZQPTHo&feature=related[/YOUTUBE]
Ahha may be Swayam is ignoring her yet again, but why does he do this to her? Who am I kidding, I sure know as to why. But it's he who hasn't seen the complete picture. How I wished I could just run to him and let him see what she really felt for him. All those memories they'd spent together are so special to her, in fact that's all she calls as her life.
10th November 2011 - RDX Party and the day after
The day she realized he exists in the very world of hers. She was high, but that was not reason enough for what happened between them. She came to me crying, she felt guilty but not for once did she regret it. Their first dance, his hands around her waist, the almost kiss and the feeling of peace, care and love while in his arms was all she thought about. There was something special and pure magical between them. That's the very first time she told me about him and ever since then, her first and last thought of the day ends with his name.
She told me crying she didn't want anyone so close to her. She felt vulnerable around him, he could read her as an open book and see through all her layers she mastered over the years. I smiled at the irony, as she decided to meet him the next day and tell him to forget anything that happened between them and that, this means nothing to her. Though I knew she wanted him to fight back and win her over. All he said was " Your wish is my command". Months passed by and all she ever told me was how barren her life felt without him and how she missed him and his presence.
5thJanuary 2012 ' Abandoned Corridor and after
You are a desperate stalker!! Yes that's what you really are. She was shattered, never in her worst nightmare she'd thought Swayam, out of all would think of her as a materialistic bitch. Deep down she knew his intentions were right, but she was not thinking straight. She realized words once out can't be taken back and that the very words sometime felt knifelike. She saw pain in his eyes and what she heard next crippled her from inside. " This book is shut forever".
His nonchalant behavior henceforth added more to her pain. Few more months passed by and she did what she does best, hiding away form her feelings and suiting armor against her true self. "It hurts, not just figuratively but the, kind that gets inside you and rips your soul apart, pain" I hate him, I hate love, she said not realizing she was in love at the first place.
Knowing Swayam, for that's what she ever cared to mention, I knew he would soon break up her armor and defenses and see through her vulnerability.
15thJuly 2012 ' The Proposal
Things had changed in the last six months and amidst the preparation of Charity event, she knew something major was taking shape. She'd heard the boys talking that Swayam was to propose Sharon. For a second she was really happy but the fear took over just as immediately. No way was she going to let that happen, before Swayam could do anything she'd regret, she asked him for his time alone and moved to a place where they could talk. The place they moved to added to her nervousness. It was decorated with flowers all over, orchids her favorite. The beautifully decorated place and the glint in his eyes were dangerously taunting her. The smile on his face questioned her intentions, but she knew better to come out of this instantly and what she said next changed their equation forever, which she had cursed upon herself.
"I am comfortable with the book being shut" That's all it took, and the smile from Swayam's face faded, now corpselike, his eyes whimpering, he silently turned his back making his way out of the mess he had forged for himself.
"Let's not risk your comfort here" were the last words she ever heard from him.
She knew she'd pushed him far enough, and the next few days established just that.
She had so many unanswered questions within self, to answer any of his. She took the less travelled path, dreading another heartbreak.
I wish I could tell her to put her acts together before it got too late.
18th July 2012 - The Acceptance
The song ended and so did her dance she fell on the floor, holding in her knees close to her chest and breaking in to sobs. She collected herself and moved to her dresser and took the picture she holds to sleep all night. It was a picture of her mom and her younger self. She'd lost her mom and her father's love at a young age that added up to what she grew in to. With the photo in hand she walked up to me, opened me up and what she wrote next blew my pages off.
I am sorry for all the pain I caused you Swayam, but more so I feel sorry for myself, for keeping me deprived of true love, but now no more. I am ready to change our equation in to a relation. I love you Swayam and you are all I have as in life. I promise starting tomorrow, the morning sunlight will fill our lives with warm brightness and happiness.
********
Sometimes the fear of loosing one, gets you more closer to them. I have tried something new, we hardly get Sharon's monologue to her side of story, i gave life to her diary which knows her the best. Hope you guys like it. Please leave your comments they mean a lot to me. Thanks :)
Sorry for not sending any PM's will send tomorrow first thing in the morning.
Sudha
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